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Post here instead of contacting your ex!

polywog

By polywog
in Coping

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me85 Established Member

me85

Posted
Posted

I knew you would contact me even though I asked you not to.

 

Just didn't know it would be this soon.

 

& you sent me yet another music video...another song that has no REAL meaning coming from you.

 

I'm not going to respond this time.

 

Just stop.

 

I will admit that I do get the satisfaction of knowing I'm on your mind but baby, these games are so old and played out.

 

I'm simply bored of you.

  • Like 1
newenglandkid Established Member

newenglandkid

Posted
Posted

Dear J,

 

I secretly hope I run into you at tmrws concert, I'm hoping some liquid confidence will break the ice between us and we can just enjoy ourselves. It's Friday night, usually we'd have something planned together, maybe catch a movie or something. Instead I'm forcing myself to go out to stop thinking about you, I'm not sure what your doing but again I hope I see you.

JahnJahn Established Member

JahnJahn

Posted
Posted

Today for me was such a great day, I haven't tried to contact you and I haven't thought about you as much. I was at the gym a few minutes earlier and I really enjoyed myself.

 

I miss you, I really miss your oinks at the end of a hysterical laughter, I miss the little thongs we did together and most of all I miss your beautiful smile. I have a lot of things I want to say to you, I've finally accepted that it's over but I never got to thank you and admit my faults. I hope you are okay, you are not home again (i really need to stop seeing if you're home) but I hope you are okay today and work was fine. Hope the cats are okay too.

Always Pondering Established Member

Always Pondering

Posted
Posted

I'm currently writing down a note of the pros and the cons of us to keep as a reminder and reflect upon myself further and I remembered something I have forgotten for a long time.

 

Along with you sending pictures to your ex while we were together, you then told me you'd stop talking to him for me. I soon found out that you were but told others that you were talking to just a "friend named Fred" and that he was gay. I mean are you kidding me. You actually tried to deceive me. The worst and funny part about it is that his alias was "Fred Jones". I mean, you really could not have come up with a more creative name?

 

When we started dating and becoming a couple, I told myself that things would change and I'd rely on hope when everyone told me not to get into a relationship with you because you were still upset at your ex. I was wrong, they were right. Man, this is exhausting just writing about this.

 

I hope that things between you and your ex are at least sorted out by now. For your sake and your current boyfriend's.

lime87 Member

lime87

Posted
Posted

I still hold onto the hope that after a few weeks of NC you'll realise how much you miss me. I just need to make it through. I hope I'm strong enough to deal with it if that time comes. Even if you don't miss me then I'll be in a better place.

 

I miss you.

FredJones80 Established Member

FredJones80

Posted
Posted
You actually tried to deceive me. The worst and funny part about it is that his alias was "Fred Jones". I mean, you really could not have come up with a more creative name?

 

I can confirm - he wasn't talking to me :lmao::lmao::lmao:

  • Like 1
stillfiguringitallou Established Member

stillfiguringitallou

Posted
Posted

A few days not communicating with you (and no for the MILLIONTH time - just because I write ABOUT you, somewhere I've always written ABOUT things that are on my mind, does not mean I am communicating with you) and just keeping in my own head, have made a world of difference in my outlook.

 

Right now at this minute 4 text messages just came through and my phone is ringing, And I'm not rushing over there because I don't care if it's you, and I know I'll just ignore it if it is. My friends - they know I'll get back to them in a moment anyway.

 

Hanging out with and talking to my guy friends - I know why that intimidated you so much. They are the ones who showed me how stupid this all has been. How many of my own "rules for treatment" I let YOU of all people break.

 

You're good - I give you that - REAL DAMN good. I've lived a life of liars and manipulators and even I did not see through your veil. I bought into the whole thing. Until now. When I really stopped to think about it. And our relationship failure was my fault ... your marriages failure was you ex wifes fault. Your inability to maintain a relationship with your oldest daughter and her mother - their fault.

 

You're a little boy masquerading as a man. And doing so so poorly that by two years in everyone starts to get tired of it and either leaves - or blows it up. The longest relationship you've had was your marriage and SHE had affairs ... seeing how you neglect and cold shoulder someone everytime your dissapointed (and lets face it - you get disappointed all the time - we should all just KNOW what you want today right) I'm no longer surprised.

 

My life is better off without you in it. Your mom was right about that - you weren't good for me - you aren't a good companion - and given enough time and separation to re evaluate the relationship I find that I don't want it back at all.

 

You have your good qualities - I won't deny you those - but I fear they are probably all part of the game you play.

 

But ya know what you're going to realize one day - if you ever reach the emotional maturity of a grown man. You're going to realize that YOUR life - was better with ME in it.

 

Go fill your void with some new girl who doesn't know you. Lie to her about your insecurities that your wife left you with. Tell her only about how strong you were when you left cause you caught her cheating - without telling her how many times she cheated on you - without telling her you took her back the first time she really asked you to.

 

Leave out the fact that you have an older child - like you did with me - one you abandoned because you couldn't stand to see your ex's moving on when you can't - one that can't even stand to talk to you because you're so manipulative you can't even let her have her justified anger at you for leaving without trying to validate your reasoning to her.

 

Leave out the fact that you just walked out on your girlfriend of two years four days after she lost your child .... leave that out too - because no sane woman would allow you within 15 feet of her if you were honest about that. Just tell her how you had been "seeing some girl off and on who went crazy on you a month ago because you wanted to back off" that will make her feel sorry for you - just like it did me.

 

Go play your victim game again - get the pity relationship - again.

 

Because one thing you're right about

 

I'm NOT a victim - I am a survivor - and my life gets more beautiful everyday that you are gone.

 

I love you - and I miss the good times - but those are things out of my control. My willingness to continue this **** despite the reality of it - is in my control. I won't back down this time - I won't fold - I won't let you close enough to make me want to.

  • Like 1
Always Pondering Established Member

Always Pondering

Posted
Posted
I can confirm - he wasn't talking to me :lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Haha! That made my day right there. :lmao:

  • Like 1
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

You know.

 

I still hold that it is irrational for two people who get along so well to not be friends and to not be in contact (research actually indicates that for people with certain trauma issues in their past breakup recovery actually can be aided by remaining in contact), but the fact is, you are done and you are gone and show mo signs of hanging that.

 

So I can survive this too and start over again. Imagine the kind of research and the things I will be able to do when treatment begins and I am healed, whole, and healthy.

 

One hung you taught me. Reserve a huge part of my heart for a hell of a lot longer.

 

I really loved you, preying mantis, and you threw it away like used chewed up bubble gum!

  • Like 1
JahnJahn Established Member

JahnJahn

Posted
Posted

Its quite frustrating that I know your number by heart and I know your routine too. Seeing such a drastic shift in your routine is not easy for me to handle.

 

I promised myself I would not check up on you and I feel pathetic that I broke that promise to myself, not even a day has passed since I convinced myself to start moving on.

 

I guess you truly are moving on. I dont want to think or know who you are with or what you have been doing. I know either way it will still hurt me. I cant get myself to delete you from FB, Skype because of the connection you have with my family and on PSN because I know one day I will get over this and we can be friends :/

 

I miss you so much that I continually delude myself into forgetting that I do miss you. You haven't asked how I am and though I know it is not your responsibility to do so and I haven't done the same, I think it would have made this all much easier knowing you're thinking of me :(

 

Im gonna try and actually sleep now and stop stalking you. Goodnight.

lime87 Member

lime87

Posted
Posted

I feel like I'm going crazy but I'm getting a bit better each day.

 

I joined a better gym so I can go swimming three or four times a week. I went for a swim today, swam for thirty minutes and then sat in the steam room. I feel good now for doing some exercise but I still miss you and my thoughts always end up on you.

 

I was asked out for coffee by a male workmate this week. I think I'll go but I'll make sure he knows it's nothing serious and I'll just try to enjoy it. I went out yesterday and got a bit drunk (probably shouldn't have) and had some fun. I'm booking a trip to Spain with friends tomorrow. I'm back at work tomorrow. I'll get through this. I'm waiting for my CBT sessions from the doctors so think better of myself as a person. I need to love myself before others, and still loving you won't help me right now.

 

I've been reading a lot about NC and the law of attraction. My friend sent me the Magic of Making Up so I've been reading that. It's probably nothing that'll help but it's a distraction. I still am going round in circles.

 

I still think you'll have a realisation of what a mistake you've made in a few weeks. Not contacting you for nearly two weeks has broken me down and I'm slowly building myself back up. I don't want the old relationship back, but I'd like you back for something new. But in NC I'll stay. I'm a little stronger in keeping that up than I thought.

Kelika New Member

Kelika

Posted
Posted

Come on. You can do better. All of your other girlfriends were at least pretty, with nice smiles. Your last girlfriend before me was exquisite.

 

This one? Short, dumpy, scraggly hair, wide face, bulbous nose, beady little rodent eyes, no make-up, grin that says she has lousy teeth, and a long stretchy skirt with an oversized leather jacket to a carnival? What boardwalk was she on when you found her? Total low-rent Queens.

 

The caption under the picture of her holding two juvenile looking toys said it only cost $22 to the carnies. I wanted to ask if that included her.

 

Did you deliberately pick someone homely this time so she would be wowed by you? Hate to break it to you, but you didn't look so good the last time I saw you. You're getting close to that creepy "40 and never married" look.

 

Be careful. Even though you get feces thrown on you for a living, you're still a civil servant with a house and a pension, and her biological clock is ticking. Better use a condom.

 

Good grief.

  • Like 1
newenglandkid Established Member

newenglandkid

Posted
Posted

Hey babe hope ya have a good day at work. It was great talking to you yesterday, like you said. Maybe we can talk later on!

JahnJahn Established Member

JahnJahn

Posted
Posted

I dont know how hard it is for you but surely its not the same rollacoster im on.

I miss you so much its numbing.

 

I dont know how you are or what you are doing but I hope one day you realise you made a mistake. Right now you may be enjoying life and the excitement of being single or being with another guy.

 

I know this feeling will pass but I just cant help but wonder if you ever felt the same way or are going through any sort of pain.

JahnJahn Established Member

JahnJahn

Posted
Posted
Hey babe hope ya have a good day at work. It was great talking to you yesterday, like you said. Maybe we can talk later on!

 

What ever happened to NC?

SunsetWay Member

SunsetWay

Posted
Posted

I didn't give up on you. I gave up on our toxicity together. We couldn't seem to get past it and I couldn't handle any more of it. But, I still love you as deeply as ever.

VanessaVanessa Established Member

VanessaVanessa

Posted
Posted

May 25 2013 when I last saw you. I didn't realise it would become the day when I last knew you. It's been over a year since we last were face to face and close to eight months since things ended so horribly. A few days ago I cried the night away just reflecting on it all again. I worked up a little courage to erase the last few emails that I had been keeping from you. I had serious thoughts about mailing those shirts of yours back to you. I came close to packing them in my backpack to send them at the post office. But I told myself to wait, not to send them while i'm in an intense stage of emotion. It was hard but I held myself back. I want to send back your shirts when I don't feel resent and hurt and disappointment and anger and fear. I don't know when I can get there. Otherwise I will be sure to give them back in october to let go of a year since you hurt me badly. They were a gift but how can I keep them and move on? I can't. I wonder what you get up to in your days outside of work. Who are your friends? What are your interests nowadays? Things probably that I am better off not knowing. I just hope your health is good. For now that is all I can really be sure of about you. It consumes me to be sleepless at night. You're still there in the mornings as you are in the late nights. I think I may always care for you and I just wish I didn't because I don't know what was real then and I sure as hell still am not sure what is real or right now. Wondering if you have been with other girls kills me but that possibility is something I must remember and it's a sad, sad thing.

Mary Oak Established Member

Mary Oak

Posted
Posted

It is so hard knowing that you love me, but you only love me as an ex. You will never love me as a partner again. To me, I would really rather you just be indifferent with me. Knowing you care still hurts for some reason.

This was normally our time of year, we would be planning our big summer party and then our summer vacations. You are on vacation now...with your new gf.

I hate everything I feel. I am so tired of hurting.

JahnJahn Established Member

JahnJahn

Posted
Posted

I miss you so much :( I dont want you to contact me but I want you to...

  • Like 1
stillfiguringitallou Established Member

stillfiguringitallou

Posted
Posted

The more time that passes, the more I think you are either a narcassist, sociopath, bipolar or mixture there of.

 

I'm not sure what is going on here. Why I am feeling the way I do -

 

Conflicted.

 

You have always been good about making me feel conflicted.

 

But you reacted to the NC on my side exactly the way I expected. Nastiness. Loss of control always brings out the worst in you.

 

And Baby -

 

I can honestly say ...

 

You've lost control

  • Like 1
lime87 Member

lime87

Posted
Posted

I've heard nothing from you but a clinical email saying you'd be picking more stuff up while I was out. Everyone says you're crazy for giving our relationship up and that you are a fool. I've been clinical with you via the one email I sent you about the house so it's completely hypocritical of me but it hurt so much because there were no feelings there. Did it hurt you?

 

I am trying to put a brave face on it all. People at work think I'm doing okay. I am doing okay. But I am falling apart because I love you dearly.

 

I alternate between anger, acceptance of the problems on both sides and heartbreak. Letting you go is horrible, and I know deep down I'm doing it for the wrong reasons.

petall Established Member

petall

Posted
Posted

One year on and I am so over you now. I learnt so much about me and I got so much stronger. Best of all, I never let myself down and never once got in touch after you dumped me. No contact all the way for me.

 

I am happy again and even feeling attraction towards guys again! I rock so why wouldn't guys be attracted to me! Never doubt myself, I have so much of my old self back again. I know now not having you was actually a blessing. For you are not suited to me, you narcissistic, selfish, commitment phobic, emotionally stunted man. It took me a year of processing to be certain of that.

 

Sure I still think of you and what might have been. But we were just an illusion and I am glad I saw your true colours early on. I truly believe you will be alone forever.

  • Like 1
Erlaad Member

Erlaad

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hej Josefin,

 

some time has passed since we last talked.

 

I contacted your mum tonight. I bet she's mad at me after January. But you know, I did what I had to. If I kept contact with her (and therefore indirectly with you), I wouldn't be were I am now.

 

Am I good? Might be early to say that. But I've come such a long way since when you left me.

 

Yeah, sometimes I get sad or lonely or longing for our time together, but I'm not angry anymore. I'm so glad I'm able to say this and not feel like I'm cheating myself. ^^

 

I'm not angry. I'd almost say you did the right thing. Now I know I had (and still have) issues, and I was wrong on some things. I know I was codependant, I smothered you and treated you badly because I was afraid. I needed you to validate me because I was (am?) not able to validate myself. I had such terrible emotional outbursts, I could get so stupidly angry over silly things. I couldn't control my impulses, I couldn't take care of myself. I was weak-willed and reliant, I was not a whole man: just a shadow longing for you to make me feel alive and happy. I became what you feared the most - and you were not going to put up with that.

 

Who would? Only (old?) me. But on this aspect, you were right, my friend.

 

Mind you, I do not mean to put you on a pedestal (again?). You behaved wrong in many things: you never took time to understand me or my culture, you assumed I was wrong and you were right. You made fun of me in ways which I was (am?) not going to tolerate. You always thought I was the one to do all the stuff (my bad on this one) and therefore never actually made the necessary steps, not without huge fights. The way you broke up with me was terribly cowardly - both times. But most of all, you were not ready for us, for me, for such a big commitment. Not so soon after your big break-up of Dec. 2012.

 

But you know what, my dear? That's ok. You're a human being, like me, like everyone. You did your best when you were with me, you did your best when you broke up, then came back, then broke up again. You made mistakes before, during, and after us. Like I did. There's no shame in that.

 

I'm not angry with you anymore. I hold no grudges. I'm so, so close to finally forgiving and letting go. And when I will, my love for you will be transformed and I will be ready to be my perfect self.

 

Meanwhile, I hope you've been doing ok. In fact, I wish you all the love you deserve and want, that is just as much as I deserve and want, and just as much as everybody here and in world deserves and wants.

 

Sorry, I'm not sending this to you. And no, no contacting you. No facebook stalking, no double-signals. I like to believe that I'm above such things.

 

Our relationship is over, and I let it go. You're free as you always wanted to be.

 

Thanks for us, thanks for what you taught me, thanks for our time together. I'll keep a dear memory for it, while I soar the skies of life, looking for my place in this big, vast world.

 

Take care, and keep on smiling.

With Love,

Stefano

Edited by Erlaad
joseph1109 Member

joseph1109

Posted
Posted

Hello K,

 

Just wanted to take sec to say thank you for dumping me. Since then I have become more financially stable with more than $20 in my pocket on Monday morning to make it til payday because I gave the rest to you to "pay bills" that come to find out were months behind. Thank for allowing me to reconnect with my family who I never saw much because you didn't like them. Thanks for letting me live my everyday life and not feel like I wasn't good enough for the person I loved and had given everything I could to make happy. I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to not be told my feeling were stupid and I that I wasn't normal.

Sorry the dude you left me for turned out to be a total loser, cheater, addict and abuser. He must talk a really good game. Sorry to hear you're broke and getting kicked out of the home we made together. Good thing I have my own house now and it's even nicer than the one we had. To bad your bf spent all of his and your money and left you in such a mess. He went through yours and his finances and apparently didn't appreciate anything. I know how you feel.

Oh, and most of all, thank you tremendously for allowing me to have sex with other women because I get much more lovin now that we are split.

 

Have a nice day and f**k off.

 

Later.

  • Like 2
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

Well,

 

The treatment is starting. Lots of good healthy stuff to help my GI tract heal, de-inflame, and help my body rebalance.

 

Also, I have a ton of new foods that I can't eat for at least two months. Once a certain amount of inflammation kicks in, the GI tract starts reacting to everything.

 

And there is laboratory evidence now that I'm absorbing very poorly. Among other things which I won't go into, despite 4000 IU's daily of Vitamin D3 in capsules for years, My D was low. So I now have a new under the tongue/bypass the GI tract altogether.

 

Do you get it now? Did you think at the time that I was just nuts or hypochondriac? Is that why you broke up, and this whole thing?

 

I was really really sick and I had no clue how badly. And it got worse.

 

But you know what?

 

Now that the treatment has started and I'm avoiding those foods and started the regimen, I feel better already. The other night my attention span was so much increased. I'm back to being able to read a little bit. And I'm feeling physically better, though still more worn out than I should be.

 

But all of the mood stuff, all of the everything was this.

 

And my doctor is going to write documentation for me, so that I can get into other programs. She is confident with that I can get into other programs, and she is confident we can get me healthy and successful again.

 

And you will have missed out on me healthy, because there are so many ways that I could have been an incredible gift to you, and of course, vice versa.

 

but you pulled the plug too early. You lost out, and you made me miss out on you.

 

Now I am watching my closest friend here (since my closest friend, the one I'd see on Friday's while you were doing whatever--whatever happened to not leaving your best girl home of a weekend night anyway--moved to Iowa for a job opportunity) go through the fresh stages of a breakup.

 

But there is love out there for me. And I intend to experience it, and imagine what I will look like with enough nutrition consistently, and enough health.

 

Imagine what I will be able to do.

 

but never let yourself forget what we could have been and aren't. And whose fault it was that we're not. hint: Not mine.

  • Like 3
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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