Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[STM206]

Another sunny day without you here. I hate you for leaving me like this but I also have this feeling that one day you'll realize that the grass wasn't greener on the other side.

[KaliLove]

Hey Ex,

 

You have both Borderline and Narcissistic Personality disorders. Please, for the love of all that is holy, go see a therapist!! You are INSANE. When Good (Insert Name Here) is out, he is absolutely amazing, but Evil (Insert Name Here), he is the biggest jackass I've ever met. I absolutely HATE him.

 

But damn it, I still love your psychotic @ss. Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday..I wish I could reply. I thanked your mom for the birthday card. What did you tell your family about us? Apparently they think we're still together.

 

I hate you and I miss you and I love you all at the same time. **** your mental illness.

[Johnson1]

OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "WTF" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release.

 

I had a friend with a terrier dog who used to look out the window and whenever he saw another dog or squirrel or whatever dogs want to kill he would grab the nearest object and shake it furiously, all the while glaring at the object of his hatred, and barking/growling with his mouth full. It was hilarious and poignant, and I have to say, I relate to that pup!

 

What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it all here!!

 

I'm trying my best not to contact her. It's rough though. After 30 years together and only being separated for the last 100 days (with no friends) in a house all alone and out of work, God knows I'm doing my best not to give in. I was the one who initiated the separation, because I couldn't stand being ignored all the time and because of her religious fanaticism, but yesterday I lost my job (temp position) and now I'm in a panic.

 

We still own a house together that I'm trying to sell and will probably end up being foreclosed on. Now that I'm out of work I'm petrified. Being alone is one thing. Being alone and out of work is my worst nightmare.

 

I try to suffer in silence as much as possible because I've already bent all my relatives ears so much with my problems they think I'm a total basket case. In return they want to help, but no before they make me feel 3 feet tall.

 

I only have 2 options, swallow my pride to go live with my sister in Florida who wants me to come stay with her, but whom I've fought like cats and dogs with in the past and is hot headed at times and forces her opinions down people's throats, or swallow my pride by trying to get back with my overly religious ex who is spiteful and ignores me, but who I can rely on for financial stability to keep me from having to bounce around from relative to relative because I'm unable to make it on my own. I don't know which is worse.

 

If there's a hell, I'm in it. I need to find a good shrink to help me get my head screwed on straight before I crack.

[AnyaNova]

I am getting bad enough here, that I am starting to at least consider the possibility that I may not make it. That maybe I won't be able to absorb enough of what I need to survive. I'm not saying I think this is actually.

 

But it is starting to feel like a possibility at this juncture.

 

And you couldn't give a flying ****fart in a handbasket could you?

 

Please forgive the profanity and the anger. I am just at my wit's end here. These nutritional deficiencies for whatever reason aways magnify my feelings for you and about you and how much I miss you and how big a deal you are in my life.

 

And you are so damn ****ing beholden to your gods of self-comfort and self-protection that as long as you are in your perfect narrow range comfort zone, you don't give a **** who you hurt or who might need you for a change. because it is always all about you and your needs. You don't mean to be selfish, it is not fundamentally who you are, but your fears and your inability to tolerate strong emotions causes you to be.

 

I am freezing cold right now, my brain feels like it is suffocating and I can't pull together my thoughts, and the slightest amount of exercise makes me so weak and shaky and causes all kinds of strange shooting/burning pains and muscles that won't release and low sodium and I don't even know what all.

 

And I just wish that you would step up for once and be a man and face your fears of strong emotions and just come be a friend to me. And I could be one to you.

 

I wonder, the thought of death frankly terrifies me, especially after I got so close to health and to life (and hopefully really will be able to get and stay there), but if not, if something really is wrong that can't be fixed...

 

If I died,

 

would you give a crap at all, Tim?

[Thedafox]

I hate knowing you're awake at this time and I can't get into contact with you.

 

Hurts that you can come by my job and refuse to look at me like I'm human and you even have the audacity to say hi to the person next to me. I wonder if you're doing this intentionally and if it's just you pulling the chain to see if the dog is still there.

 

I wish I could say I wasn't but I am and I ****ing hate it. It's been 6 months since our breakup and 5 months since we've spoken on friendly terms and I still love you.

[lamis]

I found today that you are writing a blog now, and that you wrote about our break up. You seem sort of guilty but somehow also cold and unfeeling in your discussion of it. You also call yourself a liar. I can't help but keep thinking about what that means, but 90 percent of the time I tell myself that it doesn't matter. That other 10 percent of the time though, I wonder if you cheated on me and never told me.

 

 

Oh well, doesn't matter.

[Jingle14]

I hate you as much as I loved and adored you.

 

But I miss you more than I hate you. I wish I could forget you, I wish I felt indifference.

[elseaacych]

You got what you wanted. Quit picking on my brother.

[cpbr]

I forgive you what you have done to me. And I hope you could do the same. I feel like crap for every time I did you wrong, the pain is unbearable. I love you and I'll always miss you and if there is only a slightliest chance of two of us getting back together, I know I would make it worth it. Thanks to you, I found what it is to really love someone.

 

I know you are now with someone else, even tho I kinda hate it, I wish you good luck in your life.

 

It hurts to know that now, when I now it doesn't kill me to be open about my feelings, we can not be together anymore. There are so many things that I'd love to share with you. I'm crying like a little child, you are the one I'll always love. I'd wish you to know what you really meant to me, I wish I told you that more when we were dating. And I'm sorry for my issues, I just...didn't know how to deal with them. Thank you for everything, I love you.

[cpbr]

And I know you've told me that after resolving my issues I'll be the best guy for any girl, but now when I already resolved some of them...hell, I wish you were that girl. We would fit together perfectly, I see that every time I improve a little. I'm getting better for myself, but I can not notice this "side effect".

 

If you'd just send me a text that you wish to try again, I'd be the happiest guy ever. But I'm afraid every day it's getting closer to the point when it will be too late to reconcile.

 

And I know you were checking my Facebook. There was a tracing link on one page I shared

 

Miss you

[HappyxFaith]

I think about you still... maybe because it's only been two weeks. I wonder what you're feeling, and I don't wonder whether you miss me or not because of that message you sent me, that I chose not to reply to. But I'm tired that you occupy so much of my mind, I stay up late these nights because I don't sleep well, and all I can think of is , why? will things change? will they not change? I have to move on, will you come around? The truth is letting go is so hard.

 

Maybe you've found somebody you like... maybe you just wanted to see if the grass was greener somewhere else... I wish everything would just

 

stop.

 

But then life wouldn't be the way it is.

 

Anyways, that's what you would say. I wish you well. and happiness. even if I can bring myself to write that to you. I mean it. Because all I had in my heart was care for you... even if you took that for granted.

[L1ght]

I am getting bad enough here, that I am starting to at least consider the possibility that I may not make it. That maybe I won't be able to absorb enough of what I need to survive. I'm not saying I think this is actually.

 

But it is starting to feel like a possibility at this juncture.

 

And you couldn't give a flying ****fart in a handbasket could you?

 

Please forgive the profanity and the anger. I am just at my wit's end here. These nutritional deficiencies for whatever reason aways magnify my feelings for you and about you and how much I miss you and how big a deal you are in my life.

 

And you are so damn ****ing beholden to your gods of self-comfort and self-protection that as long as you are in your perfect narrow range comfort zone, you don't give a **** who you hurt or who might need you for a change. because it is always all about you and your needs. You don't mean to be selfish, it is not fundamentally who you are, but your fears and your inability to tolerate strong emotions causes you to be.

 

I am freezing cold right now, my brain feels like it is suffocating and I can't pull together my thoughts, and the slightest amount of exercise makes me so weak and shaky and causes all kinds of strange shooting/burning pains and muscles that won't release and low sodium and I don't even know what all.

 

And I just wish that you would step up for once and be a man and face your fears of strong emotions and just come be a friend to me. And I could be one to you.

 

I wonder, the thought of death frankly terrifies me, especially after I got so close to health and to life (and hopefully really will be able to get and stay there), but if not, if something really is wrong that can't be fixed...

 

If I died,

 

would you give a crap at all, Tim?

 

One day you will wake up and you just won't give a sh*t. Such a glorious day. For now I guess for you the anger is good because sooner or later that anger will genuinely turn into a "you can go f*ck yourself" attitude towards your ex.

I feel invigorated and I have learnt so much from losing. I know how to win, I've always known how to win and I'm gonna use that mindset with regards to matters of the heart from now on. I suggest you do the same.

[STM206]

Happy Easter, I hope you are doing well... I miss you.

[HappyxFaith]

I loved you sincerely. And I'm glad my love is the kind that will let go of the hold the memories of you have on me. I think we grew apart because of how different our lives are now. And one day, I'll thank you for pushing me closer into the arms of someone who will treasure me forever.

 

Goodbye JGK. Maybe one day we'll meet again when I have completely forgotten who you are.

[STM206]

Every single morning I wake up and you're the first thought that pops into my mind. Why the hell can't you disappear already? You've forgotten me, why can't I forget you?

 

I want to say that I hope you're happy but deep down I know that would be a lie.

[AnyaNova]

Still miss you but I think I'm really starting to understand how deeply your attachment is messed up and how unlikely it is that even if you continue to work on your issues, how unlikely it is hat you'd ever be able to contact me again.

 

I still miss you.

 

Tim. Your name. What it does to me still and the amounts of sorrow it invokes if I think about that last night.

[Haydn]

Check your inbox? Cluttered?

 

Still miss you but I think I'm really starting to understand how deeply your attachment is messed up and how unlikely it is that even if you continue to work on your issues, how unlikely it is hat you'd ever be able to contact me again.

 

I still miss you.

 

Tim. Your name. What it does to me still and the amounts of sorrow it invokes if I think about that last night.

[AnyaNova]

Check your inbox? Cluttered?

 

 

Shouldn't be now. Sorry!

 

And I will get back to you and you as well JDPT! And thanks guys for both checking in. It is going better, but still difficult. I have a couple of big projects coming up due.

 

Hope you are well.

[Icydescent]

I can't believe it's been 4 years - I've been thinking about you a lot lately for some reason. I've grown up a lot, & the anger has melted away. These days I'm finding myself wishing we could have been friends. I wonder if we'll ever speak again. I do hope you're well.

[HappyxFaith]

Today was the second morning I woke up with the thought that I lost you and our breakup on my mind. It's really a pity that you are literally the first thing that pops in when I'm conscious, but you are the last thing that I should be thinking about, because you didn't want me, and as much as you cared, which was not that much obviously, its just irony that you should occupy so much of my mind space. What an ability.

 

I also dreamed about us getting back together, you apologizing to me through text that you were just oh so focused on work, and somehow I easily let you back into my life. And I wake up know there isn't an ounce of reality in that.

Screw you.

 

It will never be that easy, because I will never get back together with you again. Ugh I hate dreams sometimes. Now I know it's gonna be like this for awhile.

 

Afterall this wasn't my first breakup. Thank god it wasn't.

 

Goodbye again.

[AnyaNova]

Tim,

 

I gave you my all and you threa it away like it was trash. I have not been the same since Septwmber 7th at about 3;00 in the morning when you made me go.

 

But you threw me away and even if you had to cut out your own heart to do it, you pro able did as you said yoiu thought you would, wake up and feel nothing but relief.

 

And the should make me angry. The way you treated me: the way you ignored me since. The wy no date i've gone on since has done anything for me. The amount of time I've spent missing you and hoping for you Nd up until now, not wantin to or allowin myself to even consider another relationship because I hoped you might work through your issues as I've tried to work through mine so we could be together.

 

Pathetic, huh? Being loyal to someone who allowed his own emotional issues to cause him to ditch me eons ago.

 

I on my wish sometimes that I could hate you for it.

 

Absum!!! I'm off to go find someone who loves me enough to work through whatever issues he has to truly be with me.

 

I deserve no less!!!

[blacknoir]

2 months ago, you broke me in two.

 

I am slowly realizing, day after day, that you gave me a gift that I was unable to see through the laughter, which should have been tears.

 

I realize my own issues....my own codependency.

I realize that I have weaknesses.

I realize that I cannot repress my anger, or sadness, and I must learn to feel emotion instead of boxing it in.

I realize that I am ultimately powerless over others, and I must learn to let go.

I realize that I do not need to "fix" anyone - they are their own person, and I am mine.

 

I will be stronger eventually, although it will be a process. I will no longer give so much of myself, just because I need to get. That is control - that is manipulation....and that is not who I want to be.

 

So thank you, my catalyst of many things. Thank you for destroying me.

 

Now...it is time to rebuild, and I will.

[cdt76]

Victoria: You cold hearted, egocentric, selfish piece of $hit. I hope your days are filled with alcohol, BS telephone conference calls that mean zero to the real world and oh by the way, you are raising an animal for a child. You spoiling him and giving him his every wish is only making him into...well, you. And look how great things are for you? You lost your son because you are a terrible mother, you drink too much, your family all ignore you because they too are like you. You surround yourself with men who use you. Oh and one last thing. You were the worst sexual partner I've ever had. Even worse than the very first one! Yup it was that bad. I was willing to look past it for the long term hope of getting to know each other better but damn. That was awful. Have a nice life liar. Hope you get treated like crap some more by other guys. You won't find someone like me.

[HappyxFaith]

Haha I wonder if those one up one down thing really worked. Now that I read these things, I wonder if I wrote you all those things because of the insecurity I felt within myself about us, about you. And I wondered if I was there less, if I gave less, if you still would be with me today. But then I realize that there's really no point.

 

We're all learning in relationships, one after the other, there is no perfect way to do something, nor is there a perfect balance of giving.

 

And maybe even if I did everything right, you'd still have left sooner or later. Because maybe that's the truth. Maybe its really not me, its just you.

 

Getting bored, losing attraction, haha I'll keep that in mind next time I date again. Giving too much is dangerous, but what can I do? You were so far away...

[AnyaNova]

One day you will wake up and you just won't give a sh*t. Such a glorious day. For now I guess for you the anger is good because sooner or later that anger will genuinely turn into a "you can go f*ck yourself" attitude towards your ex.

I feel invigorated and I have learnt so much from losing. I know how to win, I've always known how to win and I'm gonna use that mindset with regards to matters of the heart from now on. I suggest you do the same.

 

The attitude I want to end up with towards my ex is to genuinely wish him well.

 

TBH right now I wish that he hurts when reminded of me in any way shape or form.

 

But it is a work in progress I guess. I hope your definition of winning has changed from breaking their heart before they break yours to trying to find a way to win together. But that is just me speaking. :-)