GF taking too many girls nights out

[shadowsfall]

I've been with my gf for about a year now. Ever since I met her she has been kind of a party girl and likes to go out with her friends to clubs, dance and have a few drinks sometimes. It wasn't that frequent at first but now it's becoming so constant that I find myself extremely jealous and worried over what might be going on, during these girls only outings. She's only invited me to go along once with her and her friends but only after I pressed the issue on her. I've told her that it hurts me when I feel excluded and how I feel like she can't have the same kind of fun with me that she does with her friends. Her response is that she just NEEDS one night a week with her friends. WHY DO GIRLS FEEL THE NEED TO GO OUT TO CLUBS AND SOCIALIZE WHEN THEY ARE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP? That's the question I want to know...

 

Obviously I accepted her for who she is and I've been trying to deal with that, but I can only hurt so much. I'm not happy with her socializing all the time and leaving me at home feeling like the sh**. I don't know how to approach the subject with her anymore?? It's something I told her I'd come to accept and gradually get over with time. MY main question I guess is, am I being unreasonable to try and cut off her girls nights out? Or am I justified in that what she is doing is unacceptable for someone in a committed relationship? I've seen other posts on her saying that if she is going out 4-5 times a month to clubs or whatever then that is a little much. I'm trying to figure out if it's her or if it's me????

 

It's really hard because she says everytime she's gonna go out with her friends she can tell that I'm unhappy about it and she can see the jealousy in my eyes. As much as I try and persuade her that I'm comfortable with it, she'll never believe me. That's another issue with us, is trust. IS there anything I can do to rebuild trust in a relationship? Or is all hope lost and should I just let her go act like a single girl? Hard because I love her so damn much... Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[ash519]

You should read my post! HAHA! It is like we are in the same situation. Dont worry about it if it is only once a week. Girls like to go out and dance and be care free. I think it's ok. My bf likes going out with the guys too and I do tend to be invited but it is different when a bunch of girls go out to dance. She doesnt want to have to worry about you being bored. Are her gf's single? If so, that is probably why, they dont have guys with them so she wants it to just be the girls.

 

I wouldnt worry. Well, if it was my bf going to clubs to dance i would, but he doesnt dance so that is why. Girls are different, we love the release in dancing with the girls.

[Enema]

It's you.

 

You seem too absorbed in this relationship. The best way to keep a relationship strong is to maintain your own independence.

 

Where are Your friends? Why don't you go out with them when she goes out?

[Trialbyfire]

Girls' night out once a week doesn't need to include clubbing every single time. A girl who needs this, needs constant attention and affirmation of ego.

 

If she's blowing off your concerns, time to sit her down and let her know that this is a major issue with you. If she keeps ignoring your needs and wants to continue with her single lifestyle, you have your answer.

 

Maybe it's time to find a non-party girl, someone to grow up with. You both sound like you're at different stages in life.

[Ruby]

Let her live her life!

 

If you 2 broke up her friends would be there to dry her tears - You will split up if you do not let her do as she wishes

 

One night out of 7 is not too much to be going out is it?

 

Do you trust her?

 

Do you think she cheats?

[shadowsfall]

Are her gf's single? If so, that is probably why, they dont have guys with them so she wants it to just be the girls.

I wouldnt worry. Well, if it was my bf going to clubs to dance i would, but he doesnt dance so that is why. Girls are different, we love the release in dancing with the girls.

 

Yea her gf's are all single except one, which makes it even harder for me to imagine what might be going on. Also what makes it hard is that a lot of these girls are slutty and I'm always hearing stories of some of them hooking up with guys and the one time she took me I actually witnessed one of her friends that has a bf giving her number out to some guy. Am i being unfair judging her by her friends actions? Maybe because I've seen it first hand with her friend I'm thinking in my head she might be doing the same thing?

 

Where are Your friends? Why don't you go out with them when she goes out?

 

I agree that I should become more active in my own social life and less concerned with hers. I'm gonna make it a point to go out with my friends more often and blow off some steam that way.

 

 

 

Maybe it's time to find a non-party girl, someone to grow up with. You both sound like you're at different stages in life.

 

I totally agree and I think that we are on two different wavelengths. She's 21and I'm only a year older but she's still at that party stage in her life where as I myself stopped partying a long time ago. Is it unrealistic to think that she might get over this phase and stop partying like I did, or is she still too young? I feel like I'm ready to be in a committed relationship and work through the hard times, but I don't feel like she's putting in the same effort.

 

One night out of 7 is not too much to be going out is it?

Do you trust her?

Do you think she cheats?

 

I guess it's not too much considering we spend 4 days out of the week with eachother. Maybe I'm being a little controlling. As far as trust goes that's a whole other issue. Recently I found out she's been lying to me quite frequently about talking to male friends on the phone. Last night I found out she was talking to a new male friend from work for about 45min. And she never told me, and still doesn't know that i know. What the hell is that about?? And I'm also almost certain that she went to the movies with one of her long time male friends last week and lied to me about that too. We almost broke up because of it. Is she feeling the need to lie to me about these guys because of my jealousy problem? Maybe she's trying protect our relationship from overreactions, because I feel like if that's the case she's doing more damage than good.

[tanbark813]

Am i being unfair judging her by her friends actions?

 

Birds of a feather, my man.

 

Recently I found out she's been lying to me quite frequently about talking to male friends on the phone. Last night I found out she was talking to a new male friend from work for about 45min. And she never told me, and still doesn't know that i know. What the hell is that about?? And I'm also almost certain that she went to the movies with one of her long time male friends last week and lied to me about that too. We almost broke up because of it. Is she feeling the need to lie to me about these guys because of my jealousy problem? Maybe she's trying protect our relationship from overreactions, because I feel like if that's the case she's doing more damage than good.

 

Lying is never a good sign and people generally don't lie about things that are innocent. You would be wise to unexpectedly just "happen" to show up with your friends at the club she's at during one of these girls nights out.

[ash519]

So, pretty much ALL my bf's friends are single, horney boys. (all between 25-30). They go out and look and search for girls and my bf HATES it. He just wants to have a good time with his friends, and I know this is a fact because we were friends for 2 years before becoming a couple and he was never that guy. My insecurities in that just stem off of his friends meeting other girls, and there friends etc. So anyway, I wouldnt hold it against her that her gf's are single.

 

The lying however is a different story. She shouldnt be lying to you. Maybe it is due to the reaction of jealousy she knows she'll get from you, but just like I told my bf when he used to do that, It is NO excuse. You should tell her that for your relationship to work there cant be lies. Lying breaks trust and that's huge. Talk to her about how honesty is important if she wants it to work, scope her reaction, and then judge whether or not you can trust her and these girls nights, also, if you can stay with her.

[Star Gazer]

Birds of a feather, my man.

 

I totally agree. If there's one thing I judge a guy by, it's his friends.

 

 

 

You know, I don't really see a problem with your GF occasionally hitting the bars and clubs with her girlfriends. If her friends are all single, and she wants to hang out with them and that's where they like to go, then it's almost required that she go out to those places. But the frequency IS alarming.

 

Her lies are also very troubling. I'm not usually one to advocate snooping, but I have to agree with Tanny again and suggest that perhaps you just might want to check up on her when she's out and about.

[DanielMadr]

Time to move on boy. Red flags all the way. You are lying to yourself if you think it will get better. Eject and never look back.

[shadowsfall]

Yea I really think I should pay a surprise visit down to wherever she's at on these girl only outings. I'm almost to the point emotionally where I hope something is going on at these places so that I have legitimate proof. What's really hard for me to deal with even more so though is the constant lying. She doesn't know that I have access to her phone records and while I feel bad about going behind her back that way, I'm starting to get a picture of who she really is. If she can lie to me about going to the movies with one of her "guy friends" then what else is she lying about?

 

Also, like I said before she's been talking to this NEW GUY from work a lot and apparantely she said other girls are flirting with him constantly. What worries me is that she has had a history of hooking up with co workers in the past, her ex she met at work before me, and WE also met at a place we used to work together. So you can see why it concerns me. Apparantely her excuse for talking to this guy is because he steals movies from his crappy blockbuster job and sells them to people. So she was trying to contact him strictly to get me a sopranos boxset collection for our anniversary next week. She has no clue that I know they are still talking. And she's such a big flirt on the phone. It made me sick when this guy called her one night to tell her if he can get it, and just the laughing and giggling that went on was a little over the top and not to mention they talked continuously for 15min when it should of taken 2min. AND Yet she talked to him for 45min last night!! You don't talk to someone for that long unless you have some sore of interest in them. Also a HUGE issue for me is her boss, who is her "male friend" that so often frequents her on outings. He's been trying to get her raises at work, and they text back and forth more than we do. They were friends before they worked together but since she's been lying to me about talking to him, (which she never did until recently) I can't even stand to hear his name. IS she NOW afraid to admit she's talking to these guys because of my jealous reactions of the past?? Because before she had no problem telling me if her and her male friend were talking on the phone or even hanging out at concerts or wherever. AND she WONT ADMIT SHES LYING TO ME, even though I have proof of it.

 

I have no idea how to approach all these things with her because they've already been beaten like a dead horse. Is it completely hopeless at this point?? Sure I could sit down with her but how do I transisition from a normal conversation to these issues without her freaking out?? Thanks in advance...

[DanielMadr]

Yea I really think I should pay a surprise visit down to wherever she's at on these girl only outings. I'm almost to the point emotionally where I hope something is going on at these places so that I have legitimate proof. What's really hard for me to deal with even more so though is the constant lying. She doesn't know that I have access to her phone records and while I feel bad about going behind her back that way, I'm starting to get a picture of who she really is. If she can lie to me about going to the movies with one of her "guy friends" then what else is she lying about?

 

Also, like I said before she's been talking to this NEW GUY from work a lot and apparantely she said other girls are flirting with him constantly. What worries me is that she has had a history of hooking up with co workers in the past, her ex she met at work before me, and WE also met at a place we used to work together. So you can see why it concerns me. Apparantely her excuse for talking to this guy is because he steals movies from his crappy blockbuster job and sells them to people. So she was trying to contact him strictly to get me a sopranos boxset collection for our anniversary next week. She has no clue that I know they are still talking. And she's such a big flirt on the phone. It made me sick when this guy called her one night to tell her if he can get it, and just the laughing and giggling that went on was a little over the top and not to mention they talked continuously for 15min when it should of taken 2min. AND Yet she talked to him for 45min last night!! You don't talk to someone for that long unless you have some sore of interest in them. Also a HUGE issue for me is her boss, who is her "male friend" that so often frequents her on outings. He's been trying to get her raises at work, and they text back and forth more than we do. They were friends before they worked together but since she's been lying to me about talking to him, (which she never did until recently) I can't even stand to hear his name. IS she NOW afraid to admit she's talking to these guys because of my jealous reactions of the past?? Because before she had no problem telling me if her and her male friend were talking on the phone or even hanging out at concerts or wherever. AND she WONT ADMIT SHES LYING TO ME, even though I have proof of it.

 

I have no idea how to approach all these things with her because they've already been beaten like a dead horse. Is it completely hopeless at this point?? Sure I could sit down with her but how do I transisition from a normal conversation to these issues without her freaking out?? Thanks in advance...

 

Think is you dont need a proof. You are fed up with her disrespect to you and she is missing the personality traits of good girlfrined or wife. Just walk away and dont look back. Where is no respect there is no love. Staying with her you are only humiliating yourself and loosing your backbone and she sees that too.....hence the disrespect. You dont have to be jealous on her. No drama, no proofs, no difficult explanating, no anything just 'Adios'.

[Trialbyfire]

Ah yes. Gotta' love people who want a steady relationship with someone for security and still want to enjoy the single lifestyle.

 

This girl isn't even close to being mature enough to understand what a mature relationship is. To the curb she goes for treating you like crap. Once again, everyone deserves respect in their relationship.

[shadowsfall]

IT'S FINALLY OVER... THE WORSE BREAKUP IN HISTORY...

 

Last night I gave her one last opportunity to come clean about everything that I suspected to be going on. Specifically, with the sneaking around and lying about being with her Male boss and several occasions (last saturday and the week before that) when she told me she was at the movies & a wedding with one of her friends. I said if she didn't tell me the truth then I'm packing my sh** and leaving right now! She continued to deny it and stick with her story. She tried to turn it around on me that I am sick in the head, and need help for conjuring up such stories, lol. After 1hr or so of talking it turned physical and she barracaded herself in front of the door because she didn't want me to leave. WE got into an almost 2hr wrestling match after that, everytime I'd try to walk out she would jump on me. She kept telling me to hurt her because she thought that's what I wanted. I feel bad for pinning her down and defending myself how I did, but I didn't know what else to do.

 

3 Hrs in to the breakup I had to use the restroom, I finally talked her into letting me out for a second. She decided to hide my keys from me so I couldn't leave and go back home. Because I was ready to leave 10min after our first conversation began. She kept trying to talk to me and tell me how good she's been to me and that she puts up with a lot of my crap too. Trying to do anything she possibly can to save it at this point, and SHE"S STILL NOT ADMITTING THE TRUTH, YET...

 

4Hrs in and she finally cracks down and admits she was with her boss/friend last night and lied to me about it. Apparantely they went to the movies together and a club afterwards. Also last week they went to the movies together also, when she said she was with her girlfriend. It took 4 hours of physical and emotional pain to finally reach this point. Eventually she broke down into a deep cry and asked me one last time if I really want to end it, and I told her yes! SHe disrespected me and I told her how bad that hurt. I told her I hope it was worth it and that she had a lot of fun, got my stuff and walked out after about 5hrs. IT was a nightmare...

 

AFter all of this I woke up this morning and feel like sh**. I'm really depressed now and feel bad over some things that happened. ANd for some stupid reason I'm feeling like I made a mistake and that maybe I was too hard on her, and that we could of worked through this... I don't know I need your guys' opinion if you think I did the right thing. I love this girl with all my heart and even though IT might be too late now, I have to live with this decision. SO would all of you of done the same thing if your partner was lying to you about these things? Or would you give them a second chance? I'm on the fence here, any encouragement or positive reinforcement would be really great to here at this sad moment in time... Thank you!

[tashsih]

I think you should realize its gonna suck for a second. You're haveing doubts but you're the only one working at this relationship. You want to fix it but your pineing for someone who is not returning that.

It's not your fault. It sounds like you really tried to keep yourself avaliable to her but she just wouldn't

You know now she's been lying and who knows how much!

You seem smart openminded and understanding...all good features to offer someone who deserves it!

[Chrome Barracuda]

You did the right thing. By your posts she disrespected you and treated you like dirt. She had a date with her boss?!!?!?! while you was waiting at home behond your back. And now you know the truth. You take that information and you run.

 

Trust me dont run back to her. sounds like she's immature to begin with to even have a real realtionship with her anyways.

 

You was right to tell her was it worth it. Trust me she'll miss you. Dont worry about her boss because if she'll cheat on her boyfriend with her boss, down the line either she'll cheat on him, or he'll dump her for someone else. karma's a bitch.

[littlepiggy1]

The chick's a psycho. You did the right thing... until the next psycho comes along.

[Trialbyfire]

The only positive reinforcement or encouragement I can provide to you is to stick to your guns and keep walking. This girl is a typical cheater who turns it around on you and makes you feel like you're going insane. The lying, all the torture is typical of this. Talk about erosion of self-esteem but, believe it or not, you're one of the lucky ones that found out sooner, rather than months of the lying.

 

Stay strong. You deserve better than this little girl. Sometimes people can't emotional mature. She's no longer your problem, don't try to get her back. Be thankful you're free at last.

[kitkat826]

Hey there.

 

I'm a girl.

 

She sounds like she has issues and its a good thing that it ended. Of course you will mourn the relationsip for a while; its natural. But overall you made the right decision. Even if there wasn't any physical cheating going on, there was a lot of disrespectful that you had the right to not allow.

 

Good luck...soon enough you'll find more closure and be able to look back on the situation objectively.

[Guest]

Sorry but you sound like a jelous over bearing semi needing meds kinda guy*shudders*. You wanted to control this girl fully and be the complete center of her world 24/7. And when she diden't share the same ideas and eccept the ball and chain around her ankle with a smile you had a melt down. Well thats your end and responsability of the break up. You realy needed to trust her and let her have her nights out with out the phsyco circus stuff. But on the other hand sounds like she maybe had a few issues of her own with lieing but then again that could have just been her over compensating for your redickulas jelousey. Been there done that and honestly some times no matter how much you love a guy like that its just easer to lie then have to explain every little fart in the wind you make. Because even as inocent as it may be they will always asume the worst and then hound the liveing h*ll out of you for it. My advice grow up a bit and learn trust and maybe work on your own soical sean a bit more so the next relashionship you try you wont have to be the center of the universe for it ... Sorry don't mean to sound harsh but I've had guys ruin other wise great relashionships with acting like that for honestly no good reason..

[Roadster Man]

Er, Guest? I don't find your message very credible, mostly for the presentation of the text.

 

I feel he had every right to get a little suspicous, and a little jealous which sometimes evolves into posessiveness. His instincts kicked in and his gut told him that something wasn't right... and she confessed to lying to him to some degree. I'd be willing to think it went beyond clubbing... but the important thing is that he knows the truth.

 

Oh man though... that physical stuff like pinning her down... PLEASE be careful with that. The law is never on the man's side when it comes to domestic violence issues and it's not pretty. Where I live, things are set up that even if she swings at you, and you hold up your arm to block her hit ... if that leaves a bruise on her, YOU go down, not her.

 

I agree with the other posters -- be strong and don't look back. Let her realize what a mistake she made. She must have known already by her pleading you not to leave that she made a mistake, but hey... its her loss and problem, not yours.

 

Don't make the same mistake that I have done over the years... Sure, your BS detector may now be a little more fine-tuned, but don't pre-blame your next few girlfriends for something like this and assume all women are cheaters.

 

Although, I heard on the news this morning that 60% of all couples are hiding someone from their significant others. That is insane.

[Mary3]

Sorry but you sound like a jelous over bearing semi needing meds kinda guy*shudders*. You wanted to control this girl fully and be the complete center of her world 24/7. And when she diden't share the same ideas and eccept the ball and chain around her ankle with a smile you had a melt down. Well thats your end and responsability of the break up. You realy needed to trust her and let her have her nights out with out the phsyco circus stuff. But on the other hand sounds like she maybe had a few issues of her own with lieing but then again that could have just been her over compensating for your redickulas jelousey. Been there done that and honestly some times no matter how much you love a guy like that its just easer to lie then have to explain every little fart in the wind you make. Because even as inocent as it may be they will always asume the worst and then hound the liveing h*ll out of you for it. My advice grow up a bit and learn trust and maybe work on your own soical sean a bit more so the next relashionship you try you wont have to be the center of the universe for it ... Sorry don't mean to sound harsh but I've had guys ruin other wise great relashionships with acting like that for honestly no good reason..

 

Your spelling is * redickulas *

[Salicious Crumb]

I've been with my gf for about a year now. Ever since I met her she has been kind of a party girl and likes to go out with her friends to clubs, dance and have a few drinks sometimes. It wasn't that frequent at first but now it's becoming so constant that I find myself extremely jealous and worried over what might be going on, during these girls only outings. She's only invited me to go along once with her and her friends but only after I pressed the issue on her. I've told her that it hurts me when I feel excluded and how I feel like she can't have the same kind of fun with me that she does with her friends. Her response is that she just NEEDS one night a week with her friends. WHY DO GIRLS FEEL THE NEED TO GO OUT TO CLUBS AND SOCIALIZE WHEN THEY ARE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP? That's the question I want to know...

 

Dude...take it from someone who knows...if your committed partner is going to clubs all too often...then it is NOT good.

Only reason she'd go to clubs all the time is because there are men there.

 

alot of women would say that they'd go whether men were there or not....ya....mmm..hmmm....whatever.

 

Obviously I accepted her for who she is and I've been trying to deal with that, but I can only hurt so much.

 

Well and there is the problem...you knew she partied a little...but it became all too frequent. How late does she stay out to them? When does the club close and when does she come home?

 

I'm not happy with her socializing all the time and leaving me at home feeling like the sh**.

 

She doesn't give a shi!t about you. Dump her...there is a reason she goes to clubs all the time...and it isn't for business.

 

I don't know how to approach the subject with her anymore??

 

Why do you have to approach it at all? You are young and can save yourself and move on easily. So why approach it? Just dump her.

If she lives with you...give her one week to get out...or...move out yourself. Man, I know you think you love her and such...but she obviously doesn't care about you and is more than likely messing around on you at the clubs...thats what they are for...nothing but a meat market.

 

 

MY main question I guess is, am I being unreasonable to try and cut off her girls nights out?

 

If you were married...no it wouldn't be unreasonable depending on what ground rules are set for the both of you...but only as a boyfriend..well..you don't own her...but then again, if she wants any kind of relationship with you, she sure as hell isn't showing you any respect or love.

 

So you are DEFINITELY not being unreasonable to be uncomfortable with what she is doing and you DEFINITELY would not be unreasonable to dump her if she continues to do things that you are not comfortable with.

there is no reason for her to go clubbing all the time if she is committed to you. Sounds to me like she doesn't have other guys out of her system and she is too immature for a committed relationship.

 

 

Or am I justified in that what she is doing is unacceptable for someone in a committed relationship? I've seen other posts on her saying that if she is going out 4-5 times a month to clubs or whatever then that is a little much. I'm trying to figure out if it's her or if it's me????

 

Maybe...just maybe if she was going out once in a great while...like for a friends birthday or something...ok...but making it a routine?...sorry...she is hooking up with other guys, I guarantee it. Unless she is coming home at a decent hour...but if the club closes at 1 and she comes home a 4am...something is up.

 

It's really hard because she says everytime she's gonna go out with her friends she can tell that I'm unhappy about it and she can see the jealousy in my eyes. As much as I try and persuade her that I'm comfortable with it, she'll never believe me.

 

Its not that she doesn't believe you...she just doesn't care....put her on the street like yesterday's trash. Let one of the club going guys she hooks up with use her for the only thing they want. There is a decent girl out there that deserves you.....and she aint it. She deserves to be used by the guys at the club. She will realize this when its all too late...and you will have moved on.

 

That's another issue with us, is trust. IS there anything I can do to rebuild trust in a relationship?

 

Sure there is...but not with a girl that constantly goes clubbing and could care less about your feelings.

 

Or is all hope lost and should I just let her go act like a single girl? Hard because I love her so damn much... Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

yes...let her go act like a single girl....AS a single girl. I know you say you love her....but believe it from someone who is in a situation that you would be headed for...you don't need this kind of shi!t in your life and you don't need this kind of girl in your life. If you stay with this little huss, you WILL regret it. Believe me...I know.

[Salicious Crumb]

Girls' night out once a week doesn't need to include clubbing every single time. A girl who needs this, needs constant attention and affirmation of ego.

 

Thats the best way I have ever heard it put. Well said.

 

And I will add, this kind of need of constant attention and affirmation of ego WILL lead to cheating if it already hasn't.

[Salicious Crumb]

Sorry but you sound like a jelous over bearing semi needing meds kinda guy*shudders*. You wanted to control this girl fully and be the complete center of her world 24/7. And when she diden't share the same ideas and eccept the ball and chain around her ankle with a smile you had a melt down. Well thats your end and responsability of the break up. You realy needed to trust her and let her have her nights out with out the phsyco circus stuff. But on the other hand sounds like she maybe had a few issues of her own with lieing but then again that could have just been her over compensating for your redickulas jelousey. Been there done that and honestly some times no matter how much you love a guy like that its just easer to lie then have to explain every little fart in the wind you make. Because even as inocent as it may be they will always asume the worst and then hound the liveing h*ll out of you for it. My advice grow up a bit and learn trust and maybe work on your own soical sean a bit more so the next relashionship you try you wont have to be the center of the universe for it ... Sorry don't mean to sound harsh but I've had guys ruin other wise great relashionships with acting like that for honestly no good reason..

 

Well...the signs he had were enough for him to suspect something was going on. And for all of us who have been there and done that, what she was doing IS an indicator of a cheater.

 

She lied to him and fessed up that she was with another man. And he NEVER forbid her to go out...so you are full of shi!t.....guest.

 

His concerns were justified AND confirmed by her. So your "advice" for him to "grow up" was a bunch of crap. Maybe instead of defending your fellow females and bashing a guy who has a legit gripe, you should have a talk with all of these women you claim to know have had relationships ruined to not poo poo their man's feelings about certain things.

 

Afterall...this girl didn't care about his feelings until it was too late...and the fact that she hid his keys, jumped on him and all of that showed him just what kind of selfish psycho she really is.

 

Because if she TRULY didn't do anything wrong, she would have told him to get out for being a jealous pri!ck. But he had a right to be upset with her and she knew it.