Teacher's Pet Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 I guess this falls under the category of Coping, even if it's not of the usual "missing her/him" "going NC" etc. type.....it's just another chapter in my own personal journey..... Tonight, the bar that I've been periodically working out for most of the last year is closing it's doors. Now, the owner is opening a bigger and better establishment just a mile away in the next few weeks, but... it's like I lost a second home. My ex girlfriend left me on June 19, 2006. I was a wreck. I think I've told the story enough times on here..... At that time, even before she left me, I knew my life was going through a lot of changes. I was unhappy at my job (I've since been downsized), unhappy with myself (being overweight), and just in a bad place in my life, with the exception of my "wonderful girlfriend". I knew I needed to do something to "bring me back" to the way I used to be; vibrant, outgoing, and fun. Most of my adult life, I've spent working in restaurants in one capacity or another, waiter, bartender, manager... I decided that going back into bartending would help me remember those "better" days, so I brushed up on my skills and started applying to pretty much every bar in the area (in North Jersey, there are bars on almost every block!) After my ex left me, I was so destroyed inside. I felt so awful, I was physically and emotionally unable to work. I wound up taking a week's vacation soon after it happened to try and regroup myself, though it really didn't help too much. As July rolled around and my birthday neared, I was an emotional nightmare. It really just seemed hopeless. Nothing I could ever say or do was right, and everything just really spiraled downward for me. When my birthday (July 23) came around, I was nearly sick to my stomach. Here it was, my 35th birthday, something I should have been sharing with "the love of my life" (please note the quotation marks!), and she was no where to be found, even though just a few weeks earlier, we were partying it up for HER birthday. That morning, I literally woke up in the fetal position. Here I am, 35, and a complete nothing, or at least that's what I thought she made me into. I was planning on spending the day alone, feeling sorry for myself (as usual) when the phone rang. It was Joe, the owner of one of the local bars I applied to. He told me that he didn't have a bartender for the evening, so he wanted to "try me out" (most bars will give a serious applicant a shift behind the bar to test them out). I couldn't have jumped out of bed faster. It was probably the best birthday present I could ever have gotten (except for what I got for my 30th birthday, which I may or may not have posted previously...teehee...we'll just say....dos chicas.) I spent the entire day re-memorizing every drink I've ever learned (yes, I can make several hundred of your favorites - try me!). 7pm couldn't come fast enough. When I got there, I just "took over", like I always do. I jumped right behind the bar, introduced myself to the regulars, and started working like I owned the place. By 3am when we closed, I was tired, my feet hurt, but I was about $300 richer. But something dawned on me. It was July 24th now. My birthday passed, and I'm still alive. Spending those 8+ hours behind a popular local bar, chatting it up with everything from college students to retired Vets to lesbians made me remember who I am. I AM that "vibrant, fun, outgoing" person I was for 34+ years. I was back. The regulars welcomed "the new kid" with open arms (and wallets) and made me feel like I was a part of something again. Everyone has seen "Cheers" and remembers the theme song "Where Everybody Knows Your Name". That's the kind of bar this is (was). A steady flow of regulars, shooting pool, throwing darts, singing along with the jukebox, even playing poker in the back room. This was the typical "neighborhood bar", and for a few hours each week, I wasn't some sad, lonely, depressed schmuck. I was "Hey Chief! How about another round...and do a shot with us, ok?" I found a home. At 3am tomorrow morning, this bar will no longer exist. No more slightly cracked wood countertops, squeaky stools, slightly tilted pool table, Sopranos pinball machine.... it's all going to be boarded up, probably to become some yuppie-type dance club in the near future. Sure, the owner will be opening a new place in a few weeks, and yes, I'll most certainly be working there part time again. Bigger, better, with a full restaurant menu, brand new bar, etc... But... it's just not going to be the same place. I'm grateful to the owner of the bar for taking a chance on someone who was "out of the game" for about 6 years. Not because I needed the money, but because I needed to find acceptance. And acceptance I did find. I'm really going to miss that little corner bar, and no fancy-schmancy restaurant that is to come next will ever replace it. Here's to you, Martino's County Line Bistro..... Bottoms up. And to the new place opening soon..... get ready to rock..... -tp sentimental schmuck.
polywog Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Oh . I don't even know the place, but my heart is breaking from your post. For you, of course, but for the death of another great neighborhood bar. In my town there is an ancient bar that's like something out of a movie. I found out that the owner wants to rip it down and rebuild, but it's not common knowledge here. It's got such a vibe, such an ancient patina of soul and stuff, that anyone with any sense would pay millions to keep it as an artifact. The tables are carved with words, the walls are covered with paintings and photos brown with nicotine and age (we have no smoking here now, but these were put up in the day), the bathrooms... no need to describe. But... Lots of phone numbers and messages of longing from years past. Lots of dissing. Lots of invitations for blow jobs, lots of "Her + Him" from years past, probably no longer together. Anyhow, I am counting on you to bring the soul of the great old place to the new place. And please post a few raunchy messages in the bathrooms just to get it all started, OK?
loveinlife Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Seems like you had a lot of emotiions for this bar that has made it a second home to you. Esp how it picked up your feet after being in your past relationship. I don't know how your feel but i can try to understand. Hope this new bar that is opening will create a happy environment for you, although not replaceable to the old one, but in hopes that it will create a better lifestyle for your upcoming adventures. hope to hear about the new bar you will be settling in. keep in touch =)
scubafish Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 this was a wonderful post, it brough tears to my eyes. I just spent 40th birthday alone, after the 'love of my life" for 20 years left a few days before it. (couldn't he have at least 'pretended' a few days more?) I have never hurt so bad in my life yet, but after reading your story, I know life goes on.
Author Teacher's Pet Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 It does go on. It's up to us to decide if we go with it, or just let things eat us up. -tp chewed up, spit out
shockandawed Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 tp, Indeed, bottoms up for Martinos. After following your posts for these last months, I feel like I have been a part of the place a few times. I know how devastated I would be if my little hole in the wall disappeared. It's one of the few places I feel comfortable and welcomed by walking in alone on a Saturday night. Bigger is not always better. Thanks for posting it.
Recommended Posts