Isabella82 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Please I need help. Another relationship of mine has failed and I can't stand it!! I have had 3 relationships all last 2 years. Last night my b/f told me that we were not good for eachother, after a stupid disagreement and he said that he no longer cared and that I think I am such a good gf when I am not. We used to live together for financial reasons but because I wasn't paying rent (I was in school, had an internship and working) his parents were paying his rent etc... he wouldn't help me clean anything that was one problem. The fight last night was about the fact that he thinks telling a friend of the opposite sex that they look hot is okay, even if you have a gf because its just a self esteem booster. I disagree, I think that if you are in a relationship you should not be saying that to a "friend" It just hurts so bad because we were doing so good, and I really do love him. I love him so much, we just fight way too much, but the fights are always so dumb. One time about a year ago he pushed me once, I broke up with him for a long time, but he begged and begged so I took him back, and he has not done anything since then. Now I have even fallen more in love with him, and it is hurting me. He used to confine me in a closet if we had a fight and I wanted to leave, but he stopped doing that. He often tells me that my family sucks, that they don't do anything for me, that all they want is my money, that I don't make enough money, I need a new job, that I am useless and that I don't do enough for him, buy him enough things. (his parents are millionaires!! My parents are broke and I owe 45K from a car and student loans and he wants me to buy him things!! A while ago he wrote inappropriate things on his friends of the opposite sex myspace etc... then he is going to go visit them first tells me he wants me to go with, and then tells me he doesn't want me to be there because I won't have any fun and all they will be doing is talking about the past stuff. It just hurts so bad, because we really did have some awesome times, and I am just starting to feel like I am going to go through life alone. Most of my friends are married and having babies and here I am newly single. I can not take it anymore, I hate it, I just can't eat, can't sleep, thats all I think about. I called him over and over again last night, no answer... Please help me!!
Author Isabella82 Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 Please I just feel so depressed and hopeless. My family life just sucks, he told me he never meet a family like mine. I hate my family, I have no one in life I feel like. I had him and that was it. I just don't know what to do, I can't take it. I can't stop crying, can't stop thinking about how I messed up because I am too clingy and all I needed to do was chill out. How I get so jealous of his female friends and if I just excepted it we would still be together.... Please help me....
frd150 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 hello Isabella, You mentioned him confining you to a closet. Ah, deal breaker. You deserve better and it will get better. I just do not see how this guy deserves you. i wish my ex would at least aknowledge me as you are to him but that is for me to resolve on my own threads. You are not alone,at least here on LS. Read my posts and you will see that i am also going thru my own personal hell and there are good people offering good advice. The constant pain will subside. This is still very fresh for you and you are entitled to feel the way you do. Take it from me, if you let it go on to long it will consume you. Please go and do something nice for yourself today. Sounds like you deserve it. If you need to go on and vent. I am at my computer most of the day.
quankanne Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Isabella (lovely name, BTW) – your post has a lot of red flags about this guy, who sounds like an emotional abuser. I know you're hurting because you've poured yourself heart and soul into a relationship with him, but from this end of the street, it looks like you managed to get out of a bad situation. because a person who loves and respects his/her mate does not make personal comments to "friends" of the opposite sex (only exception is if the person in question is a close personal friend of the BOTH of you and y'all know he or she could use that emotional boost); does not "tell me that my family sucks, that they don't do anything for me, that all they want is my money, that I don't make enough money, I need a new job, that I am useless and that I don't do enough for him, buy him enough things (or write) inappropriate things on his friends of the opposite sex myspace … then tells me he doesn't want me to be there because I won't have any fun and all they will be doing is talking about the past stuff. THAT is what selfish people do, not people who love their mate. As cruel as this will sound, he doesn't love you as you deserve to be loved. It's about HIS needs, not your mutual relationship. I'm guessing that maybe you're in your mid-20s and feel like everything around you is moving forward and you're stuck in a rut, and without a boyfriend to boot. My personal advice? Don't sell yourself short. There is someone out there who wants to find you so that he can treat you like a princess, who will love and respect you ... not lock you in a closet because that's what he thinks is "all right" when you're having a disagreement. I've always believed that every relationship you experience brings you one step closer to the love you're meant to have. That they're a kind of exercise in growing your heart for the person you'll ultimately share your life with. So don't sell yourself short, especially for a jackass like your ex. Because as much as you still love and care for him, he's not worthy of you if he cannot show respect or decency toward you in y'alls relationship. you'll kiss many a frog to find your prince, and suffice to say, he's not princely material. hugs, q
Author Isabella82 Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 Thanks I really do appreciate it. I just realized, well I always realized that he is just so insensitive, and I can not stand that! He tells me that I am selfish, when I drive up there every weekend, do his laundry, clean his dirty DIRTY apartment because I can not stand the smell. Do nothing but hang out with his friends for all the cool holidays... 4th of july etc.... (not mine) It still hurts though, telling me that i am a bad gf. You are right quank I am 24, but I feel like now that I am out of school, and work in an office with a bunch of females it is so hard to find a guy now.... you know what I mean I work in the court system and I file divorce, criminal, and civil cases all day long. So I see how many divorces they are, but I still feel like I am in complete hell. Thanks for the replies
quankanne Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 your time will come, Isabella, it'll come. Meanwhile, don't beat yourself about the "bad girlfriend" thing – that's HIS take on it, though the evidence shows contrary. Some fine, hot man is going to come along and love you all the more for being considerate. this might be a good opportunity to get to enjoy learning more about yourself – you know, do stuff you weren't able to do because your time was invested in keeping up after your ex. Join a book club, take a cooking class, find a place to volunteer ... something you've always found interesting but just didn't have the time. It's a great gift to yourself and a wonderful way to meet people from different walks of life. I know you're hurting right now, but just keep that suggestion in mind ...
honeybees28 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 'do not settle for cheeseburger when you can have steak.' thats what someone told me once. (i'm a vegetarian though, eww) im sure you had many wonderful times with this guy. and although you mentioned none of those specifically in your post... i will just believe that they happened. and i also understand your hopeless feeling concerning your age. i am 24 and almost everyone from my highschool and college graduating classes are now married..with children. do not feel alone girl. but here are some cold hard facts. the dude sounds a little whacky, to be honest. or at least from what you posted. he sounds immature, needy, selfish, disrespectful, and abusive. did you feel better about life when he was around? (and no, it is not okay for your boyfriend to be telling his female friends that they look hot. everyone has little fights. my grandparents have been married 50 years are argue(yell) at least once a day. ) let him be for awhile. i sense some very strong immaturity on his part. he needs to get that worked out with himself.
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