tkempf Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 You ever wonder 'how did I get here?' - So I'm married... my partner (in my opinon) is selfish... and I know he's never going to change. We have a 17mo. old baby. We fight - a lot - most of the stuff is stupid, but it adds up. He can be soooo freaking mean and he really brings out the worst in me. Without having to bore you on the details... I just wonder if I can go threw this. I've looked up seperation papers and divorce info. It's like I've been preping myself. We go for days at a time not speeking and have nasty nasty fights. Not healthy for a little one. Our last fight was because he thinks he should be able to go out to the bar when ever he wants. No - he doesn't drink, it's more to see music artists that he works with. I've asked him to think of me, take me with him etc... but with a little one, that takes extra planning. So he has a BIG habbit of telling me one hour before he goes out. He tells me I can go, if I can find a sitter. It's really gotten to be BS because anyone that has kids knows that it's not that easy. But that's just one little example of why we fight. I've gotten to the point where I just shut down, I become emotionless. Part of me feels like if we at least serperate, he will then be forced to step up to the plate as a parent. He'll be forced to schedual time to be with his son. And it's not like I'm just a mom, I'm the accountant to our family business, I work part time with our company, I'm the mechanic of the house... and I'm the maid. I get little sleep and I'm tired of feeling like I'm a single parent. He says 'He works' so there for I guess he can do what he wants - when he wants. I'm so sick of this self centered attitude. And it's not that I don't love him, other wise I wouldn't have such a problem. I don't want to say anything to my parents or friends. I feel like one day will be the last straw, I'll file the papers, ----I'll have to get a job since right now I work for my husband (which sucks!) and I'm just going to have to tuffen up. I don't agree with my husband's values (he has none) And I don't want my son to grow up thinking women are objects and are here to serve men. I hate the idea of dragging my son threw this, but part of me thinks if we divorce now, maybe it will be easier. Trust me, if I could, I would make this relationship work... problem is he won't talk to me... we end up yelling. He won't do family counceling and I want him to change - which I know he wont. I'm not sure if I'm really asking anyone any questions, I just wish I had someone to tell so that I didn't feel alone... someone who could relate... I'm not sure what I'm looking for.
brokenhearted29 Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 It sounds like he is selfish! Has he always been like that? Well I know excatly what you are going through. My husband does nothing around here. He barely spends anytime with his kids let alone his wife. If you dont think he will ever change then get a divorce now. The longer you wait the harder it is. I've been dealing with this crap for way too long. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
Ladyjane14 Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 He tells me I can go, if I can find a sitter. Hey, maybe he can go if HE can find a sitter. That baby is his responsibility too, you know. I think if I were you, I'd work on getting myself into a position where I could offer him the ultimatum.... either get into MC, or get the hell out. I happened to catch a post by Lucrezia Borgia this morning, and the gist of it was this.... 'no consequences = no impetus for change'. It takes balls, because an ultimatum can go either way. It's a 50/50 proposition and you have to be prepared for either outcome. But when you're down to thinking that the only alternative is divorce... what do you have to lose? In the meantime, you might read a copy of The Five Love Languages by Chapman and Love Busters by Harley. That'll get you started thinking about ENs (emotional needs) and Communications. Once you've established parameters on what you're willing to put up with, you'll be in a better position to negotiate terms.
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