tikster Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 my co-worker told me that she was talking to my ex last friday and asked about "us" be cause she didn't kno everything that went on. to make it brief she asked him y he decided to go into another relationship right after a new one and he said something to the fact that he didn't want to be sad about the breakup and that i seemed like i didn't want to be with him anyways and this new girl wanted to be his girlfriend (his words). however, he was just so nonchalant in telling her that we dated and broke up blah blah blah. soo i don't kno. so, is this new girl a rebound? not sure. it sucks b-cuz we work together, but i physically cannot talk to him because he hurt me so badly. of course this story contradicts the others that i heard, but seems to make more sense to me. i don't know what to believe anymore. i'm not sure ,but after hearing this i feel like this is all about miscommunication. i definitely won't go back to him because i feel so hurt, but could this have been avaoided had we been more mature and talked? it sucks when the revelation comes after the fact.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 You got it. Don't cave in. I'm not clear on what "caving" means in your situation, but don't do it. I'm going to take a few guesses. You dated less than a year, probably closer to a few months. The relationship was pretty rocky. He cheated on you in some way, or at least you perceived he did. If you don't want him back, I'm not sure what is really bothering you. Is it that you were quickly replaced? People that hurt you will often replace you quickly. Is she a rebound? Maybe. From your post it sounds like having a girlfriend, any girlfriend is what is important to him. Miscommunication can be avoided by, you guessed it, talking. What is this "revelation" that you speak of? It seems it wouldn't matter if he hurt you so bad you would never go back. Hop just getting it off your chest made you fele better. If working with him is difficult, you could always seek other employment. As a general rule, I don't eat where I $hit, and don't date where I work. my co-worker told me that she was talking to my ex last friday and asked about "us" be cause she didn't kno everything that went on. to make it brief she asked him y he decided to go into another relationship right after a new one and he said something to the fact that he didn't want to be sad about the breakup and that i seemed like i didn't want to be with him anyways and this new girl wanted to be his girlfriend (his words). however, he was just so nonchalant in telling her that we dated and broke up blah blah blah. soo i don't kno. so, is this new girl a rebound? not sure. it sucks b-cuz we work together, but i physically cannot talk to him because he hurt me so badly. of course this story contradicts the others that i heard, but seems to make more sense to me. i don't know what to believe anymore. i'm not sure ,but after hearing this i feel like this is all about miscommunication. i definitely won't go back to him because i feel so hurt, but could this have been avaoided had we been more mature and talked? it sucks when the revelation comes after the fact.
Author tikster Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 oh sorry i'll clarify. By caving in, i mean talking to him and breaking NC that I initiated.(that horrible need for closure that i know will never happen) well, no i don't think i want him back, i couldn't trust him and everyone that knows me would prbably hate me for being so stupid. so, yea i'm upset about being replaced because we were friends before we got together and i even warned him about us workng together and asked him that we take this carefully. the "revelation" was my sarcatic way of saying that we were too stupid to tell eachother our problems and even if we did ultimately break up it wouldn't have been as bad.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 oh sorry i'll clarify. By caving in, i mean talking to him and breaking NC that I initiated.(that horrible need for closure that i know will never happen) well, no i don't think i want him back, i couldn't trust him and everyone that knows me would prbably hate me for being so stupid. so, yea i'm upset about being replaced because we were friends before we got together and i even warned him about us workng together and asked him that we take this carefully. the "revelation" was my sarcatic way of saying that we were too stupid to tell eachother our problems and even if we did ultimately break up it wouldn't have been as bad. Thank you for the clarifications. I will once again say don't cave in. NC is a wonderful tool for healing, albeit difficult when working together. As for closure, I often feel the need for closure myself, but I want to assure you that even when you don't get closure in the way you desire, you do get it in some way. Many times time itself makes you just not care anymore, and I think that keeping NC, moving on, and finding a great guy worthy of your affection will make you not care so much about this guy. Every relationship has value in the lessons learned from them. Each lesson makes us better prepared for the next relationship, and we may learn something else from the next one, and the next one. They are all building blocks. You have learned that proper communication is necessary. Not everyone is capable of proper communication. Another LS poster said something that may be of use to you. I love these words. "Someone who has rejected your heart is no longer worthy of your thoughts." -magichands, LS, 9/2006. Say that to yourself over and over until you believe it. Take your learned lesson and build a better relationship.
Sk8away Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 my co-worker told me that she was talking to my ex last friday and asked about "us" be cause she didn't kno everything that went on. to make it brief she asked him y he decided to go into another relationship right after a new one and he said something to the fact that he didn't want to be sad about the breakup and that i seemed like i didn't want to be with him anyways and this new girl wanted to be his girlfriend (his words). however, he was just so nonchalant in telling her that we dated and broke up blah blah blah. soo i don't kno. so, is this new girl a rebound? not sure. it sucks b-cuz we work together, but i physically cannot talk to him because he hurt me so badly. of course this story contradicts the others that i heard, but seems to make more sense to me. i don't know what to believe anymore. i'm not sure ,but after hearing this i feel like this is all about miscommunication. i definitely won't go back to him because i feel so hurt, but could this have been avaoided had we been more mature and talked? it sucks when the revelation comes after the fact. Hey Tikster, I know your co-worker probably meant well, but do you think it might help if you asked her NOT to tell you if she runs into your ex or about her conversations with him? I can just imagine how incredibly painful hearing those details must have been for you. The girl probably is a rebound, but you need to focus on you right now and trust that, in the end, everything will work out for the best. As for his sounding nonchalant as he told all these things to your friend...lots of guys don't "do" emotions well and will act nonchalant because emotions are "weak" and acting as if they don't care is "strong." Sounds to me like he's hurting too, and the new girl is his way of avoiding having to deal with the pain of your breakup. The most important thing you have to do right now is take care of yourself.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Hey Tikster, I know your co-worker probably meant well, but do you think it might help if you asked her NOT to tell you if she runs into your ex or about her conversations with him? I can just imagine how incredibly painful hearing those details must have been for you. The girl probably is a rebound, but you need to focus on you right now and trust that, in the end, everything will work out for the best. As for his sounding nonchalant as he told all these things to your friend...lots of guys don't "do" emotions well and will act nonchalant because emotions are "weak" and acting as if they don't care is "strong." Sounds to me like he's hurting too, and the new girl is his way of avoiding having to deal with the pain of your breakup. The most important thing you have to do right now is take care of yourself. Good advice!
Author tikster Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 thanx for the words of encouragement. i have gone through all of the "stages" and whatnot, i guess i finally accept that he is with this girl and had/ has no feelings for me. i think that right now i am too confused. i thought that i would be over him. don't get me wrong, i don't like him because ofthe way he treated/ is treating me, but lately i find that i do miss him because we had our moments and it doesn't help to see him on the weekends and he seems so unphased while we avoid talking to one another. after the breakup he did try to talk to me on a number of occasions, but i rejected that because he basically left me for someone else, but for some reason i feel kinda mean or something im not the type of person to hold grudges and ignore people. that's why this is difficult. i know he's a jerk. it just sucks losing people and feeling used. i've never felt to emotionally drained.
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