annabelle75 Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 As of yesterday it had been exactly a week since he broke up with me. As stated in my previous thread the only contact I have had with him since was via email. I emailed him giving him an address where he could send a check to cover non-refundable plane tickets I purchased before he dumped me. He responded back and said, "I'm not just going to dissapear on you...." blah blah blah. After being assured he was going to pay me back for the tickets I didn't bother to respond back. I went back on NC. He usually goes out every Sunday with friends and would call me when he was on his way back home, around 9pm my time. When my phone rang last night at that time, same as it has for as long as I can remember, I was startled and almost didn't answer. He said he wanted to make sure I got the email he sent last week. Since I hadn't repsonded he wasn't sure. After I told him I did recieve it and everything was fine I thought the conversation would be over, but he then went on for the next twenty minutes telling me about EVERYTHING he as done since the last time we spoke. By the time he was done and I told him I had to go, I had gotten the impression that he missed having me to talk to every day. He doesn't open up to people and I was the only person he really shared stuff with. In some way I feel a little bit of vindication. He should miss me. I wasn't just his girlfriend, I was his best friend. The way he talked last night it was as if he thought we could go right back to just being good friends. I don't think I can. I'm still very hurt and angry. I'm going back on NC from my end. If he initiates conact again, I'm not sure if I'll talk to him. I'm really bad at clinging to hope that we'll get back together. Its hard for me to stay friends without hoping he'll change his mind and then it hurts all over again when I realize he won't. Some times its easier to just walk away completely. I'd apprecite any advice from others that have experinced the same situation.
Icantletgo Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 WATCH OUT!!!!! A**HOLE ALERT!!! My bf broke up with me in July. He called me 2 weeks later and we would talk and hang out frequently. He missed our conversations and he missed my companionship... but it was obvious he didn't want us to be together anymore cause he started dating someone new behind my back for the next 6 months. He is being selfish. If he wants your companionship/love than he'll be with you. don't give him anything back. You have better friends. I ended up trying to be his friend for another 3 months after I found out about the other girl cause i love him...and it was a huge mistake. I feel like i would be much stronger if i had just ignored his calls instead of trying to hold hope that he'll miss me. move on. please.
Author annabelle75 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 He is being selfish. If he wants your companionship/love than he'll be with you. don't give him anything back. You have better friends. Thats how I feel about it. When he made the choice to pursue me, he chose to cross the lines of our friendship and ended it as it had been. He knew this going in and took that chance anyway. The pressures of being in a relationship got him and he bailed, that's his fault not mine. Expecting me to go back to just being a friend is ridiculous. He screwed our friendship up and now he's going to have to pay the price for it. I'm not going to be here to support him. He doesn't deserve my friendship anymore.
Davis Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Hey Annabelle! Sorry you're in this situation. NC works BOTH ways you know!! That means you do not contact them, but ALSO you do not respond to their contacts, emails or answer their calls! I sure would not have talked to him for more than about 2 minutes, but that's done. No, no, no! You're not going to be friends because you cannot handle it and it will not help you with moving forward. You're not going to let him be your friend because he dumped you and he has lost the "rights" to friendship with you. So. Go all NC. Hang in there!
stace79 Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 I agree with everyone else here....my ex wants us to be friends, too. He made me so angry on Friday, saying something about how he has to put his ex first because he's "giving things with her a shot again." (He dumped me to do this.) I thought "To hell with you." Why should you OR I be there to provide support, friendship and companionship to someone who broke out hearts? We aren't obligated to be friends with them. You don't owe him anything. Seriously, go no contact. Don't let him call you to jerk your chain whenever HE feels like he misses you and wants to talk. And he will try. Everyone told me that about my ex, too. I haven't called him or texted or anything. I blocked him on AIM. It's only be two days for God's sake, and what does he do? Leaves a comment on a blog I had going for awhile. I haven't even posted on that thing for two weeks, but he knows he can get in my head by doing that. Don't let him do it to you!!!! Take charge of your life. I let him have way too much control for way too long. You deserve far, far better. Tell him to drop dead. Get as angry as you can, and stay that way. It's what's helping me through the initial NC phase.
2ndIINone Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 He made me so angry on Friday Ooooooh look who it is... and look had contact with her ex... tisk tisk.... you are breakin' all the rules....
stace79 Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Yeah, I definitely screwed up. Several times, actually, since you and I last chatted on here...There were some pretty extenuating circumstances that required me to speak to him, and I just got drawn back in after that. Anyway, you're so right...it doesn't matter how many times I ignore his calls or block him on AIM or whatever...he WILL find a way to communicate to me (not with me), and inject himself back into my life. So annoying. But at least I know he's thinking about me, and hopefully he's miserable. =) Ooooooh look who it is... and look had contact with her ex... tisk tisk.... you are breakin' all the rules....
Icantletgo Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Trust me. Being friends with him will only make it even MORE painful than the break up itself. Unrequited love is a bastard. I am so broken right now. He took everything when he broke up with me and lied to me and cheated on me...and when i agreed to be his friend for 3 months, he took the last ounce of self dignity I had left. Please. Be stronger than me. Tell him no contact. He broke your heart so he's gonna have to deal w/ his own decisions.
Author annabelle75 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 I’m doing everything I can right now to distract myself from the situation. The more I think about it, the more it hurts and the more I want him to change his mind and beg me to come back to him. I hate it and I want this feeling to go away. Not talking to him is for the best. Maybe six months from now I’ll be able to have the occasional “how ya doin?” phone conversation, but not now. Its too soon. I need to make a clean break. A few months ago I met a guy through some friends and I thought he was cute but I was getting involved with my ex so I didn’t pursue anything. He has kept in touch with the occasional silly emails and stuff like that. Earlier this week when I was at a particularly weak point, instead of calling my ex I sent this guy an email telling him about what a crappy week I had just had. He was really sweet and sympathetic. We exchanged a few nasty break-up stories and have chatted on and off for the last few nights. Its been nice. I told him that I was not looking to date anyone right now but I could really use a new friend to talk to and hang out with. I have no intention of rushing into another relationship, but it helps having some one around to talk to and spend time with. We’re meeting for lunch later this week and may be going out with some friends this weekend. It’s a nice distraction. Making a new friend has helped take some of the edge off. Last night we stayed up late playing Scrabble online. It may sound silly, but it was fun. Right now, having fun is a very good thing. The more fun I am having without my ex, the less I feel like I need him.
2ndIINone Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Anyway, you're so right...it doesn't matter how many times I ignore his calls or block him on AIM or whatever...he WILL find a way to communicate to me (not with me), and inject himself back into my life. not exactly fair is it?
2ndIINone Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Maybe six months from now I’ll be able to have the occasional “how ya doin?” phone conversation, maybe six months from now, you WON'T want to have the occasional "How ya doin..." takes time.... and time away.
stace79 Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 No, the bastard. Here he is planning to see his ex this week, and he's busy trying to remind me of him? My favorite mental phrase right now when I think of him is "drop dead." You should read my "notes" to him in the other thread about what you would say to your ex if you could....it's classic. I should be published, really. not exactly fair is it?
Author annabelle75 Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 I'm totally sucking at this NC thing. Even though I don't seem to have a problem with wanting to contact him, I'm having a problem not answering his calls or responding to his IMs. I'm going through some medical difficulties right now and my daughter is going through some problems at school. He called again last night to find out how these things were progressing. When he called th eprevious night I steered the discussion away from what was going on in my life and he called and IMed until I gave in and told him what was going on. This afternoon I am heading back to the hospital to meet with the head surgeon to decide what to do next. I know he will try to get in touch with me tonight to find out what is happening. He seems genuinely concerned, so I almost feel bad not telling him about it. The fact that he isn't leaving me alone just confuses things more.
stace79 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 I had a medical issue as well, and I decided not to do NC then because I needed support and he was one of like two people I could talk to...very serious. However how long do you think these issues will go on? He doesn't seem to be helping you....only making you more anxious and upset.
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