Learning to let go.....again.

[Teacher's Pet]

I just finished writing that long post about my bar.....

 

Now I have to really think deeply about something else, something a lot more sensitive to me.....

 

I have 3 cats. Two of them (Ren And Stimpy - please don't give the "but Ren's a dog" speech.... lol) I've had since 1992 when they were kittens, and the 3rd (Pikachu), I've had since about 1999. She was named by my ex, H, and is still the last piece of that relationship still in my life.

 

Ren has never been 100% healthy. When she was little, she had chronic digestive problems, most likely a parasite of some kind. She would not be able to keep food down, and over time, she got thinner and thinner, until a vet indentified the problem, and after some treatments she seemed fine.

 

A few years ago, we had a horrific scare with her. She was climbing on a piece of furniture, and something startled her, making her jump suddenly, and she caught her paw on something (I don't exactly remember what), ripping it open.

 

It was a nightmare. She was bleeding, and you could even see the pain in her eyes. Fortunately, we were able to get her to the vet quickly, and the vet said it wasn't that serious. Her paw was bandaged up, and healed in a few weeks. It was so sad to see her all bandaged up, but you could see in her eyes she was feeling better.

 

Over the last year or so, she's been getting thin again. Stimpy, her "twin sister", is very healthy and of a normal weight for her age. Ren is now about 3lbs UNDERWEIGHT and losing her fur.

 

She underwent several tests at the vet, and it's been determined that her kidneys are failing. The vet prescribed a daily treatment, which has to be given through a needle under the fur, similar to an IV.

 

Since late last June (sadly, just as everything ELSE in my life was going to sh*t), I've had to put a needle under this poor thing's flesh in order to flush out her organs with saline-type solution. It doesn't cause her any pain, but cats, as you know, HATE confinement, and she has to be held down for the 3-4 minutes it takes to do this. It breaks my heart every night to do it, but until just recently, she's had SOME improvement, and she does have an appetite and is playful.

 

My mother was playing with her today, and noticed that she seems very disoriented. I noticed it too. Her eyes seem very "glassy", and her coordination is off. I'm fearing that it's either her sight, or her body is finally beginning to give in to the illness that she has.

 

Ren is very thin, has lost a LOT of fur, but still runs, plays, and eats. For the last few hours, she's not been herself, and I'm fearing this is it for her.

 

My mother wants to take her to the vet for her opinion, and I fear the vet may recommend putting her to sleep. This is going to completely break my mother's heart (let alone mine). My mother has been through so much over the last 12 years, seeing the cats (ok, and her awesome son) have been the one thing that keeps her going. She's the typical animal lover, but coupled with the fact that she can't take sad news well at all, I know that if we have to put Ren to sleep, it's going to be as if it was her own child.

 

Thankfully, I've always been good at hiding my problems from my mother. She doesn't know HALF of the things that went on with either of my ex's (well, the ones I talk about on here so much). If she knew some of the things that went on, it would break her heart.

 

There are so many times I just wish I could cry on my own mother's shoulder, but it's for the best that I spare her from this. I'm her only child, and as far as I'm concerned, she only needs to see me in the best possible light. I've done things in my life I'm not proud of, MANY that she wouldn't be, so I spare her from this un-needed grief.

 

She was devastated at the passing of a dear friend of hers not too long back, and when her bother died in 1995, she was inconsolable. Neither was I, but I kept my grief private from her, because she feeds off of other people's grief, and she just didn't need to feel any worse than she did.

 

Now I'm faced with her (and me) losing "her baby". Ren is like a "child" to her. She spoils her, and just treats her like she was the most important thing in the entire world.

 

Now, she may be just a couple of weeks from losing her. Yes, it's breaking my heart too, but for my mom's sake, I don't show it.

 

My problem is that I'm so GOOD at hiding my feelings, sometimes my mother doesn't think I CARE about certain things, when the opposite is so true.

 

My mother aside, Ren is my little girl. (And yes Ren IS female.) Anyone who has or has ever had a pet knows that after a short time, you forget it's an animal. It's family.

 

My family is small enough as it is, and losing Ren will be like losing a child, something I'm all-too familiar with.

 

I hate to say it, but it's going to be like re-living THAT episode of my life again, and I really don't want to.

 

But, I am not the one who gives life, nor decides when it ends, so I will late nature (and medical science) take it's course, and just handle this day by day.

 

I appreciate any prayers for my dear cat. Sadly, I think she is beyond prayers, and almost ready for Last Rites.

 

I just hope she knows how much me, my mother, and everyone who has ever met her, loves her dearly.

 

-tp

what's new.........pussycat?

[polywog]

Geez, tp, you are breaking my heart tonight. I just replied to your bar thread. I love cats and have a 17 year old cat that is being terribly affected by my break up. But not to go there, let's talk about your pussy.

 

What do you feed her? This is very super important to the longevity of old cats.

 

DO NOT feed her the crap you buy in the grocery store. NO. I recommend "Wellness" brand. Organic. Please look for it, and do not listen to your vets who recommend crap like Science Diet (they get paid to promote it).

 

So?

[Teacher's Pet]

let's talk about your pussy.

 

Umm...

 

90% of my 1200+ posts have been about her.

 

-tp

ba dump bum

[Teacher's Pet]

Geez, tp, you are breaking my heart tonight. I just replied to your bar thread. I love cats and have a 17 year old cat that is being terribly affected by my break up. But not to go there, let's talk about your pussy.

 

What do you feed her? This is very super important to the longevity of old cats.

 

DO NOT feed her the crap you buy in the grocery store. NO. I recommend "Wellness" brand. Organic. Please look for it, and do not listen to your vets who recommend crap like Science Diet (they get paid to promote it).

 

So?

 

SERIOUSLY...

 

 

She's on a special diet designed for her condition, but she's just too far gone at this point.

 

It's expensive stuff, and only available from veterinarians.

 

This cat eats before I do.

 

There actually is a second part to this story, but I'm going out now to try to have a LITTLE fun with my friends........

 

 

-tp

what else can go wrong?

[polywog]

SERIOUSLY...

 

 

She's on a special diet designed for her condition, but she's just too far gone at this point.

 

It's expensive stuff, and only available from veterinarians.

 

This cat eats before I do.

 

There actually is a second part to this story, but I'm going out now to try to have a LITTLE fun with my friends........

 

 

-tp

what else can go wrong?

 

Oh, OK. I should've known you be as obsessive about your pussy as I am with mine.

 

Joking aside, best of luck. Pets are better than people. My cat "Sneaky" has outlasted a marriage, several flings, and my recent LTR.

[Teacher's Pet]

Ren has seen me through dropping out of college, several failed relationships (including an engagement), the loss of my uncle, the loss of my OWN child, numerous job changes, 3 moves, and just more crap than you can possibly imagine.

 

When other people have left or abandoned me, she's always been the one there for me.

 

The nights I go to bed crying out of depression and loneliness, I wake up the next morning with her licking my face.

 

She's the only true, lasting love I've ever had, other than my mother.

 

Yes, I have 2 other cats, but Ren is the most loving of the 3...the most playful, too.

 

The 3 of them are quite the handful together!

 

-tp

here kitty kitty

[Teacher's Pet]

Spoke to the vet today.

 

There's nothing more than can be done. The last few days, Ren has gone from bad to MUCH worse.

 

Ren has had little to no appetite the last couple of days, and all she does is drink (a sign of kidney failure).

 

Ren's eyes are glassy, she can barely jump up on the bed, and can't even seem to walk straight.

 

The treatments we had been giving her prolonged her life, fortunately, without any real discomfort, but time has finally caught up to her.

 

I am crying my f**king eyes out as I say this.....

 

The appointment is at 4:30 this afternoon.

 

I don't f**king need any more of this in my life.

 

-tp

only the good.....

[frd150]

Tp-

 

I'm sorry. It sucks.

 

The love we give to our pets is never questioned, they do not run from us when times are bad.

 

I do not have a pet now but i will be looking. I love unconditionally and it would be nice to have that in return.

 

My thoughts are with you. I am real sorry:(

[allina]

Anyone who has or has ever had a pet knows that after a short time, you forget it's an animal. It's family.

 

My family is small enough as it is, and losing Ren will be like losing a child, something I'm all-too familiar with.

 

I hate to say it, but it's going to be like re-living THAT episode of my life again, and I really don't want to.

 

But, I am not the one who gives life, nor decides when it ends, so I will late nature (and medical science) take it's course, and just handle this day by day.

 

I appreciate any prayers for my dear cat. Sadly, I think she is beyond prayers, and almost ready for Last Rites.

 

I just hope she knows how much me, my mother, and everyone who has ever met her, loves her dearly.

 

-tp

what's new.........pussycat?

 

Aww TP I completely know how you feel about your fur babies. I have two of my own (1 in user pic and the other in avatar) that are my loves.

 

I wish your kitties the best and send them virtual chin rubs. I hope you know that though you can't control what may happen your kitties have been lucky to have a loving home with you.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm sorry to hear about this TP. Pets are family. If she's in pain, sometimes it's best to let her go, for her sake.

 

I do understand what you're going through because I've had it happen too.

[MagnoliaJane]

tp, I know how hard it is to have to say goodbye to such a wonderful, loyal companion... it is unfair that pet live is shorter than human life...

 

My thoughts are with you and your kitty tonight.

 

I hope she can be without pain.

 

-Hugs