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polywog

By polywog
in Coping

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stillfiguringitallou Established Member

stillfiguringitallou

Posted
Posted

I got the test results back today.

 

No genetic or chromosomal abnormalities.

 

Possible "contributing factors"

extreme maternal stress, diet, lack of rest ... etc etc - these are the things I didn't tell you. Because I didn't want you to feel more guilty

 

You didn't even thank me for having the respect to let you know the results even after we split up.

 

You are such a ball less bastard

 

Now all the loose strings are tied. Now I can finally let you go for good - and move on from this nightmare that came from a false dream.

Always Pondering Established Member

Always Pondering

Posted
Posted

I don't know why but the last three nights in a row you were in my dreams.

 

The first... your partner broke up with you, you came crying to me, and I walked away from you. I felt terrible and happy at the same time.

 

The second one I cannot remember but I know it wasn't that significant.

 

The third one--last night's dream--someone stole my phone then sent you a friend request on a messaging application. I was absolutely furious and was yelling at everyone to find out who did it. I found out she accepted my friend request and sent me a message but I woke up before I could read it.

 

Now, I know dreams can just be dreams and there is most likely no significance to them or if anything, my subconscious need for close companionship, but this really bothers me. I don't understand why you have resurfaced into my dreams after months and months of it not happening.

 

I wake up feeling confused, almost as if the events in the dreams really happened.

 

I don't know why now of all times but please leave my dreams. I am finally getting back on track and I don't want this.

Mary Oak Established Member

Mary Oak

Posted
Posted

Hey you. I am forgetting you. I know that is a good thing as it hurts to remember you. WHen I think of you, I don't think of any particular time really, I just think of your essence. I used to be able to "feel" you. I can't anymore. THe only reason I want to continue to forget you is to stop this heartache. I can't take it anymore. Sometimes i wonder how you are, but I mostly assume you are great. I know you are where you want to be...unless you wouldn't be there. When you wrote me the other day saying that you hoped I was ok, were you just trying to assuage your guilt? You see my car every day at work, so you know I am ok. I am sorry I didn't write you back, but I know I can't. And to be honest, I don't see the point. We are not going to be friends. I know you want that, but I don't. I could never see you as just a friend. And if God takes the thoughts of you away, then I won't even think about you. I have enough friends. Ones that I can't be hurt by. I know you miss me. I know you do, and I am sorry but I can give you nothing anymore. I gave you my heart and you didn't believe it was sincere enough. I know I made mistakes, I am human. But, I have changed and you have had so much time to see the changes in me. Anyways, no need to keep rambling...for now, my heart loves you and missed you. I am really sorry I can't be more to you.

  • Like 3
Timmy1992 Member

Timmy1992

Posted
Posted (edited)

Dear person who has ruined my life,

 

I dont know how you can go to bed at night knowing you destroyed an amazing person. You threw away someone that worshiped the ground you walk on and wanted to give you the world. Your happiness was my happiness your smile was a goal I always tried to achieve.

 

How can you function everyday and not look back or think about me after the 15 years we have known eachother the fact we grew up togther and how I wanted you to give me my first kiss but you threw me away for another man like always.

 

I wanted to protect you from the hurt these men caused you...all the men that slowly corupted you and took away the love of my life. Now I mean nothing to you and everyday I cry for you. My heart misses you my life stopped because of you. I hate you so much you dont deserve a place in my heart. But I hate myself even more because I still worry about if your ok or if one day one of those guys you meet at the bar might try to hurt you like before. I wish I really could be spinelesss and evil like you.

 

I wish I could wipe away my memory of ever falling in love with you. You have caused me so much pain to the point my life feels meaningless now every day I must force myself to find a way to not hurt myself. So while you lay in bed with that new man maybe he can be better than me. Maybe he can cope with the pain you caused me when you ditch him like me.

 

Burn the love notes I wrote you in basic trainining... the ones I stood up all night with my flashlight on in the dark writting. You are so cold and heartless but I still do hope without me to there to protect you, you are safe and ok... I hope oneday my heart can let go of you forever and I can be free from your imprisonment. Maybe oneday I wont want to give up on life and will see that I can be loved no thanks to you.

 

Thank you for ruining my life and robbing me of my happiness.

Edited by Timmy1992
lovehurtsme91 Member

lovehurtsme91

Posted
Posted

I don't know how you wake up each morning living like you did absolutely no wrong. I don't know how you manage to cheat on me after 4 years of relationship and breaking it off on my birthday.

 

I just can't seem to understand how you could do such a thing. You were the sweetest when you were with me but suddenly you just turn into this guy I do not recognize and the guy I was afraid of. You put me in the position I told you never to.

 

I have always told you I will never regret a relationship cos I believe that each relationship helps me learn something. Although this relationship with you helps me realize "cheater is always a cheater", I still can't figure out if I regret starting it with you. I honestly have no idea if I regret being in a relationship with you and I hate you for that.

 

All the best in trying to keep me a secret forever from your current girl. All the best trying to lie your way out and all the best trying to be open with her with all the ****ty views of life you see. Knowing you, you will have a TOUGH time cos you can't be open with her and gosh what joy I find in that! And when and if she finds out about me, I hope she leaves your fat ass! Idiot jerk piece of ****!

redbaron005 Established Member

redbaron005

Posted
Posted
Hey you. I am forgetting you. I know that is a good thing as it hurts to remember you. WHen I think of you, I don't think of any particular time really, I just think of your essence. I used to be able to "feel" you. I can't anymore. THe only reason I want to continue to forget you is to stop this heartache. I can't take it anymore. Sometimes i wonder how you are, but I mostly assume you are great. I know you are where you want to be...unless you wouldn't be there. When you wrote me the other day saying that you hoped I was ok, were you just trying to assuage your guilt? You see my car every day at work, so you know I am ok. I am sorry I didn't write you back, but I know I can't. And to be honest, I don't see the point. We are not going to be friends. I know you want that, but I don't. I could never see you as just a friend. And if God takes the thoughts of you away, then I won't even think about you. I have enough friends. Ones that I can't be hurt by. I know you miss me. I know you do, and I am sorry but I can give you nothing anymore. I gave you my heart and you didn't believe it was sincere enough. I know I made mistakes, I am human. But, I have changed and you have had so much time to see the changes in me. Anyways, no need to keep rambling...for now, my heart loves you and missed you. I am really sorry I can't be more to you.

 

This is beautifully written. So heartfelt.

 

A quote from Rose Kennedy comes to mind: "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

  • Like 4
Always Pondering Established Member

Always Pondering

Posted
Posted

My friend mentioned today that he ran into you and your boyfriend and your parents at a local restaurant and talked about it.

 

When he was talking about it, my heart sped up a little. I noticed that my heart rate went up a little and I was irritated that it did. Does this mean I still care? Man I'm pissed off. I'm also pissed off at my friend. I thought I told him not to mention anything at all about or involving her. Jeez.

 

I mean why was that story so important to mention to me?

whatsherface Member

whatsherface

Posted
Posted

Hey you,

 

I thought I was doing better but I'm not. The things I thought I could let go...I can't. I almost wish you weren't so good to me during our relationship because it just makes this healing process that much harder. I can't think of anything negative about you. Sigh...why did you have to move away? Timing is really not on our side...it's so unfair.

 

I don't think I'll ever meet anyone who is as sweet, caring, understanding, and as compassionate as you are. Maybe I just have to accept this as fact? You showed me what it's like to live vividly, and now even though you're gone, I can't go back to that muted world.

 

How can I carry on knowing this? How do I go on knowing that no one will ever make me feel so loved and happy again? It hurts so much. I still miss you.

stillfiguringitallou Established Member

stillfiguringitallou

Posted
Posted

Today I miss you. A Lot. Tonight would be our night to drink beer and watch food reviews on you tube - and decide which to try the next day.

 

So I miss you alot.

 

Unlike a lot of people I KNOW I will find someone else and love again.

 

But I don't want to. Not right now.

 

Right now I want to have hope that it isn't what I think it is. That our relationship didn't start with a built in death sentence.

 

But it did, and I really need to learn to accept that.

 

Today I miss us ... maybe tomorrow I'll be better again for a while.

JahnJahn Established Member

JahnJahn

Posted
Posted

Im having a bad day, Ive done nothing productive but just think about you. Everything else seems to tedious to do. Its a great day outside and I am wasting it.

 

I hope you are happy with whoever you are with and whatever you are doing. I would not wish any of the hurt I am going through on you. I just hope you find what you are looking for.

 

Have a good weekend (well I know you will).

Hoosfoos Established Member

Hoosfoos

Posted
Posted

I wonder if it's just easier for you to blame the end of our relationship on me, or did it occur to you you that maybe your attitude towards me had a negative effect on me.

 

No, I'm not perfect, but I was 100% invested in making things work. Every time I tried to bring up things that mattered to me, you wrote off my feelings, laughed, and never apologized. Turn the tables, however, and if something I did/said bothered you, your reaction was swift, and strong. And you would drill it through my head that you had been wronged. And not to mention let loose with some disparaging remarks or some insult.

 

"Do unto others as others would do unto you."

 

WAIT

 

That sentiment does not apply to you.

 

And that makes it easy for you to tell people, "There's no way you could ever see it working out."

 

It's because you only give a **** about yourself, and have no empathy.

 

Yet I still f*cking miss you.

VanessaVanessa Established Member

VanessaVanessa

Posted
Posted

Heard that song again on the drive home from picking up some things in the afternoon. Before you told me about it I had heard it. I hated it. The voice and instruments were so irritating and so I would change the station. Many times before you talking about that song it was automatic for me to change it. Now I still hate it as much as before you mentioned it. It is still all irritating, but I don't change it anymore. Not too sure why. I will just tolerate it until it's over, though I can easily change the station. I don't know. Hopefully soon it will just disappear off the air waves... The song and all.

Ally1993 Member

Ally1993

Posted
Posted

Wonder if you remember what today is...

On this day a year ago we went on our first date

The best date I've been on in my life

 

Crazy how things can change in just a year

 

I miss you

True Gent Established Member

True Gent

Posted
Posted

You know not a single day has went by where I don't think about what you did.

 

I don't know how you live with yourself. You're selfish to the core, not to mention an unstable narcissist. At least you have plenty personality traits in common with lover boy.

newenglandkid Established Member

newenglandkid

Posted
Posted

Lol I saw you finally deleted that twitter DM you sent me in April (the one jokingly asking me to marry you). I bet you had a fun weekend getting drunk with all your friends, meanwhile I was doing stuff i really enjoyed. Even though these past few weeks have been really tough, this weekend was the first time I had a good time without you. I've realized you were a selfish SOB who only wanted to do what you wanted to do. Yeah you did a few things that I wanted to do but it was always a struggle to convince you do to it. Whenever you wanted to do something, I rolled with the punches and said alright. I hope your happy now that your single and you can do whatever you want with whomever you want and not have to listen to anybody. I know that's why you really broke up with me. I just hope you realize, that feeling will wear off and when it does I want you to remember how f*cking great I treated you.

Jingle14 Established Member

Jingle14

Posted
Posted

I’ve had a really good weekend, spent with lovely people who were so welcoming and delighted to spend time with me. I was smiling, warm, friendly and funny – well, people laughed, so I guess that’s what they thought.

 

If I keep on being ‘happy’, keep on laughing and being friendly, being ‘carefree’ then maybe one day this emptiness I’ve felt since you dumped me 3 years ago this month will be filled with real and genuine emotion and I’ll stop feeling like a fraud.

 

The emptiness has changed, from an all encompassing and overwhelming feeling of utter pain, misery and disbelief – from when a minute felt like an hour and an hour an eternity and all I could think of was you, what you were doing and with whom (knowing I had been replaced was all my nightmares come true – I’m thankful that, to this day, I’ve never actually seen you with anyone else, so I can kid myself this person/s who you prefer over me doesn’t exist) – to a dull ache. To a feeling I do my utmost on a daily basis to supress and stamp out.

 

I do a good job of convincing myself and my friends – even new acquaintances when my past comes up in conversation – what a tw@t you are (and you were, often, I’m not denying that) and how much I detest you, how ‘over you’ I am. And I can continue doing that until the end of time but I know, deep down, you are still ‘in’ there. You’re my Achilles Heel, you always will be for, however much of a lying bastard you could be, you were also – for a brief period of time – the kindest, gentlest, most sensitive and innocent of souls that I had ever known and I was in disbelief every day that you were mine and that you felt as deeply for me as I did for you. How wonderful it was that, at our age, we had found ‘the one’. If only that could have continued. If only you could really have been that person. What a life we would have had.

 

I miss you.

Dazed'n'Confused Member

Dazed'n'Confused

Posted
Posted

Well, yet another commitment you failed to keep. I wish I understood why you've chosen to treat me the way you have, I'm not even looking for reasons anymore. You're a deceptive, manipulative and calculating individual and I should have known better. You lied to me, you tried to cheat on me, and yet i still find myself missing you from time to time. What the **** is wrong with me.

biddybud Member

biddybud

Posted
Posted

I still love you and I wish I didn't. I wish that you would just get out of my head so I could get on with the truly important things in my life. I wish you weren't the first person I thought about every morning, I wish that I didn't cry for half an hour every morning before I could get out of bed.

 

I wish you would apologise. I wish you would hurt too.

I wish you missed me.

AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

I looked it up.

 

 

We got together on June 8th.

 

 

No. I still don't have anyone, but by my choice. I've had some dates, but nobody was really right for me. And I wasn't right for them because of it.

 

 

I still miss you. Not that it matters to you.

 

 

I wonder if to be able to keep no contact you've warped things in your head. Decided that I must have done something that I didn't, or been something that I wasn't.

 

 

I don't know anymore.

 

 

These crashes need to end.

 

 

I'm very tired of them.

JahnJahn Established Member

JahnJahn

Posted
Posted

It's hard knowing your routine and the kind of person I believed you are change so dramatically in a matter of weeks. It doesn't feel natural and seeing as you are probably with someone else, makes this whole thing that much worse.

 

It's hard to keep NC and maybe it's for the best and I will grow from this, but I hope one day we can be friends and be happy for each other.

 

I don't know how you are coping, I'm just making assumptions based on your routine change. I just hope you fix your problems and you find what you are looking for. I feel like asking to see you but if you had any intention of seeing me then you would say so. I guess you never realised my worth. Il keep being who I am and evolving myself as a person. One day someone will value me for what I am worth.

lamis Established Member

lamis

Posted
Posted

For the past two months or so I have actually been doing pretty well, other than the one breakdown I had last month, but that was in connection to anxiety about something so I'm not sure it counts.

 

However, today I woke up really sad again for the first time in a while. Ups and downs I guess, but I have been fairly up for a while. It sucks because I thought I was kind of in the clear with just feeling awful, but I guess I will still have a day here and there.

 

It has been almost three months, that's pretty crazy. I can't help but wonder how things are going with your new relationship that you (probably) rushed into. I guess you guys have been together for two months now or something? I wonder if in the end you will feel like giving someone as awesome as me up was worth it for that guy. It is difficult for me on days like this to know absolutely nothing about your life, but I know that it is for the best.

 

Like I said though, 95 percent of the time these days I wouldn't exactly say I'm super happy, or that I don't think about how ****ty what happened was, but it doesn't really get me down all that much. I try to focus on how selfish I can be in life right now and enjoy that. There are definitely some nice aspects to being single, and I am glad I can see that now.

 

I still have yet to really be attracted to/interested in another woman, which is frustrating sometimes. But I guess I just need more time. I thought I was going to marry you less than three months ago, so yeah.

nightrain Member

nightrain

Posted
Posted (edited)

Honestly I hope karma takes care of your dumb*** and soon I hope.You are a disgusting low life human being and you don't deserve to be happy, I should.

 

PS. I hope you get an std.

Edited by nightrain
Hello201 Member

Hello201

Posted
Posted

so you rang last night

 

to tell me all your problems with your mum sister and other sisters car , i said oh right you said dont worry , i said im not you went quiet

 

there was a lot of quiet passages in the phone call , i dont know what you expected i told you some stuff i never told you how i feel , again you lost that right when you broke up with me

 

i told you ive lost 5 kg you havent lost any but i bet youve put some on or why would you go on a massively strict diet ?

 

you asked how i was i changed the subject you may have been asking because you actually care or you may have been asking as you want to feel better for what you did . i think its the first one as you are a decent person just confused because you are free now free from the horrible men who hurt you , until i came along and then you said you wasnt ready

you are sad i dont care how much you pretend i know your voice ive been with you when youre like this , you say youre tired again this is sadness from you

i wont ring you you need to understand what you did , please dont think we can be go back to how it was before we were together when we were friends i listended to all your problems etc cos that is what friends do

 

im sorry but those days are gone , i miss you and still love you xxxx

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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