Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[stillfiguringitallou]

I know you don't want to know more about me - or me to know more about you. I suspect because the former would make you realize I'm not the "bad guy" the latter would make me know how sick you actually are.

 

But I also know given time and more failure in friendships you'll be back. Otherwise why not just block my number and erase it from your phone like I have, why block it FROM your phone if you were really done.

 

I'm exhausted by this. You're losing control. Just a few more months of no contact and you won't be able to regain it at all. You doubt that because you can't see me as I am. I am either weak, or strong, and during these times you see me as weak.

 

We'll see in the months to come - who the weak one is.

 

I haven't attempted to contact you since the "healing for me" email - and the letter I mailed about the results after finding you had blocked me from your phones Ios.

 

Thats gonna be a hard letter for you I suppose. So I'm waiting for it to be returned - or a rage as a result.

 

Since there was no medical reason except excessive stress - and we both know who created the majority of it.

 

But perhaps none of that will happen. Perhaps you'll still remain in your silent persecution you've imposed on yourself.

 

I find myself again thanking god for saving my child from this type of behaviors from you, even if it meant I couldn't have him.

[Mary Oak]

Hey. I really want a hug from you today. Who am I kidding, I want you to come home, I want to be us again. But, I have accepted that we will not ever be again, but it still sucks.

 

I saw you today. You looked beautiful. Wish I could have told you. But, you have someone else to tell you things like that now.

 

My birthday is Friday. I have no plans. My big plans is having the plumber come over and fix the leak under the house. What used to be our home that we bought together. The one we searched and searched for, the one you truly loved.

 

You just got back from vacation. I see you living your life. I guess if you were to look at me from the outside, you would think the same thing. But, if you could see my insides they are so twisted up in knots.

 

Anyways, I will continue to stay away from you. I see no reason for us to ever speak again. But, even as I type this, I cry.

 

I just keep telling myself that God would not have removed you from my life if you were supposed to be there.

[stillfiguringitallou]

I'm contemplating a move, I told you about it months ago - and it's still on the radar. To go back and complete my degree in a field we both enjoy.

 

You were my best friend for so long I WANT to tell you about it.

 

but I can't.

 

The closer I get to realizing it's over. The more likely the move is. The school has a campus nearby - so I don't have to - but sometimes a new fresh start is the best sort of start.

[MajorOak]

Like most on this forum I wished for so long you hadn't left me, so now your back, you are sorry. You dont know what sorry is, I don't see it either.

 

Now the pain is different, the trust is shattered, I constantly wonder what your up to.

If im honest its harder now, at least before I knew you were with that xxxxbag. I knew where I stood with you, second best.

I miss me now also, you see girl, when you left me and blew my world apart, me is all I was left with, I miss me now.

People say it will never be the same, well the same wasn't good enough last time or you wouldn't have chucked in 27 years.

If this was all about you wanting to be with someone else, I'm sure I would get over it. My brain and heart constantly play tricks on me and on each other, I hate this.

People also say nothing last's forever, I thought you were my nothing, that's the saddest thing Im trying to get over.

[stillfiguringitallou]

So I've been working this book on co dependency. Realizing how so many of the things I actually thought my mom did right .... were wrong, and have effected me to this day.

 

But, I'm also realizing how so many of the things you think your mom did right, were wrong, and are effecting you to this day.

 

I've come to the conclusion we are both just co dependent - I honestly believe you are more so than I - and in an attempt to be less, you have just gone from one extreme to the next.

 

Working this book and these steps is hard. It's mentally and emotionally draining, but I've got a few months before school starts back to devote to it, and I am determined to be a better me.

 

I bought you a copy of both of them and had them direct shipped to you. I suppose I will know in a short amount of time if you truly are determined to be a better you or not, by whether you return them. I hope you don't.

 

There are no strings attached to the gift. I just want to give you one last parting gift, and maybe show you that your recovery and ability to be happy from the inside out really does matter, regardless of the outcome or our lost future.

 

Best of luck my love.

 

We're both going to need it for the journey ahead. Especially since we don't have each other to keep us focused.

[coltsfan1]

No more shots downtown, or going to dinner and polishing off a bottle of red. How about that song we ALWAYS heard when we went out. Or sitting on the couch together while we both worked. Welp guess that's over.

[NomiMalone]

It would never have worked anyway.

[VanessaVanessa]

There's a small shift, I can feel it. I'm not sure what it is or where it will lead, but I guess I will move with this shift. I think I am done with the crying. Done with the numerous restless thoughts. I know I have to isolate the situation I am in with this family, against whatever happened - or didn't happen - with us. We were only together in person for... it's basically embarrassing to say. The hardest thing was because of that, the validity of any feelings which I had (or remain having) for you were never considered by the people in my milieu. Believe that.

 

I don't know what you are up to today, this moment or have been for the last 8 months. But I am shifting. I don't know what your interests are today, this moment or for the past 8 months. But I am shifting. I don't know who you know today, this moment or have known for the past 8 months. I don't know your opinions today, in this moment or for the past 8 months. But I feel I will need to be shifting.

If only that phone call I had so desperately imagined. But it wasn't, and I can't pinch these bruises too much longer. Though you will probably always be remembered, it didn't finish with a memory, but a lesson I never should've had to learn.

[hidden_ua]

get lost, you *****. i don't want you with me, in me. i hate you!

ps: 1 year of NC

[MajorOak]

What you have done reminds me of a scab, keep picking at it and it will never go away, intime you are left with a Scar.

[AnyaNova]

On a little over a year since we got together..

 

 

I find myself wondering, if you could throw me away so easily, what is to stop any man?

[Haydn]

You are not jaded Anya. You are a smart and intelligent woman. See it.

 

 

 

 

On a little over a year since we got together..

 

 

I find myself wondering, if you could throw me away so easily, what is to stop any man?

[AnyaNova]

You are not jaded Anya. You are a smart and intelligent woman. See it.

 

 

 

Can't even have a cynical moment around you people...

 

 

I know. The right man wouldn't let family, parents, or all the house loans in all the entire continental US stand between him and I.

 

 

I just wonder if that man even exists right now.

[umirano]

Bad day today. 2 months since BU, ~11 days since last contact (replied to a message by her). And I saw a pic of her and a screenshot of a chat on my phone that I missed when I deleted her material a few weeks ago.

 

And I'm not concentrating on what I should be concentrating on.

 

Going to do that now...

[jonsnuh]

Today is my breakup anniversary.

 

Time went by so fast this year, and I didn't know it. So much stuff could have been done, but instead the fear of the unknown and taking chances has kept me in school for most of the year. On the other hand, if I hadn't sought help immediately, I wouldn't be here typing this. Probably with brains splattered on the floor of my university residence or hanging from the ceiling. Possibly in jail having gone after you, your family, and your friends. It was a dark, dark period in my life and I have every intention of making it the most insignificant part by compartmentalizing it.

 

My family have supported me and done whatever they've could. I finally had committed to travel, and despite the cynic the relationship created in me, I was able to let go and finally enjoy life and its leisure. Living in the moment. Using what other people thought to my advantage and not antagonizing myself for things I can't change.

 

You said you wanted to be with someone else for reasons I couldn't change. You only said that because you knew deep down, that I could change when I said I could change my flaws in the relationship. It always came down to you. I always thought it was always me and you broke my confidence. But I've realized that I was right to criticize you at the end, when you didn't want to hear any of it. You knew because it was the truth staring you right in the face.

 

You never wanted to make it work. You never tried and you had let that opportunity slip away. You were always a selfish, manipulative, and resentful whore who couldn't stay true to yourself, when all you needed was to be truthful, respectful, and loyal. I had no problems with you sleeping with other people. You should have told me from the start, so I would've left you and we could've been better people.

 

I hate myself for being naive. I dislike myself for trying to be a good person, to believe people at face value, and seeing the good in people. Whether this was an offshoot from a Christian upbringing or not, you tainted the beauty of what we had and what we could have achieved. You had that opportunity and you threw it away. I was never one to force anything on anyone. Evangelising is something I am completely against, and how you described me showed me how little you knew about me.

 

Finally, I just wanted to say. You will always be in my heart and on my mind, as a scar or growth that I cannot incise away. After coming back from the gym, the ghost of you came back. Not only was I tossing and turning in bed think about how you were, what you were doing, and whether we'd meet again... I had to imagine that moment if we did meet and the man I could never be. You have been a waste of my energy this entire year. It's not an insult, it's a fact.

 

I loved you for who you were. But it was never meant to last. Thank you for teaching me.

Edited June 13, 2014 by jonsnuh

[Doubtsforever]

I miss you, there's no doubt about it. But I kinda ****ed up things and now it doesn't matter. I will be better. I hope you keep the good things you're now doing with your life, and I hope you'll find someone who can be with someone just as amazing as you. Goodbye forever.

[AnyaNova]

I miss you, there's no doubt about it. But I kinda ****ed up things and now it doesn't matter. I will be better. I hope you keep the good things you're now doing with your life, and I hope you'll find someone who can be with someone just as amazing as you. Goodbye forever.

 

 

 

I'm confused.

 

 

If you miss them, and you are the dumper, why wouldn't it be worth (as long as you are sure you are not just breadcrumbing) seeing where they are at?

 

 

Perhaps, they miss you too.

[newenglandkid]

I went to see the concert we both were suppose to see together. Ya know the one you had talked about really wanting to go see. Well I couldn't even make it to the main act before breaking down and having my bro take me home. I miss you so much and wish you were there instead, I love you with all my heart and wish you would just come around and see how good things were instead of "what could be"

 

I love you now and forever.

[Hoosfoos]

Im drunk and I miss you so much its killing me. But its not enough to make me contact you.

[todreaminblue]

i didnt get to know you better,

for shame for regret i could not write a letter,

to apologize or say goodbye,

i knew not then now I think not why,

for some things are more in tune with gain,

and not with tears that hide in rain,

so goodbye my friend my unknown time,

you just you,your heart and in more than rhyme,

should or would i so choose to say to you,

you do not care to know its through,

nor my love and respect for you,

is soemthing i should share or do,

but i tell you one more time,

with my respect in rhyme,

a hearts intent never shown,

mine is bright love, unrequited

never grown,

 

do i pause to say goodbye

why i cant i know not why,

nor even, nor even then,

could it be that it was lost way back when,

 

will of iron that could not break,

my heart that was yours to take,

so in the desert i wait with thirst to slake,

a regretful home to make,

when waters sigh and dream,

love was not in the stars it seems,

so i placed that love up there for you,

i feel to help you through

give it to the woman that has your care

to lift and in love you share........deb

Edited June 14, 2014 by todreaminblue

[VanessaVanessa]

I miss you, there's no doubt about it. But I kinda ****ed up things and now it doesn't matter. I will be better. I hope you keep the good things you're now doing with your life, and I hope you'll find someone who can be with someone just as amazing as you. Goodbye forever.

 

 

I have wished to hear those words from my ex. It's hard to let go of that wish.

 

Anyways, you realising this is more than some people will ever do.

[edgygirl]

I broke our NC since June 2nd this past Wednesday cause I had to throw in your face that that issue was no longer an issue (confirmed by my doc). I'm not sure I regret breaking NC, but now it hurts all over again. I miss you so much it hurts. I was sad but alright in the first week... but being in contact threw me down again.

 

I can't believe I tried to break up so many times and it never happened, but this once you broke up was real and final. Why is it always like that?

 

I can't believe you didn't open up for real intimacy and why you didn't try harder. We were so good together. We could have make it work.

 

Oh lord I miss you. Our meeting of minds. And I miss our sex. The best sex I have ever had in my life. How can someone possibly substitute that?

[edgygirl]

I wonder if you'll miss me when you start dating again. If you'll compare them to me.

 

When our relationship was still good but we were not exclusive, you once said that if you dated other people, they would be stacked against me... at the time I could tell you meant I was awesome...

 

Ugh!

 

I hope you miss me and realize how awesome we were. You're being an idiot.

[sickoflove11]

I'm trying so hard to ignore you but I'm just waiting for you to reach out again. I didn't respond to your text because you've been taking so long to respond to me, so then you snapchat me. I refuse to respond in any way. Its starting to affect me negatively.

You've got some kind of hold on me. I can't tell if you really believe we are just friends now but I feel something and I'm not sure what that feeling is either.

You will probably message me eventually but maybe not, what then?

[todreaminblue]

ill never let my guard down with you because i simply cant trust what you do or say , you appear to be one way more often than not you act another, where does honesty play its gracious hand to give rest to distrust, not with you i believe, because i dont believe you truly beleive in what you preach about solidarity and loyalty, you are an anomaly an enigma or human chance at knowing greatness yet you do not feel great to me, you do not inspire me to be great so how can inspire you to do likewise

 

 

while you sleep i am wide awake and i am working even if i appear not to be i dont sleep while things need restoring but yet you, do you waste time and my time as well,where i could be thinking of higher thoughts and dreams and assporations to chase, be but you honest that i could speak with you plainly in english that is easily understood, in other words because it is free from deception and misdirection...until then i misdirect and re route you in your snores and sleep, while i wander on, working awake finding joy in simple pleasures and simply understood people........should i have called you gutless or let my tone be beneath what i am a capable of expressing.....no i shouldnt have slipped up in frustration and anger that was a misfire from an slr that failed to hit a watermelon, yes i should apologize.....you go first....its polite of me to let you have the blessing of an apology truly meant adn get there first ahead of me...... so say it stupid......ill apologize for that slip of stupid later....hugs your friend deb.....no i am not hugging you but it sounds ok and pleasant to do.....

'

 

 

 

yeah not sending that by text ever.......deb

Edited June 14, 2014 by todreaminblue