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July 27, 2014

I have four guys who want to be with me.

Four!!!! Not one, but four.

They seem to want a relationship or maybe think I want one.

But sad thing is I want you.

Why can't you feel the way they do?

July 28, 2014

Yes I bet your wondering why have you been ignoring for an entire month. So you maybe you found new , yet I thought you wanted us to be friends and you were cool with everything.

The truth is while yes I wanted to take the high moral road and accept what went down with grace as realistically the downfall of our relationship was mainly tied to long distance and different life stages. However, I realized that I need to loose the attachment I have for you and let go of you out of my life for good this time, because I realize me keeping you in my life now is going to bring me more headache and drama as I may not be over some of the resentment that I may have for the way you handled things when we were together. I'm not irrational because as I said it was long distance and different life stages , but I believe it is for the best for us to drift 100% apart for at least a year and then maybe we can go back to being friends. I know you as much as I know the back of my hand and I don't see a need to keep in touch with you at the moment , I know you won't be happy and content in one place as you like to move around and travel which is why I know I'm doing the right thing by walking away from you even with the friendship.

The reason that I struggled so long to end things with you is because mainly you were one of my best friends for 2 years and I did not imagine being awkward with you and not speaking to you every now and then. But I came to realize relationships expires and people walk out of your life somehow and the only remaining people are your family at the end. Even though you use to say it's culture but you value your family as well and your probably going to be taking care of everyone one day. I don't blame for not wanting to commit to me because even though it pains but I understand.

Right now I do not miss you at all because as I said I had enough of you in my life I realized. I'm much better without longing for something I know I can't have and was always fantasy and I don't even imaging getting back together with you one day because I know there are better and bigger things in store for me in the future. I do think about you a lot ,but to me your like a distant memory of a person I use to know that developed professionally and I admire you for that, but personally will always be alone traveling and never in lasting relationship. Maybe one day you will saddle but I doubt there will a girl who puts up with you because you have issues and I will go to therapy , but you have a lot of personal baggage inside of you.

July 28, 2014

I still miss you, and I still think about you. Sometimes I think I was harsh but I know I said what you needed to hear. I wonder if you found someone else. I know no one else could put up with the crap you gave me. Either way I can't handle the information right now.

I also know I am an amazing person, I have so much going for me and you let me go. I am moving on. I have a date this week. I hope you realize your mistake. I hope you apologize. But most of all I hope I find happiness because I deserve it.

July 28, 2014

I told you to leave me alone and to give me some time to cool down.

You knew I wasn't coming back unless you did.

You called me.

Now I have to fight the urge to call back.

Glad I didn't pick up.

What I don't know won't hurt me.

Why is it so hard to leave me alone? You dumped me.

I still love you.

July 28, 2014

Its really weird, every time I do something we planned on doing I get sad. I went to the lake this weekend with some friends and went swimming and camping and it really made me think of you because I had always wanted to go swimming and camping with you and the kids but just never got the chance to. Also I saw you driving by your work the other day wearing some ridiculously sized hoodie I assume is that guys. You looked really angry and I wanted to call and see if you were doing alright but you would never do that for me. I am just waiting to hear that you are knocked up from that guy which I am sure won't be long if you are not already. That will likely really hurt me but hey I am glad your evil is no longer in my life! I wish you would have just been honest with me a long time ago so that I still respected you and so that we could be friends but you ruined everything we ever had after knowing each other for so long. I am sure your family has caught on to your behaviors by now and are not happy about who you are and the drug use. Let me tell you this, you need help. All the best, kinda miss you tonight.

July 28, 2014

Tonight must just be rough on me, I am laying here thinking about you as I do often. I don't wonder what you are doing because I know. Its perfectly normal for people to move on and I am trying but I still miss you. You know I miss you but you could really care less. I mean why would you miss me you know. You treated me like dog **** and ****ed everyone you could get your hands on. I loath ever meeting you. By putting my trust in you you absolutely ruined my life. Not forever just for the last year and a year from now. I mean what the **** is wrong with you! You just think you can run around doing what ever you want ****ting all over people and then lie about everything and think things will work out for the people you have ****ed over. I absolutely hate you, I hate everything that you are and I hate your mother. People like you should be locked up and forgotten about. I hope when you ruin the current boyfriends life and wind up with another child you can't care for you will realize that the problem is you and that you are messed up and its no ones fault but yours. Sometimes I just wanna call you and scream at you I get so angry about what you have done to my life. You are a piece of ****!!!!!!

July 28, 2014

Today is a busy day, but I'm amazed that no matter how tired I am, my mind will still find its way to think about you at the end of the day, no matter what. I'm packing for the 6-day trip with mom, and somehow, it made me sad. It made me think about this time of the year, when you're normally here, packing with me for our trip. I miss you my dove, miss you miss you....

July 28, 2014

The start of today was wonderful. I woke up early, showered, and went to belly dance class. We learned a new dance to this really awesome tribal music. I'm starting to get pretty good! Went to the bank got some paperwork done for my new job, got my eyebrows done.

Now I'm at home reminded once again that you don't miss me, I'm reminded that you haven't contacted me and I haven't heard from you in five weeks. I remember that I don't matter to you and it's possible that I never did. I become sad all over again wondering if I'll be able to stop caring about you. Sometimes I feel like I'm so close and then it all comes flooding back. I wish I could know if you missed me. But maybe it's better not to know anything. I miss you. This really sucks.

July 28, 2014

I'm sitting here going crazy on the inside. I haven't talked to you in over a week and it's driving me nuts. I know you're no good for me and I'm sure you haven't reached out because you're busy or have started seeing someone else. Guess this is working out well for you. It must be nice to get everything you want and come out unscathed, wish I could say the same about myself, but I'm just the fool who trusted you.

July 29, 2014

So I contacted you twice this week

I should have come here

No reply,you truly don't give the slightest dam about me

And I have no idea what I did to cause it

But I cannot accept that your gone,that's why I wrote

But afterwards it hurts much more because of the whole feeling

Of neglect and absence,there's probably nothing I can do to make you feel what you once felt

With every email I think it will remind you,but it never does.

Afterwards I spoke to the guy I'm dating and promptly forgot you

If I had talked to him first this slump wouldn't have happened

So much has gone wrong and your gone.

July 29, 2014

I feel like I'm done with love.

No one online interests me the least. Meh.

It's all because of you. I feel so disillusioned. As in, why even bother, if someone I care about can break my heart like that and give up on me after all we had?

I think I'm discouraged about a new relationship for the first time since I started to want to date again. Having gone in 4 bad dates (totally forced by myself just to get our there) since we broke up 2 months ago doesn't help. I feel like there are less interesting people out there in my age group now. It sucks. I'm not even sure it's about you.

I wonder if you feel the same. If you miss me/us when you meet other people, or with someone you might already be dating. Probably not.

One thing was in my mind a lot today. That I deep down don't think it can genuinely work with someone who left. I know I tried to leave you many times, but I didn't. And then you did. You had the guts to leave "us". I don't think the man who is supposed to be the one for me would ever have the guts to leave me. My father would never leave my mom no matter what.

Anyway. I think you suck. I hope you're not having fun right now, as I am not having fun. I don't even deserve to not be having fun, as I did try to make us work. Did you? Anyway - you don't deserve to be having fun now.

Hate you. Hate you for making me have to go back to look for someone else.

July 29, 2014

Sadly enough

I'm going to take a month off this site.

I love this site. I do. I love reading people stories and I love ranting how I feel, but I feel I can get consumed into these stories and egged on into my own self pity.

It is not okay to feel this way.it is not okay to keep giving this life. Our break up. Our sadness. This is how people get over things quickly because they don't talk about it. They don't keep bringing it up over and over again.

Dear Ryan,

I miss you.

I think about you every single day.

Even when I'm on dates or really busy you are always on my mind.

You were immature child who didn't ever deserved my love on the first place. There so many cons about you. Yet I still adore you. I can't hate you. I want to feel indifferent.

I understand now you wasn't on my level.

I don't blame myself for this break up anymore.

But I'm a strong believer If its meant to be it will be.

So if you are meant to be mine again. It will happened.

No amount of nc or magic spell will bring you back.

I'm okay. I will be okay.

I'm done.

July 30, 2014

I wish that when we first broke up I had known that NC was the only way that things would get better. It was really hard being broken up because you when mega slut while we were together and I am told really went **** crazy once we broke up. How could I be with someone like you after all of that. I still miss you every second of everyday and I have realized that because of that something is wrong with me. No one should miss being lied to everyday and cheated on in very disrespectful ways and being screamed at and punched in the face. The problem was I was so in love with you I just believed that it could get better. What I failed to see is that anyone that would act like that does not care about the other person at all. Today I took a half day at work because I was just feeling so lost and sad. This has to stop and I have to get better and move on. This is way worse than just a broken heart. You did something to me that I can't turn off. Its like I have PTSD or something. The problem is so many different things trigger my sadness. I can't listen to Led Zepplin or watch any of the shows we used to watch together. I can't eat at certain places because it makes me so sad. I had no idea what this would do to me. Its just pathetic and insane, you drove me crazy! Why would you just keep lying to me and lying to me. What was the point? Did you intend to rip my mind and heart apart to the point where I am in Therapy every week and now needing to be on meds. I mean this is just ****ed! I don't understand how something so amazing could turn into the single worst thing that has ever happened too me. You are pure evil and I love you still. I would have never left your side ever all you had to do is stop being a whore.

July 30, 2014

I miss you babe. I wish there was some way I can talk to you but you've blocked all electronic forms of communication. All I can do now is visit you in person, or send you a letter. Since you didn't reply to the letter I sent you a couple of months ago, I know there is no point in sending you another. I'm not going to violate your wishes and go to your house, so I'm just stuck.

I wish you'd give me a second chance. I just have a strong feeling that reason things didn't work out between are no longer there any more and we can try again. Please let me talk to you.

July 30, 2014

I'm not sure if you think of me , but I do think you do even with your busy life. I admit I still think of you, but in a different light as someone that passed by my life and influenced it. However, you were never going to be a consistent and this why right now I'm ignoring you and yes I muted you from twitter and unfollowed you on FB. Wish intrgam have that feature so I can 100% forget lol. Anyhow, I do know you care about me as we were friends for years , but we need to drift apart in order for us both to move on. I think this needs to happen to me I need to forget you.

Our relationship expired and it was bound , but this time I need to let the nature take it course and have expired by not talking to you. One day we will have a cup of coffee and a laugh I'm sure. But right now I'm at peace with myself as we drift apart and because I don't miss you anymore it's not hard.

July 30, 2014

I feel crazy for doing this...you would think after all the break-ups we've had I would have had all the closure I need by now. I just checked the calendar and it hasn't been as long as I thought, not even two months--but so much has happened in such a short time. I never thought I would ever be able to move on from us. The first two weeks I was non-functional--wandering around, crying unexpectedly... I can't say that I'm over you--I'll never be *over* you. But I am moving forward and I'm dating. I mean to say that I'm dating one person steadily.

I need you to know that I still think about you...that I hope you still think about me from time to time. That there are certain songs or places or smells that remind me of you--of us. It's like trying to retrain my brain to think about something else--and that is difficult.

I could never erase you from my heart...and I'd never want to. You taught me a lot about love and life--I'm not mad, I don't hate you and I'll always love you.

What we had was real and intense. The good parts of us were A.Mazing! Even more then that though, right? Life changing might be more accurate. Us needing to move on doesn't take away from that. It doesn't make what we had any less...and what we had was nothing less than a Super Nova.

July 30, 2014

You are unbelievable. You want me back again!! This time you are not messing with my head.

This time I don't care

July 30, 2014

I miss you babe. I wish there was some way I can talk to you but you've blocked all electronic forms of communication. All I can do now is visit you in person, or send you a letter. Since you didn't reply to the letter I sent you a couple of months ago, I know there is no point in sending you another. I'm not going to violate your wishes and go to your house, so I'm just stuck.

I wish you'd give me a second chance. I just have a strong feeling that reason things didn't work out between are no longer there any more and we can try again. Please let me talk to you.

Gosh you sound like my ex

July 30, 2014

Sometimes I got the feeling that you felt it as okay to act like a jerk because you have money. I left you because I felt that you didn't "like" me when you said the things you did about me and those same things were killing the feelings I had for you. I felt it was pretty much impossible to "start fresh" with you and you'd never again treat me with the respect you did when we first dated.

I honestly think you just don't like women in general because our brains are wired different and you dislike what you can't understand. What you really want is a woman with a man's brain, and I've let you go in search of that. If you're not capable of loving me, why should I stay? I'm not that desperate! (Like your ex's.)

I'll say again that I think it's normal for people to accidentally annoy or hurt each other, but that the adult thing to do is discuss it, come to an understanding, apologize to each other and move on. But you won't discuss anything and consider it a "bother" to have to do that - and consequently make disrespectful judgments and insulting comments so that it piles that on top of whatever the problem is. I left you because of the horrid things you say to me about me, not because of the misunderstandings we had. Those we could have talked over rationally - but I won't stay with anyone who insults me. I sure wouldn't have dated you in the first place if you had been like that from the beginning.

You don't realize how much I was giving up to be with you and living my life around you, trying to please you and not irritate you. But it seems I irritated you just by being me. Anyone that is not you is not good enough for you, unless they placate you all the time - particularly females.

I'd love to say something insulting because I'm also angry now. But it won't accomplish anything. Suffice to say your ears are permanently closed to anyone's viewpoint but your own and anything that you don't already agree with is garbage to you. You've expressed as much many times. No room for anyone in your world but you.

You won't be hearing from me directly and I won't answer you. Your ego is too big for me.

July 30, 2014

One of the biggest flaws in missing you is all the ways you've dissappointed me. In all 3 of the months we were together (or whatever we were), almost everything was a let down. I don't know why I miss you. I'll never understand why I'm still thinking about you after an entire month of NC. Without further ado, here's a list of all the 9 ways you've dissappointed me.

1. My Birthday: I got a Facebook post. Seriously? A Facebook post? I got a Facebook post from my lab parter in High School. I know we weren't bf/gf... but you better believe I would have done something to make you feel special.

2. My Aunt's Wedding: I invited you and it took over a month for you to tell me you couldn't go. Nice to know that the important events in my life don't matter to you at all.

3. Our Movie Night Weekend Plans:Was trying to make weekend plans with you for weeks. When we finally had them, you blew them off to go to a party with your Mom. I understand **** comes up, but you still play Magic the Gathering on Friday nights. I'm just saying... priorities.

4. All the times you were an idiot and I was understanding: You forgot your wallet? "It's okay! It happens! Don't worry!" Your running 20 minutes late for our coffee date? "No worries, just text me when you're here!" Everything was "fine, fine, fine" no, it's not fine. You're a moron and **** you.

5. You bail the second I want any kind of "effort" from you: Oh sure I'll just do all the driving, and make all the plans you bail on. But do you think maybe you could text more during the week? Or maybe drive to my place once in a while? No? Let's just end things because I'm making you do too much work? I'm sorry I'm such a bitch.

6. All the times I hoped to hear from you and didn't: Were we dating for 3 months? I wouldn't have known it because I only saw you 1-2 times a week. The other days you were a ghost. I tried to be cool with it but I would have felt better knowing you gave a damn about me.

7. That time you told me you wanted to "take things slow" but there was potential for things to become serious: Bull**** and you're a pussy for not telling me the truth, that you never wanted a relationship and that you wanted to keep me around as an option, as a conveinence. You may think of yourself as a nice guy but you're an *******.

8. The time everyone told me you were a "great guy" and you hurt me: Yeah... I wish that hadn't happened either.

9. The time I accepted you and gave you everything and you gave me nothing in return.

July 30, 2014

One of the biggest flaws in missing you is all the ways you've dissappointed me. In all 3 of the months we were together (or whatever we were), almost everything was a let down. I don't know why I miss you. I'll never understand why I'm still thinking about you after an entire month of NC. Without further ado, here's a list of all the 9 ways you've dissappointed me.

1. My Birthday: I got a Facebook post. Seriously? A Facebook post? I got a Facebook post from my lab parter in High School. I know we weren't bf/gf... but you better believe I would have done something to make you feel special.

2. My Aunt's Wedding: I invited you and it took over a month for you to tell me you couldn't go. Nice to know that the important events in my life don't matter to you at all.

3. Our Movie Night Weekend Plans:Was trying to make weekend plans with you for weeks. When we finally had them, you blew them off to go to a party with your Mom. I understand **** comes up, but you still play Magic the Gathering on Friday nights. I'm just saying... priorities.

4. All the times you were an idiot and I was understanding: You forgot your wallet? "It's okay! It happens! Don't worry!" Your running 20 minutes late for our coffee date? "No worries, just text me when you're here!" Everything was "fine, fine, fine" no, it's not fine. You're a moron and **** you.

5. You bail the second I want any kind of "effort" from you: Oh sure I'll just do all the driving, and make all the plans you bail on. But do you think maybe you could text more during the week? Or maybe drive to my place once in a while? No? Let's just end things because I'm making you do too much work? I'm sorry I'm such a bitch.

6. All the times I hoped to hear from you and didn't: Were we dating for 3 months? I wouldn't have known it because I only saw you 1-2 times a week. The other days you were a ghost. I tried to be cool with it but I would have felt better knowing you gave a damn about me.

7. That time you told me you wanted to "take things slow" but there was potential for things to become serious: Bull**** and you're a pussy for not telling me the truth, that you never wanted a relationship and that you wanted to keep me around as an option, as a conveinence. You may think of yourself as a nice guy but you're an *******.

8. The time everyone told me you were a "great guy" and you hurt me: Yeah... I wish that hadn't happened either.

9. The time I accepted you and gave you everything and you gave me nothing in return.

I never would have admitted any of this a month ago, but now that I'm doing good obviously my eyes have opened. Reading this, it sounds so much like I wrote it.

July 30, 2014

I miss you

I can't believe you have stopped replying

You were always there

I wish I knew what to do to make you come back

But writing you doesn't help

It's the only way to feel connected to you

I can't stand it anymore

This is the worst I've ever missed someone

I'm waiting for you to reply like you always did

Saying "I promise not to go"

You promised and you broke your promise

July 31, 2014

I never would have admitted any of this a month ago, but now that I'm doing good obviously my eyes have opened. Reading this, it sounds so much like I wrote it.

Awwww thanks for the empathy. It makes me feel like I will get through this and the pain will stop one day

July 31, 2014

The truth even thought I let you go out of my heart and my life hence ignoring you for the past month and no contact , but I need to get you off mind and this will happen as I will unfollow u on FB and mute you on Twitter.

It's like you never existed. This will grant me so much sense of peace, because I have accepted your no longer in my life and that our friendship or relationship expired ,therefore, I have to kill the fact that I care for you for now.

I cried today because the thought of you with another girl that keeps liking your FB stats drives me nut and I concluded this why I can't be friends as close we used to be because I can't accept you being with someone else.

The only way is to take the high road and be mature about and be civil friends. I don't know what do you think , I do think your too busy or enjoying so called family time lol.

Again relationships expires and some people pass by your life , but I do believe there are bigger and better things in store for me years later maybe , but I will get there.

July 31, 2014

I'm so stupid. I managed more than a month NC and I broke it after your second breadcrumb. I caved. Gave you everything you wanted. Took of your guilt, tried to be your friend, tried to help you, tried to be there for you since you said everything in your life is bad. All that happened was you just pushing me away. And of course it's also my fault for being so needy. I see it just makes you run farther away. In short, I should have ignored your worthless and meaningless message.

But as time passes and I'm healing again, I see just how bad you are. How can you log in to my fb to find out if I'm talking to other women when you are talking to some other guy. How can you blame me for not trusting you and being suspicious of you when you got drunk and probably ****ed some other guy, kept in contact with him, got mad at me for finding out, and kept in contact with a different guy that you were "confused" about. And then when you get confused again you wonder why I'm paranoid that you are talking with him. I really should have left you a long time ago when I lost my trust for you

It's crazy that I'm saying this. After all the **** you did, I still feel guilty for blowing a chance at reconciliation. I should have kept NC but I was stupid enough to break it and push you farther away.

I hope I change. And find someone better. And even if the chance is small, maybe we can be together again, and you can treat me like I deserve to be treated.

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