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[music_and_poetry]

"I deserve better."

 

It's one thing to say it and entirely different thing to believe it, and seek it out. Last night I realized that my life will never improve if I keep tolerating the same crap, and accepting less than what I deserve.

 

I am not a 100 percent over you and I recognize it will be hard to get there. But I do deserve better and from this point forward I am going to concentrate on that.

 

That means making new rules for myself.

 

That means if any person is not making me feel special and making my life wonderful, I am cutting them out no matter how much I care about them.

 

It's really time I start caring about myself.

[Feelbettersoon]

Don't know if this is temporary or for good.

 

I want to know but i have no way of finding out.

 

All i know i can do is continue with my life and find my path but right now it consumes my mind! ugh!

[me85]

There's this feeling in the pit of my chest that won't go away no matter what I do. I can't laugh it away, smoke it away, drink it away, date it away, travel it away, sleep it away...I feel it all the time. It hurts me.

 

The past year of my life, I've gone through so many changes. I'm further from where I started from...I've made progress. Yet, I'm stuck in a haze. I'm bored with all the day to day BS. I miss playing and having fun with someone. I'm such a fake. I put on this front around everyone that I'm happy and carefree. Ya...so happy...

 

I miss having a best friend. I have no one to talk to about real issues.

 

 

I'm lonely.

[Cupid's Puppet]

It is so hard to breathe right now without you in my life. You asked me what I wanted. My answer: a do over. I know I will grow and become a better woman. I just hate that someone else will reap the benefits of all the progress I make. You were there for me when times were bad, and I repaid you in the worst way possible. I just want us to grieve this thing together, but I must endure this lifetime punishment of never seeing you again. I want you to be happy for real. I love you enough to want true happiness for you.

[Lostdreams]

Well 40 days on - yes I'm still counting. Even though I've dropped off the planet I miss you like crazy and still can't believe that there's nothing left of us. Wonder how you are and wishing I was in your head to see your thoughts I'm getting by and making plans but they feel so empty without you - just don't know how long you will haunt me.

 

The bliss of indifference seems totally unobtainable right now, but that's my goal and I will succeed.

[hea]

stop contacting me if your not interested! its been nearly a year and your still finding stupid reasons to contact me. Sort yourself out. I cant tell you this as I don't want you knowing how much it plays on my mind, I want you to think im fine, and im not bothered about you anymore. Im seeing someone new, who I actually like, and yet your still there sat on my shoulder, the odd text about stupid things, the drunken snap chats. If you don't want me, leave me alone.

[Oregon_Dude]

Hey. I miss you. I know I said I didn't want to talk. I regret it, because all I want is to hear from you. But you're with someone else now. You're happy. Do you still think of me? Ever? I can block you out for hours, even days at a time, but the weekend comes and this apartment reminds me of waking up and having breakfast with you. Our routines.

 

I know I wasn't happy. I did not know you weren't happy. I'm sorry. I'm ****ing sorry for not keeping your attention or your love. I don't know what I did wrong. What could I have done? I paid for your rent, your food, only to have you leave me and never mention the money. Do you remember the money you owe me? Do you realize that I still need it?

 

You were my partner. Now you're his. I'm alone. Is it easy for you? Do you want to contact me, but don't only because I asked you not to?

 

I don't want your stupid friendship, to be your consolation prize. Do you know how far behind I am, compared to you? I can't shut us off so easily. What's wrong with you that you have no regrets, that you don't care, don't call? If you really wanted to say something to me, you would. But you're onto someone new now, someone who doesn't know you.

 

I know all the things you're doing with him, because I remember those flush first few months we did them together. Do you remember the 4th of July? Rainier Days? The trip to your grandpa's beach house? Do you remember staying at my mom's house with me, over and over again? The time I had to take you to the hospital?

 

I'm sorry, but I don't know why. I wish I could have kept you. But you did some of these things to us. You wanted out. I was too scared to end it myself. You have a new job. I just quit my job. You have a new man. I'm alone, with no one on the horizon.

 

Will you please, please, let me know that I meant something to you? I'm not reaching out. Never, no more. You ****ing crushed me. Once you had someone else to jump to.

 

How do I give up this inkling of hope that now you know the grass is brown on that side you chose? Are there things you do that remind you of me, in his place? Does he play songs for you? Does he know you the way I thought I did?

 

In some ways, you were the sweetest woman I have ever been with. In others, the most irresponsible, needy, clingy, hard to entertain. What did you want me to do?

 

I'm sorry I was ****ing drunk. I tried to stop. You supported me. But I never fully did. Now I'm left, more sober than ever, wishing I'd gotten it right when it really mattered.

 

I don't care that you don't even think of me; I love you. I miss you. In the worst of ways. I want you to know that I still feel you behind everything I do, everywhere I go. I hope that two months passes quicker. Then three. I'm going to get a new job, get myself back, shove these thoughts of you away. They do me no good. There are others out there, not just for you, but for me too.

 

So why can't I shrug off the comfort you gave me? I liked having you here. I loved you for your support. Was it an illusion, a lie? Or did you really feel that way? How could you give up on me once you got a ****ing job? Did the year mean nothing?

 

Everything tells me to reach out to you, otherwise I'll never know how you feel. But I've been replaced. I guess I'll have to let you come around. But it won't happen. You're too stubborn and too determined to never be alone.

 

What can I say to you that doesn't risk more heartbreak and rejection? How pathetic to text you when you're with someone else.

 

Have a good time. I don't want you to be happy. But I do. Just not with my replacement.

 

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

[True Gent]

Where's my USB sticks you ****?!

 

I'm not chasing you, I'm not giving you the satisfaction.

[stillfiguringitallou]

You actually apologized. Without being harassed, without me explaining why, you apologized and were accountable.

 

And I let my guard down. I thought just MAYBE we actually could be friends.

 

Not again, not anymore, not after the 4 day turn around.

 

You have a bad habit of taking what someone says and interpreting it in the worst possible way. Adding meaning that doesn't exist to the point of eradicating the original meaning and intent ... then reacting on that feeling.

 

I can't do it anymore.

 

I can't do this anymore.

 

I've not loved or fought for someone the way I have with you.

 

But I'm too bruised, to battered, to tired to continue.

[edgygirl]

I haven't posted here for over a week. Must mean something.

 

I've been busy. Studying a new language. But what a shock to see your office skyscraper just getting out of the subway for my class. My heart skipped a beat, and still is, every time I arrive at or leave my class.

 

I keep looking around to see if maybe you're downstairs walking around that area... but you never are. Secretly (it's hard to admit even to myself) I hope to bump into you. But there are so many people around there, it's such a busy area for both business and tourism... but it's always other people in that crowd and not you. I wish I remembered what side is your window so I could have at least a glimpse at your office but there are probably 5000 windows in that building anyway so it's not like I'm going to really see you, or light coming out of your office.

 

And then I think how nice it would be if we were still together and could meet after my classes. I think about how I would text you saying "I'm downstairs, come down! " or something. It makes me so sad.

 

I went on a date last week. Again, same profession as you. Taller than you. Fun guy. How is it that I (STILL) kept thinking about you? Get off my mind already.

 

I think about you less and less. But I still do, sometimes. It will go away, eventually. I keep comparing others to you. It will also go away one day, I know it.

 

I bet you're not even thinking about me. How can you have forgotten me so easily? How and why do I still miss you? I miss seeing you :/ I wish I could see you around your office after one of my classes. Maybe I will. Not sure how we'd behave. Would we say hi? Would we ignore each other? What if you were with someone else? :/

 

Ugh I want to forget you once and for all.

Edited August 9, 2014 by edgygirl

[edgygirl]

yeah. this is for you. I bet you're with someone new already. Mrs. Right? jerk.

 

--

 

Suddenly our shortcomings don't seem to matter at much

Your IQ is 20 points low

and I'm no Six Foot Hot Look All American Man

 

Sad to say I pushed you away

Waiting for "Mrs. Right"

You never gave up

 

Devotion

waiting for me

you'll always be my girlfriend

I too am waiting for you

I'll always be your friend

 

I commend your stubbornness

Without it we'd never got this far

I am done with perfection

Chasing her leaves me with nothing but pain

 

Unlike you

she isn't true

She's got her own concerns

You never gave up

 

Devotion

waiting for me

you'll always be my girlfriend

I too am waiting for you

I'll always be your friend

 

[weezer - devotion]

[Cupid's Puppet]

Why did you ask me what I wanted as if I had a decision in this matter? Why did you tell me anything can be fixed? If so, why aren't we working it out?

Why did you tell me you worried about me and been praying a lot for me?

Why did you ask me if God has the best for both of us?

Why did you say you would like to keep me in your life but not as your wife?

 

You left me with so many mixed signals. Now you are gone forever. If only we did no contact I wouldn't have so much false hope. Now I grieve the demise of this relationship months later when I could have gotten an earlier start. I love you, but frick you for confusing me like this.

 

I don't want your friendship, and I think it's condescending when you say you'll pray for me. How the heck can I be friends with someone who dumped me? The implication is you can do better. What am I chopped liver? Go do better. You don't get to see or hear me again. We are dead to each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I still love you

[Amy74]

Well, this is a surprise.

 

Let me guess--your kids are gone and you're bored. Sorry, I don't mean to sound bitter but let's call this what it is.

 

I miss you too--I miss some of the good times we had...

 

Take care of yourself.

[edgygirl]

I miss you.

 

Just saw a photo of you. I wish I could look into your eyes and hug you.

[Arient]

Hey my dovie dove, I want to let you know that I'm getting better. But, I still miss you so much. I wonder if you miss me sometimes, I hope you do. Some days ago, I started to feel that you're becoming more and more of a distant image in my memory, and I felt so sad. What we had is so great, that I would like go bring it with me forever, but I guess it's not good for my healing. Yesterday, I felt a big surge of anger towards you, but now it's fine. I still can't understand how you can choose to end our love. Maybe you will need to grow up more, experience more and have more relationships to understand how great of a love we had. But too bad, I can't cling to it, can't wait for it. Because who knows, you might realize one day, or you will never realize it. So be it then, go find your sparks and jump to another relationship when that spark dies out. I guess you're not the type who want to go through the low-sparked period to be able to reach a much more profound relation. But I don't care much about that anymore, after all, it's none of my business, not anymore. Still miss you though. Love you!

[Cupid's Puppet]

Church was good today. I got out and socialized more, really put myself out there. I can see why it bothered you before to go to church and I not be there. It looks bad. Sorry I wasn't the godly woman for you.

 

Just the other day I went to Walmart and saw that nasty juice you used to buy when we were at --------. Tampico. Ugh that crap used to taste like dishwashing liquid LOL.

 

Well, I'm sorry that I couldn't live up to your expectations. I guess I wasn't cut out for this relationship mess. I will always love you Hunz. You can't take my love for you away.

[mangetout]

I don't love you as much as I did right months ago.

 

I don't care for you as much as I did right months ago

 

Screw you

[Always Pondering]

I've gotten very busy lately and gotten on Loveshack a lot less because of that. I can find you gradually slipping off of my mind completely and I'll admit some part of me misses the hopeless pursuit for you. I even tried dreaming of you one night but no matter how hard I tried, nothing came up in my dreams. I remember the nights when it was impossible to go a night without dreaming of you. It's almost scary acknowledging the fact that everything has changed and you will now be a stranger to me from now on.

[music_and_poetry]

I want you to know that I saw you outside on Friday night.

 

Was walking my friend downstairs after a great night of dinner, wine, and video games, and there you were - sitting in the passenger seat of the car picking her up.

 

I don't know why you were outside my apartment.

 

I don't understand why you went with them to pick her up.

 

I haven't spoken to you in seven weeks. This is all just too confusing.

 

I pretended I didn't see you. But I did see you.

 

I want to know why you were there that night.

 

I want to know why you were ever in my life to begin with.

 

I am still pissed as hell at you.

 

I don't appreciate you reminding me of that.

 

I don't need to see you. I need an apology.

 

I need you to be a man. Not a pussy.

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

Another one of those emotional days but I'm holding up.

 

Recap: I was lied to when I asked if you had someone else. For 3 day. 3 days of pressure until you finally let out. Sure we weren't in a relationship yet but it was still a red flag I chose to ignore

 

You tried taking a break from me...all to find out if you could live without me only 3 months after we had known each other.

 

You used one of your friends to make me think he was your bf...just to make me jealous and to see if I loved you. Little did you or I know I would be come very jealous and distrusting of you. And all you could say to defend yourself was, "It's just a joke"

 

You made me an option for 2 months

 

You chose me but then decided to get drunk and kiss some guy.

 

Kept in contact with said guy

 

Kept in contact with second choice

 

Made me a choice for the second time. This time you left me

 

Your never took me seriously. You still talked to that other guy and said he was just a friend and nothing more. When I took the stand of not getting back with you then you just went to him. Like the option that he was.

 

I made you my priority. Never make someone a priority when you are only an option to them

 

Always give your best to someone who treats you the same.

 

I should have left you a looooong time ago. But I just wasn't strong enough. I didn't see there are other women around. Literally billions of other woman who can treat me better.

 

 

Just gimmie some time. You will become yesterday's news

Edited August 11, 2014 by Bumpin in My Trunk

[mtsuper]

I feel like calling her right now and cussing her out calling her a ho bitch all the bad stuff because a week ago she said she loved me and wasn't talking to anyone but I need to move on but funny enough my friends let me know after a week of NC with you u posted an IG photo saying "sunrise on vacation with the bae" so I won't say anything and won't have any notification for u to know I'm hurting but with all due respect **** you and everything your about and I can't believe I was gonna marry you thank god some **** like this happened so I could see the real you smh 3 years and after 3 weeks breakup ur on to the next one u remember that 80/20 **** because this guy just came around 6 weeks ago but its okay I know you will be back I've done my crying and all that bull**** for the day and I'm not gonna cuss you out or anything if u happen to pop up anywhere im gonna play the happy game because thaysbthebbest revenge but I want to let you know **** you with all the anger I have inside me and I wish you the absolute back because I know you will be back

[Jadedbyluv]

Why does it hurt so much? I barely knew you. You're not the person I thought you were, and it all seems like one big lie. You wanted me to fall for you, and I did. Wholeheartedly fell head over heels in love. I thought that you were different and what we had was real. I guess sometimes I can't even trust myself.

 

How can you treat someone like that? It makes no sense. It hurts beyond words can express.

[Amy74]

Stop ****ing with me.

[Agent Orange]

Dreamt of you the other night but that was probably because I'd spoken to you earlier in the day. I know it was a step backwards but I don't entirely regret it, I just wish it hadn't stirred up the desire to keep contacting you especially when I know you're no good for me.

 

The more I think about "us" the more my head tells me it's all for the best. Too bad my heart keeps missing the memo. Eventually I'll move on. I know you have, and that you only made that comment about me to make yourself feel better. Hopefully you've finally realized that unlike you, I don't need someone else to validate myself, I'm not going to use someone else for my own selfish gains because Karma is a b***h and one day you'll get what's coming to you.

[JFReyes]

Dear Janette,

 

After stupidly breaking NC and feeling like crap, I'm slowly feeling better...

 

The Janette I fell in love with no longer exists, and that me that fell in love with you neither. I'll keep on living and evolving but since life is full of twists and turns, I can never say never.

 

Farewell...