Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Cupid's Puppet]

Screw you. I put my heart on the line for you. I was completely honest with you. You never had the balls to be honest with me. Then you say I could never give you the love you need??? I gave up my happiness so you can eventually meet the woman of your dreams. Not many people, and there are billions, on this earth would ever sacrifice their own happiness for someone else. Your future wife would never do it. So yes, I am very capable of love at a very high degree. I didn't tell you to hurt you. I told you to free you. And for that, you throw statements at me that I could never be wife material.

 

Screw you. And screw you for deleting me out of your life after extending that fake olive branch of friendship. Now that I helped you moved on and you got everything you needed to get off your chest, you ignore me? You kept me in limbo for 2 months. I should have stuck to No Contact forever. You hate me well you will get what you wish. I will be dead to you. You won't hear a peep from me ever again. Hasta luego.

[leavesonautumn]

I miss being silly with someone and talking in baby voices and laughing because we'd joke that people would think we were crazy from our interactions.

 

I never felt weird or awkward with you. I could just be myself and we would do the funniest, dumbest most random things. I feel like I will never get that with anyone ever again

 

Forget the sex or the romance. That's what I miss. My best friend. I miss your stupid face and your stupid voice and your jokes and how affectionate you were.

[Jadedbyluv]

Have I crossed your mind at all? I hate these mornings. Why did things have to end so abruptly?

[ResilienSea]

Dammit I just wrote begging for us to be friends.

Why did I do that.

I know he's going to send a hateful email back telling me

all the ways I'm a horrible person.

 

I hate myself.

 

Why did I do that.

 

Next time, I'm writing here. Watch out.

It may be in all caps.

[ResilienSea]

Just a question for those who use this thread:

Does it help??

 

I can envision writing out my feelings and ending up sobbing uncontrollably

Whereas if I just shove those feelings deep deep inside I won't have to cry for an indeterminate amount of time

 

Does it help you to feel better?

Does it effectively take the place of writing to the person that hurt you,

I mean...do you get a sense of satisfaction, relief?

Or does it more bring up bad feelings?

[Lostdreams]

Blown away with sadness tonight......I was keeping myself busy with friends and went to the cinema but the film was partly based in Hong Kong and suddenly I went back there with you remembering our trip together - even when I'm doing everything to move on you unexpectedly creep up on me .............. it's at times like this I wish I'd never even met you

[leavesonautumn]

Just a question for those who use this thread:

Does it help??

 

I can envision writing out my feelings and ending up sobbing uncontrollably

Whereas if I just shove those feelings deep deep inside I won't have to cry for an indeterminate amount of time

 

Does it help you to feel better?

Does it effectively take the place of writing to the person that hurt you,

I mean...do you get a sense of satisfaction, relief?

Or does it more bring up bad feelings?

 

Yes but for different reasons then you might think. It helps me feel realistic about love and that my ex and I were not unique in thinking we were ultimate soulmates, no couple can compare to us, no one understands etc. It has made me feel better because I don't feel so alone and I can talk about my ex to people who aren't in my life but that's not to say it makes everyone feel better.

[edgygirl]

I bumped into my ex husband this week after 5 years. I feel a cycle was closed.

 

I wonder when our cycle will be closed.

 

I am not interested in anyone I've met lately and this feels so sad. I wish I could be thinking about someone else just a little to get my mind off you.

 

I am somewhat happy though that you don't pop up in my mind as often as before. Less and less each day. Hopefully I'll have a day soon where I don't remember you at all.

[me85]

Just a question for those who use this thread:

Does it help??

 

I can envision writing out my feelings and ending up sobbing uncontrollably

Whereas if I just shove those feelings deep deep inside I won't have to cry for an indeterminate amount of time

 

Does it help you to feel better?

Does it effectively take the place of writing to the person that hurt you,

I mean...do you get a sense of satisfaction, relief?

Or does it more bring up bad feelings?

 

It helps me a little and I really like coming to this "heartbreak hotel," knowing that everyone here is hurting the same as me. That makes me feel better. I really truly want to get over my ex and never want to hear from him or see him ever again. I'm hurting because he hurt me and I'll do whatever I have to do until these feelings subside. Even if that means posting here about what I want to tell him instead of actually telling him. We all have the urge to give our exes a piece of our minds...they don't deserve it but we still want to express it somehow. I for one, like using this thread for those reasons.

[Arient]

Just a question for those who use this thread:

Does it help??

 

I can envision writing out my feelings and ending up sobbing uncontrollably

Whereas if I just shove those feelings deep deep inside I won't have to cry for an indeterminate amount of time

 

Does it help you to feel better?

Does it effectively take the place of writing to the person that hurt you,

I mean...do you get a sense of satisfaction, relief?

Or does it more bring up bad feelings?

 

For me, it really helped, especially when you so badly want to reach out to that person to tell him/her how you feel. It's really useful in the post-breakup phase when you normally can't control your thoughts or feelings. Sure, I did cry a lot when I first joined this thread, but it really helped. (1) I can release all the emotions that I can't control, or feelings that would pile up no matter what (2) I can keep the NC rule (3) I feel like my feelings are heard and understood here.

 

However, when you approach the phase when you start to regain your self control and start to forget your ex, but not yet over him/her 100%, going here and post might backfire as it brings up stuffs that you already managed to forget. Just depends. But I think this threat is great, it's going on for this long is the biggest proof

[Ajen]

I hope one day when you least expect it I pop into your mind and you think, really think about everything I did for you. How much I supported and loved you. How I encouraged you and tried to make you see how special you were and what you could achieve. Then I want to you think about everything thing you ever did to me, all the lies you told, how many times you chose another girl over me and remember how you pretended and how many times you strung me along. I want it to hurt you, burn your heart. I want you to cry as much as I cried for you, to feel that emptiness I felt, and to think what I thought, that I would never get over it, never find someone as special as you. I hope it hurts to the point it's unbearable. I hope the new girl in your life is everything you deserve, I hope she messes and cheats on you as many times as you did to me. Now I want you to compare us. You should have given it one more try, not taken the easy option. But now its too late and your stuck with the female version of you and I barely remember your name.

 

 

You deserve everything you get.

[Agent Orange]

I really do want to know if you think about me or miss me at all but I know the only way to find out is to contact you so I guess I'll just have to wonder. I know you should be the last thing on my mind, but evidently you're still there.

 

I've been really freaked out the past few months which is making it harder and harder to keep from reaching out. Some days are easier than others. Today has been particularly hard. Weekends seem to make your absence more obvious. I think I'm still holding out for you to break down and come to your senses, so to speak. I know that's never going to happen since it would mean you'd have to admit to being wrong. I just want to hear that you miss me as much as I miss you.

[reckoned]

Just a question for those who use this thread:

Does it help??

 

I can envision writing out my feelings and ending up sobbing uncontrollably

Whereas if I just shove those feelings deep deep inside I won't have to cry for an indeterminate amount of time

 

Does it help you to feel better?

Does it effectively take the place of writing to the person that hurt you,

I mean...do you get a sense of satisfaction, relief?

Or does it more bring up bad feelings?

 

In weak moments last year, I used this thread. Wrote sappy things in earnest... A year on, struck by the ridiculousness of my verbal diarrhoea, I scratch my head and think, "Gross! Can't believe I posted that garbage on loveshack!" But it was either loveshack or the guy.

 

Besides, you can get as sappy as you like - there is little judgment, which in itself can be kinda validating. I got that here.

[Arient]

Missed you, cried yesterday. But I'm still feeling better days by days. Wonder how you're doing these days, my dovie dove. Hug you in my mind. Wish the best things for you and grandparents!

[dumbass2]

I looked into a singles meet up today for outdoor hiking and events. I thought of you. You enjoyed waterfalls and the outdoors. That wasn't really my thing. I wanted to try and do more of the things you loved. I didn't get the chance our time together was too short. I should have made it a priority. I should have showed more that I loved you. I told you I did, but I didn't know how to show it very well. you had high expectations and if they weren't meant, in your eyes I couldn't be in love with you. I wish i had finished reading your favorite book that you gave me. I wish I could have talked to you about it when I was done. I wish I would have surprised you more. It really eats at me that I didn't know during our time together, how to really show you I loved you. When I kissed you softly, that was me loving you with my heart. When I held your hand that was me loving you with my heart. When I told you you were as beautiful waking up in the morning as you were all dolled up the previous night, that was me loving you with my heart. When we snuggled after sex and I held you on my chest, that was me loving you. When I talked to you about how your work was or your kids, that was me caring and loving you.

 

I have always been a single guy. It was a learning experience for me to share my life with one woman. I wasn't stuck in my ways, but I was used to them and willing to get out of my old habits. You didn't talk to me. You didn't communicate your feelings. I couldn't read your mind. I know you didn't want to change who I was, but people can change habits and make themselves a better partner. You knew my background. I was maybe too honest with you. I had too much to learn. You didn't want a guy that had to learn. You wanted a man that had been there and done that. I wasn't the man for you. I could have been, but you didn't want to give me the time.

 

I can't get over you right now. I wish I had been in a more recent relationship before I met you. I would have been so much better prepared to handle this. I can't get over this because you were pretty much everything I was looking for in a woman, but I guess you had some issues to that wouldn't change. You want it all. You want a guy that has everything you want. You want that perfect guy. You told me I had most of the qualities you were looking for, but you wanted to have 5 guys that had everything you wanted, since one guy could not possibly have them all.

 

Good luck to you and I hope you find that guy. I would never have been him, but you are still going to miss out on the man that would have been the best for you in the long term.

[hedyo]

I love you and I miss you. I think about you all the time. I wish you felt the same.

[Agent Orange]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I miss you and specifically what it is that I miss...the relationship status? the emotional intimacy? or just you in general. A few minutes ago I realized it isn't any one thing in particular, I miss it all, well maybe not the constant fighting for your attention, but all the rest.

 

I miss being able to call you and ask random questions or see how your day went. I miss being able to message you just to say I love you. I miss sleeping next to you and feeling invincible because I knew nothing could ever hurt me as long as I was with you. I miss your creepy laugh. I miss your terrible jokes. Most of all I miss being missed and feeling loved.

 

I wasn't lying when I said my day to day life was exactly the same without you...it is. I didn't see you enough for there to be a physical void. At the same time, things are definitely different than they were when we were together. My best friend is gone, and even after all this time I still don't know how to deal with this loss. At least when we were still talking it felt like you were a part of my life, but now it feels...emptier.

 

What I still can't understand is why, after everything, I still want to be with you. I know you'll just hold me back in the long run, but I can't shake this feeling that you and I aren't finished with each other yet. Maybe something will happen in the future, but I won't get my hopes up. You've moved on, and I assume you're happier. I just wish it was that easy for me.

 

I trusted you, planned to build a future with you, and you stole that from me. And yet I still love you. It's not too late for us, but I fear that soon it may be too late for you. Eventually I will move on, and when I do, it's doubtful that I'll bother looking back.

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

How do you know when you are getting near to healing?

 

All I've been going through are the roller coaster of emotions. Some days I miss her and burst into tears and others I'm just fine

[Justaguy30]

I stupidly broke no contact again only to find out that you hate me and no longer wish to speak to me. I know I was nasty about things but in my defense you were a serious *******!!!!! I left one day and was never even allowed to get my things from OUR house! Not as if you were not screwing people before we broke up but as soon as I was gone you went full on whore. The whole thing just really ****ing hurt me badly. You were so mean and for some reason can't understand how to be a normal decent person. Last we spoke you called me crazy and said we would never be friends. Way to call the kettle black there. I was pretty damn good to you despite the fact that you constantly cheated on me with who knows how many people. I mean I took care of the kids and did everything while you bad mouthed me to your co workers and friends. I wish everyone knew how much of a piece of **** you are. I stupidly told some people you know what you did as if they would believe me. I mean you are insane and it drove me crazy. How could it not have! In any event I am laying here feeling like I did the first month we broke up. I am sure you have screwed half the town by now and have a boyfriend who you no doubt cheat on and from what I have heard you do. I just kind of wish I had never started talking to you again. I wish I had known that you were out of your mind and really just needed a friend. I wish I had been able to help you but I let myself fall so deeply in love with you and for that I am sorry.

[Gatema]

Gosh, after reading through the most recent posts about coping, it reminded me of some very insidious times during my own recovery. Recovery, now that's a loaded word, which has been used as a term when there's been an addiction to something that a person has to change their entire life to overcome their dependencies on, simply to live. Ironic maybe, now, it's additionally used to describe when a person's emotional well being is in a constant state of turmoil from a break up. Much like the steps for breaking a person's addiction, there are specific steps for creating a new life without that person. Maybe they are both just addictions?

Even though my heart goes out to everyone sharing in their grief on this board, I feel a sense of obligation to caution the more recent, or the more novice of the posters, to think about keeping your written words of your pain here on this board only. There will be more positive, helping, and understanding affirmations from those here, after reading your comments, then from the ones causing you to have to recover. Sharing what you are truly thinking about the person that has brought you to this emotional train wreck, which has been consuming your life in its entirety, probably will not render the comfort that you are looking to receive. Trust me, more than not, your ex will have a much different interpretation after reading or hearing about your inner, most vulnerable feelings of loss, and it's not the reaction that most of you are seeking when you do tell them. The bigger your sadness that you share with them, the larger the "too much work" starts to encroach in to their personal space with a feeling of being suffocated by your neediness.

Edited August 19, 2014 by Gatema

[me85]

My Grandmother who I was very close to my whole life passed away this morning. I got the call while getting dressed for work. I'm at work in a haze.

 

Just one more huge tuning point in the last year that you have no been here for me for.

 

Although I reached out to you for comfort the other times this past year, I won't be reaching out to you anymore. Maybe you'll hear through the grapevine...I don't know...I don't care but you won't hear it from me. You are not my friend anymore. You never really were anyways.

 

When I think of how you weren't there for me when I needed you to be (like I was there for you during the difficult times you went through since I've known you) it just sickens me. I can't ever forgive you for not being here for me now.

 

Someone you've only known for 8 months (from what you told me) means more to you than I ever did.

 

I hope it was worth it.

Edited August 19, 2014 by me85

[mtsuper]

Its been more than a month breakup and I was doing better after two weeks NC but then I was hanging with my friends than late night she sends me a Kik message saying along the tlines of "there's not a day I go thinking about you regardless of everything I hope your doing well and I still really care and worry about you" I didn't open or read it then 30 minutes later she sends me a text saying "she doesn't know if I got her message but regardless goodnight and she hopes I'm doing well with a heart I messages her like 5 hours later saying I'm doing great and hope all is well with her too and after that I haven't heard back from her.I'm so mad because I was starting yo feel okay after a while of NC and then that message messed up my head and got my thoughts all coming back what do I do?I mean I know the message didn't say much about getting back together or anything but it still messed my head up is that somewhat of a bread crumb?we had been together for 3 years can anyone help me with this?

[Gatema]

Its been more than a month breakup and I was doing better after two weeks NC but then I was hanging with my friends than late night she sends me a Kik message saying along the tlines of "there's not a day I go thinking about you regardless of everything I hope your doing well and I still really care and worry about you" I didn't open or read it then 30 minutes later she sends me a text saying "she doesn't know if I got her message but regardless goodnight and she hopes I'm doing well with a heart I messages her like 5 hours later saying I'm doing great and hope all is well with her too and after that I haven't heard back from her.I'm so mad because I was starting yo feel okay after a while of NC and then that message messed up my head and got my thoughts all coming back what do I do?I mean I know the message didn't say much about getting back together or anything but it still messed my head up is that somewhat of a bread crumb?we had been together for 3 years can anyone help me with this?

 

Well, I'm willing to go out on a limb but I bet that you already know the answer to this question. The message said just enough to you that you responded back; which unfortunately, confirmed that you are still willing to accept her texts, whether they are sincere or not, it's a way to measure your progress in the break up, (in my experience, it's generally an act more driven by their personal curiosity, mostly self importances, as an accreditation of sorts, which comes from the validation via your feelings that you are still suffering from the end of the relationship). Although, it's not enough to send you any false hopes that the situation between you two has suddenly changed. It's a message that 99.9% receive from the dumper which translate to........

 

 

Hey there, I'd thought I'd check in with you, ( I really just had some down time) to monitor if you are still too immobilized from the heartache this break up has caused you not to indulge yourself in any kind of a social life outside of our relationship. If you get back to me, whether it's in a few hours or a couple of days later, than great, I'll know that I'm still capable of emotionally causing you to react to my actions, proving to me that I have successfully kept you hooked. And if you don't, then I either have to figure out another way to rattle your cage, or accept that you have moved on and want nothing more to do with me. Now, without ever admitting this to another human being, I will only be doing this to save myself any further public embarrassment, which would be brought on by your comments that you've made to our friends, that I keep trying to communicate with you, even though, you never answer any of my texts back, and, everyone within a fifty mile radius of you already knows that you have moved on, so you think that I should do the same. SNAP!

 

By not responding, sends a more powerful message than any type of a written answer back that you could possible ever send to your ex, which leaves them guessing. It really just depends on the desired outcome that you're looking for in the end.

Edited August 19, 2014 by Gatema

[mtsuper]

Well, I'm willing to go out on a limb but I bet that you already know the answer to this question. The message said just enough to you that you responded back; which unfortunately, confirmed that you are still willing to accept her texts, whether they are sincere or not, it's a way to measure your progress in the break up, (in my experience, it's generally an act more driven by their personal curiosity, mostly self importances, as an accreditation of sorts, which comes from the validation via your feelings that you are still suffering from the end of the relationship). Although, it's not enough to send you any false hopes that the situation between you two has suddenly changed. It's a message that 99.9% receive from the dumper which translate to........

 

 

Hey there, I'd thought I'd check in with you, ( I really just had some down time) to monitor if you are still too immobilized from the heartache this break up has caused you not to indulge yourself in any kind of a social life outside of our relationship. If you get back to me, whether it's in a few hours or a couple of days later, than great, I'll know that I'm still capable of emotionally causing you to react to my actions, proving to me that I have successfully kept you hooked. And if you don't, then I either have to figure out another way to rattle your cage, or accept that you have moved on and want nothing more to do with me. Now, without ever admitting this to another human being, I will only be doing this to save myself any further public embarrassment, which would be brought on by your comments that you've made to our friends, that I keep trying to communicate with you, even though, you never answer any of my texts back, and, everyone within a fifty mile radius of you already knows that you have moved on, so you think that I should do the same. SNAP!

 

By not responding, sends a more powerful message than any type of a written answer back that you could possible ever send to your ex, which leaves them guessing. It really just depends on the desired outcome that you're looking for in the end.

 

 

 

Thanks for the advice man u are right now that u put it that way I honestly thought that by responding in a positive manner and keeping it short and conveying that I'm doing great would have showed that I'm not immature about the manner on not replying back at all and also showing her that I'm fine without her (although)I would love her in my life I guess I shud take note advice on here I only responded because my friends said that if I responded with a note saying I'm fine and such would I guess make it seem that I'm okay with everything even though I'm not considering the last time I saw her I broke down but your right I shouldn't be contacting at all just for her to see if she still got me hooked thanks for the advice man I appreciate it

[Cupid's Puppet]

Sharing what you are truly thinking about the person that has brought you to this emotional train wreck, which has been consuming your life in its entirety, probably will not render the comfort that you are looking to receive. Trust me, more than not, your ex will have a much different interpretation after reading or hearing about your inner, most vulnerable feelings of loss, and it's not the reaction that most of you are seeking when you do tell them. The bigger your sadness that you share with them, the larger the "too much work" starts to encroach in to their personal space with a feeling of being suffocated by your neediness.

 

So true. So very true. I remember when I was in contact I would lay my feelings bare. I could practically feel my ex over the phone rolling his eyes. In our last conversation, I told him I was haunted by how things ended. He was like, "You a good person. Real talk I hope God brings you some peace with that." Then there was good-bye. I was acting like we were still in a relationship as if he would go, "Oh baby I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could be there to hold you." Nope. Lesson learned. Never get vulnerable with an ex.