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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


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Posted

Dear Jackass,

 

Don't hold your breath waiting for me to respond to last week's email. I can't tell you how sweet it felt to wake up that morning and see your name in my inbox. All I could think was "Ha! It's here after four weeks of NC. Called it." But yea, I won't be needing your breadcrumbs, thank you. I know you're lonely. I get that you're abroad and you're starting to see your rebound for the sad downgrade she really is, but oh man you made some poor decisions and you're gonna have to live with them.

 

I can't wait to strut my stuff around campus when we get back, while you have to Skype with that unfortunate face. Though I don't blame you for not being able to do better--I just wonder why the hell you wanted to run into another relationship instead of enjoying freedom. Hmm. Guess I won't be dwelling on that.

 

Ciao,

Your (apparently superficial when anonymous) ex

  • Like 1
Posted
So true. So very true. I remember when I was in contact I would lay my feelings bare. I could practically feel my ex over the phone rolling his eyes. In our last conversation' date=' I told him I was haunted by how things ended. He was like, "You a good person. Real talk I hope God brings you some peace with that." Then there was good-bye. I was acting like we were still in a relationship as if he would go, "Oh baby I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could be there to hold you." Nope. Lesson learned. Never get vulnerable with an ex.[/quote']

 

As hard as it is to pound that concept in to our thoughts, we often don't but it's the only insulation reliable enough for protecting us emotionally, when we do stupid things.

 

Like, when we wake up one day, and decide that we are going to be honest with our ex, like it'a a penance that we have to carry out, given to us to erase away our past mistakes. Start clean, equal, same playing field.

 

We make contact with our ex, then march our desperation in front of them, like a parade in the street, we walk, in cadence, hoping to reveal something new about something old, that they already know about us.

 

Never once asking ourselves one important question before continuing on to our quest. Do they even care? Doesn't matter. We go on and trick ourselves in to believing that our ex will be standing there, gleefully cheering us on, throwing bags of confetti in our direction, to acknowledge, what.........that, ....yep, we are still, the same wounded soul that they left months ago.

 

What have we done, really? What we have done is this, and this only, we have successfully blown off any shred of common sense, let the delusional side in our mind, rear its ugly head, then allowed it to dictate what our next move should be, for reaching out to our ex, waiting, waiting for it....closure.

 

We have blindly reacted to an emotional desire to make contact with him or her. We have randomly plucked, out of thin air, like a scene from a really bad Lifetime movie, the idea that suddenly, our ex, has now, through some kind of osmosis, I guess, given us the signal, that it's okay and worth the risk, to repeat to our ex, once again, exactly how much we are still suffering.

 

Note to self: never, ever, show my hand, unless of course, I won't mind being totally humiliated by my own actions. Hmmm, no thanks.

Pass!

  • Like 1
Posted

Why the hell are you comparing me to your father? I am not him. Im not bipolar. I never hurt you. I never will hurt you. You did everything to me, you were afraid I'd do to you. It's bull****. I loved you with every ounce of my being. I gave you everything. I put you before myself. I tried to make you happy on a daily basis. Why didn't you appreciate that? You're friends said I was amazing and I believe them. We never fought. We always laughed. We get separated for 3 months and you cant keep contact up. It's complete bull****. You didn't try. You're not going to find what you're looking for. No one else would put up with your insecurities and poor treatment and if they do, I pity them.

 

...Yet despite that I still love you. I always will love you. You were my first everything and I wish you would just talk to me or your friends back here in the states.

Posted

Haven't thought about you as much lately as in the beginning. Almost 3 months since breakup -- it's about time I forget you.

 

No one interests me, and that makes me sad as it's harder to completely erase you from my mind.

 

I got home so tired from work today and accidentally bumped into this years pictures folders. Oh my. I knew I should not look into it, but it was hard not to. I saw many pictures of our encounters. They are a little weird. I don't even think we look happy in the last 1-2 months together. It's so clear how everything was walking to doom and to this day it's hard to tell why. Really why.

 

I won't be magnanimous here, I hope it's being hard for you as it is for me. You don't deserve not to be caring while I'm here, sad.

 

I should not have initiated the drama of wanting to break up that led to our final breakup. I should have just gotten my mind off you and dated others. I was stupid because my heart was with you and I could not do it. My therapist was right, I should have.

 

It's gonna be okay. You're less and less on my mind. Soon you won't be.

Posted

Your coming back today. I sincerely wish you have a safe trip. I know how planes make you anxious. Im praying for safe travels. Please give me that call you promised in June. I just want to actually talk and not over facebook or whatsapp. I want to hear your voice.

Posted

Hey stupid dove, I felt really angry and hopeless today, angry about the fact that I can't change things between us, and hopeless when thinking about you, missing you, and feeling that I can never find another person who I love and be loved that much. So damn stupid.....

Posted

It's been 4 months since you left and 3 weeks of NC... I'm still hoping I'll hear from you, I'm still hoping you care. It's so painful to think that you probably don't and that you are moving on already. Or have moved on. I feel like time stood still for me the day you ended it. All I've wanted is to try again, is for you to feel the feelings you used to.

 

I still blame myself. I still cry for you everyday. I wish we'd talked more. I wish I hadn't taken you for granted. I want you to tell me you miss me. I wish we could hang out like we used to and have fun - I wish you wanted that. I'm still hurting so much - I know it'll end, and when it does I hope you want me back.

Posted

I don't hate you but I do pity you.

 

You led me on for god knows how long. You told me you loved me but I know the truth. You said you were emotionally checked out of the relationship and two weeks later you still didn't have the guts to tell me. So who's the emotionally immature one now? Not me.

 

My heart was yours and I gave you nothing but love. Sure I was a bit of a difficult person sometimes but when you grow up thinking that's normal then how can you blame me?

 

I tried fixing myself as you said you'd leave me otherwise. You said you'd stick by me no matter what but looks like you gave up. Ironic considering you're training to become a social worker.

 

I'd take you back in a heartbeat but I know things wouldn't change. You're too selfish to care for anyone but yourself.

 

Oh and by the way I have always thought your feet were ugly and you need to cut your toenails as I have SCARS from the stabbing.

Posted

My Saints are beating your Colts :p

 

How you think your team look overall from the preseason?

Posted

The new Sinead O'Connor song makes sense, I shouldn't have staked your facebook for the first time since we broke up.

 

"I've seen some things I wish I'd never seen"...

 

I wish:

 

"Don't ever let me go again

Lock the door, and hold me close and say my name

Don't ever let me go again

Lock the door, and hold me close and say my name

Don't ever let me go again

Lock the door, and hold me close and say my name

Don't ever let me go again

 

Take me, make a fool of me all night

Take me, make a fool of me any way you like

Because you make me feel so nice

You make me feel alright"

 

:(

Posted

I'm sad but somehow happy to realize you haven't changed a bit after 4 years. It's a shame because you said so, you said that you've changed and won't do the same to me. I was insecure about taking you back but i did.

 

I'm glad that i realize that now, because i was going to propose you and even marry you. But you did it again, you hung out and stuff with another male, not me. Not me!

I may not be perfect but neither you are. I deserve someone much better that will love me no matter what and won't lie to me. Funny how you never believed in me and always said that i was seeing someone else besides you or i will do it in the future. I never gave you doubts that i did and in fact i even avoided to chat with girls because i loved you.

And in the end you are the one seeing someone else.

I don't hate you. All i have for you is love and respect. I love you because you made me realize i deserve someone better.

 

Shame on me i wasted so much time to realize it myself...

Posted

I still think about you quite often...more often then I would like.

I keep expecting to walk out and find you standing at my car...maybe hoping is a more appropriate word.

 

I'm not sure what I would say or do if it ever actually happened. Guess it's better not to find out.

 

It's still hard to believe that's it's really over this time. I spent so long believing that it would never really be over--so often we found our way back to one another.

 

I guess that's all I wanted to say...

 

 

 

I'm thinking about you today.

Posted

Just reliazed that there's not a single day that I don't think about you, like there was not a single day that we did not communicate with each other when we were still together, despite the distance of almost half the globe. Miss you today, still, my dovie. Really really miss you. Just a hug now would melt me.

Posted

I'm terrified of you. Not because you're a scary person, but because you have the power to hurt me so much. I've never dared to love someone the way I love you before. I've always been so frightened of being rejected or abandoned, so I built all these walls. Then I took a leap of faith with you, and the thing I feared the most happened. I survived, though. I'm still here. I'm doing ok most of the time. But you scare me, and I can't get around that. I'm scared of running into you and bursting into tears or throwing up. Even the mention of your name or seeing someone you know makes me feel sick to my stomach. I wish I could move to another city and never have to worry about seeing you again.

  • Like 1
Posted

I have been through all of this in my head a million times. I just can't stop missing you and thinking about you and the kids. I know that you didn't want me and don't. How could we possibly get back together after everything that has happened. I don't think I could look at you the same way knowing how many guys you have been with since we broke up and even when we were together. I just loved you so much and still do. I am broken and I don't know how to fix myself or get over this or just move on. You were everything I wanted and I hate that I can't have it back. I wish we had just taken a break but that wasn't really possible. I miss you like crazy all day everyday and its driving me insane. What do I do?

Posted

Today was the first day in a while where I thought about you for longer than a passing thought. I know I am on the brink of being over it but days like this make me feel bad all over again.

 

I admit I miss you but I'm actually terrified to see you and acknowledge the shift of things. I will probably see you this Saturday and I will try my best not to give a crap. After all, you don't deserve any of my attention. You never did.

 

I can't wait for work to start next week so I can dive into teaching and distract myself even more.

Posted

You gave me so many reasons for why you left me but I still can't believe or accept it and I still feel like I don't understand why because all I can think of are the good aspects of our relationship and it doesn't make sense to me. Your actions were not clear in the end, you were the one who asked me out, asked me to be your girlfriend and stuck around all that time. You chose to be with me, yet somehow it's all my fault that you don't love me. I just miss you so much every day and I wish we could have worked it out.

Posted

You should really watch what you say to people. I know we all say hurtful things in anger, but some things you told me have really done a psychological number on me. It's bad enough my self esteem took a dive after being dumped, but you further damaged it by stating that I'm ungodly and that God didn't want you to marry me. I can't determine if you're hiding behind God or your own beliefs. You know how evil that makes me feel? Because the conclusion is that I'm evil if God doesn't want you with me.

 

You pretty much tampered any relationship I was trying to establish with a higher power. I'm actually trying to see if there is something greater out there, and you tell me this greater being showed you that I am not good enough for you??? Maybe this is all for the best because if I had to look forward to more of this nuttery in the future, then I would lose myself.

 

 

We would've made some cute babies though :o

Posted

It's been 2 months and I really felt good yesterday, even caught myself smiling most of the time, enjoyed a challenging day at work, solved some issues and was feeling more lighthearted and optimistic than I can remember in weeks. So much so I thought to myself wow this is progress - there is light at the end of the tunnel

 

Then what ???

 

During the night you gatecrashed my dream, you crept up and surprised me again when I wasn't even awake. Well it woke me up and I cried for the first time in days. It's the first time you've been in my dreams since our BU and I hope it's the last time as well.

 

Go figure my best day in weeks and then you suddenly pop up again - Why? I want to be free of you - so please just **** off and stay out of my head

Posted

Hey you. I saw you from afar and I didn't feel much. You were someone familiar but yet a stranger to me. I didn't cry afterwards.

 

I just went back to my life. Onwards and upwards

  • Like 1
Posted

Okay guys so its been a bout a month going on two months BU and mind u guys last week she sent me like several messages basically saying she misses me and misses us and loves me I didn't answer then the next day she called to see if blocked her then sent a message saying she wants things to work out but now isn't the right time because of all our problems this happens literally 5 days ago then today my friends asked me if I had contacted her recently because then they sent me a picture of a guy she bee talking to after our breakup in her bed and they thought it was me a little upset I was about it but at the same time I'm not bothered much by it but the funny thing is 2 days after she text me with all of that I miss you stuff she deleted me off Facebook but added me back on Snapchat and been looking all in my stories its like she is trying to not let me find out about them still talking which she single she can do what she wants and then I see something talking about "it feels good to be around people who appreciate you its okay to let go of toxic pople" so I guess the question is what is this that she tryna pull?

Posted

When your kids mum died i took you all on as my own - i loved you - i loved them. I worked so damn hard for you all as you did too but i am the one whose back is broken now - me - the woman you claimed you would love forever - me - im out in this friggen world with a back so smashed i cant ever work again and you sit on our huge income like you are some damn king. You have me out in this world on a disabled pension. What was the damn point to any of it - to all the love i gave you all - the kids have sided with you as they should and now i am broken in this world alone. I can't lift a box - i cant do my own damn shopping - i am a nothing to you and you could care less what i am experiencing. Or does the guilt of your actions eat at you. I hope having sex with that woman is worth the agony i live each day - i hope she was worth what you did. When i needed you most - you really let me down. Your world didnt change arsehole - mine did. The woman who loved you without question - who stood by your kids without question. You are a POS

Posted

I have to let go of you. This is my life, and there's no room in it for you anymore.

  • Like 1
Posted

A co-worker asked me about you today...felt like a punch in the stomach.

Posted

You are starting to become utterly irrelevant as if you never existed. I don't wish you good or bad. I simply starting to develop no emotions for you. So interesting how time and much effort set forth on my behalf erase the past.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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