Ruby Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Hi Guys Can I ask how to deal with a guy who, when he gets upset, just disappears! Ignores me for 3-5 days and then calls and wants to sort things out but never apologises or accepts responsibilty even when he is the one who has done wrong. He doesnt even get upset over major deals it can be over something daft and he can be the one in the wrong and yet he just disappears and wont talk until HE is ready to. has any of you Loveshackers been with a guy like this? What was the outcome? Can they change? Helppppppppppppppppppppppp He is 38 with 3 kids by the way!
Pyro Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Why are you wasting your time with this guy? He sounds like a stubborn and immature kid. You will be much better off without him. You need a guy who can communicate and address any issues that he may have with you instead of ignoring you.
Trialbyfire Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Communication is key in a relationship. He needs to learn to communicate effectively or the small things will pile up and explode. If he does communicate, try not to accuse or be negative about it and talk...well... emotionlessly. See if he can handle that first. If this doesn't work, run like the wind in the opposite direction that he's running away to...
Author Ruby Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 It is crazy because we connect and get on so well in every other way! Then out of the blue, for no great reason he can turn. I love him so much but right now I just want to break up - We have not spoken since last Friday over the most silly thing. It is such a shame he does this arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why does he do it? Any ideas?
Trialbyfire Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Since I don't know him or your dynamics when fighting, it's difficult to assess. As a complete guess, sometimes people don't mature emotionally in certain ways. His parents or past relationships might have fraught full of fighting, so he's only learned one way of dealing with issues by running away from them.
Author Ruby Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 We never fight! We have never had cross words, if I am upset with something I TALK to him about it and get it sorted when he is mad over something (generally something so small) he just disappears until he is ready to sort it out - An then he doesnt really sort it he just pays lip service until I get over it I dont feel like getting over it this time as I told him last time I will not tolerate it - Its getting so boring now!!!!!!!!!!!! Helpppppppppppppppppppppppp
nicki Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Yeah, I've been with someone like that. He may need to have a bit of time to process things internally in his mind before he vocalizes them. (I'm opposite -- need to talk to work things out.) Anyway, he should tell you that he's upset, give you a general idea what it is about, and tell you that he needs a bit of time to sort things out. THEN, he needs to tell you when you will talk, as in the next day or two days, whatever and stick to it....not leave you hanging. How rude! AND, the fact that he doesn't apologize or accept responsibility is a huge red flag. He needs to be able to do that, even if it comes a few days later. But, from what you are saying, it never comes. That's not very mature. Have a talk with him explaining what YOU need, while at the same time, honoring his need to have a bit of time to process things internally before verbalizing. But, given the fact he won't take any responsibility, I'd say he'd better be willing to change that or you guys won't have much of a relationship. Good luck! If he continues to disappear after your talk, without talking to you first, then I'd probably not answer his calls for a few days after that...but that's kind of passive agressive of me, huh? (So, I'd probably NEVER answer his calls again -- that's better!) Really, if he keeps doing this, then he doesn't respect you or the fact that you worry....and what kind of boyfriend is that to have?
Author Ruby Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 Yes you are so right! It is so frustrating and its also quite hard because I do love this man! Apart from this he is a really nice man who is thoughtful, he buys me flowers all the time, he tells me how beautiful I am and how lucky is is to have me and my son adores him! I am 36 and I am not willing to 'make do' and have told him that I cannot tolerate this behaviour the last time it happened. And here we are again just a few months later! I really do not think he can change this, do you? we all react in differnt ways when we get upset. I need to talk about it to get over it and he is the opposite. Yet in most other ways we are compatable! I wish someone could wave a magic wand and sort this out for me. I love him yet I am thinking of ending things!
Author Ruby Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 I would love to hear from girls who have dated a guy who does this!
Recommended Posts