nittygritty Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 She said that he won't discuss a problem until he's ready. How can you do it any other way? She either needs to learn some patience, or find somebody else who will say "How high?" when she says "Jump!" Cheers, D. Many people are capable of discussing problems when they occur. In fact, its probably the healthiest approach to problem solving rather than putting the brakes on a conversation, shutting it down, running away from it, closing your eyes, holding your breath or just hoping that the problem either goes away or that they will get the other party to agree to their way of thinking by removing the other sides say in the matter by refusing to talk about it at all. If it is a serious dilemma, I could see saying "I need some time to think about this (identify thoughts and feelings), could we get together tomorrow evening to discuss this?". But Ruby's guy is just disappearing and refusing to talk to her until HE decides and then it doesn't get discussed and then the cycle begins again.
disgracian Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Disgracian you are very quick to judge! Not a good quality! Disgracian called it like he saw it. I came here to get advice from people who have been in my position and who could offer constructive advice. If you cant offer that then please jog on to the next post! No, you came here looking for people to validate the choice you've already made so you can feel better about it. Cheers D.
Mary3 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I think the OP's boyfriend handles her need for conversation by *shutting down.*.... It does not make him a bad person. It makes him a bad communicator. If communication is vital and sharing then OP you need a new bf..... I don't think you can change him much....nor should you try. He will either * wake up * or just do the dumping manuever....
Tyra Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Tell him to stop acting like a little bitch.LOL.,well maybe if you two get into an argument. You can resolve this by telling him exactly how you feel.You know that you hate the simple fact when something goes wrong or you two have an argument and he doesn't discusses it with you, that really urks you.Feel Me?Communicate more and more.But if it doesnt seem like its going anywhere, then don't put up with it anymore.Don't no woman like the simple fact that she has to pull out words from her man to figure out what his problem is.It's been 10 months and still acts like this, maybe you need to tell him that you don't want to deal with him anymore.
Author Ruby Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 Update! He kept ringing me and discussing trivial day to day matters like nothing has happened, I tried talking to him about it but it just didnt happen. He wants to just forget about it as he is 100% in the wrong and he does not know what to say! I have ended it with him ... and I have spent all day crying!
jcster Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I have ended it with him ... and I have spent all day crying! I'm so sorry. Try this, though....eat some lunch, sit outside for a little while, and then lay down for a short nap. Just don't think about it for 1 hour. It's going to hurt, but a lot of those tears are anger - and it's not going to make you feel better. Glad you stood up for yourself.
Author Ruby Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 i wish i felt relief! i feel awful, i miss him so much!
Tyra Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 You did the right thing. Their is no need in the world to be crying over that immature little boy.You'll find someone is on your maturity level who knows exactly what you want and need.O.K.You deserve better than that!!!
Author Ruby Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 Tyra he had some lovely ways! I wish he was a complete tosser so this was easy!
Author Ruby Posted July 19, 2007 Author Posted July 19, 2007 I feel a bit better today! Screw him! If I meant anything to him he would at least try to change or at least try to talk to me about it I guess if he doesnt come back then he wasnt mine to start with!
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