Star Gazer Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Do you wait the same amount of time between receiving/responding to messages as you do comparitively to phone calls in a "real life" dating situation? Why/why not? Myself, I tend to respond the moment I receive a text/email message - regardless if it's a friend, colleague, love interest....but I'm thinking perhaps if/when I do receive a message in the online dating context I shouldn't immediately respond? Your thoughts?
johan Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 I don't really like online dating. I've tried a little bit, and I am very sceptical of people I meet that way. I've heard a lot of stories about people who didn't really look like their photos or who weren't really honest about what they were after. I've met people on LS who I believe in. But never someone through a dating site. I don't think I ever will. I'll probably have to actually walk up and talk to a woman someday.
Author Star Gazer Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 I don't really like online dating. I've tried a little bit, and I am very sceptical of people I meet that way. I've heard a lot of stories about people who didn't really look like their photos or who weren't really honest about what they were after. I've met people on LS who I believe in. But never someone through a dating site. I don't think I ever will. I'll probably have to actually walk up and talk to a woman someday. Objection: Non-responsive. Move to strike from the thread.
pelagicsands Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 I'll probably have to actually walk up and talk to a woman someday. I'm afraid of being eaten. Alive.
johan Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Objection: Non-responsive. Move to strike from the thread. Oh yeah. I see that. I was trying to lead to the point that my attitude makes me take a long time to respond to someone. Often they lose interest. I had that typed out at one point, but then obliterated it in an edit. That's probably still not the response you're after, because you're looking for some kind of guidance on etiquette or what's appropriate. Clearly I'm not offering that. Anyway, I'm surprised you have any time for the online thing at all, given the fact that you're doing the work of two people at the office. Maybe you're slacking off?
Author Star Gazer Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 Anyway, I'm surprised you have any time for the online thing at all, given the fact that you're doing the work of two people at the office. Maybe you're slacking off? Sadly, the online thing is all I even have time for!!! I'm scared of having to eventually say, "Uh, I know we put in all this effort during our online exchange, but I don't even have time to meet you!" Sucks, man. It's Sunday, 8:22 p.m. and guess where I am?? That's right - THE OFFICE. Was here all day and night yesterday too. I'm even more pissed about it because my Tivo is on the fritz. (Pity me, please!)
Storyrider Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 I think the way it goes is if you email him the first time, then you must wait for him to email you next time. If you respond immediately to his next email, then you must wait 24 hours before responding to the one after that. If you write him something gushy and sentimental in a moment of fondness, then you must flirt with other guys in the chat room, be bitchy to him whenever possible, and otherwise ignore him for three days.
johan Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 In other words, the rules are the same as in real life.
Storyrider Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 In other words, the rules are the same as in real life. Yeah, pretty much. Except facial expressions and hand gestures will do nothing for you.
pelagicsands Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Except facial expressions and hand gestures will do nothing for you. I like your facial expression.
Storyrider Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 I like your facial expression. Thank you (said in stern voice). Don't hijack the thread, please.
pelagicsands Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Don't hijack the thread, please. You're worth it.
pelagicsands Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Grrrr..... Sorry. Being a retard, I know nothing of online dating. But I need somewhere to explore my sexuality, so I chose this thread. Please forgive me.
johan Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Grrrrab my ass, Pelagic!! Caught you before the edit!! ha ha.
pelagicsands Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Caught you before the edit!! ha ha. :lmao: Lawyers don't grab your arse, they bust your arse.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 I'm afraid of being eaten. Alive. You don't have to be afraid of that from me, Pinky.
Author Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 Back to the subject of the thread, plllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaassssseeeeee.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Back to the subject of the thread, plllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaassssseeeeee. Sorry, I was among the bunch who made mischief on your thread. About online dating...I wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot barge pole. So scared of online stuff now. Real life is so different from e-life. Even in "normal" encounters. Online dating would take the cake, I'd assume, for posting away false information. The only people I interact with online are the LSers. And even then, I suspect real life for each one of us is different. But hey...I have no complaints...the people here are amazing.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Do you wait the same amount of time between receiving/responding to messages as you do comparitively to phone calls in a "real life" dating situation? Why/why not? Myself, I tend to respond the moment I receive a text/email message - regardless if it's a friend, colleague, love interest....but I'm thinking perhaps if/when I do receive a message in the online dating context I shouldn't immediately respond? Your thoughts? ....Continuation of my previous post (after I re-read the OP )... I'm pretty much like you, I tend to respond instantaneously to online communication. I can't play cat-and-mouse games, and I wouldn't want to waste my time (and theirs) keeping on at a game with no ultimate win-or-lose situation. So I just be what I am, and act according to how I feel. P.S. About not having time...if you're putting all that effort into your online communication, you can definitely take out some time for offline communication. If you want to, that is. How much you want to integrate your e-life with your real life, depends entirely on you.
DanielMadr Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Do you wait the same amount of time between receiving/responding to messages as you do comparitively to phone calls in a "real life" dating situation? Why/why not? Myself, I tend to respond the moment I receive a text/email message - regardless if it's a friend, colleague, love interest....but I'm thinking perhaps if/when I do receive a message in the online dating context I shouldn't immediately respond? Your thoughts? It could get out of hands, when you respond immediately. He responds immediately, you respond immediately............and you have nothing to talk about or you start to be busy and then any delay is viewed as drama. I would pace it in normal pattern. I wouldnt go for on-line dating. It has a stigma its for loosers and rightly so. Find some other hobby instead if you are bored. Your imagination can mislead you. You need to see the whole person before you can make any decisions in love things.
milvushina Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 I think you should think about what signals your e-mail patterns would send. If you respond right away, it might give the impression that you compulsively check your email all day. If you have notifications like I do, that's not the case but it might seem that way. If you wait to respond, it might come across as inconsiderate especially since you can usually look to see if someone has already read a message you sent them. I think the etiquette is different, it's a different medium. Polite would probably be to wait to open an email for a little while after you get it, then read and answer it. I get annoyed communicating with people through email when I get the feeling they check it very sporadically. I think people should lighten up on online dating. There is something to be said for being able to meet people you know you have things in common with, you know you will have things to talk about. I have two friends who are getting married this year who met their partners online. A lot of people who use online dating are perfectly normal and just don't have a lot of time to go out. The only thing I would worry about is meeting workaholics, or people who will never have time to go out the same way they didn't have time to go out and meet new people.
sunshinegirl Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 I had some great online dating experiences, so I'm with milvushina - lighten up on it! I did it because I had few other ways to meet people, due to the nature of my job. Of course, it figures that after dropping a wad of cash on match, I ended up meeting my boyfriend through normal channels - friend of a friend. But still. I met some good guys online. As far as timing your responses, I'm also with the "be reasonably paced" crowd: don't respond 5 minutes later, but don't respond 24 hours later either. I was happy to get responses within 3-5 hours of writing someone. That said, I think what you say is much much much more important than when you hit the 'send' button. In general I am way against lengthy and drawn out bare-your-soul exchanges. Exchange only as much via email as you need to to figure out if you'd like to meet the guy in person...and then get offline and into real life ASAP. That's the only way to see if there's any actual, in-the-flesh spark.
Author Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 It has a stigma its for loosers and rightly so. Thanks for the insult. I suppose people who engage in conversations online are also losers because they have no one else to talk to, right? Oh wait, YOU'RE online too...whaddyaknow.
Davis Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Star Gazer: I would wait 3-5 hours even if you're excited about someone. Don't be too anxious. You might let it go 24 hours the first time. If you wait too long I think a guy gets frustrated, thinks you have lots of other guys or you aren't that interested. So, I think it's sorta like dating "rules" like in the real world, but maybe a little faster. I think internet dating is kind of interesting, but there's a lot of players and weirdos online.
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