Post here instead of contacting your ex!

May 18, 2015

Maybe I shouldn't post here, since we weren't yet in a relationship. But with my pending move to that right-wing loony bin ****hole called Phoenix to work on my Master's degree in Education, it's obvious that we were going to be in a relationship. So **** it, I'm going to say my piece.

You always had an air of superiority towards me. I guess you were the city slicker, being from Filthydelphia---oops, I meant Philadelphia---and I was just a "rural hick" from Iowa (don't you love Hollywood stereotypes?). But that's okay. I think I'm a good judge of character, and yours was lacking. You always found fault with me; yet whenever I brought up your faults, or felt like you were dismissing my feelings, you balked and accused me of putting words into your mouth. Okay, whatever. Deep down inside, despite all of your professional accomplishments, you are just a bi-polar, deeply insecure woman who needed to kick me in the balls to feel good about yourself. Apparently your daily meds weren't working. That's why I refuse to take them for my issues.

You felt like you could judge my hometown, sight unseen. But when I spoke about the ridiculous crime rate in Philly, and the fact that you loved the city so much that you LEFT IT to move out to that damn oven, you got your PMS-soaked panties in a bunch. Hmm... So you can dish criticisms at people, but can't take them in return. Just like a true Philadelphian. Thank you for walking away from our plastic friendship last week you BITCH. It's so-called ladies like you who make it so much harder for the next lady. **** you, the Sixers, the Phillies, the Flyers, the "Iggles" and your mental instability.

Phoeinx is a right wing backwards loony bin.

It's still pretty great though.

May 18, 2015

Phoeinx is a right wing backwards loony bin.

It's still pretty great though.

I may still end up there, minus dealing with that loon. HA!!

Yeah, I can deal with conservative places. I just need a nice gig, an affordable place to live, a "live and let live" atmosphere, and I'm set. Don't mean to be political here, since there's another board for that. LOL

May 19, 2015

L,

I've been hoping that based on previous news that you would open a dialogue with me and begin to lament the decision you made. You probably are lamenting it, in fact, I feel it in my bones. The dialogue hasn't been opened and I've gotten back into the habit of hoping when I check my phone. I have to break that habit again and move on.

I don't even know what I would do if you did break the silence and open up a dialogue. You are the girl of my dreams. But you broke my heart. You're the girl I wanted the rest of my days with. But you went behind my back and ran away. You're the girl I think about every day. But the trust is gone. How can I believe that you won't ever do this to me again? I guess its a bridge I would cross when it came time to do it.

You are going to miss seeing the Counting Crows with me on Thursday. You moved away so you could see all these shows and you're not. I'm going to see more concerts than you are. Not only that but I am going to see them with people I love. You're stuck with no one so even if you do see something the magic will be lost because it will be an experience all to yourself and never to be shared with anyone who cares.

I do want you back. But now I'm ready to not have that as my only option. Your time is running out. Open that dialogue. Do it soon.

May 19, 2015

Why am I sat here having a hard night?

It has been ten days without any contact. Tonight has been rough. I don't know why I'm in love with a woman who isn't interested in me, who is more interested in her ex (she'll be going to university in September when she'll be moving to another city to be with her ex from a year ago).

The last time we spoke, I told her everything would go back to normal and our relationship would resume. I was a fool. I am a fool. This woman is not capable of committing to me because she is not interested.

I'm not sure why I can't stop thinking about her. She's not a nice girl, and I don't like her very much. But I would give anything to see her again, I'd do anything. As much as I try to avoid it, I know that I want her. I want her, there, I said it. She's bad for me, she has been nothing but trouble but I WANT HER. That's it.

Every song I listen to reminds me of her. I spent the entire day thinking of her, thinking about the letter I received from her yesterday, which burned last night. I had a nice little letter-burning ritual. I have absolutely no way to contact her.

So I've just come here to vent. I love this girl, but I'm praying and hoping for us to have a clean break. I need this to be permanent, I don't want any loose ends. But she keeps sending me letters and running my progress. I should be at day 30 of no contact now had it not been for a slip up (I caved and contacted her and she humiliated me).

It's been ten solid days of NC, here's to another day.

May 20, 2015

It's been almost 5 weeks since the break up, and almost a month since the last time I saw you.

I'm still confused. Life is a haze. I'm going through the motions, not really sure where I'm going. I feel better, that's undeniable, but the pain is still there. It's worst in the mornings. The days are getting longer, prettier, and warmer. I wish I could do a million things with you. I feel alone. Alone without much of a support network, and alone with myself.

I'm scared of how you're coping. Do you still think of me? Am I still on your mind? Have you already moved on? Are your days as painful as mine still?

I wonder if you're in your room right now on the red blanket we used to share..maybe watching a movie or writing your poetry like you used to.

I miss your excitement and optimism with life. I feel like I've lost such a big part of me. I'm lost, and most likely depressed to a certain degree. I feel apathetic to almost everything, not really sure where I'm going or what to do with myself.

I'm far away from home. I don't have many friends here. I know you have many great friends and family by your side to help you through this. I do not..and that perhaps hurts the most.

I knew you were never fully serious about us. I was so scared to open up and let you in, and when I felt I finally did, you left. The sole reason I was so scared to do so finally happened when I did. And that's frustrating, it really is.

I hope you're coping well..Im sure you are. You always did forget and move on quickly. Take care of yourself..

May 20, 2015

I may still end up there, minus dealing with that loon. HA!!

Yeah, I can deal with conservative places. I just need a nice gig, an affordable place to live, a "live and let live" atmosphere, and I'm set. Don't mean to be political here, since there's another board for that. LOL

Just go on vacation during election time.

But otherwise az is amazing

May 20, 2015

day 7 of NC. I am home, amongst people who love me. My sister's dog is soooo loving and funny, I am keeping insanely busy, taking care of myself and working a bit. It's exactly what the doctor has ordered. Time is passing more easily. I've stopped obsessing about me phone, I think I've come to terms that there will be no comeback. And even starting to admit to myself that it's all for the better. I've done a short numbers' game: last time, it took me 7 years to figure out the guy I was seeing didn't want to get married. This time it took me 4-5 months. Mathematically speaking, it's almost 15 times faster . Getting old serves a goddamn purpose, hahaha! I'm making efforts to only think about the future, I think that helps a LOT. I'm a bit scared about going back home, now, but hell, I still have almost one week to figure that out. cheers, guys

May 21, 2015

You crazy bitch...you texted me in the middle of the night bellowing about how you missed me and hated how **** went down? Well, put the blame on yourself. And no, I am not going to tell you how I've been doing over the past week because I am not going to return your text message.

And BTW, the Sixers, Flyers, Phils and Iggles still SUCK, as does that Philly accent, which is a mixture of Rocky meets Archie Bunker meets the Dukes of Hazzard. BYE BYE!!

May 21, 2015

You crazy bitch...you texted me in the middle of the night bellowing about how you missed me and hated how **** went down? Well, put the blame on yourself. And no, I am not going to tell you how I've been doing over the past week because I am not going to return your text message.

And BTW, the Sixers, Flyers, Phils and Iggles still SUCK, as does that Philly accent, which is a mixture of Rocky meets Archie Bunker meets the Dukes of Hazzard. BYE BYE!!

Lots of rage here...I approve.

May 21, 2015

L,

Isn't it funny how things have worked out?

I wish you would open up a dialogue with me but you haven't.

"I don't see my friends & family enough."

So you move away, you have no friends and can't see your family.

"You are too obsessed with hockey."

I won my championship, I've lost the emotional attachment and only watch casually now. That's changed.

"I want to be independent, I want to feel special.."

You were dependent on me by choice. You were and always have been special to me. The only reason you felt this way is because you wouldn't let yourself believe it.

"I don't want to work at a call centre for the rest of my life."

I supported you with all your choices and would have done anything to help you achieve them.

Here's the facts, L. You moved away from your family and friends. You lost the best boyfriend you could ever have. You have no support over there. You are with someone you don't like/love. You are pretending to love dogs and pretending to be someone you are not.

You aren't seeing any concerts and even if you did, you wouldn't share it with anyone. Instead, I'm seeing my 2nd concert since you left and you haven't seen any. You won't either. He's a liar like I said.

I can get, and you would have been eligible, for a 0% interest free loan to go back to school.

You made the worst decision and if you had stayed, everything you wanted would have been yours.

Oops. Instead, you lost everything. Including the opportunity to have everything and more.

May 21, 2015

Yeah, I replied to your silly assed ****ing text message feigning concern for me after about a day later, and it was absolutely the most ridiculous thing that I did. Just you blame-shifting and basically offering breadcrumbs. In my new neighborhood (LS), the locals tell me that breadcrumbs are ****, so I threw them back into your face. You still have an uncanny ability to manipulate the situations that we always seemed to have.

What's really funny was that when I expressed to you that you were basically wasting our time with the back-and-forth texts, your response was that you thought we were friends, and that friendship was the basis for building a relationship. Yes, with mentally stable people. But mental stability is not exactly your strong suit. When I told you that I cannot be friends with someone I don't trust, your reply was "We WERE friends". MAKE UP YOUR GODDAMN MIND! DO YOU WANT A FRIENDSHIP OR NOT? I don't. Again, **** you.

May 21, 2015

Yeah, I replied to your silly assed ****ing text message feigning concern for me after about a day later, and it was absolutely the most ridiculous thing that I did. Just you blame-shifting and basically offering breadcrumbs. In my new neighborhood (LS), the locals tell me that breadcrumbs are ****, so I threw them back into your face. You still have an uncanny ability to manipulate the situations that we always seemed to have.

What's really funny was that when I expressed to you that you were basically wasting our time with the back-and-forth texts, your response was that you thought we were friends, and that friendship was the basis for building a relationship. Yes, with mentally stable people. But mental stability is not exactly your strong suit. When I told you that I cannot be friends with someone I don't trust, your reply was "We WERE friends". MAKE UP YOUR GODDAMN MIND! DO YOU WANT A FRIENDSHIP OR NOT? I don't. Again, **** you.

Mmm this is good stuff, very good let it all out. I can really feel the anger coming through. No offence but your ex sounds like an absolute nightmare, you dodged a bullet here.

May 22, 2015

We weren't in a relationship but it was thhhhiissss close. I know this is for exes only, but I wish that LS allowed EVERYONE to vent, even if your friendship never went to the next level. I'm probably better off at the LDR thread. And you're right---I DEFINITELY dodged a bullet. Lol

May 22, 2015

For awhile there I was really regretting getting back together after we had been broken up for this five months there. I bemoaned the fact that if I hadn't taken you back in I wouldnt've felt so crappy those first few days after that horrific BU we had almost 2 weeks ago. But you know what? As horrible as the experience was, what with finding out how hugely you betrayed me and then punching me in the face...I have no regrets. It is finally over and nothing will ever change that. I am finally free of you. Those five months we were NC I still got sad over you and missed you and shamefully wanted to get back together. Well we did and this is how it ended. I think this was the only way it could've ended that would have allowed me to let you go entirely and just...walk away and not look back. There's still the issue of me getting the rest of your stuff into a storage locker and out of my house, but that's easily remedied and will be done as soon as I can find some time. Once that's done I will be totally free of you and you will have no excuse to contact me again, ever.

May 22, 2015

I'm crying...

I am defeated.

Her words cut so very deep into my abyss soul.

I want you to be happy baby girl.

I come to realize I am not the one for you.

I don't want to let you go.

I think about you every single day of my life, and yet I do dumb things, and it makes you so angry.

I guess I am really so heavily deep into my own self, that I don't even realize. It makes you angry when I ask you what I have to do....

I google a lot of stuff. Maybe that will help?

I'm too stupid, and selfish to be with you.

I am a loser. Losers don't get winners!

May 22, 2015

Things are getting a little better but I still think of you alot. Why?

Its been almost 5 months.....I should be over this? I should be happy with someone else? You broke my heart. You treated me badly. Why am I the one still sad?

May 23, 2015

Why am I still thinking about you during every waking moment? Who do I still love you deeply? Why do I still want you? All I wanted was a good loving woman, but you're certainly not that woman...I thought perhaps with the passage of time that you might become a better woman, but you're still a silly young girl and you could never give me what I wanted. Pretty much everything that I look for in a woman, you do not have, you're the opposite of what I want. Yet I still love you, and I still want you. What I'm chasing is a dream, you're just a hoochie, I don't like you very much at all. I know exactly what you are, you never showed any passion, you showed very little interest throughout, didn't really give me much satisfaction at all...so why on earth do I want you? And I want you very badly.

I'm probably just going through a phase. I thought I was over you, but now I'm beginning to question this. However, just because I'm jotting down thoughts on here, it doesn't necessarily reflect my actual feelings or beliefs because thoughts come and go. I might wake up tomorrow morning and look at this post and be like, wtf.

May 24, 2015

Polly - I just want to call you and tell you how much I screwed up and did not ask you to be my wife and lover / friend forever.

Now you have moved onto someone else and they will get that opportunity although he deserves it if he goes the distance and asks you, Marriage is what you want and he knows that. I love you and wish I had asked before it got to this. Love you Anni

May 25, 2015

two weeks since the breakup, almost 2 weeks of NC - stopped counting. I'll be coming back home tomorrow and I dread it a bit. It'll be like over for real. I think I need to do the grownup thing which is get really drunk with my friends, burry it and never speak about it again. I still think, in a little, secret part of me, he'll do something to make himself heard. Of course, rationally, I know that there's absolutely nothing to talk about and feel relieved to not have to confront him. I've done the break up really quick, the same way you take out a band aid. Done and dusted. Seeing him again would only open the wound again. Plus.... what would we talk about? Never have 2 people felt more differently about a rational matter and never have they ignored more how they felt about one another. All break ups sucks and this one ain't any different. gotta wake up in 3 hours and take a flight back to my stinky lil town... Thanks Lord we don't live in the same city, that saves me the pleasure of running into him by accident. I'm safe.

May 25, 2015

yeah, I'm just sayin' bs, if we felt the same about eachother, we wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Sucks to have to get used to be single again. Thanks Lord, I was single not that long ago !!

May 26, 2015

To Miss NOLA (New Orleans, LA), I decided that the best thing to do was to block your FB profile. Quite frankly, as I mentioned earlier, you are a decade old memory and I don't want to be reminded of you. I feel weird about it too. I guess it's a dramatic move.

May 26, 2015

Why am I still thinking about you during every waking moment? Who do I still love you deeply? Why do I still want you? All I wanted was a good loving woman, but you're certainly not that woman...I thought perhaps with the passage of time that you might become a better woman, but you're still a silly young girl and you could never give me what I wanted. Pretty much everything that I look for in a woman, you do not have, you're the opposite of what I want. Yet I still love you, and I still want you. What I'm chasing is a dream, you're just a hoochie, I don't like you very much at all. I know exactly what you are, you never showed any passion, you showed very little interest throughout, didn't really give me much satisfaction at all...so why on earth do I want you? And I want you very badly.

I'm probably just going through a phase. I thought I was over you, but now I'm beginning to question this. However, just because I'm jotting down thoughts on here, it doesn't necessarily reflect my actual feelings or beliefs because thoughts come and go. I might wake up tomorrow morning and look at this post and be like, wtf.

Just for the record, I did in fact wake up the next morning and think to myself, wtf...I cringed very hard after reading this post. Pathetic! Some of us really need to get a grip, especially me.

May 26, 2015

Yeah ToneLoc, I think that this forum is a means of doing that. I feel like an ass after reading my most recent post, but I'll be alright.

May 26, 2015

I just got asked out by a new guy. Maybe it's nothing but an ego boost, but it sure feels good. May you never contact me and stay out of my life forever. I was soooo right to cancel everything. It's what I call good instinct. I should have listened to it much much sooner.

May 26, 2015

Yeah ToneLoc, I think that this forum is a means of doing that. I feel like an ass after reading my most recent post, but I'll be alright.

Haha, you shouldn't feel like that. In fact, I quite enjoyed reading your previous posts (on the previous page), provided some much needed comic relief well, at any rate it's always better to vent on here rather than giving our exes an earful, am I right?

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