Icantletgo Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 So as you all know I'm trying to practice NC with my ex of 3 years who cheated on me for the past 6 months. Well his bday was yesterday and through you guys' advice and the advice of my friends: I didn't call him or text him. I was kinda hurt cause I love him still and I want him to know I care...but the truth is that he is a lying, selfish a**hole. anyways, so guess who calls me at 2 am that night??? Yep, the ex. But guess who had the strength NOT to answer?? ME. The thing is I know he went out to dinner to celebrate w/ his family and his new girl/slut. I wonder why he decided to call me and why that late. I mean...he's already moved on...SO MOVE ON AND LEAVE ME ALONE. 1
loveinlife Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Looks like you did the right thing. He was noticing that you have been practicing NC. He is unsure of the consequence of his new friendship and he misses you. Good job! How do you feel about that? Have a nice day! =)
krzr Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 thats a big step for u in the right direction. he was def hurt by u not being his doormat yesterday. keep up the good work and stay no contact u dont need that trash in your life eventually instead of just reading this u will really believe this. im going on 3 months i think nc and its still dificult.
Bree Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Great job! I bet he is starting to regret what he did now! Keep it up, you deserve so much better!
silentcharon Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 See? He was definitely thinking about you, definitely noticing your absence
Author Icantletgo Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 i seriously wasn't expecting his call. especially since it was so late. what sucks is i know he probably called after SHE went home since he told me once her curfew is 2. Yea...she's NINETEEN. anyways. i feel better that he thought of me...but NC is gonna continue. Today is a great day cause I can finally breathe again on my own!!! I think he was probably surprised I didn't answer or acknowledge his bday since I always shower him with attention.
Trialbyfire Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Drunk dialing anyone? Good. Don't respond. Let him wallow in missing you. Do not let him play you again.
AriaIncognito Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Awesome show of NC Icantletgo!!! Keep it up! :-) You've already made tons of progress in the time you've been posting.
2ndIINone Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 i seriously wasn't expecting his call Isn't this how it always happens? Today is a great day cause I can finally breathe again on my own!!! Enjoy! But don't get use to it.... there will be a few days of nothing, and the wave of emotions will be back. I think he was probably surprised I didn't answer or acknowledge his bday You spooked him. He was expecting you to crack because he believes you're weak. He liked having control... and feels like he's losing your emotional attachment to him.... specially when you didn't acknowledge his bday. he probably called after SHE went home Absolutely... cause he's a coward. You did good yesterday... I know it was hard, but you made it through the day with a bonus call at night. Good for you.... very proud. BUT, just because he called YOU, doesn't erase his past and what he did to you. You haven't heard much... been dealing with alot of emotions... and you got a glimpse of attention last night... Satisfaction is a good word, no? Keep it up... but keep in mind.... DON'T continue NC just because you want him to miss you and occasionally call you. CONTINUE NC because it's healthier for you in the long run.
Shadowdog36 Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 You lucky b**ch. :laugh: I wish I had that kind of response from the woman who left me. Congratulations on your strength. This "relationship" is now being defined by you, on your terms. Feels good, huh? Oh, and I think all of us that responded to the original post owe you a big...TOLD YOU SO!!! :laugh:
Author Icantletgo Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 AWwww you guys (silentcharon, lovinlife,bree, trialbyfire) are the best!!!! Always telling me the truth and rooting for all of us here! I'm happy because I feel that each day I don't talk to him, there is hope that my REAL "someone out there" is waiting for me!! Love isn't being paranoid, crying, lying, manipulative. Seriously for those who aren't doing NC!! PLEASE SEE HOW HAPPY I AM LATELY. It's sad cause people at work were like "You look so much better today"...I was like GEEZ! Did i look horrible before?? Ariawoman, we have been through the same thing and I hope your NC is going as great as mine! 2ndIInoone?? you are right. I'm happy/satisfied that he may be shaking in his pants!! He did have complete control over me. It's great to hold my head up high again knowing i'm the one coming out of this a WINNER. Of course I still get choked up thinking about him but each day will get better! Shadowdog: I'm not going to lie. It's a total ego boost that maybe he does miss me. Of course I miss him and of course I still love him. But this validates us in some way. Be patient and your rewards will come.
AriaIncognito Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Seriously for those who aren't doing NC!! PLEASE SEE HOW HAPPY I AM LATELY. It's sad cause people at work were like "You look so much better today"...I was like GEEZ! Did i look horrible before?? Ariawoman, we have been through the same thing and I hope your NC is going as great as mine! It's interesting. At work today someone told me "you're been more consistently happy" since going no contact with him. I hadn't really thought about it, but I guess I have been in general more level. The ups and downs that came with him, were absolutely amazing. I definitely don't miss feeling elated 1 minute and feeling devastated the next. As for my NC, it's been going pretty well to be honest. Sure, I'm slipping a bit and see him online and think about him, but I've not once started to contact him. I'd be lying if i said I didn't want him to come to me saying he realized how great he had it, how lonely he is, how life sucks without me in it, but well, that only happens in movies.
Island Girl Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 So as you all know I'm trying to practice NC with my ex of 3 years who cheated on me for the past 6 months. Yeah -- the loser -- right. Know exactly who he is. Well his bday was yesterday and through you guys' advice and the advice of my friends: I didn't call him or text him. YEAH! *applause and cheers* I was kinda hurt cause I love him still and I want him to know I care...but the truth is that he is a lying, selfish a**hole. Yes the truth is he is a lying, selfish a**hole. Unworthy of the type of relationship you can offer someone. I stand by the statement you love who you thought he was - who he pretended to be -- NOT the real him. The real him is a lying cheating scumbag who is going to remain unhappy because he can't really care about anyone. He'll cheat or get cheated because that is the way things go. anyways, so guess who calls me at 2 am that night??? Yep, the ex. But guess who had the strength NOT to answer?? ME. I am so GLAD you didn't answer. He was trying to get an ego boost -- and he is so used to sucking the life out of you for his own gain he thought for sure (especially because it was his b-day) you'd pump him up. What a weak piece of crap. He is unable to stand on his own and thinks he's going to get a big show of emotion from you to prove he's still got you wrapped. YOU SHOWED HIM!! HA!! The thing is I know he went out to dinner to celebrate w/ his family and his new girl/slut. But for a cheater, that isn't enough. He needs more attention - so he gets attention from her and then calls you to get more. The amount he requires is endless. That is why he can never be happy and he lies and cheats. His actions show his true colors - he is a cheater to the core. He'll cheat on her too. The signs are in bold neon. What a slimeball. I wonder why he decided to call me and why that late. I mean...he's already moved on...SO MOVE ON AND LEAVE ME ALONE. Because he wants you to still want him. He wants to be able to call and get his ego inflated by sucking all of the emotion out of you and seeing you broken hearted. Weak azz loser. And now, he is seeing for the first time that you are strong and that you will move on from his crap. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
lovetoomuch2 Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 i'm so sorry you had to go through this. why do they do this to us? hurt us so badly and then play games...like calling at 2 am. God i feel for you. i'm suffering from a lying cheat right now too that i am so in love with. i wish i hated men. hang in there chica. good job with the strength. you just make him wonder and don't give in..even an inch! what a jerk!
bendit Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Looks like you did the right thing. He was noticing that you have been practicing NC. He is unsure of the consequence of his new friendship and he misses you. Good job! How do you feel about that? Have a nice day! =) See this is the mistake we all make in the beginning. we think they "miss" us and that's why they call. He misses one thing. Her Attention, or to say it another way, the good emotional and physical "stuff" she supplied him. This loser doesn't miss her. He misses her great Supply. Don't ever get sentimental about these losers thinking they "love" you and "miss" you. They don't. They miss your ATTENTION. He was lonely and he needed a friendly voice, perhaps trying to get a booty call. What he did was try and USE her again. Please don't get all sentimental and say he misses HER. Why do you think copers here at LS get roped back into second third and fourth chances with these Losers? Its because of just this kind of sentimentality that see these poor souls as simply temporarily confused but now seeing the light. See him for who he is. A LOSER. Don't portray him as some ambivalent guy who suddenly figured out he misses his true love. regards
bendit Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 It's interesting. At work today someone told me "you're been more consistently happy" since going no contact with him. I hadn't really thought about it, but I guess I have been in general more level. The ups and downs that came with him, were absolutely amazing. I definitely don't miss feeling elated 1 minute and feeling devastated the next. As for my NC, it's been going pretty well to be honest. QUOTE] If you can continue your great NC you will become 100%healed. NC heals you and you will be back to your old self very very soon. I have seen the remarkable healing power of NC first hand. These people were being very truthful when they told you they noticed a + change. Congrats on staying the course!!
Author Icantletgo Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 Bendit, as harsh and blunt as your words are: they may be the truth. Many people tell me that the reason he still tries to contact me while he has the other girl is that "he can't let go" cause he "still has feelings for you". I want to believe that because I still love/care for him no matter what he did. But the truth is if he did have feelings for me, he would be w/ me. he wouldn't lie to me and be w/ someone else. The truth is that he already let me go when he decided to cheat on me behind my back for SIX FREAKING MONTHS. I want to hold out hope that he misses me, but he doesn't. He's already emotionally invested in this other girl. I'm just comfort/attention/affection he misses. The availabilty of it is what he misses. Being FWB didn't ruin me as much as i thought it would. It was actually the emotional games he would play with me saying stuff like "i still have feelings for you" etc etc.
bendit Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 iclg, the truth is he is not emotionally invested in her either. My sense is he can't connect with women on an intimate level. Think about it. She just left him and the first thing he does is call you. How is that some loving caring connection with the new girl? Women are toys to him. They are things to be used to satisfy his basest instincts. The problem is I don't think he is done with you. The pattern is that they don't leave quietly, and his further attempts at contact can break you down eventually. The best way out of these kinds of relationships is pull a disappearing act. Vanish (leave no way for him to contact you). That's extremely hard to do at your stage. But the end result is that it guarantees that you stay Gone long enough to heal and get out of the fog that still has you loving someone who devalued you in such an awful way. regards 1
Author Icantletgo Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 Hm...I dunno about him contacting me anymore. The thing about him is that he's extremely prideful. By me not acknowledging his bday and not answering his phone calls he's thinking "f*ck her who does she think she is"....My guess is that his ego is really hurt right now. So if he does contact me, it won't be for weeks. Thanks for replying bendit
Author Icantletgo Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 Ps. i dont think he may be 100% emotionally invested in her either since when they started having problems in february, we started having a FWB relationship till recently. Shame on me I know!!! But I've got needs sometimes!
nittygritty Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Quote Icantletgo: Hm...I dunno about him contacting me anymore. He will contact you again. Whether it is days, weeks, months or years from now. Most likely when you least expect it. In the mean time, keep up the good job of moving on with your life. Don't get sucked back into thinking it will ever be different than it is. There are plenty of other emotionally unavailable fish in the sea .
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