Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Herpderp]

I thought you leaving me was the worst thing that ever happened to me, till I eventually realized, it was really for the best. I had always wanted to give you the best, because I felt you truly deserved it. Thru the time that we spent together, I learned what true love meant, what unconditional love meant. I would do things for u, just to see that silly smile of yours. To the extent where I stopped loving myself. I stopped taking care of myself, and you were my sole priority. I got boring, unadventurous, and lazy. Looking back, I wouldn't have dated myself either, hence I don't blame u for losing the feelings for me.

 

When u left me, I started realising what I had become, what I had turn into. I looked into the mirror and hated what I saw. That was when I decided to change. I never want to be this person that I'm looking at again. I started working on myself, did workouts daily, and read a few books on how to communicate better. I wanted so much to tell u my developments and what I've learnt, but I think the last thing u want was for me to pester u. I know u want space and time away from me. It wasn't easy, but I had to endure it for you. I didn't want to pressure u anymore, even though I felt like texting you all the time.

 

While we were together, you taught me how to love with all my might. When u left me, you taught me to pick myself up and make myself better instead of moping around.

J, u make me a better person. No one has ever had that effect on me. Ever.

 

We've grown alot together, we've been the pillar for each other. We've gone through so much together. You want us both to move on with life, and told me that if we were meant to be, fate will eventually bring us back to each other. But what if, you are the only one i want to spend my happiest and saddest times with?

 

I love you, because u make me a better person.

[Xemyd]

Did you love me?

[Mandy26]

Just tired tonight and down. I know it is not ok to be in a relationship where you are kept a secret- especially from your ex- and female friend. I felt like your private girlfriend - your dirty ontario secret- God forbide that your hometown friends know if me. I held on for too long. My father 83 yrs old reverting to childhood - loves me-tells me - never let him keep you a secret- I love my Dad. Funny even though he doesn't remember who he us he still knows kindness. I put my heart out to you- let you into my life- put myself and my son into yours but you never really came into ours. Is there anyone else who can relate? Why go I hold onto something that was hurtful to me? When you share your vulnerabilities with someone and they use it against u later - why do I still miss you. My sadness is increasing -

[Justaguy30]

I am really proud of myself, I had a weak moment this weekend and didn't contact you. I start a new job tomorrow which I am excited about! I often wonder how you actually are and if you are happy now. I don't really have feelings for you anymore. Some part of me still loves you but it is a very small part. I still think about what you did to me from time to time and how disrespectful and childish it was. I suspect I haven't heard the last of you as I am sure you will creep into my life in some way again but ill never ever ever get involved with you again. I think in a few more months I would be able to see you in person and have no real feelings one way or the other about it. That is a day I really truly look forward to. Also I met a new woman and she is really nice and seems to actually be a good person. I just hope you don't find out about us and try to ruin my good time.

[ralfgarnett]

Tbh I still cant believe your not here, I still don't really understand why your not here, all those years togtheher, all those memories and shared experiences, I don't like you very much at the moment but I love you with all my heart and always will.

[Jet Lag]

I need you! I want you so much. I miss you so much.

 

We can make this work. I know we can.

 

Are you home now?

[Jet Lag]

I read a book that changed my whole perspective on "aloneness". Now, I look forward to and cherish the times when I get to be by myself. I really do wonder if you can do the same. I have a feeling you can't. Thus why you jump from one relationship to another. What scares you so much about being alone with yourself that you can't? Ah well, not my problem anymore. Thank you for all you taught me.

 

Hey,

 

What was the book?

[StrangerThanFiction]

Hey,

 

What was the book?

 

"On My Own: The Art of Being a Woman Alone" by Florence Falk. I found it very comforting and I'm not afraid of being alone anymore. In fact, I enjoy it most days.

[StrangerThanFiction]

This weekend was really tough for me. There was barely 5 minutes where I didn't think of you and wasn't hurting and nothing seemed to help. Even when I slept I dreamed of you and they were horrible so there was no relief there. I think it was because I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that someone who apparently loved me for 6 years can just stop suddenly and take up with another woman like it was nothing. Like I meant nothing. How can you just stop caring like that while here I am wondering if I'm ever going to get over you? I wish I could just turn off these feelings.

[feelymcfeel]

Dear C,

 

When we split, you said I was immature, that you'd grown up over the 2.5 years we were together and I hadn't.

 

Relationships are all about communication, and compromise. I would have done anything for you, had I known there was a problem, but you kept the issues you were having secret, giving me nothing until it was too late.

 

You gave neither myself nor the relationship the respect either of us deserved after the time we'd shared, and it dawned on me. I'm not the immature one.

 

Relationships are all about communication, and compromise. You weren't willing to share your worries. Quite simply, you were not mature enough for a serious relationship, one in which I had invested everything, and I felt foolish.

 

Now, I only feel pity. For you, and for the person you are now seeing. I pity him, because no doubt he'll invest, and you'll act like a child and bottle up your emotions. I pity you, because you're not emotionally stable enough to have adult discussions about how you feel.

 

For the past 4 months, I would have done literally anything for you to take me back. But now...

 

I still love you, and no doubt I always will, but I no longer miss you, and that's all that matters.

 

Good bye, C.

[Jingle14]

After 3 and a half years of pining for you and wishing every day that you were back with me, as you were autumn 2010 (we'd never been happier, had we, we said how wonderful it was to have 'found' each other, what I wouldn't give to feel like that again), I've been persuaded to sign up to a dating site. I've been in contact with a gorgeous 31 year old, very professional, very sweet, Italian man. We have such a lot in common and he is, physically (or he is in the photo) just my type - tall, slim, dark haired and handsome, just like you, my darling.

 

 

Its actually been quite fun waiting for his messages, they've given me a little boost and, temporarily, taken my mind off you. But as gorgeous and, seemingly, genuine as he is, he's not you.

 

 

You know, because I told you when we bumped into each other in the summer (I hadn't seen you in the pub when I walked past, then you called my name and, with panic in your voice, you said you thought I was ignoring you) that I'm taking my son to New York during half term (next week). How I look at my phone and will it to beep with a message from you wishing me a good time, to know you'd remembered and cared even a tiny bit to let me know.

 

 

Will there ever be a day when I won't want you back? I wish you knew about the beautiful Italian - 17 years my junior - and felt jealous but you'd probably just be glad I'd 'moved on'.

[ralfgarnett]

I know I feel tired tonight which is one of the reasons I feel so emotional, but I just want you to know that I miss you this evening, I didn't marry you to feel so sad as we both do right now, I think now I understand much better your problems I just wish you had talked to me about them before they overwhelmed you and you left, yes im crying again I rarely stop, you are the love of my life I just wish that things had been so different this past few months I am certain that things would of been different now had we talked and tried hard to sort things out, you looked so lost and lonely the other day I just hope and pray that one day we will find each other again and connect as we did before, you tell me that your feelings are too strong to be around me, but what does that mean ?, all I know is that I forgive you for hurting me because quite frankly I love you with all my heart, mind, body and soul.

[Kelika]

I don't miss you.

 

But I know you will be thinking of me all day. Sociopaths hate losing.

 

Poor you.

[me85]

I woke up after 3 hours of sleep at 3am. It's now 6am and I have to be at work at 10. I guess I had enough sleep over the weekend. I'm not awake because I can't stop thinking about you. I just can't sleep. BUT since I'm wide awake and thinking, I think of all the repressed resentment I have for you. I've never expressed it towards you. I don't know where it should go or how to put in there. You've caused me a ton of emotional damage. I'm terrified to fall in love again. To open up again. But I'm so lonely this way. I miss knowing what's it's like to be infatuated with a guy. To have fun with a guy.

 

I try so hard not to hate you but for the most part I do. I hope God can forgive me for that but He knows my story and where it's going. He knows how you mistreated me. So badly. How you laid hands on me. How you talked down to me like I was nothing. How you just went on with your life. Never sorry. Never ashamed. Never telling people just how terrible you were to me. How you just tell them that we fought all the time. I just wish I could forget you altogether. You're not worth remembering. You have no great purpose. You have no depth in your soul. No zest for life. No passion for people or love. You're barely alive.

[Day.One]

Zero G.

 

Last couple of days, i feel like i'm in zero G, just sort of floating around, in no particular direction. It's like i've gotten to a point on the road where i feel like i've achieved, or at least are on top of, most of the major goals i've set out so far. (180, swimming, exercise, DIY, etc).

 

Now, with nothing in particular to aim for, i'm at a bit of a loss.

 

Even in yesterdays counselling, i just felt i bounced all over the place and never really settled down into one particular subject. Spent quite a bit of time explaining 'covert contracts' to the counselor, and how i think they apply to me, giving examples, how they have caused me problems, and what i'm doing to overcome that.

 

But the rest of the hour, i just don't feel like i put much into it. Kept switching subjects, being completely random, and almost manic.

 

Even here on LS, i've disconnected from the daily read of the other threads. None of the other stories are 'clicking' with me as they have done before.

 

Still doing stuff around the house, but the 'momentum' has decreased. Even left last night dishes unwashed (1st time!).

 

Not even thinking about you as much now.

 

Just feeling disconnected, loss of focus, in Zero G.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also think that, while i appear to be putting up a good 'front', there's nothing behind it. People tell me that "i've got a great attitude towards what's happening", that "i'm being really positive", and that "i'm doing a great job".

 

But i just feel empty inside.

 

I guess this is the period when reality really sinks in. That the last 24 years of our life are over, and there is no going back.

[ralfgarnett]

Dear Day one why does it happen like this ?, you gave up 24 years and unless I'm totally wrong then I'm giving up 20 years, between us that is a hell of a long time out of our lives, why do they drop these bombshells on us what the hell of we done to deserve to be treated that way, all that time, all that love, all that energy, all those joint memories no longer to be perpetuated, it stinks it really does, if only they knew what pain they caused by their actions.

[Arient]

Looooong time since I've been to this thread, and since the time that I decided to stop being an emotionally damaged victim. I felt stronger and stronger day by day, and you are fading day by day too. I'm still a mess, but this mess is much neater than months ago. However, today, I missed you a lot. Wonder how you are doing, wonder if you miss me sometimes. I have some nice big plans ahead, and I'm going to put them in reality. I no longer feel that much anger towards you, instead, I am more appreciating about what we have had. Like I said, it has and will always be one of the most beautiful thing that happened to me. And I will always love you, in some forms and at some levels. I feel no regrets for loving you that much. I hope some days we will manage to see each other again. Hug you dovie dove!

[RoseHeart]

Okay so today is my first day without you. I've been through this a few times but this time will be the hardest because I loved you the most. Even though it's been a while since we haven't been together, yesterday I got all my closure from you and got answers. I realized also that there is no hope anymore. There's nothing. I thought I could cling onto you and hope we will eventually be able to pick up the pieces but yesterday was final.

 

The hug you gave me yesterday was our final hug. I'll never feel you again. I'll never talk to you again. It's over. I'm going to be strong enough to say that even though I'm not okay right now. I will be okay eventually. Each day will better. I will not allow you to get the better of me anymore. I'm not going to allow stupid things to remind me of you. I'm moving out soon and my life will change.

 

I will still miss you no doubt. But I'm done wishing for you and I'm sure as hell done waiting for you too.

[Dontfindme]

Sometimes, it feels like everything is okay - not great, but okay.

 

And then out of nowhere, I'm reminded once more of:

Those warm nights out in Miami, freezing in Orlando - dirty greyhound bus seats, shopping for souvenirs, Brooklyn Nets games, Connecticut Muffin, riding our stupid bikes, trying to discover new paths, beer pong - you were so good, but so was I-, Thai food - our extra spicy orders that they had memorized, all the "work from home" days. I can't go any further lest this knot in my throat turn to tears; there's so much more that you let go, and somehow you're fine.

 

I am not fine tonight. Why can't I delete our photos from vacation, or any of our photos at all? I don't look at them anymore, but one slipped up - and now this.

 

Why did you call me a week or so ago? Was it just to warn me that I was misinformed about you? Why do you care what others tell me about you? Is it because you're too proud? You didn't want me to think that you were asking around about me, after YOU broke up with ME.

 

I want to be free.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I couldn't stop myself from thinking about you and whatsherface that you left me for last year this morning. You were seeing her the whole time even up until we broke up in September weren't you? That's why your roommate had to ask me what my name was even after he had met me before. That right there showed me that either you had more than one woman or that I was the one you never talked about. I know for a fact that you talked about whatsherface to your one coworker because I overheard you. And this was months after you apparently cut contact with her. Wow. This really just hit me. Was I a secret and she the official gf in the eyes of your buddies?! So, what, you leave me for her, you come back saying that you were never with her when in fact she's your actual gf, I take you back and end up being the piece on the side even though we had lived together for 4 years at that point before you left?? I feel sick. Why am I never good enough...

[Jet Lag]

After 3 and a half years of pining for you and wishing every day that you were back with me

 

Will there ever be a day when I won't want you back? I wish you knew about the beautiful Italian - 17 years my junior - and felt jealous but you'd probably just be glad I'd 'moved on'.

 

Oh Jingle I so feel for you...and I am so scared this will be me in three years time.

[Jet Lag]

Hey

 

I did a personality test last night. I am INFP. INFPs dream of the perfect relationship, forming an image of this pedestalled ideal that is their soul mate, playing and replaying scenarios in their heads of how things will be.

 

That is obviously hard, impossible to live up to. I'm guessing this is what you meant by you are not good enough for me. That you feel I have expectations you can't meet.

 

However, compromise, understanding and effort are qualities INFPs are known for.

 

I would have worked and worked to accept you for who you were rather than wanting you to be the best person you could.

 

I really believe that wanting was for you and not me.

[Day.One]

It's midnight and I'm unable to get to sleep again. The pain I am feeling over losing you is tearing me up inside. I can't stop running through all the 'what ifs' and 'should have dones' that led to this point. But all too little, too late.

 

I've managed to stay strong, keep a positive outlook, work on myself, and try so hard to move forward. But I'm running out of the energy to keep going. My motivation has gone. All I'm able to do is think about you. Hoping that you're OK, that you're coping, that you're finding the happiness you said you were leaving to find.

 

I so desperately want you to be happy. You deserve to finally have that. I know that your decision to leave wasn't an overnight one. That you must have been wanting to do so for years. Neither of us were happy anymore, but we both got trapped in a downward spiral of misery. I'm glad you had the courage to break free. It was the right choice, for both of us. We need time to heal, to work on ourselves, and to move on with our lives.

 

Please understand that this is not a "please come back" letter. If you showed up tomorrow with your bags, I'd say no.

 

Not because I don't want us to be together again (and in my heart I don't know that will happen), but because I know it would be a bad idea. After so many years of hurting each other and causing so much pain, a month apart would not be enough time to heal the wounds and hearts we have both had broken. 12 months may not even be enough. And I don't hold onto any false hope that you and I will even be together again. I'm not even sure, at this time, if we should. Unless we both manage to change, find ourselves individually, and learn to love ourselves again, I fear that we will remain too toxic to successfully try again, or to love each other.

 

Although I'm starting to work on me, and have already seen changes, it'll be a long time before I'm beyond who I was, and become someone I can finally be proud of. And I need to accomplish that first, to be happy with me and who I am, before I will allow myself to be in a relationship. Either with you, or if it comes to it, anyone else.

 

I appreciate that these are 'just words', probably the same things you've heard too many times, for too many years. And I can understand that. It can easily be seen as that. I've said similar things too often, but without changing. But I think that's because I've only tried to change for us. Then gotten frustrated that WE'RE not changing and just gone back to a default behaviour.

 

But I've realised it's not about changing for the sake of us, it's about changing for the sake of me. I have to strip everything away from me. To pull it down, find out who is behind ME, resolve my own issues instead of trying to resolve ours, and begin to see me. No matter what I find (and I've already found a pile of things that I've been hiding and been afraid of for too long) and address and overcome them.

 

 

Also, please understand that this is not a "hey, lookit me! I've changed. It's all good now" letter. I've barely scratched the surface. There's still a lot of anger (held over from where we were when we were together), frustration (from knowing there's no easy way for me to fix myself and knowing that I should have done it differently), loneliness (because I'm still not liking the person I have to live with, and there's no one else around me), and fear (that won't be an us anymore, and you'll find someone else, or have already)

 

All these I will have to deal with over the coming months, but I've made a promise to myself to face these emotions, these fears, these demons and overcome them.

 

I can't be who I am anymore. I don't like that person, and I can see why you stopped being able to love that person. I have the rest of my life ahead of me, I have to be able to spend it with someone I like and love. Myself.

[RoseHeart]

I'm missing you a lot today. Day 3. But I have resisted to look you up and I'm not going to stop. I'm only going to get stronger. I clearly meant nothing to you. Ever. If I did you wouldn't have let go of me that easily and just abandoned me without a care. At this point I'm still angry and wish that you'll get hurt the same way I do. I want you to know what it feels like to love someone with all your heart and to have them rip it up like you did. I want them to also flat out ignore you, reject you and worse... make you feel like **** for one mistake. Right now I can't wish happiness onto your life. I don't think you've ever felt this kind of hurt like I do cause you know you're attractive and can get almost any girl. You know that you have a charm and that love will always be easy for people like you.

 

I'll reach a point where I can forgive you but not today. Probably not tomorrow either. I still think you are wrong and lied to me. No matter how much you tried to put the blame on me and make me feel bad for something, the truth is you messed up. You are the one who changed. Not me. You could have treated me a ton better too. That's for sure.

[lostsoul6486]

Today's been a really up and down day. There are times where I feel strong, but there are also times like right now where you enter my thoughts and I can't seem to get you out. I think of you with your new partner doing all of the things we used to do and it hurts. It's times like these where I now snap myself out of it. I'm not the doormat I used to be.

 

I wish I could say that I hope for the best for you but the truth is that I don't. What I really hope is that your new relationship falls apart like I know that it will. You're a liar and a cheat. Your relationship is going to be smooth sailing for a few months and then the problems will begin just like they did with me. The lies and the bull**** will surface eventually. I hope the guy you're with has more self respect than I used to have and leaves your ass as soon as he sees the smoke. I let my love for you blind me from your blatant lies. That's a mistake I will never make again.

 

I used to feel pain because I would be pining for you. I would be hoping for a call or a text so that I could get you back. Now when I hurt, I hurt because of all of the lies you told me. Now I hope for a call or text from you not so that I could take you back but so that I could reject you like you have rejected me. It sounds ****ed up, but it's the God's honest truth. I hate to say it, but this is what I've become. I liked myself better when I was carefree and loving, but now I'm just cold hearted and jaded. I could only hope that it's temporary, but if it's not, this is what you have made me.

Edited October 23, 2014 by lostsoul6486