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Post here instead of contacting your ex!

polywog

By polywog
in Coping

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ephemeralme Member

ephemeralme

Posted
Posted
A,

 

I do not understand why you did what you did. It was cruel and unnecessary to treat me like that. I am having really unhelpful thoughts about how if you hadn't done what you did we would still be able to work it out. I know that that is probably not true. I can't make the thoughts go away though.

 

I miss you so f-cking much today. I have been doing better recently and feeling really good. Yesterday and today were brutal though.

 

I just want to cut out the part of my brain out that contains memories of you. I am willing to give them up in exchange to not think about you anymore. I am starting to think that it would have been better if I had never met you. Yesterday was 5 months exactly that we broke up. We are quickly approaching 5 months of NC. That's 150 days of silence and no apologies from you.

 

I want the last 4 years of my life back.

 

 

^^

all this is me too....... so sorry darkbloom.... makes me think of the movie men in black... wishing there was a magic wand to erase memory.

how sad that is too; there was good ... and worth the effort to keep working on the relationship...yet they bailed.

 

 

Bless you ... 5 months.... hold on girl ...hold on. ((hugs))

me, just 6 weeks but it has been particularly more grief like this week

I have broken NC with email and an accidental Bluetooth call..

today, I sobbed my eyes out hearing Simon and Garfunkel bridge over troubled waters..

I looked at pictures with him ( I took hundreds and hundreds of photos and he was in soooooooooo soooo many.) cried my eyes there too...

 

 

can't seem to find the WAY to let goooo-- how to let go??? of one you love, of one you saw life with, of one you were connected to everysingle day for over 6 years.

 

 

this emptiness hurts soooooooo much...

enduring grief ....

my dad passed away last year just a bit over a year ago... I grieved for a year and now this...

it is too much to bear

  • Like 1
SheleftmeforMichael Member

SheleftmeforMichael

Posted
Posted (edited)

Dear, Jenn.

 

Had we been together now... Today would have marked our 4 year anniversary together... But we're not together. What we had is over. I understand that and accept that now but I will admit...today I find myself thinking fondly of you...I miss the relationship we had. I remember what we had and what we shared together...those times/experiences...I won't forget them. I'll cherish them but I will keep locked deep in my heart and smile. I haven't forgotten the hurt we causes each other before and after the breakup...I'll never forget those dark days, but I will learn from them all. I'm learning now. You really showed me what was love and what partners should and shouldn't do in a relationship. You made see that love was truly a double edged sword for good and...bad. I should have never crossed the line and cheated behind your back. It was beneath you and god only knows how you coped with it for those two years. So maybe it was only just that you moved on so quickly and jumped to your new relationship with Michael in the manner you did. I just wish you would have admitted it to me instead of hiding it. But I guess ibreaped what I sowed.

 

I imagine you laying beside him in his bed as you got this calendar reminder of our anniversary that wasnt to be and quickly dismissing it as an afterthought on your phone...and I'm okay with that. You've moved on and had done so for quite some time well before me when you broke up with me...and I'm okay with that now. I told you in January that I wishes for you to be happy again...even if it wasn't with me. I didn't mean it when I said it back then but I do mean and accept what I said now. I've made my peace with you, Jenn. I have fulfilled all the promises i said to you. I dont owe you anything anymore. But I do hope you find the happiness you deserve. Thank you for the time you spent and shared with me and the harder life/relationship lessons you have taught me and forced me to learn. I will be a better person going forward because now I want to be. I have to be. Life only moves forward. I hope one day in the distant future we may cross paths again and that you will find it in your heart to forgive...but if not...that's okay because now I understand. True forgiveness should be found within myself...still, it would be nice to hear it. Good luck on your path where life takes you. I care and have love for you...not as a lover...but as person and fellow human being.

Edited by SheleftmeforMichael
vinchenzo Member

vinchenzo

Posted
Posted

Dear X,

 

I don't know what to say right now. I'm confused by the fact you say you love me one day then the next you don't. It doesn't matter anymore. Because now I'm on a ****ing warpath bitch!

 

I'm not mad at you. I blame myself because I didn't leave when I knew I should have. My next is going to be a badass chick who is going to rock my world and one day, I'm going to marry the greatest girl in the world. I refuse to give you another moment of my life. I'm going to become the once in a lifetime man that I know I'm supposed to be.

 

So when you come back running to me, don't expect it to be easy or even possible for that matter. You'll have to work your ass off. Because I'm not going to let this ever happen again. Even if I go through another break up - it's going to be me coming out on top - even if Im dumped.

 

I love you - yes! But I am choosing to love myself . Thank you and I wish you the best.

 

- Chenzo

GreenWellington Member

GreenWellington

Posted
Posted

Hi,

 

The past few days have been hard for some reason. We started dating a bit more than a year or so ago. At the time, I was high on life with you. Everything seemed to be going so well in our lives. We had plans and we were madly obsessed with each other. We'd spend evenings and days laying around my small apartment with my cat that you chose out for me.

 

I think it might be the smell of spring time. The leaves, the life that's emerged from the dark winter we just got out of. Every time I smell flowers or get a wiff of that smell, you come to my mind, and I see your glowing eyes with your cute open smile showing your little teeth that you used to do when you were really happy to see me, I still get flashbacks of your face and that look you used to give me.

 

I still remember the first time. After making love we lied beside each other and you looked up at me as I held you. And at that moment I felt like I lost myself in you.

 

We had a good run. Our good times were amazing and our bad times were downright terrible. I knew it was for the best, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. As hard as it is, I respect the power you had to be the bigger person and end this cycle of anger and sadness that our relationship had come to.

 

You came into my life at a strange time, but probably the right time. I was starting to feel good about my life again and especially myself. Now I feel like I'm back at square one.

 

I miss you so much. Other times, I feel like I can see the tiny speck of light far far away at the end of the long tunnel to recovery, and maybe I just might get out of this.

 

Im also scared. Scared of what you might do with other men, scared of how youre coping, scared that you're already opening up to someone else. It takes all of my willpower not to check your social media accounts. It's hard.

 

The past month has felt like a blur. I've been emotionally numb, depressed, but I continue to push on through. I've felt a lot of anger in the past few days. At you and at myself. I feel inadequate, and I feel like I wont find love again for a while, at least not before I learn to love myself. That process can take a while. It has before, but it does not mean it has to again.

 

Despite this, I push on through. There's not a day that I dont wake up thinking of you. But I know it'll pass, just like all of these terrible feelings that overcome me at times. Im making progress, slowly, but it's happening one baby step at a time.

  • Like 2
guest569 Established Member

guest569

Posted
Posted

I miss you so much. What happened to us and why wont you come back? We had something so amazing and special. It shouldn't be like this. What happened?

  • Like 1
Throldur Established Member

Throldur

Posted
Posted

L,

 

I don't know what is going on. I thought I was supposed to move on from this. I can feel your presence every where. My mom said she feels it too. I haven't let go of you but the thing is, I couldn't no matter how hard I try. You haven't let go of me either. I can feel you everywhere. Not just a memory but your actual presence. When I got in the car the other day. I talked to you like you were there because you were. You have been thinking about me. About my family. I think regret and realization is starting to creep in.

 

I know there will be a few more months of battling for you. You won't give up immediately after making the decision you did. I understand this. I am not the most patient man in the world but I will be as patient as I need to be in order to ensure that you come back to me when you are ready and not a moment earlier than that. I want us to last a life-time. Coming back too soon without you resolving your issues will just make our second attempt futile. I'll suffer, persevere, continue on as best I can in your absence, all the memories and times we could have spent together. Each day without you is a loss that can turn to a victory if you return.

 

After last week when Mother's Day was over. I thought. Okay, let's recharge. It was a week with a lot of things to remind me of you. Let's push forward as good things have happened since I started taking care of myself. I know Mother's Day would be challenging for you. Your mother has overcome breast cancer. This is the first celebration for her since she's been in remission. You aren't there because you made your bad decision. I know she made you feel guilty for that. I know you would miss your family. I know you would miss my mother too because she was a mother to you, more so than your own. I know you cried on this day when you hung up as the weight of your poor choices continue to pile on you like everyone knew they would. You simply made a bad decision for reasons you thought were good for you but they weren't. It's ok, we all get manipulated, we all go crazy, we all make bad choices, but it takes a strong person to admit that they did and go on a path to making amends to these poor choices. Not yet, I guess.

 

The slate was clean yesterday. I get up and go into the shower. The mechanism was pulled up. It has never been pulled up like that. The only times it ever was was when I would get into the shower after you. It made me think of you. Honest mistake. I get out of the shower and our kitten jumps into the bath-tub like she always did at our apartment. She hasn't done this -since- I last showered at your apartment. Okay, that's fine, it's just a kitten, it does things like this. I go downstairs and my play-list with thousands of songs is playing the one song that you used to listen to when you showered. The one song I found the lyrics to and downloaded to my computer from listening to it. It was almost like you were here showering again. Not to mention this was one of the songs we listened to on one of the last road trips we had together. I go to the gym that night and one of the girls that works there that is cute and I considered asking out.. well, she's there with her boyfriend. At least now I know. Although, of all days to find out? I think the Universe is telling me that it's not over, you're around, to hold on and I'll get my wish.

 

I haven't let go because you haven't let go of me. I don't want you to. I want you to embrace me. All it will take is one message from you and we can rebuild our beautiful present and future. I await you.

TunaCat Established Member

TunaCat

Posted
Posted

C,

 

I'm happy. You know I've been on the outs with my best friend for 2 years. Well she's back in my life and we're taking baby steps to establish a friendship again. You'd be happy for me because you know how hurt I was when she dropped me as a friend.

 

I wish there was a way to tell you about this. Yes, I still miss you, but now I'm focusing on re-establishing a friendship. That is a much better use of my time.

guest569 Established Member

guest569

Posted
Posted

I just wanted a chance. Whatever I did wrong, whatever it was about us that you didnt like, why couldn't you give us a chance to fix things? Thats all i want more than anything for you to come back and let us work things out

  • Like 1
Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted
I just wanted a chance. Whatever I did wrong, whatever it was about us that you didnt like, why couldn't you give us a chance to fix things? Thats all i want more than anything for you to come back and let us work things out

 

Keep fighting Smiley!

  • Like 1
Sunshine89 Member

Sunshine89

Posted
Posted

M,

 

I don't know what I did to make you hate me so much. To treat me like garbage and throw our 6 year relationship away. I don't know why you could never be faithful to me, why you couldn't just tell me the truth, why I was never enough. I loved you fully, with my whole heart, and you abused my trust. You manipulated me and strung me along. I thought what we had was special, but you just used me, threw me away and jumped into another relationship. I just feel so numb, and like all those years together with you were a wasted lie. I wasted my first time with Mike, and it looks like I wasted my first love on you. I'm tired of people using me up and then throwing me away. Why don't I matter as much to the people who matter to me? I'm so tired of being hurt. I'm so tired of being betrayed. You were the one person who wasn't supposed to hurt me, and you ended up being the one who hurt me the most. I still love you, and I hate myself for it. You've made every day a nightmare for me.

 

-B

candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
Posted

god, I hate this thread! and I hate to be going it on it. Again! It's like I never learn.

 

I hate myself. I really really really hate myself. I never learn. I never learn to read the signs. Well, this time, all the chips have fallen into place and I saw the picture very clearly. Why did I not see it coming ? How could I not see things for how they really are? Just how much did you fake it? Just how much was I "enough" or "ok" for you to just let me go so easily ? Stay with your rational with those middle class women appreciating your middle way of loving. Not too much, not too intense. And definitely not enough. Go have a mediocre life with a mediocre woman and have a mediocre relationship and never expose yourself and never get hurt ever again. And never truly really love again. Go away from my life. Don't ever write to me, don't ever contact me ever again. Just let me be! I hope I never see you again.

 

Day 1 on No Contact. Man, it's hard. Keepin' busy, hopefully tomorrow will get better.

 

I know you won't come back, And that thought gives me peace. Healing is before me. Usually, by day 50 it gets much better. Look a the bright side, on my birthday we'll already be one month apart. I deserve a happy birthday!

Annie767 Member

Annie767

Posted
Posted
god, I hate this thread! and I hate to be going it on it. Again! It's like I never learn.

 

I hate myself. I really really really hate myself. I never learn. I never learn to read the signs. Well, this time, all the chips have fallen into place and I saw the picture very clearly. Why did I not see it coming ? How could I not see things for how they really are? Just how much did you fake it? Just how much was I "enough" or "ok" for you to just let me go so easily ? Stay with your rational with those middle class women appreciating your middle way of loving. Not too much, not too intense. And definitely not enough. Go have a mediocre life with a mediocre woman and have a mediocre relationship and never expose yourself and never get hurt ever again. And never truly really love again. Go away from my life. Don't ever write to me, don't ever contact me ever again. Just let me be! I hope I never see you again.

 

Day 1 on No Contact. Man, it's hard. Keepin' busy, hopefully tomorrow will get better.

 

I know you won't come back, And that thought gives me peace. Healing is before me. Usually, by day 50 it gets much better. Look a the bright side, on my birthday we'll already be one month apart. I deserve a happy birthday!

 

Did you ignore you gut? I know I did , I'm day one also. Another serious relationship down the pan. And it wasn't even an angry breakup. He's on that pedestal more than ever before. :(

Annie767 Member

Annie767

Posted
Posted

How is your kid? Was your ex ok with you? It's nothing to do with me

I feel like I should of been there for you and I have let you down by not timing our discussion more sensitively. I'm so sorry. Your child is depressed over the divorce of you and his mum. I can't influence that but I'm so sorry.

Better sooner I disconnect rather than later right?

I just didn't know about the appointment. I couldn't stick around to keep your son happy though. I wish I could always be their friend.

 

I'm so sorry. I love you so much. With all my heart. This hurts so bad.

 

I just want to check you're ok!!!!

MajorOak Member

MajorOak

Posted
Posted

OMG I'm so excited of the prospect of my new life I could burst right now.

I only have one thing to say right now to you........

 

 

Spin on this ***ker, chow.

Gwwm123 Member

Gwwm123

Posted
Posted

I am ignoring the whole purpose of this thread and I am texting her the following:

 

Hey, sorry for the late text, but I wanted to tell you that I regret the way we stopped talking. I should of given us more time, but things between us seem to not work the way we wanted to but I would much rather have you as a friend than not have you at all in my life. You are a remarkable and caring person and I would hate to leave things as they are.

 

Wish me luck.

biggles6087 Established Member

biggles6087

Posted
Posted

I feel like saying altho you dumped yesterday you left ur beer in the fridge from our last weekend im cracking open ur bud cheers yum yum lol.

candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
Posted

day two almost over. Breakup day was horrible, cried my eyes out. First day of NC was better, hang out on LS a lot, posted, gotten feedback and some clarity. That helped. In the evening, I met friends. His best friend was around my place and texted that she was available to give her his stuff. My sister told me to look at the bright side, I was not home, in my pjs crying my eyes out. I look forward to giving them away and finishing it off. I'll be seeing her on Monday - day 5 of NC. I just need to make it until day 6, when I'm flying to see my parents. Now, I have no choice but making it on my own. And I'll bloody do it, goddamit !

  • Like 1
candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
Posted

day 3 of NC. It's bad. I have no energy to do much and this means I am not doing much. As I am not active, it starts to f*ck with my sleeping pattern and I cannot get proper rest. And this starts to affect my thinking. I've lived that before and I know exactly where it goes. It's a dangerous dangerous place, because of my vulnerability. So, today I've decided that I am done feeling sorry for myself. I am putting my arse to the gym and I am giving myself the right to check my phone only once every hour. I should do that every hour and a half or two hours. It's out of my reach, nothing I can do to fix it, it does not depend on me, so I am much better off accepting that it's dead. He is who he is and that wouldn't have worked out with me. I am a fixer, so I hate the fact that I cannot try extra hard to fix it. As it's outside of my reach, as it's not something that I have control over, I should be grateful that I have this opportunity to focus my efforts and time somewhere else. And I should start doing that asap. I'm patient with myself. I love myself and I will take extragood care of myself in this process. May I get over this dude soon. lots of love to all the people in pain, out there. hang on tight and do not lose faith, for better days are right around the corner.

  • Like 1
StrangerThanFiction Established Member

StrangerThanFiction

Posted
Posted

I'll be putting the rest of your stuff into a storage unit (again). I don't know why you didn't take all of it when I kicked you out (again) but I'm not going to sit here and stress about having to see you again when you come to get it. I will inform you the day I do it and then I will be blocking you from any way to contact me and that will be the end of it. I am never doing this song and dance with you again. This is exactly how it was two years ago and lo and behold it's because of the same woman now as it was then.

 

I AM DONE.

 

I'll admit that the first 3 days after the BU were really hard and I had a hard time finding the will to keep going, but on the 4th day I woke up and realized that I didn't have to be stressed out wondering if you were cheating on me (again); that I didn't have to worry about money because I am no longer having to support your useless behind; that I can grow and become someone I can be proud of instead of trying to fit into the mold of what I thought you wanted.

 

I feel so free! They say freedom comes with acceptance and I believe it. I've accepted that you were emotionally and physically abusive and that I never deserved to be treated that way. I've accepted that you were cheating on me. I've accepted that we would have never been able to have a normal or healthy relationship. There was never any future for us and even though I had to go through hell to get to where I am right at this moment, I'm glad I did because I will never have any doubts or wonder if I did the right thing by ending things. I don't want to hear from you, I don't want to see you, and I sure as hell don't care what's going on in your life right now. That may not be true all the time as I go through the healing process, but for right now it's enough and I am so grateful for it. I'm writing this post today because if I do have a bad day I can look at this and know that it won't last and can see how strong I can be.

 

You effed up royally when you threw me away for someone else and treated me so badly, but what you've lost is no longer my concern. My concern now is what I've gained and that's my freedom, my happiness, and my life back.

candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
Posted

day 4 of NC and second day since I've started working out. yesterday was good, I talked to a few friends, went to the gym, saw people and in the evening I went out. Today I went for a long run and walk. Wasn't able to do much after that, except for washing my hair. Was pleased to notice I've lost another pound - I sort of forget to eat, these days. the more time passes by, the more it sinks into me that he will not come back to me. It pains me to admit that I had gotten used to him. Life used to taste better. I had a different outlook, different confidence. Don't get me wrong, I saw more people these 4 days than I did in weeks, compared to when I was dating him. I like that. It slowly starts to sink into me that I am by myself. Alone.

 

I'm forcing myself to do meditation and apply. It's hard for me to start things and finish them.

 

I've also decided not to meet his best friend - I was supposed to get cash back and give her his stuff. I gave her my bank account details and told her I will mail his stuff. That lil b*tch didn't even bother to respond to me. Nothing.

 

I know I am the dumper, but I really have no room to move here. I guess it is what it is. I have to just grin and bare it and hope it passes. As I notice my mood swings, I realize that it'll get much more worse before it gets better. I know I need to stop thinking about him and the pst and focus on the future and things I want to accomplish. I am trying hard to get there. I need to get my sh*t together. Soon. Very soon.

candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
Posted

last weekend I've sent him a little post card from Portugal. He will receive it next week, a the same time with the parcel with all of the things he forgot at my place. Ain't that poetic justice

Gwwm123 Member

Gwwm123

Posted
Posted

I miss you, today is just been awful, I am spending the whole day home with nothing to do but to miss and picture you in head that if we were together we could be out and about having the most fun I could ever imagine. Me and you, me giving you all that I can offer for you to just enjoy.

 

Its just mere thought and a well fabricated fantasy, that the end of the road has come. Nobody will make me feel the way you did, I will keep the fantasy alive that we are together, maybe someday I will settle for that and try to live happy even if you are not here.

 

I love you baby, good bye.

  • Like 1
JollyDays Established Member

JollyDays

Posted
Posted (edited)

Maybe I shouldn't post here, since we weren't yet in a relationship. But with my pending move to that right-wing loony bin ****hole called Phoenix to work on my Master's degree in Education, it's obvious that we were going to be in a relationship. So **** it, I'm going to say my piece.

 

 

You always had an air of superiority towards me. I guess you were the city slicker, being from Filthydelphia---oops, I meant Philadelphia---and I was just a "rural hick" from Iowa (don't you love Hollywood stereotypes?). But that's okay. I think I'm a good judge of character, and yours was lacking. You always found fault with me; yet whenever I brought up your faults, or felt like you were dismissing my feelings, you balked and accused me of putting words into your mouth. Okay, whatever. Deep down inside, despite all of your professional accomplishments, you are just a bi-polar, deeply insecure woman who needed to kick me in the balls to feel good about yourself. Apparently your daily meds weren't working. That's why I refuse to take them for my issues.

 

 

You felt like you could judge my hometown, sight unseen. But when I spoke about the ridiculous crime rate in Philly, and the fact that you loved the city so much that you LEFT IT to move out to that damn oven, you got your PMS-soaked panties in a bunch. Hmm... So you can dish criticisms at people, but can't take them in return. Just like a true Philadelphian. Thank you for walking away from our plastic friendship last week you BITCH. It's so-called ladies like you who make it so much harder for the next lady. **** you, the Sixers, the Phillies, the Flyers, the "Iggles" and your mental instability.

Edited by JollyDays
JollyDays Established Member

JollyDays

Posted
Posted (edited)

And to a certain lady in New Orleans. It's been 10 years since you walked away from me, and yet your presence still haunts me. I wish that I could've been a better partner for you, but I couldn't. I had unresolved personal demons that are finally being dealt with through therapy. For all of the hurt that I caused you for two years, I say with profound sincerity, I am sorry.

 

Sometimes, when I am outside, and I look up into the blue skies, I think about the life and the family that we could've had were it not for my issues, and tears well in my eyes. But I also understand that everything happens for a reason, and life eventually goes on. Still, it hurts to this day and will hurt me for the rest of my life.

 

I love you so much, yet I now understand that I can love another woman even more powerfully than I love you. So long love.

Edited by JollyDays
  • Like 2
candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
Posted

day 5 of NC but really really, I'm only beginning to grasp the concept of full NC. I've texted his best friend to set up the details of the stuff he had at my place. I've canceled seeing her and sent her my bank account details. This morning I've sent all of his stuff via the post, to his place. He should be receiving it tomorrow. The day before our trip to Bucharest. The hardest is not doing all of these things, the hardest is to mentally let go and accept that I am single. I'm conflicted, because I am the dumper. But I just cannot lie to myself, so this is tormenting me. I feel guilty. I hate to continue with my life, because it has a different meaning, now, without him. A different taste. I do not think no one will ever love me. I just hate feeling stuck. I feel incomplete, I feel like a big part of me is missing. Oh well, I will stick by my guns and just continue with my life. It's how the dices have rolled.

  • Like 1
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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