Post here instead of contacting your ex!

September 30, 2014

Alright ex, pros and cons time. Someone told me writing out the pros and cons might help me to see our RS in a realistic light instead of a rose-coloured glasses one.

Pros:

-You were a good listener.

-You didn't judge me for my weird sense of humor. Much.

-You were emotionally stable which balanced out my crazy.

-You were the first man I ever felt a real connection with and shared all of my innermost thoughts with.

Cons:

-Yeah, you are a good listener but not a good talker. Sometimes I wonder if I actually really knew you at all.

-You'd laugh at my ridiculousness but our senses of humor didn't mesh up all the time. Things that I found hilarious you would give me the eyebrow and shake your head. Things that you found hilarious, I found immature and stupid.

-Yes, you are emotionally stable but now that I think on it I think it's more that you are emotionally closed off. You were always so afraid of making yourself vulnerable to anyone that I don't think you ever really let anyone in. Which brings me to my next point...

-You're emotionally unavailable. I don't know who hurt you in the past, but you can't build a wall around yourself like you have. You will never be happy or make a good woman happy if you don't let them in. Who knows, maybe this other woman will be the one to break it down. B****.

-You are a chronic liar. Right from the start of our RS you told me some pretty epic lies. I should have left you after I found out the first one. God that would have saved me the better portion of my early 20's and all this bs I'm going through now.

-You are a cheater. You left me a year or so ago for this same woman I'm 98% sure you're with now. Again. Still? Did you actually ever stop seeing her? How could you date two women at the same time for over a year?? I'm sure there's been more. Guys in your line of work are not known for their fidelity. Case in point the whole shenanigans that happened with you, me, and your ex wife. Bastard.

-We NEVER did anything together. Plus side, there's no places that bring up memories of you.

-I wanted to get married one day. You didn't. At least not to me. Would've been good to know that a whole lot earlier. Thanks for that.

-Your friends didn't even know about me for the last 2 years.

-You stole from me.

-You hit me. Granted, things got pretty heated and I possibly deserved it on some level, but still. Not cool.

-You were never around. We went from seeing each other every day and living together to seeing each other once a month for a day or two and living in places that were hours apart.

-I was never a priority. Your job always comes first. I get it, that's your livelihood. But your job also comes before your kids too. I don't even think I rated in the top 5 on your list of important things. Hell, drinking with your buddies was always more important than me too.

Well. Looking back on that list, I'm kinda starting to think that I perhaps dodged a bullet on you. I think my next list may be what you lost when you left me.

September 30, 2014

We broke up and I went into NC eventually you wanted me back.

I could not do it. You left me for another woman.

Yesterday you email me to say you are moving away.

I'm so sad. Don't know why cus I know I can't ever have you back as I know you would do it again

You appear happy now with another new woman whom you are moving to be with.

We got married 10 weeks later you were off with another woman.

Oh hell what an utter mess.

I love you still and always will, which is what makes this even harder.

I had to give you up even when you begged me to take you back.

The loss is all mine

It's a tough time

Just the divorce to go then we will need no more contact

All the good memories come tumbling back

I love you, you stupid stupid you

September 30, 2014

First of all, let me say this board was the best thing invented since sliced bread

I will start off by saying to my ex:

I forgive you. You will not hurt me or cross my mind anymore. I will not let you anywhere near my heart and you will never be able to damage me again. I am better off without you and I will be happy, happier than you will ever be, because I have a conscience and I have compassion and care for other human beings unlike yourself. I don't wish any karma or harm because I really don't care either way. I am taking myself away from this situation and never looking back. You never deserved me but I think you and I both know that.

I deserve someone with substance, someone with heart, someone who cares, someone with depth... not someone who tweets "I don't trust these hoes, I'm just smashing these hoes" right after I write you a million paragraphs in text form confessing how much I care and asking what you want from me and begging you to stop toying with my heart. In my mind, I know you're nothing but a little boy who has no clue what life is all about.

I blocked you from everything. I blocked you from Facebook, Twitter, I even blocked your number from my IPhone because I will not let you even get a chance to try to manipulate me ever again.

I feel free. I feel good. It may hurt now, but I know months from now I will look back at this and laugh because it was stupid for me to ever have any feelings toward a human being like yourself who never deserved a woman like me.

Lots of love,

Me

September 30, 2014

J,

I was going to write something meaningful -- for me anyway -- but what the heck.

October 1, 2014

so glad we are not together anymore because I can actually am able to deal with the normal stressors in my life much better...now that i dont have him around to put me down about my situation...so much easier

October 1, 2014

Well, you've been gone over a week now. I hope things are working out for you and that you have begun to work on finding the happiness you said you no longer had with me.

Much as I didn't want to see you go, I didn't beg or cry or even ask you to stay. You seemed so determined that this was the only way for you, that you needed your space.

Now you have it, I hope it works for you. I hope you find what you are looking for.

For myself, I've decided to use our separation to work on myself. Not for us, for me. You know that I've not been happy either, not for a long time. But instead of moping around, wallowing in self pity and remorse, I've chosen to move forward. To take myself apart, find the problems I have within myself and build myself back together. A better person, a stronger person. Someone who can look in the mirror and not feel ashamed. Not feel like a fake, standing strong. Not be pushed around by others, including you and the boys.

You may not like who I am at the other end of this journey. But that's a result I'm willing to accept. You didn't like me as I am now. But you also didn't respect me either, and that is no longer acceptable.

I can't and won't lay down and be what everyone else wants me to be, I haven't been true to myself.

You all say I'm an 'angry' guy, a bully, controlling. But more and more, even before you left, I've felt this persona has been projected from my frustration at being something I'm not, someone I'm not. If anything the person I became was from being bullied and pushed around by those I should love and trust. Literally in some instances.

So I'm moving on.

I only hope you are too. I want you to be happy, even if it's no longer with me. But I also hope that you seek help, as I am, in finding what you are searching for. And I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

May our paths meet again one day.

October 1, 2014

My heart aches for you. Over 3 years on, I so want to get over you but, in reality, I just want you back. I wish I didn't but I long to be back in your arms. I can't bear the fact someone else is (so far as I know) and you look at them in the same special way you saved for me. There is no-one else for me, the last 3 years have proved that.

October 2, 2014

Well, I made it through this crappy day and didn't message you. Man it's hard to do though when I have so many things I want to tell you. Something happened yesterday and I wanted to talk to you so bad...but I didn't. I know talking to you will accomplish nothing besides going straight back to square one.

At some point I know I'll hear from you. I still have your things. I wonder if you even remember or if your having such a great time that it doesn't even cross your mind. Well bucko, it's on my mind all the time. They're all packed up ready to go and I'm considering just sending them on the greyhound to the depot in your town and you can pick them up when you feel like it. Nice, clean, and neat with the added bonus of me not having to see you. I don't want to look in your eyes and see an uncaring stranger. Or see your happiness at not being with me and with someone else.

I wonder if you think of me sometimes. There's times when it's like I can almost feel you thinking about me. Impossible, and most likely incredibly delusional, but in a weird way it gives me comfort. In reality, I probably don't even cross your mind. I wonder if it bothers you that you haven't heard from me either? I guess it really doesn't matter anymore.

Well, today was a bad one for me but it's almost over and there's always the possibility that tomorrow will be better.

October 2, 2014

Enough is enough, using this anger to propel me forward. I'm committed, now I am!

Forward is the only way to go.

October 2, 2014

had a good day overall. sitting at home now and feeling down....wanting to call him....crying like wtf... need to distract myself...it getting close to a month of NC wishing he would call...I know hes a jerk.....he gave me a dear john text and then two other ones later- what a coward and a dick...communication was always non existant- his emotional anger when he felt vulnerable was aweful...sometimes writing out my feelings puts things back in perspective...

October 2, 2014

It was by bday on Monday, and I didnt hear a thing from you...I guess I just wanted to feel important still and was hoping to hear because then I would think maybe we can reconcile but now I see that is far from the truth. you suck

October 2, 2014

It been 7 months since you left to go overseas to your new job, didn't think in a million years I would never see you again.... The dogs are missing you so much, every car that pulls up they are at the door, every person that comes to the door they are there... I found some of your clothes in the spare room today and Alfie dragged your jumper into his bed, I almost cried. I know how he feels I could still smell you on the jumper.... I miss you so much

October 3, 2014

I have dreamt about you every night for nearly a week now. I hate that.

I hate that I got drunk and sent you a GD email two nights ago saying "hope all is well" with a GD link to a song attached...after an entire week of resisting the urge to contact you. Damn my drunken stoopers!

Why did you respond when I asked you not too?? Why do you ever contact me at all?? And why did you say that I really hurt you last week when I told you goodbye? Why do you ****ing care??? You're so full of ****. I don't believe anything you say. Don't you get that???? How can you not??

October 3, 2014

Hey Hunz. I was thinking about you a lot today. I guess I like torturing myself sometimes, but I really do wonder if you're okay and if you've moved on. Sometimes the only thing that brings me joy is knowing you're still alive. I hope you can love and trust again. I want you to be happy, but I wish you weren't still so angry with me. I wish you still had some respect for me. I truly am remorseful. Anyways, I hope you're doing well in life. You will go so far in life. Love, Sweets.

P.S. I looked at our last pictures together again. Of course a tear came to my eyes. I really screwed up our relationship didn't I? Well, thanks for being a wonderful friend and man in my life for those 7 years. I envy the next one.

October 3, 2014

I miss you today. I finally found a job and I'm super excited to start but the only thing I could think of after finding out I got it was wanting to spam you with excited texts.

I still can't believe you haven't reached out...

October 3, 2014

I can't believe what I found out. I feel so emotionally betrayed

You are a low life, sad and pathetic being who is not self aware and emotionally retarded.

I finally had the guts to delete you from all my social media. Should have done it months ago when we broke up.

I hope you have a good life. (not)

I am done.

And I don't need the breadcrumbs you sent. Feeling uneasy already, he? That's what happens when you chase illusions and don't do the real work to achieve wholeness with someone who loves you and is soul mate material.

Your loss, idiot. Loser. Moving on for real now. Should have months ago.

October 3, 2014

I'll come on here and post everyday instead of contacting my ex if I have to!

I refuse to contact him.

Thoughts:

Today is Friday... the day I dread the most... the one day that always hits me since our break up... I always wonder where you are and what you're doing and who you're with and how much fun you're having. I think about the weekends we spent together and how much beautiful fun we have, and then it sinks to my stomach.

But then I think of all the bad and all the reasons I shouldn't contact you. For one, you would just ignore me and find humor in it. 2, you're just not a nice person.

I know you don't deserve my attention and affection and I will do everything in my power to stay away from you, because I love myself enough to know it's not right and I deserve better.

I know there's nights you think about me and miss me too... You're just too young and immature to truly love anyone.

I know there's going to be nights when you call me or try to contact me... but I know when you do that, it's always temporary and that's why I shouldn't reply.

You contact me wanting to work things out, then disappear and act more distant than ever, after I do nothing to you but agree that I want to work things out also. I don't know what's going on in your head, but the key to my moving on is to not analyze you, as I will never understand, and in the end, it truly doesn't even matter. You have treated me like a horrible yo-yo, like you can come around whenever you want, and spit me back out whenever you want, all the while laughing.

I miss the vulnerable, nice, sweet guy that held my hand and kissed me every 5 seconds, told me how beautiful I was, and showed me the whole city of Boston when we first met, and I used to make fun of you and call you the "duck boat guy" because you showed me around like a tourist, holding my hand, both of us smiling, it was beautiful and I will never forget those times. The way you made me feel was amazing, and I would do anything to get it back. But I know it's impossible. I don't even think that guy was truly you.

It's almost like I'm mourning someone. Someone that may have never existed. Some nights are easier than others, while some are very hard. I start to overthink and contemplate everything and wonder if I did anything wrong along the way.

I tried so hard to get you back. I spent four months of feeling like a yo-yo, hoping the guy who I met would reappear... and he never did. You only got worse and less compassionate as time went on.

Maybe its my fault... I let you get away with treating me in such a way and I should have never let you. But I felt as if it was my way of giving back to you since you thought I cheated on you (which I never did) but you were so dead set on the idea that I felt as if I owed you something, and in return I went through so much hell for your affection.

Your insecurity has only ruined us. We could have been something beautiful. But your insecurity and ego are horrible. You are a huge contradiction. You treat me as if I'm just another h*e that you got involved with, and I treated you like a wonderful man. I don't regret it, because I was true to myself. I would never treat anyone like ****. I just learned a big lesson.

When someone says something is over, I learned I should just let it go and not keep begging for them to stay. I learned thats the worst thing I can do with anyone. I will never do that again... and instead, I will walk away with pride, if it ever happens again.

I plan to change myself into a better person with better morals and values and I plan to become more choosey with who I date, because with self worth, I know I deserve much more. Next time around, I'm going to date someone who would never play with my heart, no matter how hurt he may feel, he will never want to hurt me or go out of his way to make my life a living hell.

I'm focused on myself in hopes that things will get much better for me. I'm not focused on finding someone else. For once in my life, I'm focused on being happy ALONE. and it's something I need to conquer.

I forgive you for all youve done. Unfortunately, I still care. But I would never tell you that or ever contact you, and I will not reply if you contact me. Because I know the reprecussions. I gave you about 10 chances of you telling me you wanted to work things out, and you disappearing on me. I can't make myself look like a fool and do that again.

It's over and done with, and we are in the past. I am working past letting go of all the memories I have with you and focusing on how you treated me at the end. No one deserves to be treated how you treated me and have been treating me. And I very well know I don't deserve it, especially after all the hell I went through for you.

I'm slowly closing the book although it's taking longer than I imagined it would. It's like halfway closed and I'm working on the other half.

I know if I stay around family, friends, and people who love me I will be okay and I will learn to love again in the future. And next time, it will be reciprocated. And it will be amazing. And I can't wait for that day.

October 3, 2014

After 5 years with you on a LDR, you left me for someone else without giving one explanation, I will never understand how you could do this to me, I thought you were one of a kind, an angel.

But what can I do ? I saw you today with him, you broke every inch of my heart with that i congratulate you for doing that to me, I will never forgive you for this, as I dont believe in karma, I really hope you do well and be happy, I will always think of you as the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I hope I'll be happy someday though its harder than ever before

October 4, 2014

Curiosity killed the cat!!

October 4, 2014

Its starting to turn cold and gloomy here, its raining today and of course Saturday and on a day like this we would be at home snuggling on the sofa and watching funny movies.... im feeling so lonely and abandoned today, Ive tried to keep busy and tried so hard not to think of you but its so hard.

I just want this hurt to stop, I dont wont to wake up every morning thinking of you and knowing that you will occupy my mind for the rest of the day and knowing im going to have bursts of crying, sobbing and feeling low and not being able to do anything all day.

I just wanted to put things right between us.

October 4, 2014

I don't know why you won't talk to me. I don't know why you can't be honest and tell me what you're feeling, and that you chose to end things by initiating complete silence. It makes me feel like I am worthless. You've probably already replaced me, and you just can't admit it. But I could never replace you. The feelings I had with you are feelings I've never had before, and I'm not afraid to admit that.

I know it's useless, but all I can think is.. would circumstances be different if I tried harder? Of course, at the time, I thought I was trying the hardest I could. But I can't help but wonder if I skipped a week's worth of classes like you asked me to and I came to visit on your birthday.. would we still be together? I bought you an expensive present since I felt so guilty for choosing classes over you, but now it's sitting on the floor of my room and you'll never see it.

This is just so hard. Every memory I made in the past 5 months have been with you. Half of my furniture reminds me of you, for god's sakes, because you were the one who took me to Ikea to buy it. You treated me so perfectly and now you treat me like I don't exist. When I go back home I will see you everywhere and I just know that I will break down crying, since everything that reminds me of you instantly brings me to tears...

I have too much more to say. I can't even explain this pain. I don't know what to do. Please talk to me again.

October 4, 2014

Be safe and happy. Always be kind to yourself. And never give up.

October 4, 2014

so sad today, really struggling. Funny I was happy when I started to put you out of my life, then I was sad and angry when you still refused to let the two other important women in your life that you were in a relationship,Then refriending her on FB again after dinner.so I stopped all contact. Then your text to break up just gave me affirmation of what I already knew. You are a coward, you could never have a logical discussion about our relationship, it was always highly emotionally and childlike in the sense that you would be insultive and yelling and hurtful. Then to text me about being done. You didn't have the respect for me as a person or care enough to do it in person. Then text me after a brief exchange of items compliment me, offer your help wtF? You never completed me in the last 8 months of the so called relationship...wishing me all the best I learned a lot. The universe gave me all the signs and I always pushed them away, no more great lesson learned,

October 5, 2014

Today I had a decent day, you belong in the past. I learned from my mistakes which means I learned from you.

October 5, 2014

I miss you Meatball, I wish things could have been different...I miss you so much.

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