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Posted (edited)

I just found this thread, what genius. I'll post here as others have done. Yesterday was too close for comfort. Wrote the text. Something told me not to hit send. THANK GOD. It's now safely deleted. I need to take him number off my phone. Why can't I?? Every time a text beeps I rush to it, hoping it's him. I've now changed his text tone so now I know it's never him as it would sound different.

 

I keep 'finding' 'real' reasons that I think I need to communicate with him.

And as for that evil she devil child, why is he making her even worse??

And SO WHAT if I choose to have pets. Show me a man who has stuck by me for as long as they have.

 

If I tell myself I'm better off for enough times, will I really start to believe it.

 

It's his kids birthday this week. He wont be seeing them. It will hurt him like hell and I'm glad. I hate this because I am not an evil person but he hurt me, I want him to hurt. He needs to realise that there are other things in life that can help him feel better. THere is more to life than just the kids. I KNOW they are important, they are FIRST but there has to be a second place too. He cries when they leave because he has nothing in between, why doesn't he see this?

 

SMEEEEGGGGG HEEEADDDDD.

 

I took the first of the kids presents for their birthday back today. IT hurt me taking back the present for the kid who liked me. I will enjoy ebaying the other ones.

 

I left the cards in the package. I hope the vile child opens her card and shakes it looking for money and is a horrible brat when she doesn't find any. He needs to have his eyes opened. 7 yo's it's not natural to ask for money. He never thanked any of the other family for the gifts, nor did the kids. He is so self absorbed.

The kids won't give a cr*p about him on their birthday. They'll be out with their mom and her partner (yes, she's allowed to have one!!)

I hope he has another 4 years of being alone and miserable.

 

Not quite in the forgiveness phase yet then.

Edited by Summerrose2013
Posted

i thought i had something to say...i thought the first thing that i would have said was how much im missing you. but its not quite accurate. earlier today i thought i missed you i even posted about it. but i think it was the environment. it was at work and i guess i expected you to be there so when you werent so maybe thats why i thought i was missing you. i thought about you though. i thought the you and the gf probably made some big plans for the week since she is off from school. then i said that is not my business.

 

i have wondered a few times how my life would have been if i just ignored you in the beginning. i did not even notice you at work. then we started talking and just hit it off. i thought you were different from my then ex and you said i was so different from your then ex. it was a good run. we found things in each other that we were looking for and the friendship became our foundation. although there were rough patches i thought we worked thru them well. i ignored the red flags because i wanted it to work.

 

i thought i saw commitment in you when i went away for a couple of months. i was hesitant to take you seriously when you started talking about marriage but my defenses were no match to your convincing power. then i started falling deeper and deeper. from then on there was no question in my mind. i committed myself to the relationship and you....but 6 months after your marriage spiel you crushed my heart, my dreams, me.

 

Because your childhood crush started talking to you. in the few days of you and her talking you decided the two of you are meant to be. because you have known each other for so many years and she used to come around your house when you were little children. SMH.

 

Who am I to hinder such great love (sarcasm ooozing all over). But you chose her over me. Then you come to me befriending me because you still need me to help you with grown up decisions as the gf is inexperienced in all levels. and you are such a heartless j#$K@ss that after i tried hard to be the mature one and be a helpful "friend" you tell me you are marrying her in december and you are buying a house for her.

 

so yes its hard to say that i was missing you today. i guess i just expected myself to miss you but i dont think i did.

Posted

it's been six months now...how time has flown yet every secand dragged. I miss you still. I'm healing still. Someday you won't cross my mind at all. I think the day i forgive you, is the day I'll forget you.

Posted

I'm not sure if this is for the ex, or for any potential futures, but I needed to get this out there before I said or did something stupid.

 

Okay, so once upon a time, I fell in love. It lasted more than half my life, and I was blindsided when I learned that my marriage was over. It hurt. A lot. When she left, she took everything good and decent that was part of me with her. I sat in a corner in my own house, looking at shadows and ghosts of the life I once had. There were many days when I wanted to kill myself, but I was too apathetic to bother trying. I cursed God for what was left of my life had become. The only place I could temporarily ignore the pain and the emptiness was at work, and even there I couldn't give 100%. It never got better, but it did get less bad. It took a long time for me to even start to try to return to the normalcy of a regular life, and even still, it is a daily struggle. I'll never be exactly the same. I'll never be "better" like some people claim they are after a divorce. What was taken from me can never be returned. The worst part of all of it- I'm afraid of ever opening myself up to that kind of pain and bitterness again. I would rather be alone, and know that I'm going to eventually get numb to the lonliness than to put what's left of my heart out there for someone else, because I know that I can't survive going through what I've gone through again. And that sucks. That sucks because as bad as a husband, lover, whatever as I must have been to be left behind like I was, I used to be optimistic, and I used to trust people. I used to believe that people were worth sacrifice, and now I want to stay far away from people because I was hurt in ways that I never thought possible.

  • Like 1
Posted
The attitude I want to end up with towards my ex is to genuinely wish him well.

 

TBH right now I wish that he hurts when reminded of me in any way shape or form.

 

But it is a work in progress I guess. I hope your definition of winning has changed from breaking their heart before they break yours to trying to find a way to win together. But that is just me speaking. :-)

To wish him well or to wish him pain both require an element of holding on and actually caring about his existence. The goal(at least in my personal opinion) is to reach a state where you are just done with it and instead of allowing your mind and heart to focus on their existence in the moments where thoughts of them pop into your head you just remove those thoughts and think about other things in your life that have zero to do with them.

I hear you though.......I've been in that stage, the stage where some days you wish them well and other days you want them to fall off a cliff but it passes and you just stop wishing them anything. Its a great indication that you are finally moving on with your own life without them. Its over and you look back less and less, care less and less, focus on your own life more and more. I honestly woke up one day and I was just done.....but that day came after a long time of really caring. I don't care anymore and I'm happy not to.

As for my definition of winning? No. I have a different direction in my life now and I obviously have had to let go of the hatred I once felt towards my ex. Any new people in my life do not deserve to be judged by the actions of people who have came into my life before them.

The things I have said about the matter were born out of complete frustration on my part and I was not really thinking clearly at the time I said them......however I do believe that I(or anyone who is in a similar situation to me) should just be a little bit more cautious about who we give my heart to in future. Not saying I regret being with my ex, I don't regret it but I look back and know that I ignored so many warning signs when my position in the relationship was strong. Had I not ignored those signs I certainly wouldn't have had my heart broken and I firmly believe that I would have had more control over the relationship with regards to my own emotions and getting hurt.

Winning is just about protecting my heart....keeping it open for the people who deserve it but at the same time being firm and protecting it when I sense something isn't quite right.

  • Like 1
Posted

It's been a while LS. Can't seem to shake this feeling yet, but I'm putting my head down and trying to push through.

 

Here's what I want to text/call/say:

 

Your just a selfish immature ******* who ****ed up a really good we had going to go screw your ex! You had the capacity to tell me your not over him, but want to be with me??? You really think I'll just sit by and be a 'friend' while you 'get over him'??

 

No screw that! You can't have your cake and eat it too. Me not responding should send you a message, but yet you won't give up!! You wanted what you couldn't have with your ex when you were with me, successfully screwed me over and cheated.. Ands now you want me because you can't have me! I hate you, you make me miserable and I wish we never even started this so called relationship of lies. Everything that was good during those good times are now tarnished with your garbage.

 

 

Leave me alone, I really don't ever want to see you again. You make me so bitter and depressed. Congrats you won that much, but now it's my turn to get what I want for once! And although I was madly in love with you, and still miss that very much, what I want is you out of my life for good!

 

I don't even want to be friends. You blew my mind on just how selfish and unempathetic human beings are capable of. **** you **** you **** you, good bye bitch. Good luck living life the way you are trying to now, you will most certainly grow up old and alone if you keep repeating this cycle.

 

Sorry LS :) I'm done now. Wow that's harsh when I read it back :) good thing I won't send it! She doesn't deserve to hear from me ever again

Posted

*yes I realize I posted this elsewhere and if you see it there and here, you will know who I am there, but it is my choice*

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sweet one,

 

if I could heal your wounds with my tears and make you whole again I would cry until the last day of the earth or my life.

 

It is only because I can't that I don't.

Posted
*yes I realize I posted this elsewhere and if you see it there and here, you will know who I am there, but it is my choice*

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sweet one,

 

if I could heal your wounds with my tears and make you whole again I would cry until the last day of the earth or my life.

 

It is only because I can't that I don't.

 

My Lord, ex. You've turned me into Nienna.

Posted

its been 1 day since you broke up with me. I changed my whole life for you and almost every major decision in the past 8 years has been for you. No one is at fault.

 

Im hurting so much inside I dont know what to say. I sat all day at home in front of the tv waiting for a text/email from you. Your email helped a little, but it isnt going to change anything. After talking to friends and reading everyone else's experiences, I know that N/C is the only way to go. We've been down this road before but this time feels different. This time is so much more real and there is no way that I can stop hurting from this.

 

I'll pick up my things on Saturday and I'll stay strong and I won't speak to you again.

Posted

Thank you for calling me today and talking for an hour. Thank you for trying to stay positive. It took every ounce to not say "I love you" as we hung up so I will say it here because I know that wouldn't have been right. I do still love you. So much. And miss you. So much.

Posted (edited)

Dear ----

 

Remember that Sunday when you came home and were so anxious to go out on a run with me as soon as you walked in the door? You never ever wanted to run with me so why then? Ahhhh. You needed to figure out how to be able to get in the shower so I wouldn't "smell the sex on you.". Does that line sound familiar? It should, as you told me about doing it before. You really should learn to shut up sometimes, or date dumber people. Oh....wait....

 

 

I had a dream last night that I had a giant pink eraser and just erased you from my life. Swept away those little pink eraser crumbs just like those crumbs you fed me for all that time.

 

 

After 8 months you forwarded me that email last week. I know it was no accident. Things must not be going well. You must need another ego stroke. I hope you got the reply I sent. You know, the one I sent to the account that SHE has access to? If not, let me know, and I'll be happy to forward it to her email account as well. She should know that you are contacting me.

 

 

In short, ------, go to Hell, go f**k yourself, or go f**k with someone else. I really don't care. Just go away.

 

 

T

----

My thanks to the original poster for helping to keep me from something stupid today. Onward and upward.

Edited by Silver Taurus
Spelling
Posted

I flew back today/yesterday after a three week trip that was supposed to be us picking our wedding venues and finally setting our date. Instead, it turned into spending time with family, which was nice. But still, it was hard flying back and realizing I did not see you or speak to you at all (aside from super briefly when it was necessary regarding me coming by to get my stuff). You were the central part of my world, and now you are not in it at all. We have been Low Contact for six weeks now, and complete NC for six weeks. I doubt you even care, but man I am struggling a bit with it now. Even though I have gotten used to the absence of you in my life, that itself upsets me. It just shows how quickly things can change in life, I suppose.

 

 

I'm also mad at you on and off. I can't believe that you broke up with me three weeks after I flew across the world when you were hospitalized and stayed until you were feeling better, three weeks after you told me everything was great with us, that you couldn't wait to see me again to officially start planning our wedding. We had had a few problems a few months before, but you finally put me at ease about them when I came for that visit. But three weeks later you dumped me, and you couldn't wait three weeks longer until I got there to do it to my face. You did it over Skype. Don't you think I dserve more than that after 2.5 years? After everything I did for you? After loving you unconditionally and overlooking mistakes you made in an attempt to save our relationship? You couldn't just wait 3 more weeks to destroy our future together? I just feel like I deserved a little more respect.

 

 

Your birthday is coming up. I really hope I am strong enough not to break NC to say happy birthday to you. When I am in my angry phases it is not so hard to think that I won't be saying **** to ye who does not deserve it, but sometimes I still miss you, and if I have one of those moments and time in front of my computer on your birthday I don't know what will happen. I doubt it will do any major damage anyway, your response (if any) will just be "thank you," not like that will jack me up too much.

 

 

I just, still don't completely understand why you left me. Not saying I want you back either, the leaving on your part is you permanently hurting me and damaging my trust. You just gave up on us, decided it was too much work to repair what we had because it wasn't special enough to you anymore, more or less. I am fairly sure the "other guy" in the situation played a larger role than you let on, and that you and he are probably dating secretly, in order to avoid the massive judging from your family and co-workers who all loved me and thought I was perfect for you, and so on. I think if you guys end up lasting long term, you will (for a while anyway, at some point it won't matter anymore) pretend like you only started being interested in eachother months after the break up.

 

 

I wonder sometimes if in a few months, if/when that **** crumbles, you'll try to come back to me. I kind of want you to, because if nothing else it gives me the opportunity to describe to you the damage you did to me while also highlighting what you threw away, and also calling you on how awful the way you broke up with me was. Plus, I think it would make me feel like I could end things on my own terms in some sense. But, I won't be taking you back ever.

 

 

Of course, that doesn't mean I don't still love you, which I do pretty much the same as always. Life is awesome.

 

 

Love,

Jacob

Posted

I miss you. We talked one last time today. We cried so much. I know that it hurts but I guess this is good for both of us. I care about you so much and I love you. Everything reminds me of you. Tomorrow will be really tough. I'm sorry I couldn't see you, it hurts too much. I really miss you. I don't know when this pain will go away. It's too early to tell. I know one day it will go away and that's really sad, because we had so much more left.

Posted

FFS, I'm on here again! Where did that very real and powerful dream about you come from last night?! Even in the dream, you were still a sh*t, still prepared to cheat on someone with me, just like last year. I know you're weak, nasty, horrible scum - even my dreams tell me that! - so just please fXXX off out of my head and crawl away in your mid life crisis Porsche, w@nker!

Posted

I love you. and I always will. and I hate you too. I hate you for telling me all those things when all I ever did was love you. it hurts me so much that the idea I had of you was never real. After such a long time, of waking up and going to bed with you, I can't stop thinking of you. You are the first I think of when I wake up, and last I think of when I go to bed. and I cry. tears roll down my cheeks in just a second. I hate those nights. I know that I still love you, and I wonder if I cross your mind... I hope I do. I hope it hurts you as much as it hurts me.

We were together for a year and a half. We were long distance. Online long distance relationship. We've gone NC, and it's been three weeks. I am struggling hard not to write him. He doesn't deserve for me to write him, altho I miss him badly. I will give my best not to.

  • Like 2
Posted

This is really not for you, J. Or maybe it is, a bit. It's more towards your family.

 

I'm sorry for what I did, I'm sorry I vanished. I'm sorry I didn't give you an explanation. You did not deserve it, we did not deserve it.

 

But I simply could not go on. I cannot weep for your daughter forever. And even tough I blocked her from anything, each time I talked to you I saw her. I found myself doing things, sometimes silly things, just so you would maybe show them to her. It was not fair: not fair to you, not fair to her, not fair to me.

 

I did what I had to do and I have no regrets. That's what insipidness, grown up people do: I learned it from you. They do what they must.

 

Yet I miss you all. I don't miss her - not much anyway. I accepted that she's probably with someone else, and know why things went wrong. I also think I know why she left and what were my mistakes.

 

But I miss you guys. I hope you understood what happened, and I hope one day we will find a way to reconnect, maybe in your country.

 

Until then, take care of J and be good. Many blessings to you all.

 

With Love,

 

Erl

Posted

I officially give up. No matter how nice they are or not nice, or how accomplished they are or not accomplished, men just don't want me. They dont' take me seriously. They want me for sex, or don't want me at all.

 

S, you called me and called thoughtout the weeks and texted me every day. You said you don't want a relationship with anyone then kept telling me if we dated, you would want to take things very slowy. Then you kept asking me to dinner. Then you stop returning my emails and my texts.

 

I thought I offended you. I thought I drove you away, but it wasn't that. You simply wanted me for sex and nothing else. When you were out of town, you acted like you wanted more from me and when the day approached that you were going to come back to town, you stopped communicating with me. You know what I've been through, and you can't even understand why I'm devastated. We could have stayed friends, but you chose to communicate with me every day, several times a day, and then just stop.

 

I got my hopes up with you. I thought...finally, finally, a potential relationship that might be good. Maybe this time I won't get my heart broken and you crack it? And you are acting like you are surprised that I am so hurt? I am DEVASTATED that you would treat me like that. I cry and I cry. How many rejections can a girl handle until she cracks up? First D, then L, the J and now you?

 

Is it any wonder why I feel so bad and feel so unloveable? Why did you do this to me? Why did you do this to me? Why did you do this to me? Why did you do this to me? Why did you do this to me? Why? Why? Why?

Posted

It is time to say it.

 

Forever. For good. I have cried enough tears. I have cried oceans and rivers for us. I have cried oceans and rivers for you.

 

I will always love and miss you, even when I have given myself wholeheartedly to someone else (but this does not mean that I would leave them for you ever. My loyalty is incredibly strong once invoked. I wish you could have known that and really felt it. I think that might have helped so many of the fears that ultimately destroyed us). But I will, a piece of me will always love and miss you.

 

But enough. It really has to be enough now.

 

Goodbye sweet one.

 

Goodbye.

  • Like 2
Posted

I noticed that you still have the car that you had, which reminded me several years ago when you asked me about getting a new car and possibly moving to Alberta for school.

 

I was right. You were using me. I was just a search engine and resource to you. And now that your parents ended up getting the VW Tiguan (which I would have highly recommended against), enjoy the high maintenance costs and **** that comes with owning a cheap VW. All that piss poor gas mileage and limited cargo space.

  • Like 1
Posted

Dearest Ex,

 

Every day you still linger in my mind. The sweet kisses we once shared, the conversations we once had, the trips we took together... The memories still linger.

 

I went out last night with a friend to the club, and felt so out of place. All these people dancing and hooking up only made me miss you more. Here I was, having a drink, dancing... And all I really wanted was to be at home with you cuddling on the couch watching a movie.

 

I've been so tempted to reach out to you, to tell you how my feelings haven't changed... That I know deep down I haven't let you go, even when I try.

 

The future seems a little scary, I saw a future with us - and now I don't know what the future holds anymore.

 

I miss you so much.

  • Like 3
Posted

It is truly over. It is finished. It is done.

 

I understand everything I need to understand about it. Everything in your behavior makes sense and seems logical now.

 

I only hope I helped a little bit and that you can hear me and that maybe, just maybe it gives you a little bit that you can hold on to of things that you needed but never got as a child.

 

I wish I could be grandiose enough to assume for sure that what I said to you, and mean and will carry out into the rest of my life with God's help, would definitely help.

 

All I can do is hope. because I wasn't cognitively with it enough with my own health issues to see what I should have. To see how terrified you truly were and that maybe you really weren't ready truly for a relationship yet.

 

I am so sorry for the damage I did you.

 

I know after today I feel a tremendous sense of release and I think transforming how I think of the love that I will always feel for you, and hope that maybe by holding a bit of it unconditionally in that way will help you and comfort you when you get scared, anxious, and lonely as you do so much.

 

I am ready now to truly move on.

 

I wish you wellness and happiness from now on.

Posted

Just like a car I wish my heart had a key to turn off the feelings I still have for you! I know I put you threw hell but when you left it pretty much evened the score and then some..It killed me! I dont know how much the things I did really hurt you but if they hurt as much as I hurt when you left I am truely truely sorry! I will always love you but I dont want to anymore..

 

I just want to move on but find it hard to..I will always love you but I hope that one morning when I wake up you are NOT the first thing on my mind.. Its been long enough..

 

I never wanted to move on without you but now its time that I do..All I can ask is that god give me the strenght to one day accept this and move on happy without you..

  • Like 2
Posted

these days has been so hard for me..haven't heard a word from you.. never has this happened for so long.. I am starting to think that this is really it.. I am also starting to think you never really loved me as much as I do and never cared about me as much as I do for you. I regret meeting you. this last year would have been much different if it wasn't for you. I wouldn't feel like I was carrying someone inside of me, and loving that being so much that sometimes I couldn't breathe. I regret it all. Never met a bigger child than you. You suck.

  • Like 2
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