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March 8, 2015

Hey Stupid,

What's up? You still whoring around? Yeah, stupid, I'm not surprised. You can't keep a woman in your bed. You can't keep a woman in your life. You're just a worthless whore who's balding. You were never good enough for me.

March 9, 2015

Why am I always so nice to you every single time you make contact with me?

But every single time I make contact with you.

You ignore me.

It's like why am I so dumb and willing to stop anything I am doing to simply talk to you. You always ask me how i am doing, etc etc etc.

I'll never understand you ever. I don't think i want to either. :mad::mad::mad:

March 9, 2015

I don't care if you see me angry! I am tired of your BS!

March 9, 2015

Man... **** this **** ! I'm tired of thinking about you ... Wondering if you'll ever be back... Hoping you don't fall for someone else...God damn it! You know what just go and die somewhere. You ****ing bitch just DIE DIE DIE **** YOU ****ING SELFISH WHORE LEAVE MY HEAD ALONE BITCH

March 9, 2015

I feel like I've wasted the past four months of my life waiting for you to come to your senses, and today I feel like I am back at square one - thanks to you.

Today you sent me a note and asked me to file divorce papers, when YOU were the one who left and I wanted you to stay. Why can't you take responsibility for ONE thing in this relationship. You leave - wanting control over your life - and when you have a chance to take it, to actually do something, you pass the responsibility off on me - AGAIN.

I should have filed the day you left and never looked back. I have no doubt now that you were seeing him before you left, and you're with him now. If I had filed back then, at least then I wouldn't have wasted the past four months missing you, wishing you would come back, hoping you were missing me, lying to myself about what you were up to.

F*** you.

March 9, 2015

I feel like I've wasted the past four months of my life waiting for you to come to your senses, and today I feel like I am back at square one - thanks to you.

Today you sent me a note and asked me to file divorce papers, when YOU were the one who left and I wanted you to stay. Why can't you take responsibility for ONE thing in this relationship. You leave - wanting control over your life - and when you have a chance to take it, to actually do something, you pass the responsibility off on me - AGAIN.

I should have filed the day you left and never looked back. I have no doubt now that you were seeing him before you left, and you're with him now. If I had filed back then, at least then I wouldn't have wasted the past four months missing you, wishing you would come back, hoping you were missing me, lying to myself about what you were up to.

F*** you.

Not that I'm revealing you anything, but you know she'll come back once the grass is not that greener. Eventually the tables will be turned. Just be strong and, needless to say, don't even consider a second chance with someone who has intended to make so much damage to you. Just posting this useless info to let you know you're not alone in this inner struggle.

As for what I'd say to mine...., well, today's been a bad day. One of those days in which I rejoiced with you at how dumb the people surrounding me at the uni were. I'd explain you the personal turmoil I'm experiencing with this apparent cyclothymia and the extreme ups and downs due to medication but also telling that I'm doing well balancing them while knowing you're by my side. We would laugh at my hystrionisms, at my corrosive sense of humor you seemed to adore, you would repeat at me how intelligent I was, how eloquent I was, how much did you learn with me, how hard you were thriving for Saturday to arrive and have sex with me on bed. We would hug and we would made out and we would be happy and, paraphrasing a man who I deeply admire (not that you gave 2 sh*ts about him anytime, which made me admire you in return): "I am with her and she is beautiful and we love each other and now I'm ready to die". Except for one thing: you don't want to. Now I've got one thing to say before I'm numb again: God damn the sun, God damn the light it shines and this world it shows and last but not least, God damn everyone who says a kind word.

Edited March 9, 2015 by Van Norden

March 9, 2015

I have finally forgiven myself for hurting you so bad, for insulting you, for treating you like ****, for ruining your bday, for making you cry, for breaking up with you and enjoying the feeling of you suffering over it. I've forgiven myself, and I really hope you forgive me too. I care about you, you were once the most important person to me, I'm sorry you had to see me at my worse, I guess I was just not ready for you, I wish we would have met in a different time, I wish you would have waited for me to get it together.. But what's done it's done. I miss you, you were such a nice person to me, I'm so sorry I was so messed up and confused, I wished I had handled things better when you first told me, but I was too proud, I thought I was perfect, the smartest one, the mature one... but it turned out I was not, I was so lost and full of anger.

I'm sorry I took it all out on you. I know you did love me and I understand why you left me. I would have left too. But I can't deny it, it hurts camila, it hurts real bad. It hurt to hear you say you no longer loved me, sadly I will never forget those words.

I know the day will come, when I'll feel nothing but gratefulness towards you. But right now, I still feel angry at you, at how you decided to turn things around... at how you decided to let me go, just like that. I'm angry because I might be the only one still crying.

I don't hate you, I just can't.. I loved you that much, I can't even say a bad thing of you when I talk to my friends. You were really special. Gosh, how I'm gonna miss you.

But I've decided to not feel guilty anymore, I can't carry that weight around anymore. I'm letting the guilt go.

I hope you forgive me too.

I love you Camilin.

March 9, 2015

I emailed my brief "12 step" apology (for belligerent emails) and goodbye to you one week ago today. You never replied. Which is for the best. The only times I ever emailed you were when I was extremely intoxicated, mostly during black outs but I'm VERY happy to say that I have not had any urge to contact you whatsoever. I have been extremely drunk since my farewell email to you but have made no attempts to contact you. Not even on your birthday yesterday. I'm finally 100% over you and it feels great. I do not love you anymore. I do not wake up with you first thing on my mind or go to sleep with you, last thing on my mind. It's been that way for a while now and I'm so relieved to know that all the feelings, emotions, memories ...whatever...have finally run it's course COMPLETELY.

March 10, 2015

You just mailed me, I can't believe it... Won't deny it, it made me happy. You actually miss me. But I won't reply to your mail, I'll just reply to you here.

I hope you're doing well too. Hugs.

March 10, 2015

You were an insecure abusive drunk who aborted our baby and married some guy you just met soon after, and before even telling me you were leaving. I'm better off without you, so why the hell do I still miss you and have hope you come back?

Edited March 10, 2015 by Dallix

March 11, 2015

A,

Sigh.

Here we are again. I cannot believe you have not contacted me yet. Just yesterday K brought you up in conversation asking me how you were doing. Like I would know. She mentioned your facebook post. I tuned out. I don't want to know. It will just make me angry. I have enough of that without being mad at you for something new.

I still miss you. Even though that is crazy talk. Even though I deserve better than you and how you treated me. It still drives me nuts. I still think that Sunday is the day you will choose to break NC. Or Monday. Every other day is just waiting for those two days to come back around. When they do it is just more disappointment.

I have always loved you. I do not know what to do with those feelings. Repressing them does not work. Indulging them does not work. I envy you in a way. Although you miss me the love was long gone for you. That must be such a freeing feeling. Like standing on the edge of a cliff and being able to finally let go. I want that. If I could cut out the memory of you I would do it.

I have avoided our places for the most part. Even sitting in a restaurant we used to eat at together made my stomach hurt. I couldn't eat, couldn't talk. How can you still have that effect on me? I have been able to cut out every other person in my life without one single regret or glance back. All of them. Friends, boyfriends, family members. But you are proving just as stubborn to remove from my brain that you once claimed I was.

You said I wouldn't change my mind. You were right. I won't. I cannot suffer for you any longer. I want my mind back. I want to be able to let someone take your place. Someone who wants to be there and will do the right things to keep it in place.

No longer yours,

DB

March 11, 2015

The whole time that we were together you were in love with someone else. Someone you never had a relationship with. Someone you simply idealized from a distance. How did you expect us to work when you never gave our relationship a chance? When you thought it would fail right from the beginning? When you were in love with imaginary women?

I should have run for the hills the day you told me you are primarily attracted to Asian women. It's so screwed up. And you actually said things could have been different if I were Asian! Yes, I know you would have treated me different if I were Asian. I am SO GLAD I am not Asian... because if I were, then how would I know it's love?

I hope you end up with an Asian woman. I hope she walks over you and tramples over you. I hope she ruins you.

When we began dating I felt sympathy for you. I felt sympathy for all your mental turmoils and thought with my love we can conquer the illness. I gave and gave and gave. You took and took and took, never gave one bit. You never gave yourself to me. How can you expect to feel love when you don't give? Love IS giving! Love is not a feeling.... no... it's giving.. it's making a decision about a person and giving wholeheartedly after that. Maybe if I were Asian you would have treated me different?

Why did you want a relationship with me when you are only attracted to Asian women? Was I some kind of experiment? There's nothing wrong with Asian women, but the fact that you find only them attractive shows you are screwed up! You are racist against your own race??!!

Everything in your apartment is Asian. Gosh.. it's so screwed up. I am only realizing it now. The Chinese books, the 100 Vietnamese CDs, even the way you eat is Asian. If you are sooo into Asian, why why why did you experiment with me?

I can never forget how excited you were to meet that girl in Singapore. You hardly knew her! Whereas I have taken care of you during your illness, pretty much been a personal maid.. doing all the cooking and cleaning... you ignore me and wag your tail when you see some Chinese woman? It's disgusting how you run after Chinese women. And that other Chinese woman.. you asked her to marry you after spending one night with her?!! You give importance to all these random Chinese women, but throw me aside like yesterday's trash when I have been the one looking after you in your sickness!!

Edited March 11, 2015 by Willow82

March 11, 2015

What you did was not fair. I shouldn't expect life to be fair, because it hardly ever is, but I trusted you and I expected you would treat me better than this.

You took everything from me. My family that I worked for and took care of and which brought me joy for the past 10 years is gone. I never laid a hand on you, never cheated on you, never mentally abused you, hardly ever raised my voice to you. All I did was put my energy into making our lives as good as they could be. And for that I got kicked to the curb. You left, took everything including our daughter, and NONE of us are better for it. Not you, not me, and not our daughter. I want the person you used to be, but I can't accept the person you have become. I don't know this person.

I am filing for divorce, but I have no doubt that some day you will look back on this beautiful family that we once had and realize that you threw it away for no good reason, and it is going to be too late.

March 11, 2015

I can't believe you haven't spoken to me in a month. I know I hurt you but I admitted my mistakes, professed my love for you (which never died), and you rejected me. I made an impulsive decision and regret it dearly. We were always good and I let a minor issue cloud my judgement. I took what I had for granted, I know. I'm man enough to admit I was wrong. I love you and want you back but you aren't having it. I don't know how you could get over us so quickly, it hurts.

I've beat myself up for far too long now. I made a mistake, but I was a good man to you. I don't need your approval anymore. I am learning to live without you, but it's hard. I was genuine when I said I loved you and wanted to make amends. You didn't even care. How can I love someone that could already be with someone else so quickly after a long relationship. I wasn't looking for someone else, I don't want to. I guess I'm coming to the realization that maybe I wasn't as important as you said I was. I miss my companion in life. That's all.

March 11, 2015

It seems like my agony doesn't ever finish. Each day another battle, and each day starts end ends up thinking of all the good times we shared together. Today, just another Wednesday, we would have fun and laugh and prepare for the weekend to come. Now I'm just left with misery and wondering how great could you be doing right now to not even consider calling me back or break our well-pacted NC. Whereas I know deep in my heart some day the grass won't look that greener outside the fence for you, it's painful to see you're taking so much time to realize. It just lowers my self-esteem, which is already down to hell since the day we broke up.

Now chemicals don't do any good either - I've been an atheist for years, but now I just pray to any superior entity to cease this excruciating pain and get you back to me with a healthier relationship, for I'm tired of browsing between all the all-time-classics and getting just lousy best-sellers in return.

March 11, 2015

Winter is nearing its end. I'm not looking forward to Spring and Summer. It will be terrible without you.

Sometimes I wish I can wake up to see this is all a bad dream.

Why does it have to be so complicated for me? Why? Why?

I miss you. I want to just sit with you, have some tea and do a jigsaw puzzle together.

Edited March 11, 2015 by Willow82
its vs it's

March 12, 2015

Sure, I miss you, but today I am feeling really strong and thinking that YOU are the one who should be missing ME. You always told me what a great guy I was, and guess what: You're right. Some day you are going to miss me and realize that you made a huge mistake. And by then I will be with someone better.

March 13, 2015

How are you doing? Have you been eating well? Sleeping well? How was your exam? Are you able to study well? Function properly?

I don't know why I still care about you, you don't even deserve a thought of mine and both of us know that. You have been a central part of my life for more than a year. It's hard to let go. Is it as hard for you?

When I think back about how you said that you were scared to meet with me because it would bring back feelings, I think I should have taken you up on that offer.. But then I remembered that I have done this tons of times, and you always left anyhow. I always let you back in so easily each time you wanted to come back. I always thought that I should have held out for much longer every time so maybe you would learn and change like I did, but I could never resist you for that long. That was my fault. Sometimes I hope that my absence and silence will resound and make a difference but I know I need to let go of that and focus on me. I need to give myself the attention that I was deprived of by you and myself. You cannot be the focus of my life anymore.

But I miss you so much. I hope you miss me so much more.

March 13, 2015

I thought I was over you. I thought I decided that it was just best to move on and find someone who's more emotionally stable and ready for a relationship. But I cant... You were my first gf, the only girl ive ever liked enough to want to be with. We were such good friends before and ruined it with this rushed long distance relationship. Why did you never tell me you were going through so much ****? That you had a dark past? I guess you didnt know this semester was going to be as stressful as it was and it just made things worse. I get why it happened, I just wish you hadn't pulled me through the mud only to let me down after just 4 months.

It's been 2 weeks now since we last talked on my birthday, 2 weeks before that you said you wanted us to talk more often. Of course me being desperate and hopeful took that as a sign that you still wanted this to work yet I don't hear from you. Idk why I want to though, or why im this close to actually messaging you. I guess its cause i'm worried about you. Both me and our mutual best friend are. Anyways, I hope things are going okay for you. Hope the therapy is going well if you did decided to do it. I know there's a good girl down there somewhere. Miss you freckle

March 13, 2015

I still love you....I have hung onto this hope that I would be seeing you at the end of this month, so we've been out of contact for 2 months now, I thought that we'd go our separate ways sort ourselves out then when it came to seeing eachother again at this event we'd have a talk and see how things go, to find out that you have already started dating another guy has torn me apart, I know where I went wrong in the relationship and things I could of done better to show you how much you meant to me, I thought we had something special and that we'd be okay, I miss you everyday, holding your hand listening to your laugh, the horribly annoying noise you make when you eat, your mad bursts of energy when something excites you, the way you snuggle your head into me when you want to sleep, I miss everything about you I could write this all day long,

you picked me up again when I was down, my sleepless nights having my bad dream, but when I was sleeping next to you I felt safe again I felt at home and I hadn't felt like that ever since coming back from Afghanistan, you brought my faith back into people again, I know I lost my way abit and the motivated, and determined person I was dissappeared for a while and I stopped doing the things I should of done for you and I'm sorry for that, if I could turn back that time I would, I'd walk into yours and say get ready I'm taking you out tonight like you wanted me to do for so long, I realise that now, I don't know how you have got over it so quickly I wish you'd give me some of that strenght because I still think of you everyday, I still love you with all my heart, I'm finding it hard, I see your face whenever I play with our dog the way I use to be stern with him and you were a complete push over and now he doesn't stop chasing the bludy squirrels, he's such a softy now

I'd give anything to hold you again in my arms tight and do it right this time, I wish you could somehow see how much you mean to me, I tried to tell you but you had already gone and I've not heard from you since...but I love you still.

March 13, 2015

You think I don't know how you secretly crave that Chinese friend of yours? The one who is married with 3 children. The one who did not even tell you about the birth of her 3rd child?

You may have forgotten but when we started "dating" you told me that it's possible that you may end up with her. And I saw on New Years' Eve how you were dying to talk to her.

F***ing jerk.

March 14, 2015

Why am I always so nice to you every single time you make contact with me?
But every single time I make contact with you.
You ignore me.
It's like why am I so dumb and willing to stop anything I am doing to simply talk to you. You always ask me how i am doing, etc etc etc.
I'll never understand you ever. I don't think i want to either. :mad::mad::mad:

Sounds like you should stay away from this moron. My ex is a moron. I called him a stupid bastard over the phone- because he is and he deserved it. I haven't spoken to him in 3 years. I don't go looking for him. He could dye his hair red and get a sex-change operation for all I care.

March 14, 2015

Hey There! What's up? Are you still the biggest loser on the planet? Are you paying women to sleep with you? How else can you get anyone? You have absolutely no body, hair in your ears, dulled eyes to go along with your dulled intelligence, thinning hair, and you barely use any soap when you wash. That's right, you dirty jackazz, you are an UNCLEAN asswipe! Stupid, pin-headed bastard! Go smell your own ass! See what torture you bring upon those within smelling range, ya nasty bitch! Be gone, you filthy fool! Be Gone!

And by the way...F-YOU!

Edited March 14, 2015 by CopingGal

March 14, 2015

Its been 3 weeks since we spoke . Longest we've ever been without communication . Sometimes I feel absolutely lost , little things trigger happy memories that we shared . What I will never understand is how you could meet my family and 2 weeks later arrange to meet another guy and sleep in the same bed .

I know Long Distance was always a hard one and with my new job meaning I moved closer to you , I find it even harder to believe that you would just seek something else . Even when you were begging for me back . I always gave you that chance to right the wrongs and stop talking to this guy completely and you still wouldnt listen . This broke my heart into a million pieces .

My lost soulmate , my one in a million . I celebrated 2014 with the most special girl in my life and 2015 you were someone else I didnt recognise . I walked away with my head held high with the thought that for one whole year . I had something that I will never forget .

I hope one day you realise why I had to walk and you experience the sadness and pain I've had to experience .

If I could turn back time . I would hold you just one last time and never let you go .

Love your Jimbob

March 14, 2015

D,

You knew how much I loved you, cared for you didn't you? You knew how I felt for you. Then why the **** did you have to leave? I never asked you to do anything you didn't want to do. I never forced you. I never did anything other than love you. All I ever wanted was to see us happy together. Was that too much to ask? Was I not good enough for you!?

Fine if I wasn't good enough why the **** did you ever make me believe otherwise? Could have stopped me couldn't you? You left me at a time when I needed you the most. So what if I never said it couldn't you for once figure something out on your own instead of letting things be? Damn it.

I am ruined now. I have nothing. No job, no money, no self respect, no confidence, nothing. And I blame it all on you. Yes you. Loving you was the worst mistake of my life. It's because of girls like you guys like me get ruined.

You know what I hate you now. I will work my ass off and become big, so big that you won't be the dust of my foot. I pray to God I never see you again because I would want to hurt you and I couldn't stop me.

You are one inconsiderate selfish self obsessed girl. You will find your match don't you worry. One day will come when I would be the one on top and you would cry your eyes out for me but I won't come back. Not because I would stop loving you because I would not want you.

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