I Wish This Was A Joke, your thoughts?

[Meldarion]

I wish this was a joke, i dont know what to do about it all i can say is that my fiance knows i have this convosation saved and the only responce i could get from her is "i dont even remember typing any of that"

thers only two of us living here and it cirtainly wasnt me. The only thing ive changed in this chat text is the names of other people as they most likely dont want their names spread arround.

"m" is the person my fiance is talking to and "H" is my fience anything i put in stars ***my thoughts on what was said***

 

m: hey u, i just woke up

H: hey

m: u ok?

H: not really

m: whats going on and what did u wanna talk to me about?

H: ive made an oppointment at the doctors for tuesday and hopefully i wont talk like a retard and bein able 2 tell him how im actually feeling

H: b/c i find it hard 2 say how im feeling

H: im alil depressed and have alil anxiety which makes me feels so stupid, i dont talk 2 david about this b/c he'll think im acting stupid and he dose when if comes 2 me going out (i dont like 2 go out on my own and i never used 2 be like that, i always make sure someones with me and if i have 2 go out on my own im really nervouse and my heart always beat fast and i have a fidget with somethink) ***odd that seeing as we talked

about it befor she had this convosation and i agreed that if ther is no way i can help then yes she might need to see a doctor if she feels the need to***

H: 2*

m: so what kind of doctor u seeing?

H: which makes me feel even more stupid

H: my gp, david dosnt know ive made te oppointment ***umm yes i did***

H: david has no idea what im thinkin i never bother talkin 2 him anymore the only person i talk 2 is u ***funny seeing as we spent well over an hour chatting the other night after we made love and she told me how much she would love to have children with me and would like to name it david after me if its a boy***

H: b/c most of my talkin with david ends up in fighting ,hiting and tention which dosnt help ***hitting eh, now thats not funny to be accused of, even to someone who is a complete stranger to me, this truly enfuriates me and disgusts me that she could say this to someone but befor i rant on about how upsetting this is for me, read on it gets worse!***

m: Dont call urself stupid, cuz ur not... We all got some sort of problem and we all feel stupid..but there is truely nothing to be ashamed of..ur doing the right thing to feel the way u r..u just actually lookin for a helpin hand..which should make u feel better..cuz most dont ask for that help

m: only thing u should ever feel stupid for are the things u dont look or ask for a hand for

H: i do feel stupid b/c im actually crying lol ***sorry but thats blaintent BS***

H: david in the other room has been all day playin the ps2 *** realy? well let me start by saying you diddent get out of bed till 3pm , and havnt had a wash at the time of your typing this 11pm i got up had a shower fed the dog, cooked the food which you ate when you finaly got up other than that yeah, it was raining that day and we had nothing to do that day so i did spend the rest of it mostly on the PS2***

m: well u shouldnt, your doing yourselve a favor in questioning things..its a good thing not a bad thing...

m: your taken care of urself and doing what needs to be done...thats a good thing H and u should be proud to be doing it

H: wish i wasnt cryin b/c its hurtin my cheek ***pathetic more BS***

H: my cheek bones sore n bruised ***BS BS BS at this point of my reading this i was desperatly hoping in a few centances down i would read about her saying she had hurt her cheel some other way than accusing me of it but, befor i rant some more, keep reading this***

H: i dont feel proud i just feel stupid, u have no idea how hard it is for me 2 tell ppl how im feeling and the funny thing is ur the only one iseem 2 be able 2 on most things

H: the rest of it i just bottle up

m: It'll be ok, H... I am very proud of you and I have always been. I don't think anything you do is stupid and I will always believe in you to do the right thing. I care about you a lot and I know for a fact nothing you are doing is dumb. I am happy your maken improvements for yourself and for your life. This is just one step into that direction and I will always be sure to be there if you ever need someone to talk to.

H: i always bitch n moan 2 you lol im suprised you havent started chargeing me for concilin

m: lol well u moan and get things off your chest, but I never considered it bitching only venting

H: i nearly walked out the other night i would off if it wasnt midnight and i actually had cash i so broke

H: me n davidstarted argueing and i dont know how it started and he hit me with the palm of his hand across my head and then everythink else cam out even the past includeing you ***hold it! wait a sec, so aparently shes got this bruised cheek / cheek bone but her past two sentances say it was the other night, someone, fequent visiting family and or friends would have noticed and had me arrested as i would fully expect by now should this have happened and i aparently hit her with the palm of my hand accross the head, apart from the fact that this is all total rubbish and lies it does not make sence , i couldent believe my eyes when i saw all this. Men who beat up women are lowly cowards and bullys in my opinion and here she is making me out to be just like that. Never mind lies this is bloodly slander!***

H: and he said go on then walk out but ur not takein cinder and i dont know how you'll get ur mum WALK *** yeah we did have a past incodent where i found a love letter from her to this very person shes speaking to in this chat and i did tell her if shes going to continue sending things like that she can pack her bags and leave right away***

H: and he went so how dose it feel 2 be a cheater and i just went wtf and he went its the same thing flirting over the net, ur tellin me if he lived here u wouldnt be there right now *** yes someone tell me im wrong but if your partner was giving their "i love you's" to someone over the net and in written form would you not concider that cheating of some kind?***

H: and he dosnt trust me on the comp when he's nmot here b/c all ill do is let men flirt with me and if i close somethink when he comes in the room im hideing somethink***yeah i diddent trust her on the computer i had my susspicions, and i was bloody right too!***

H: so yeah my lifes **** lol only thing i have that means somethink is you, thats why i call you my lucky star ***you get to stay in bed till 3pm get dinner cooked for you, i go out and earn cash and give it to you for bills, food, whatever, all our money goes into your bank account because i trust you that much not a day goes by without me telling you i love you and you life is ****! what kind of a trip are you taking this poor sap your talking to on***

H: i am sorry, everytime we manage 2 talk i vent about problems i never once say somethink good has happend ***but you could if you wanted to***

m: It's ok I just dont see why u let him touch u like that..and it seems he still has problems with what i said that night... I guess that really put a damper on his problems... Just he don't give that up, you guys wont ever seem to work your problems out and he wants to put the blame on someone else...and not him...I mean every street has a ally..you just don't go thinking the reason problems occur are becuz of a one sided problem..no there is always two sides of a story..and i believe a lot of the reason is becuz of his anger

H: i dont let him it just happens like it always has over the years and yes i am stupid for letting it i dont know why i do i cant even explain it 2 myself *** years! this has been happening for years?! what the hell and not a soul has noticed, speaking of souls do i want to be soulmates with this woman cause i tell you now for these kind of lies her souls going straight to hell!***

H: some of its probably down 2 fear i dont know

m: well he dont realize the amount of trouble he can be in if he touches you..and i dont see why you fear him, once he lays a hand on you..he should be the one scared ***damn true! if i had bruised her cheek/bone or beat her in anyway i'd expect to be locked away and them throw away the key***

H: but i feel trapped ect hence goin the doctors, he's going 2 ask me why and i dont know if i can tell him if i tell him what its for i know what his answers gonna be *** Again we had already talked about it befor she had this conversation she already know what i had already said more lies to this poor fool of a man***

m: well he will just have to deal with it

m: and u gotta start putting that in your head, you need to start living a bit and start doing things u need to do

H: you say he's the one that should be scared if he touches me, yeah he should if i actually ever tell anyone and if i tell my mum or she says is a should leave or work things out *** we go to my parents every weekend, for dinner we have friends arround quite often, and her parents know me very well and she visits them every now and then too and if she had in fact told her mum this shes got two big brothers who i know for shure would have knocked the stuffing out of me by now if she had told her mum and any of this was true, and her brothers are no cowards they are people i respect greatly and even admire***

H: all*

H: and me with no convidence added in dosnt come 2 much***well this is the only true sentance i see here, its true she does not have much self confidence at all***

m: well there you go..that is the only thing u can really do

m: work things out or leave

m: and if u wanna work things out, talking to me isn't gonna work things out cuz im obviously one of those reasons you cant work things out

H: if thing would work out they would off by now and the most stupid thing off all im afraid 2 leave b/c of everythink and everyone i'll lose

m: What exactly do you lose?

H: in comes the no convidence issue

H: my home,the friends ive made (yes i know there his at first) but dosnt stop me careing about them and how much it will hurt when i know they'll go with him, the way david said i cant take cinder and i love that pup more than anythink and ill still be left broke ***we're supposed to be a couple, my friends your friends = our friends , and you would lose your home? excuse me but if i had beat on her why would she lose her home? wouldent i go to prison or at the very least have a court order saying i cant come within a cirtain distance? as for the pup i bought her for christmas of couse i had to give it to her early as we cant go keeping the little fluff ball in a box for weeks, she wanted to go stay at her mums for christmas which was fine by me, but her mum diddent want her to bring the pup, not wanting to be parted she came with me to my parents for christmas***

H: and the thing that tops the stupid pole is with the way i am now and feeling im affraid 2 be alone***dont well all fear that a little?***

m: Well then you made your choice

H: not really

m: and nothing u do will go and change that

H: you know i said 2 you in the offline message about day dreamin, what 2 do think i dream about

m: Yeah you did, if your afraid to be alone..your afraid to leave..if your afraid to leave n give up everything in that house <which may sound mean, but you really dont have any of the things u said and if David really wants to take care of the pup...i assume let him try, becuz u make it seem like he can't even take care of himself> ***he's right she does talk to people like im not capable of looking after myself though its far from the truth***

H: when i dream david isnt in the picture, he's never in my dreams (thats kinda says somethink)***i actually felt like my stomach was turning upside down when i read this, how can you promise to marry someone, plan names for future children and never dream of them, i dont know what else to say about that***

m: it is saying he isn't for you, and your looking for a way out to be with someone who cares, loves, and truely wants to be with you... I think David is more or so with you becuz he just wants someone to take care of him and being that he feels he controls u..your the perfect catch ***Its lovely to have someone who cares for you to the point they will look after you when you need it and she does look after me when my diabeties is playing up and i am eternaly greatfull for it and i'd like to think that all the nights ive spent watching over her when her eplilepsy kicks off and in the mornings when its at its worst and im ther for her would be like returning the favor, but apparently not***

H: i know im scared 2 leave but the things that will really hurt me is the fact of reliseing i dont really have any friends, ^^^^^^ will never stay my friend and david will take the one thing i do love which is cinder, so the last 7 years of my life will be nothink *** 7 years yup, thats how long we have been together after 7 years of my afection and love i get this, these lies and accusations are my reward and the one thing she loves it our puppy? she tells me she loves me many times each day and about her not having any friends, well if these are the knid of storys shes tell about the people who are closest to her im not bloomin surprised she dont have any friends!***

m: H ^^^^^^ isn't your friend now..

m: if u talk to ^^^^^^^ he would go bak to tell david..so how does that make him ur friend

H: i know he dose care some i know that if he didnt he would do lil things for me or give me a hug even when the times hes come up when david isnt home yet ***more lies the good friend in question here gives her a big hug every time we see him and every time we part***

H: wouldnt*

H: but ur right a big thing he would tell david

H: this is one of those times i wish i could come in hide and see you

H: why am i so naive n 2 kind for my own good?

m: cuz u care..but are afraid of maken the right decisions cuz they could be worse outcomes..when i dont think they could get worse

H: how come ur the only person that makes me feel good about myself ?

m: cuz i do care

H: yeah i know you do *cuddles you* just typical though, the only person that makes me feel good about myself and ur thousands of miles away

H: so have 2 try n see you online or txt u in secret

m: thousands would seem close lol

m: more like millions of miles

H: you know what i mean

 

Welll ive had my say in the middle of all that i'll leave everyone else to draw their own conclusions, should anyone who knows me or anyone who does not know me suspect at all that these accusations are true please say so and ask me for my address and phone number for which i will happily give and you may proceed to call the police or even just come break my skull cause that is the very least i would deserve.

Anyone who thinks im telling the truth please let me know what could be the possible causes for someone saying such things as im at a complete loss and i dont know if our relationship is salvageable at this point

i know she obviousely has seriouse problems, that may very well need profesional help but where on earth does one begin.....

[dropdeadlegs]

Your girlfriend is living some kind of private life as a "victim." Why? I have no idea, but it might possibly be some kind of personality disorder.

 

Have you talked to her about this?

 

I agree that it is very strange.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. Seven years is a long time.

[Meldarion]

I tried to talk to her this very night about it, her computer had broken and i was fixing it, together we wher going through the files backing things up when i came accross this, she instanly insisted she did not remember writing it but the extream red blush in her face told a different truth. i cant understand if She was going to say things like this, why store it in a text document in plain sight, why save it at all. its a complete mystery to me. but i know shes lieing about not remembering writing it.

[dropdeadlegs]

Since a name, David, is listed throughout (I don't assume that is your name but assume you changed it and know it's you) I can't imagine denying she wrote it. I think you know better, too.

 

Meldarion, you have some thinking to do. I mentioned a possible personality disorder. Google that and see if you see something that fits. There are many disorders and I'm sure some involve leading others to feel you are a victim.

 

It is very strange, indeed. I would be livid. Something is too weird for me. Even with seven years under my belt I might be apt to leave the relationship.

 

Again, I'm sorry about your pain.

[Trialbyfire]

It's very odd. I would take a hard copy of it so she can't delete it. I don't know if she's playing the victim to reel this guy in by playing on his knight-in-shining-armour instincts, she's ill or she's looking to harvest, if the two of you are common-law.

 

Put a keylogger on her computer. I would discuss this discreetly with your family so you do have other people watching out for you and providing you with input, in case this blows up to some form of abuse suit.

[Meldarion]

My name is David, i have no problems with people knowing my identity im just repecting the privacy of the other people involved, if indeed this does lead to her having a personality disorder. And something only a doctor can help with i'll stand by her, maybe it would be good to confront her with this idea. If truly she cant remember saying this which i seriously doubt, i will offor to stand by her if she thinks she has a seriouse mental Health problem and wants help. I could understand this kind of behaviour from a teenager starved of attention but thats far from the case. I'm trying my very best not to lose my calm over this. I suppose if she wants help from a doctor ther is no reason why i should not support her. However if she does not want help i may be forced to get out of the relationship even though i love her so very much.

 

as for googling for personailty disorders the little information i found in vague

 

The online victim: this person uses Internet chat rooms and forums to allege that they've been the victim of rape, violence, harassment, abuse etc. The alleged crime is never reported to the authorities, for obvious reasons. The facelessness and anonymity of the Internet suits this type of attention seeker

[FONT=sans-serif][sIZE=2]the web could be providing an alternative medium for people with Munchausen syndrome. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][sIZE=2]This is a condition where a person makes up false claims of personal illness or crisis to get the attention of others.[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

 

[FONT=sans-serif][sIZE=2]It true she has always been neglected by her parents for attention since childhood, but the person she it speaking to online, is on the computer less and less lately, could this just be an attempt to keep him from dissapearing all together?[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

 

[FONT=sans-serif][sIZE=2]im emotionaly switching at the moment from one thing to the other, 1. bluntly, she become an evil nasty ... .. ..[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=sans-serif][sIZE=2]2. she actualy and badly needs help and i need to play a part in getting her that help

[/sIZE][/FONT]

[Meldarion]

she cant delete it now even if she detroyed my pc its now stored remotely too thanks for bringing that up Trialbyfire

[dropdeadlegs]

The internet offers the opportunity to be whoever you want to be in a sense. I could choose to present myself as just about anyone, I suppose.

 

Presenting oneself as a victim of physical and emotional abuse when that is not in any way true, and then not remembering writing it definitely needs to be addressed by a mental health expert. It would be extreme and rare, but multiple personalities is a possibility.

 

I think it is more likely that her memory is perfectly intact and the online victimization is a way to garner attention from others. Why she would feel the need to want that kind of attention is good enough reason to seek counseling.

 

I would definitely want answers to these questions because it's pretty bizarre to believe you know someone and find this information.

 

Even if it was some kind of joke, it's weird and scary, to say the least.

 

Good luck.

[quankanne]

I smell a drama queen generating BS to validate herself and get attention.

 

not to be harsh, but why would you consider staying with someone like this?

[whichwayisup]

She obviously has some kind of disorder, whether it be anxiety or depression, she isn't thinking with a normal mind right now.

 

Her lying and sneaking around, then being caught, then denying it, saying it wasn't her (yet the flushing face tells you otherwise) is a sign something isn't right with her. It isn't about you, it's something missing from her that she feels she needs and is getting from someone else.

 

Do you love her? Do you want to save the relationship?

 

Is she willing to get to therapy and figure things out so you two can have a future together? Because if she isn't willing to change her behaviour, both online and offline (meaning putting you first more and putting effort into the relationship) then you might as well call off the wedding. SHE NEEDS therapy and fast. She's agrophobic, and scared to leave the house, she's inside her head too much which is messing her up.

 

The thing is, she can't see what she is doing wrong because of her frame of mind. So, point it out to her. Be firm about it too. Until she understands that wtf she is doing wrong, she won't change or stop what she's doing. I don't understand the part about her saying you hit her, that's weird - But it could be way of her making sure this guy sticks by her, as she needs a good ego feed.

 

Good luck either way.

[RecordProducer]

Vivid imagination, attention seeker, multiple personalities... anything is possible. But I think she is a good old liar. This world is full of people who make up the most ridiculous lies that don't make sense and serve no purpose.

 

If she had cyber sex, but claimed she loved you, I would believe that she simply wanted some excitement, but in this case she wants attention. It seems like she feels you're not paying enough attention to her. And the best way to attract somebody's attention is to play a victim. Just by whining how depressed she is, she won't keep his interest for too long. So she presents herself as a victim of violence. This happens way more often than you think.

 

I wouldn't consider this cheating since they have never met in person and nothing indicates that there's anything sexual or too intimate (in cyber terms) going on. The "I love yous" are OK.

 

I think she does love you if she acts like she does. But she sounds very depressed. What you need to do if you want to be with her is pay more attention to her, try to listen carefully and understand her. When you become her listener, crying shoulder, and make her feel good about herself, the need for her to live in her fantasy world will be eliminated.

 

This internet relationship is totally insignificant, because there is nothing valuable or sincere going on there. But this information (the conversation) is valuable to you, because it shows you the path of improving your relationship.

 

I wouldn't get angry if I were you. She evokes more pity and empathy in me than anything else. You can't imagine how much good you can pull out of life if you have a positive and gentle approach to a woman. What she needs from you is what she needs from him: to pity her and make her feel good about herself. She apparently desperately craves compassion, but in her mind you appear insensitive. Don't worry, 99.99% of women feel like this about their partners.

 

If you want improvement, YOU need to make the improvement in yourself first. Hug her and tell her that if she wants to talk to you about her feelings, you're here to listen and kiss the pain away. Look her straight in the eye, smile, pet her hair, kiss her a lot, offer your help (consolation), be interested in what she has to say, advise her, but don't criticize her. This is what she needs to be happy. But she may want to see a doctor about her therapy and anxiety in any case. Be supportive and caring.

 

You men are completely clueless as to what you need to do with us. Seriously! You think that you show true love by giving your lady your credit card, letting her wake up late or cleaning the bathroom. No! We are more romantic than that. You can buy her a car and she won't appreciate you more because of that. She will only feel trapped, controlled, and resent the fact that she depends on you financially.

 

But buy her a flower and a little stupid thing that has "You're my sweetheart" written on it; tell her she's a beautiful angel, the best thing since sliced bread; tickle her toes and put some mayo on the tip of her nose; tell her to walk in the rain while holding hands, just for the joy of being silly... and you'll be her prince. Did this sound too difficult? Apparently it's very difficult to DO it, because nobody does it. My husband doesn't. He is not even interested in reading my posts on this forum.

[sweetasugar]

"i dont even remember typing any of that"

 

blunt but honest truth-

she's obviously looking for attention and the concern of someone else.... i couldn't imagine going outside of my fiances trust for advice, AND SAYING HE BEAT ME! i couldnt believe she said that.

 

sit her down and have a serious conversation, stuff like that will ruin your relationship, if you guys are truley comitted you can work it out, find out what you could do to fulfill her needs in a comforting caring way.

 

if it works i garauntee great sex that night(she wont be thinkn of n e body but u!