Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Never Again]

1) You already knew that she had problems with true intimacy and vulnerability and talking about deep stuff and difficult feelings that really matter.

 

2) Men have this innate and biological need to protect the women they are close to.

 

3) Therefore, without the signal from her that you needed to know that you didn't have to protect her from this, especially given 1, I don't see how you could have.

 

4) Which brings us back to the same thing. You need to find someone who intrinsically makes you feel safe to open up with when you need to, and who is comfortable expressing that it is ok too.

 

I waited a few days to respond because I wanted to not be a total Eeyore while doing it.

 

The thing of it is:

 

- I'm the one who developed the problem with true intimacy. She just had problems communicating about things that were difficult.

 

- She was also super forgiving, and would've gone to the ends of the earth for me. I used to give her the same sort of enthusiasm and effort, but when I became depressed and withdrew, I stopped contributing...almost entirely...for 6 weeks.

 

- I made excuses to avoid doing things with her because I was constantly too tired and too drained. Yes, I wanted to protect her from this and also not hurt her...but if a relationship stops moving forward, it dies.

 

- The weakness and lack of proactive enthusiasm I showed towards her and the relationship was not attractive. Just as men instinctively want to protect the women they're close to, many women want to be protected and feel safe around their men. She was also stressed out from work, and instead of going to see her, comforting her and offering her emotional support...I backed away to "give her time to work". It's not what she wanted or needed. It might've made sense logically, but I left her feeling lonely and unfulfilled.

 

Now, I think this stuff was all a one-time series of unfortunate events, but I needed to be strong enough to take the rough times AND still shoulder my 50% of the relationship. I needed to care for her, travel to see her, and make lots of time to give her undivided attention.

 

Instead, I thought that involving her in my circle of friends, taking care of her cat, and buying her the occasional gift was enough. *I* let things stagnate in the relationship because of *my* selfishness. She wanted to see me more often, she wanted me to go to her band practice, stay on the phone with her longer, go hang-gliding with her. She wanted all these things, and in my depression, I neglected her.

 

It's no longer self-blame. It's acknowledging what I did wrong. I was in a fog and didn't understand the damage I was doing because she didn't speak up. I was neglectful and selfish, and it's taken a lot of time for me to forgive myself for that.

[Itspointless]

I waited a few days to respond because I wanted to not be a total Eeyore while doing it.

You know, perhaps you were not the best part partner at that moment, but to say that you were neglectful and selfish. You were stuck in a feedback-loop you could not break out off. There is nothing selfish about that. The fact that she broke up because you disappointed her says just as much about her. it also often takes one who has been depressed to recognize it with another.

[Ally1993]

I need you

[mangetout]

I am so sick of still loving you. I can't wait to wake up one morning and feeling indifference

[redbaron005]

Where are you now? Do you ever think of me in the quiet, in the crowd?

[JoelBarish]

I thought of you today. Spring is almost here and then Summer. I thought of this time last year and the year before and how excited I was as I made plans for us. Now, I just want to cry. You are making those sort of plans now with someone else. I cherish the happy memories I had with you. Those happy memories make the loss so much worse. I wish I could forget. I am trying

[LostConfused123]

You suck!

In case you didn't know.

[Notbugme]

Yes I know I broke up with you and I still regret it. And you said I can call you whenever I want and you will be there for me and continue our relationship. But you changed your mind. I do understand that but it's still no real to me. I know I've to let it go but some part of me still hope we will reunited. I know it doesn't make any sense. I trying to stop thinking of you but sometimes thoughts are too strong and they are overwhelming me. And I WANT TO CALL YOU AND I WANT TO YOU. I know I could a lot of things differently but the circumstances were against us. But it's too much ifs. I know I've to move on without you. It hurts. Oh I miss you and I can't hate you either. ATM I'm in the limbo and I hope with time my pain will subdue. I hope that. Every breath without you it's killing me and I want to call you just say hi. But I know you have move on and it's time for me too move on without you. I hope the stomach pain will disappear soon and I can sleep. I miss you

[somecamel]

How did we get to where we are now after 7 years together.

 

You were my rock and my everything.

 

You threw it all away for an ex.

 

The lies, deceit and betrayal hurt me so much, I never thought you would do that to me.

[Ally1993]

I hear about all these miracles happening to people and how they've gotten back with their exes. Why can't that be us? I just want to hear from you so bad. It's been almost 3 weeks and it's killing me.

The guy I was seeing didn't work out and I wish you didn't know about him...

I know you still haven't been seeing anyone ever since we broke up so how could you have possibly moved on?

Get in touch with me please... A call or text or anything!

We can make it work baby, just give me another chance

[Jiivy]

My Rose, what happened? Was it the distance? I'd have worked on it...was it your career? We could have worked on it....What made that happiness fade? We could have worked on it.

 

You chose to close down. To move on. You never gave me a choice, you ended up becoming a coward. Today's 5 days of NC and it feels like 5 years. I don't remember the last time we were silent for so long, yet you appear like you don't even care. Where is your heart? Where is the heart that I gave to you?

[mangetout]

Have you stopped loving me? This kills me to think that.

At the same time **** YOU!

[Ally1993]

I hate how often I've started to post here but it's the only thing that keeps me sane.

I've been thinking about sending you a final message today but then I think what is the point? You've told me that I need to get over you and you don't have any feelings for me anymore. I just don't understand how you feel like that? Tell me how you got over me so I can do the same? I'm sick and tired crying over you when I know your not doing the same. Your probably not even thinking about me and I'm sat here just waiting for you to change your mind. I'm so pathetic cos I know it's not gonna happen and I know your gonna meet someone else. You got with me 6 months after breaking up with your ex and now it's nearly been 6 months since we've broken up.

Not being in contact with you is killing me. I don't know how your coping, it's just so obvious I loved you so much more than you loved me cos you just finished me without even sorting things out and ever since it's happened I tried EVERYTHING to make us work, that's how much you meant to me. I know I need to get over you cos me being like this is so unhealthy. I never was like this before I met you, I was so happy and confident and happy with life and now look at me? I've never felt so miserable and depressed before and it's all because of you. It's not fair how your all happy with out me. How can things work out for you and not for me? I loved you so much and I cared for you. I was the best girlfriend to you than you can ever imagine and wish for. I just hope to god you regret breaking up with me some day and by then Ill be fine without you.

I hate how much I love you.

Sometimes I wish I never met you just so I won't be like this now.

Edited March 14, 2014 by Ally1993

[Never Again]

You know, perhaps you were not the best part partner at that moment, but to say that you were neglectful and selfish. You were stuck in a feedback-loop you could not break out off. There is nothing selfish about that. The fact that she broke up because you disappointed her says just as much about her. it also often takes one who has been depressed to recognize it with another.

 

Haha, I seem to be fighting against more than one person now.

 

You're right, I was stuck...but the way I was acting was a huge turn off I guess. Being tired, weak and passive just didn't cut it. I mean, I wasn't pulling my weight or contributing. When I stopped being stimulating, the relationship lost momentum and, when a relationship stops moving forward, it dies.

 

Being depressed really doesn't excuse me from not being there when she needed me, and from being too weak to support and protect her. She knew I was normally capable of it...but for those 6 weeks, I left her wanting when she was stressed and needed me. I wasn't dependable.

 

Oh well. It doesn't matter much now, eh?

 

I just wish I'd been told if I was bothering her by not being the man she needed anymore.

[Itspointless]

Haha, I seem to be fighting against more than one person now.

 

You're right, I was stuck...but the way I was acting was a huge turn off I guess. Being tired, weak and passive just didn't cut it. I mean, I wasn't pulling my weight or contributing. When I stopped being stimulating, the relationship lost momentum and, when a relationship stops moving forward, it dies.

 

Being depressed really doesn't excuse me from not being there when she needed me, and from being too weak to support and protect her. She knew I was normally capable of it...but for those 6 weeks, I left her wanting when she was stressed and needed me. I wasn't dependable.

 

Oh well. It doesn't matter much now, eh?

 

I just wish I'd been told if I was bothering her by not being the man she needed anymore.

It is fûcked up and I am really sorry for you. With me it was my ex who withdrew and cut me off (something you did not do). There was nothing to I could have done to prevent that. Does that make me happier, not one bit. I sympathize with you as I see that you have tried. And I can read how you are working on yourself, something my girl did not want to do (as I could extrapolate from her arguments: she knew what she was doing). It is very hard to lose people like you did and I am familiar with the deep black hole you can fall into. You have not chosen to pull yourself out the easy way and I respect that. It does not help you with your last relation, but hopefully it will with a next one. We all make mistakes, be not to hard on yourself.

[AnyaNova]

I just found out that my closest friend here will probably in likelihood move out of state to a better job in April.

 

I also just found out that there is no way that the guy I like (we both hit it off really well) could ever actually be together.

 

Not counting my friends back in the state I moved from, but here in my geographic vicinity when the former moves, I will be down to two friends who are good, but not nearly as close as either you and I were or he and I are.

 

I won't have that really comfortable super close feeling with anyone here in my vicinity when he moves.

 

And as always, like the freaking energizer bunny, I will pick up. I will make more friends and find a couple people with whom I can share that super close thing with and if I am really lucky I will find a boyfriend.

 

But damn. I just wish you could take two seconds to accept a facebook friends request, and maybe pick up the phone. Maybe we could hang out over spring break.

 

I get it already. I know you don't want me in that way and that's okay.

 

I just really could use a friend with whom I really click with and feel close to. Somehow I suspect that you might at least desire the same thing.

[AnyaNova]

Okay.

 

Going to pick myself up. I didn't get in until nearly 7 in the morning.

 

I am going to go shower and get dressed and slather myself with the new moisturizers and whatnot that I got from Lush today. Get some real food.

 

And maybe clean or take a bubble bath or something so I don't hate the world (not so much the friend moving that is painful but inevitable and life, but just what the world has done to someone that I am just getting to know. And all of this hitting at the same time.

[mangetout]

I hate how often I've started to post here but it's the only thing that keeps me sane.

I've been thinking about sending you a final message today but then I think what is the point? You've told me that I need to get over you and you don't have any feelings for me anymore. I just don't understand how you feel like that? Tell me how you got over me so I can do the same? I'm sick and tired crying over you when I know your not doing the same. Your probably not even thinking about me and I'm sat here just waiting for you to change your mind. I'm so pathetic cos I know it's not gonna happen and I know your gonna meet someone else. You got with me 6 months after breaking up with your ex and now it's nearly been 6 months since we've broken up.

Not being in contact with you is killing me. I don't know how your coping, it's just so obvious I loved you so much more than you loved me cos you just finished me without even sorting things out and ever since it's happened I tried EVERYTHING to make us work, that's how much you meant to me. I know I need to get over you cos me being like this is so unhealthy. I never was like this before I met you, I was so happy and confident and happy with life and now look at me? I've never felt so miserable and depressed before and it's all because of you. It's not fair how your all happy with out me. How can things work out for you and not for me? I loved you so much and I cared for you. I was the best girlfriend to you than you can ever imagine and wish for. I just hope to god you regret breaking up with me some day and by then Ill be fine without you.

I hate how much I love you.

Sometimes I wish I never met you just so I won't be like this now.

 

I am thinking the exact same today

[mangetout]

Take a deep breath. I will be ok

[Ally1993]

I am thinking the exact same today

 

It hurts like hell

[JoelBarish]

How's your new life going? Do you ever miss me? Do you ever have me pop into your head unexpectedly? It's been so long. You are probably fine and dandy making new memories to replace the old. I don't know why things turned out the way they did between us. I tried so very hard to be good to you. I know that I wasn't perfect but I truly wanted to be good to you and make you happy. And now you are happy with my absence. I mean it. I hope you are happy. You deserve to be happy and anyone you are with better be good to you.

 

I don't know how to let you go

[JoelBarish]

I knew I shouldn't give you my heart. I held out a long time with you. Damn you. I had my guard up for so long with you and you waited it out. Then when I let it down you stuck around! Then I even got COMFORTABLE with you and took it for GRANTED that you were always going to be there. You certainly lulled me into a false sense of security before you dumped me. I was so convinced you were so completely mine that I didn't think you would leave me even if I cheated on you (which I never would have).

 

Never again. I will never lower my guard again.

[Notbugme]

I don't know when it went wrong. I don't know. I do miss your voice and face. The hardest part is when I'm thinking about my body gets numb. Every breath I relived our memories and every breath it's a death. I think if I did ended our relationship earlier on I would be better off. But I couldn't. I saw your pain and anxiety and I couldn't leave you. Maybe I was weak or lonely. I don't know. I can't see clearly now. People say with time everything will be OK. I hope so. But I've doubts. I hope I can experience happiness again. One day and maybe one day. That is what I am looking for.

[CopingGal]

I want to tell you off sooo badly. I told myself I was strong enough to do that, but I know I'm still not. I still would be hoping you apologized after told you off it and come back into my life.

 

Truth be told, you're a loser. There's no way to sugarcoat that. You are a loser just like my ex-boyfriend. I'm so glad we never got that far. I'm so glad I never met you in person...but how could I? How could I have met you in person when you came to MY city and drove around drunk all those hours? I'm so glad I refused to meet you. Screw you, loser...you suck, you are disgusting. F you.

[mus]

Such a weird feeling going past her house today on the way to get something nearby, made me yearn to know how she is doing and the urge to break NC was so strong. Not sure if i should have broken NC to get the unanswered questions but glad i'm still holding out with NC.