tink22702 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 I have been with my boyfriend fo five years now, i made a big mistake and i lied to him. I did not cheet bt i had lied. A few months back we got in a fight about me listening to is voicemails, so about a week ago he called me up and said tell me the truth dont lie to me and gave me the chance to tell the truth about 5 times he asked if i ahd been listening again. I lied and lied and lied even though i had done it. I know i shouldnt have done it and i know i should have told him the truth but i was too scared to tell him the truth. I made up an elborate story about how i didnt do it. The next morning i confressd that i lied cause i couldnt lie anymore. He was really mad but he said he woldnt break up with me that we would just have a serious talk and work it out. Later that day however when he picked me up he said i actually might have to end things. I went to work for the next 5 hours and when i got off he told me to call him. He then cam eto my house and broke it off. It took him two hours do berak it off and he was sweet about it he hugged me and we were both crying, he said he coulndt deal with the lies. We were getting ready to move in together as he just bought a house, and we had so many plans. He told me this was so hard to do and he didnt want to but he was left no choice. He was so upset adn didnt want to leave. He told me not to call him, and that if he calls me he he asked me not to answer, he told me i shouldnt answer cause i shouldnt want him to be with a liar. He then went on to say that maybe i need some time to grow up and if we bump into each other five years or something form now maybe we could try again but for now its not going to work. Out of totally depression i called him two days later, we talked for a min. then i started to cry he got angry and told me that i was just trying to suck him back into going out with me by making him upset then he told me if i called again he would change his number. I have not called since that was two days ago. What do i do i love him i know i messed up but i cant loose him i have never cheated or anything please help !!!!
honeybees28 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 here are a few questions: 1. why were you checking his voicemail? 2. why did you feel like you had to lie about it? and on the opposing end: 1. was he mad that you were checking his voicemail or mad that you lied about it? 2. if it was the first, why was he mad about you checking his voicemails if you have been together for 5 years. is there really anything to hide at this point? lies are very bad in a relationship. it just implies deceit. and if you can do it for something silly like a voicemail im sure you could do it for more serious things as well. you need to really work on that. im not attacking you. but lying will destroy any relationship. you need to stop calling him. you need to rely on your friends and family at this point. do you honestly want him to have to change his number? boys typically mean what they say. he said to not call him. and he means it, im sure. give him some space and some time. 5 years is a long long time for a relationship without marriage. was it in the works? if he was really in love with you, he will return. in the meantime, work on being honest. seriously. its for your own good.
Author tink22702 Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 Five years is a long time w/o marrige but we are only 21. to answer your questions he was mad about both but brokw up cause of the the lying not the voice mail i checked his voicmail to erase one i sent when i was upset and irrational that i did not want him to hear, and he knows this now but dosent get why i lied, im not sure why i did either i was afraid he would be mad im not going to call anymore, but i really want to work things out do you think this anger will blow over and he will call ? he tends to be dramatic. he has told me things like im never going to talk to you again and come back around. Im just hoping NC will work and that he will break down. I mean he even sai he would probably break down and call, but he told me not to answer, Im not ready to move on I know i ****ed up but i dont want to throw five years away. Plus he still said i could grow and maybe we could do it in the future, and he keept saying he didnt want to do this. He has not called and I have not called in 2 days help.
Poboy Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 did you even apologize to him ? when you know you have screwed up , a genuine apology goes far in mending things. you must respect his wishes and do what he has told you. if he has to come back , it will be on his terms and when he realises so. if you push too hard , he will really go away for sure . so work on yourself and hope he does come back.
Author tink22702 Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 I appologized for an hour, and tried to do it again when i called but he said he didnt want to hear it that it would only make him upset, and that he couldnt beleive what i had done. He pretty much wouldnt take my appologie. I am not calling and I am working on honesty and myself but i want to marry him with all my heart i cant see myself with another man. I just hope i did not ruin this. Also I am graduating from college in a month and if hes not there on my graduation day i dont know how i can be happy. We have broken up before like hes dumped me before and when i stick to NC it usually does not take him to long to call me, but im so scared !
mental_traveller Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 You have to just let him go and hope that later he comes back. If you've made a sincere apology then that's all you can do for now. Stick to his request, don't contact him, and wait for him to initiate any 2nd chance. If you chase him it will just push him away.
VirtualInsanity Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Must be more going on. Him breaking up because of voicemails? You shouldn't have gone in there. Would u like that done to u? Probably not. I would respect what he asked & wait. You said your sorry. Nothing more to do. he said he coulndt deal with the lies R there other lies? If so, then I understand why he broke up w/ u.
2ndIINone Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Give it time.... relax a bit... giving him time to settle down and 'think' for himself without the 'pressure' of you. Cause 'pressure' is what he'll feel if you continue to apologize over and over and call. Keep your distance.... give him some space. Personally... I wouldn't miss my girl of 5 years graduation ceremony.... UNLESS you cheated or something serious like that. Give him some time... he'll wanna work it out.
Author tink22702 Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 Ya i did not cheat, he just hates that i could lie to him about this. I still have not called today is day three, im just waiting and hoping he will come around. Again I know its wrong to lie, it was a dumb immature mistake, but five years is so long , and i dont want to be without him, plus he keept saying over and over again that he did not want to do this, he didnt want to leave me. If i keep not calling will he miss me ?
Author tink22702 Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 hers a little update i talked to his mother today( she and i are close) and she said he was with her last night crying about all this saying how much he did not want to leave me because he loves me but now he feels like he cant trust me. She was pushing him towards working it out with me becuase we love each other. Im just scared that hes crying to her cause its really over and he dosent want to give me a chance, or do you think his crying to his mother about how much he loves me means he will come back around ? i dont know what to do. I ofdnt want to start moving on but do i have to ? or is he going to come around. I need more imput !
VirtualInsanity Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Don't know if he'll come around. Maybe, maybe not. You have to wait. Focus on something else. R u sure this is the only time he's caught you in a lie?
Ath Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Damn, I feel it for you. You have my sympathy, for whats it worth
2ndIINone Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 You spent 5 years with him... happy. It's been 3 days. Do you REALLY think he's never gonna call you again??? Relax... be patient.... he needs time... and 3 days isn't squat... yes, he does miss you.... and yes... he's also waiting patiently to hear from you. Should you call??? Hmmmm tough one... wait it out another few days.
sinkerswim Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Gosh..that is tough one. I know sometimes it is hard not to snoop..but you end up doing it. Yeah, you should have told him in the first place, but its too late to say that now. Just dont keep calling him. 3 years ago I was on this board crying and depressed because my fiance had left me because he said I was too controlling. If I did call him, he got mad and hung up. It was the hardest time in my left. But,, I got through it. I came out of it stronger than ever. Guess what? After 1.5 years..he called me..begging for me. Ya know what? It was too late at that point. I accepted his apology..but I did not let him forget what he had done to me. It felt good to be wanted again, and to talk to him normally again. But like I said...he did me wrong. He left without saying goodbye and left me hanging and wondering. At least your man talked to you.. he gave that to you. Give him time...if you feel like you have to contact him, write a letter. But dont send it. If down the road you feel like you need to call him again..write another letter and just send it. Just do it if it makes you feel better. Keep a copy of the letter...trust me...in a couple years you will look back and see how much begging you did, and it will be embarassing..but you will have moved on at that point and you can look back and see how far you have come. I DO hope things work out for you though with him. I was with my man 8 years... 5 years for you is very long as well. It is the hardest thing to say goodbye. You hang in there. Talk on here.. talk to friends, family. It is what saved me. I saw a therapist as well. Be strong and keep us posted. The more you try calling..the more upset he might get.
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