How to quickly tell if he's an "angry" and/or "bitter" man?

[alphamale]

So it's my new goal to try to weed these bitter men out.

well good luck SG...my experience is that the majority of Americans are angry or bitter about something or another. And the older people get the more you see it.

[Star Gazer]

Seriously why are you *asking* people if you should start screening out these freaks & weirdo losers?

 

If you read what I wrote, you'll see I AM weeding out these "freaks" (I think that's an extreme label, though). I didn't need to ask IF I should avoid bitter people...I was simply using his phrase-choices as an example to make sure I wasn't jumping to conclusions. Chill out.

[Woggle]

Most men secretly feel that way and with good reason. I still view my wife as being the exception and she is but that does not chamnge my feelings for her. If a man is not cynical and mistrustful of most women he is living in another world.

[Pyro]

Most men secretly feel that way and with good reason. I still view my wife as being the exception and she is but that does not chamnge my feelings for her. If a man is not cynical and mistrustful of most women he is living in another world.

 

That is completely wrong.

 

I prefer to enjoy myself and the company of others and not waste my time and energy on assuming that most women are cynical and mistrustful. I think that you forgot to take your pills woggle.

 

If that is your version of living on earth, then send me to space along with all the other rational thinkers.

[DanielMadr]

Okay, I have a weird ability of attracting very bitter men.* For the most part, it's not evident that they have so much pent up negativity until well into the relationship, after I've developed feelings for them. So it's my new goal to try to weed these bitter men out.

 

That said, if a guy says something like "I'm sick of the damn games" (in a frustrated, slightly angry voice) and bitches about the type of girls he's dated (such as saying, "women are a pain in the ass"), don't you think that's a BITTER stamp right on his forehead? Or am I jumping to conclusions? I can understand him saying this stuff amongst his guy friends, but to a girl he's out on a date with? Hmm...

 

I agree this behaviour signifies he is not entierly OK person. On the other hand if he tells this to a girl it could be translated as "I was burnt and I think/hope you are different."

 

What these bitter people dont realize is that majority of people is just not compatible with them. Wherever you go, excluding prisons etc. there is about 10% of people which will behave to your liking.

[DanielMadr]

That is completely wrong.

 

I prefer to enjoy myself and the company of others and not waste my time and energy on assuming that most women are cynical and mistrustful. I think that you forgot to take your pills woggle.

 

If that is your version of living on earth, then send me to space along with all the other rational thinkers.

 

Hope you are not a man who still thinks its OK to negotiate with terrorists:D

[Herzen]

As usual SG, your questions are framed to suggest the answers you prefer.

 

I don't believe a single comment about "games" (it is the mating "game" after all) or a negative comment about women being general "pains" is per se disqualifying. Mildly troubling, though, because most of us avoid gender bashing--at least on the first date.

 

If these cynical comments repeat and are uttered with increasingly inappropriate bitterness, then throw this "woe-is-me", misogynist fish back into the water. Let him torment college girls with his gender and dating angst-- they often don't know any better.

 

Context matters: Give him another chance and if the gender bashing and dating-is-hell comments continue, move on to sweeter pastures.

[Star Gazer]

As usual SG, your questions are framed to suggest the answers you prefer.

 

Interesting observation. I didn't know whether I was overreacting, and I'm not sure what I want from his particular guy, so I'm unsure what answer I would have preferred in the first place...

[Art_Critic]

As usual SG, your questions are framed to suggest the answers you prefer.

 

A good attorney never asks a question that they don't already know the answer too.

[Salicious Crumb]

Okay, I have a weird ability of attracting very bitter men.* For the most part, it's not evident that they have so much pent up negativity until well into the relationship, after I've developed feelings for them. So it's my new goal to try to weed these bitter men out.

 

That said, if a guy says something like "I'm sick of the damn games".

 

Well, you have said before that you like to date several men at the same time....and if they find this out...maybe they are sincere when they say that they are "sick of the damn games".

[Star Gazer]

Well, you have said before that you like to date several men at the same time....and if they find this out...maybe they are sincere when they say that they are "sick of the damn games".

 

Just because a girl doesn't play by some lame rule of instant-exclusivity doesn't mean she plays games. I know I don't.

[blind_otter]

I know you say this isn't about YOU, it's about THEM....but any therapist worth their salt would say, as egotistical as it sounds, when you get right down to it everything surrounding you is about you, at least for you. Wow that sentence was confusing.

 

There's some kind of feedback loop involved in the interaction that allows the bitter men to be attracted to you. You do do something to give off that vibe that says to them, "This girl will be different."

 

That said, I assume this post is really about one man in particular, and I wouldn't necessarily "red flag" a man for complaining about his ex. She may very well be a stupid ho. In which case he has a right to bitch about her. Maybe he's just being himself. I would definately keep my ears open for more information in this regard, but I wouldn't necessarily banish him from my presence forevermore.

 

You know what I'm saying?

[StayClose]

I don't think complaining about ex's is appropriate first-date conversation. It's OK to say that a previous relationship didn't work out, but revealing any kind if strong emotion about an ex is a red flag.

 

I also suspect that angry/bitter/game-playing men & women tend to attract each other, because such people tend to confirm one's prejudices that the opposite sex is angry/bitter/game-playing.

[Star Gazer]

 

You know what I'm saying?

I sure do. Thanks!

[electric_sheep]

Considering a lot of us are sick of playing games, I think it depends on how he says those things.

 

A bitter person is someone who is holding onto the past, and letting it shape their current world view. A bitter person is holding onto past anger. They have yet to fogive and move on.

 

Bitter person:

"I am sick of playing games".

 

Non-bitter person:

"Unfortunately I've been in relationships that involved a lot of games. Wouldn't it be refreshing to have a relationship free of that?"

[Pyro]

Hope you are not a man who still thinks its OK to negotiate with terrorists:D

 

I don't recall ever thinking it was ok.

 

Life is too short to sit there and not trust anyone. You decide whether or not to trust them after you meet them.

[sweetscarlet]

I sure do. Thanks!

 

In half of her post, she said something similar to what I said and you disagreed.

[Pyro]

What these bitter people dont realize is that majority of people is just not compatible with them. Wherever you go, excluding prisons etc. there is about 10% of people which will behave to your liking.

 

I missed this part while reading this thread but you do make a good point. The problem is a lot of people are not patient enough and will become frustrated when they don't meet a person to their liking right away.

[Star Gazer]

In half of her post, she said something similar to what I said and you disagreed.

 

(Sigh)

 

First of all, I wasn't agreeing with her, simply saying I understood what she was saying.

 

Secondly, her opinion is markedly different from yours in that she's acknowledging THEY are attracted to ME, not the other way around (as you indicated).

[alphamale]

it takes time to get to know people and even if you know them for decades you'll never know them 100%. you can infer certains things early on in a relationship but many times those inferrences are wrong cause you don't know them good enough yet.

[sweetscarlet]

(Sigh)

 

First of all, I wasn't agreeing with her, simply saying I understood what she was saying--

 

Secondly, her opinion is markedly different from yours in that she's acknowledging THEY are attracted to ME, not the other way around (as you indicated).

 

 

(SIGH)

 

The issue has nothing at all to do with whom is attracted to whom and I think Blind Otter even makes a point of mentioning that as well -check out her "feedback loop" part of her post.

 

What concerns me is how much importance you place on that factor though.

[Star Gazer]

(SIGH)

 

The issue has nothing at all to do with whom is attracted to whom and I think Blind Otter even makes a point of mentioning that as well -check out her "feedback loop" part of her post.

 

What concerns me is how much importance you place on that factor though.

 

On WHAT factor? I'm not placing importance on any factor other than wanting to avoid guys who are bitter/angry/etc.

[sweetscarlet]

On WHAT factor? I'm not placing importance on any factor other than wanting to avoid guys who are bitter/angry/etc.

 

I was saying that you make a really big issue of whether or not they were going after you or you were going after them. It seems to really bother you if you feel that it's being implied that you were going after them. And because it really bothers you, you're missing the point. Blind Otter said what the point is very well.....that it's a loop....

I'm not going to bother to explain it....I give up because you just want to argue with whatever i say.

[blind_otter]

it takes time to get to know people and even if you know them for decades you'll never know them 100%. you can infer certains things early on in a relationship but many times those inferrences are wrong cause you don't know them good enough yet.

 

Thanks alpha, that was what I was trying to say in a roundabout way.

[Salicious Crumb]

Just because a girl doesn't play by some lame rule of instant-exclusivity doesn't mean she plays games. I know I don't.

 

I'm not talking about instant-exclusivity...I'm talking about when you said you will date 3 or 4 guys at the same time....that would be enough to turn any guy off if they found out.