mopar crazy Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 I hope this all a stupid rumor b/c my co-worker is an awesome, sweet, funny woman and to know the pain of infidelity myself I hope it's all a bunch of small town BS gossip. H works w/ her H and he told me that he heard from another close co-worker that he is having an A w/ another co-worker. They were found in one of the office behaving inappropriately. H said he doubted the rumors were true and I hope he is right. I would feel so awful for her if they were true. I wish she knew of the crap that was going around so she could get to the bottom of it. Since I don't have facts I'm not saying a word but if I find out it's true I'm sending her a letter. She deserves to know!
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 I respect you for doing that. I also understand that it is an especially hard decision for someone knows personally all of the consequences of discovering an A. Let me say this, if you are doing this anonymously, give her all of the information that you have. I received an anonymous call one or two years before I first learned of my husbands infidelities, she simply said, you need to know that your husband is having an affair. My name was the only name that was used, not his or OW. I didn't know if it was a prank, someone who was angry at him, I did not have enough information to know anything. I retrospect I believe that it was instigated by the wife of an employee. I would recognise most of their voices so I believe they had someone else call. It was a few months later that I asked him about it and he told me I was crazy. It actually, initially, I think takes alot of proof for someone to believe the one thing that they want least to hear. I truly respect your decision.
outofdarkness Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 I hope this all a stupid rumor b/c my co-worker is an awesome, sweet, funny woman and to know the pain of infidelity myself I hope it's all a bunch of small town BS gossip. H works w/ her H and he told me that he heard from another close co-worker that he is having an A w/ another co-worker. They were found in one of the office behaving inappropriately. H said he doubted the rumors were true and I hope he is right. I would feel so awful for her if they were true. I wish she knew of the crap that was going around so she could get to the bottom of it. Since I don't have facts I'm not saying a word but if I find out it's true I'm sending her a letter. She deserves to know! Good for you...Speaking from experience, I think she needs to know as well..Just be careful how you present it to her...
Author mopar crazy Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 Sorry, I don't see how its anyone's business. I don't think it's really any of my business, however if my own H was having an A and a friend, co-worker, anyone that knew me knew my H was screwing around on me and didn't say anything I would be pissed! She deserves to know the truth so she can decide what she wants to do. It's not fair for her to live a life not knowing her H is banging some office slut. I couldn't just sit idly by w/ the facts and not tell her. I couldn't tell her face to face, over the phone, b/c I wouldn't want to be part of ppl knowing I told her. I would do it anonymously. Even though it would hurt her she deserves to know the truth. I hope it doesn't come down to me having to write her a letter but if I have facts I am going to tell her, one way or the other. And I'm sure I wont be the only one who is going to tell her. When my WH had his A close friends of mine told me what was going on. I was not mad at them at all, in fact I really appreciated they told me so I could make my own decisions instead of living a lie. diretx, if your partner was cheating on you, wouldn't you want to know or would you not give a *****?
directx Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 It's not your job and none of your business. No crime is being comitted and you are not the moral police. If I discover my wife having an affair, I blame her and not people/coworkers 'that knew about it'. Why would I expect them to get involved. Its between 2 people and doesn't involve you.
mental_traveller Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 It's not your job and none of your business. No crime is being comitted and you are not the moral police. If I discover my wife having an affair, I blame her and not people/coworkers 'that knew about it'. Why would I expect them to get involved. Its between 2 people and doesn't involve you. Something doesn't have to be a criminal offence for a friend to have an obligation to inform you what's going on. Lying (in most cases) is not a criminal offence, but if you knew one of your friends was being repeatedly lied to about something important, would you say it's "none of your business"? Don't they have a right to know? If a person is being wronged, they have a right to know the truth of the matter. Looking the other way isn't the right thing to do when an innocent person is being harmed.
Author mopar crazy Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 It's not your job and none of your business. No crime is being comitted and you are not the moral police. If I discover my wife having an affair, I blame her and not people/coworkers 'that knew about it'. Why would I expect them to get involved. Its between 2 people and doesn't involve you. It doesn't matter if the A is a crime or not, it's what a friend what do to help another friend out. She deserves to know. Like I said previously, I couldn't let her live her life thinking her H is being faitthful to her. I like what m_t said about this situation and I agree. What if your W is having an A and you never discovered it until years later? How would it make you feel if she was sleeping w/ another man for months, or years and friends knew it but never told you? Would you not care? Wouldn't you want to know so you could decide what you wanted to do w/ your M? Either stay in it or have the choice to find a woman who would stay faithful?
a4a Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Something doesn't have to be a criminal offence for a friend to have an obligation to inform you what's going on. Lying (in most cases) is not a criminal offence, but if you knew one of your friends was being repeatedly lied to about something important, would you say it's "none of your business"? Don't they have a right to know? If a person is being wronged, they have a right to know the truth of the matter. Looking the other way isn't the right thing to do when an innocent person is being harmed. I agree...... I wonder if you would look the other way if you knew someone was sneaking cash out of their bank account.
jmargel Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 I hope this all a stupid rumor b/c my co-worker is an awesome, sweet, funny woman and to know the pain of infidelity myself I hope it's all a bunch of small town BS gossip. H works w/ her H and he told me that he heard from another close co-worker that he is having an A w/ another co-worker. They were found in one of the office behaving inappropriately. H said he doubted the rumors were true and I hope he is right. I would feel so awful for her if they were true. I wish she knew of the crap that was going around so she could get to the bottom of it. Since I don't have facts I'm not saying a word but if I find out it's true I'm sending her a letter. She deserves to know! High school gossip. I thought this stuff ended when people matured. Keep your nose out of their business.
Author mopar crazy Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 High school gossip. I thought this stuff ended when people matured. Keep your nose out of their business. I'm sure it's HS gossip. Obviously this stuff doesn't end when ppl matured. I'm not the one that started the gossip, a MAN did! And I'm sure he isn't the only man, or woman for that matter, talking about it either. I haven't said a word to anyone about it other than here and I'm not going to start gossiping about it either.
lavendera Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 I agree with IfWishesWereHorses. I too, was told way back in '99 that my husband was a player. A friend finally told me what people were saying, and I traced the source. He refused to give me any names or details, just a "friendly" warning. Of course, DH denied everything and without anything to go on, I tried to let it go. Come to find out last year that he not only had a girlfriend for 6 years, but the "harmless" flirtations in this city were only the tip of the iceberg. He still denies that there was someone here (the 6 year slut lived states away) but I of course, don't believe him now. When you go through this.. you tell. If you were ever the OP or married person sleeping around, you would probably be inclined to be quiet. It's NOT between 2 people... it's between 3 people. If the OP is married too, there's 4 people. Are there children? There's 5 or more people. I would be proud to put an end to the insanity.
SueBee3490 Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 She needs to know for the simple fact that if he's having unprotected sex with this lady - he could be giving his unsuspecting wife AIDS, herpes, etc. I didn't know my bf was screwing others behind my back and then one of the women told me they didn't use protection. I was so pissed because I thought he was faithful to me and he put me at risk for AIDS by having unprotected sex with me! And if he's cheating with this lady - there's probably others too.
Lizzie60 Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 She doesn't deserve to know! Who are you to decide who needs to know what, when and where? This is absolutely none of your business... I get hot flashes when I hear stories like that. just take a closer look at what is going on in your own marriage, you might find things you're not too happy about, never mind the neighbours and co-workers... geezzz
mrmaximum Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 I hope this all a stupid rumor b/c my co-worker is an awesome, sweet, funny woman and to know the pain of infidelity myself I hope it's all a bunch of small town BS gossip. H works w/ her H and he told me that he heard from another close co-worker that he is having an A w/ another co-worker. They were found in one of the office behaving inappropriately. H said he doubted the rumors were true and I hope he is right. I would feel so awful for her if they were true. I wish she knew of the crap that was going around so she could get to the bottom of it. Since I don't have facts I'm not saying a word but if I find out it's true I'm sending her a letter. She deserves to know! You have to do what you feel is right. You are going to find people on both sides of the fence here and at the end of the day you will be no better off than you where when you started this thread. Would you want to be told? Actually a better question is would she? I would say tell, but I'm not in your current position. What can you live with? I would say tell but that's me.
Recommended Posts