EyeAlone Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Don't lie, I'm sure many people here have at least said once in their lives that a relationship "just wasn't meant to be." But is there any truth in this? I remember using this phrase once with my psychologist (I wasn't using it to discuss a relationship) but he said that people utilize it as a comfort mechanism. They use it to make themselves feel better as if there was another outside power preventing the success of the relationship rather than the actions of the individuals in relationship. I won't take any sides in this discussion, but I just want to hear what others have to say about this.
missmay66 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 I think the whole "fate" crap is a bunch of well...crap. If two people love each other, they can work it out. If they don't, they can't. It's about love, not fate.
stace79 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Here is my quote on the subject: A belief in fate and supreme serendipity does nothing but free one of all accountability for his choices, good or bad. This is what I said to my former SO when he said that BS line to me -- "what's mean to be will be." I believe your shrink. People say that to make themselves feel better, as if they have no control over their lives. I told my ex that fate may have led me to him originally, it may have brought our lives together, but after that, it's up to us what we do with our lives. I also said, "Well since fate controls everything, I just won't show up to work for a whole week, go to the beach and then come back. Because after all, if I'm meant to have my job, I still will when I return." That whole fate garbage is such BS. If any other guy says that to me, I will automatically know he is not for me. I need a MAN, who will take action to keep and treasure what he has, not someone who will just flake out, saying "Oh, it just wasn't meant to be."
melodymatters Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Well, "It wasn't meant to be" could also be a fancy way of saying the timing was off. Just like with real estate it's "location, location, location" in relationships it's timing, timing, timing ! There have been plenty of swell guys in my past, but for one reason or another ( I was involved with somone else, just getting over somone else, was about to move and didnt want to complicate things) the timing was bad. So you could say : It just wasn't meant to be
tanbark813 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 he said that people utilize it as a comfort mechanism. I completely agree with that. Religion works in a similar way with regard to freeing one of personal responsibility (e.g., "It's in God's hands."). Life is what you make it.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 And of course there is also the "inevitable". You think of things you could have done differently but deep down you know it would not have changed the result. And that comes from your intuition.
polywog Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 I also said, "Well since fate controls everything, I just won't show up to work for a whole week, go to the beach and then come back. Because after all, if I'm meant to have my job, I still will when I return." :lmao: Love that! It's funny, while I believe in random things happening to us all, I also admit that I Have some sort of ingrained spiritual belief - despite being very intellectually oriented. I do believe in fate for some reason. I think that the situations in my life have felt like a trajectory of tests and experiences that give me a chance to learn and grow. Sometimes they suck like right now, having lost an important LTR and my home recently which has me reeling. But deep down, in spite of all my fear, I can tell that better times are in store for me. Maybe I am just telling myself that to keep from totally unraveling. But I see it happening here on LS when I've followed some people's threads. The ol' "when one door shuts another one opens". So maybe it is all just random, and if it is, I guess we owe it to ourselves to handle these rough patches as gracefully as possible. And then we're wiser and learn to make (and see) better choices.
Aloros Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 When I hear "It wasn't meant to be" I actually hear "We weren't compatible". I guess I just don't tie it to a fate thing. No one I know actually believes in fate, so perhaps that's why. Me and my ex just weren't meant to be. I started dating him because I was bored and I wanted a boyfriend and he was hot. It shouldn't have lasted as long as it did.
LaughMachine Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 I agree with alot of the posters that we use this for comfort. I think fate has It's own meaning that is beyond what we think and know. You can't base everything on fate and destiny. Because what if your just destined for nothing? Fate may give us opportunities and it is only us who walk through them.
stace79 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Fate is just an easy way out....in my case, my ex felt he had to "figure things out" with an ex before he could move on with anyone else. So of course, his line would be "if it's meant to be, it will be." Well, no dumbf*ck, because you chose someone else over me. So even if God pointed his hand out of the clouds and said "That is the man you should marry" why would I???? Fate allows people to not feel guilty for making bad decisions or hurting others, because they just say "Oh, it wasn't meant to be." Have a conscience, think before you act, and don't hurt people....those are CHOICES you make. Fate frees people from having to make good decisions, or at least for feeling bad if and when they make bad ones.
StayClose Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 This is another way of saying "Let's just be friends" or "It's not you, it's me." In other words, it's another way of getting out of a relationship without giving theother person any useful feedback.
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