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February 26, 2014

Not sure whether you tried to push me into the fruit section in the supermarket or if that was just a friendly shoulder slam but we really can't be friends anymore

February 26, 2014

It's been about 10 months now, I'm still shot down by your absence and really want to get in touch but am fearful of the consequences. The ridiculous thing is that this is all my undoing. You wanted me. What I would give for that now!

I miss you.xx

February 26, 2014

It's been about 10 months now, I'm still shot down by your absence and really want to get in touch but am fearful of the consequences. The ridiculous thing is that this is all my undoing. You wanted me. What I would give for that now!

I miss you.xx

Tell her. Send her that thing!

February 26, 2014

It's been about 10 months now, I'm still shot down by your absence and really want to get in touch but am fearful of the consequences. The ridiculous thing is that this is all my undoing. You wanted me. What I would give for that now!

I miss you.xx

I've thought the very same things.

The situation is likely very different - my ex wanted me and fell for me hard, and when I saw how committed she was, I let my emotional baggage sabotage the whole thing and destroy her feelings for me. I'd give anything to rewind time.

There's no harm in reconnecting when you don't fear the outcome. I hope you get the chance to take that risk, and that it doesn't affect you adversely if it doesn't go your way.

February 26, 2014

I've thought the very same things.

The situation is likely very different - my ex wanted me and fell for me hard, and when I saw how committed she was, I let my emotional baggage sabotage the whole thing and destroy her feelings for me. I'd give anything to rewind time.

There's no harm in reconnecting when you don't fear the outcome. I hope you get the chance to take that risk, and that it doesn't affect you adversely if it doesn't go your way.

Are you me?! Sounds exactly the same! What happened to you, if you don't mind me asking? I got burned badly, she was there for me and loved everything about me despite being a mess. I developed feelings far too late and brought misery upon myself by ending it. Tried to reconcile but she gave up after a year and a half of being the most admirable and loving person I've ever met. Never been loved like that before, and very worried I'll never get that chance again.

As you say, I'd do anything to rewind time and appreciate her back.

And yes Anya, I will I will I will... Promise! For my sake, not even hers. I'm almost done protecting her feelings by staying away.

Edited February 26, 2014 by The Situation

February 27, 2014

Are you me?! Sounds exactly the same! What happened to you, if you don't mind me asking? I got burned badly, she was there for me and loved everything about me despite being a mess. I developed feelings far too late and brought misery upon myself by ending it. Tried to reconcile but she gave up after a year and a half of being the most admirable and loving person I've ever met. Never been loved like that before, and very worried I'll never get that chance again.

As you say, I'd do anything to rewind time and appreciate her back.

And yes Anya, I will I will I will... Promise! For my sake, not even hers. I'm almost done protecting her feelings by staying away.

Ha, I feel like many of us share similar aspects, even if the story is different.

I was with my ex for 11 months. Relatively short, all things considered. To keep it short, we were both VERY into each other at first. Instant chemistry and connection - we just "clicked".

But a sh*tload of stress dumped on me all at once around 9 months. She was talking about living together at that point and had taken on a work project because I'd inspired her (she even wanted to work on a project with me and was trying to come up with ideas). I freaked out, but hid it.

I swiftly became a mess. Was depressed and anxious, moody and negative. I lacked self-confidence and couldn't muster the energy to do anything fun or say anything interesting. Nearly 2 months of me being boring and "too nice".

Her feelings faded, and that was that.

This girl was successful, energetic, outgoing, creative, expressive, brilliant, loving and kind...so I was devastated when I lost her.

February 27, 2014

You know I can't even remember what it was like to be with you anymore.....the memories are getting a little fuzzy around the edges. I miss what we had. But I don't miss all the crap I put up with. You had the nerve to break up with me after I put up with all your crap? I should have dumped you! What a joke.

I hope you drop by sometime...so this time I can turn you away

February 27, 2014

Ha, I feel like many of us share similar aspects, even if the story is different.

I was with my ex for 11 months. Relatively short, all things considered. To keep it short, we were both VERY into each other at first. Instant chemistry and connection - we just "clicked".

But a sh*tload of stress dumped on me all at once around 9 months. She was talking about living together at that point and had taken on a work project because I'd inspired her (she even wanted to work on a project with me and was trying to come up with ideas). I freaked out, but hid it.

I swiftly became a mess. Was depressed and anxious, moody and negative. I lacked self-confidence and couldn't muster the energy to do anything fun or say anything interesting. Nearly 2 months of me being boring and "too nice".

Her feelings faded, and that was that.

This girl was successful, energetic, outgoing, creative, expressive, brilliant, loving and kind...so I was devastated when I lost her.

All eerily familiar, although my depression, anxiety etc stemmed from being cheated on and not knowing what to do with my life. She tried her best to be there and make it all better, but she was the perfect person at the wrong moment. I needed time.

Your story sounds very familiar. It really is sickening when this sort of thing happens. Do you speak to her at all?

I've finally written my ex a card in hope that it reignites some dialogue. If I post it, well, it's 5 months overdue. I just hope she's missed me too. Otherwise, got to keep waiting until I meet someone who matches up.

February 27, 2014

All eerily familiar, although my depression, anxiety etc stemmed from being cheated on and not knowing what to do with my life. She tried her best to be there and make it all better, but she was the perfect person at the wrong moment. I needed time.

Your story sounds very familiar. It really is sickening when this sort of thing happens. Do you speak to her at all?

I've finally written my ex a card in hope that it reignites some dialogue. If I post it, well, it's 5 months overdue. I just hope she's missed me too. Otherwise, got to keep waiting until I meet someone who matches up.

My ex was there for me during my work stress, but she never really pointed out that my depression and anxiety were making me act like a chump.

I went places I thought would be okay, but ended up giving me more anxiety so I'd shut down. I was defeated by life and gave into her on everything, even when she'd insist on paying for meals (we used to fight over who'd do it). My wussy behavior just wasn't attractive, so she fell out of love with me.

I haven't spoken with her in 4 months. We kept very limited contact for the first 4. She wanted to be friends, I told her no, but I responded to every text like a dope. We texted once a week for the first month, then monthly for the next three. She even chased me down at a wedding, but that didn't really go anywhere.

I left the ball in her court. The last we spoke, I asked her to lunch and she said she'd owe me. I've been complete NC since. No social media of any kind, no communication, no anything.

February 27, 2014

Some days I feel like you're still here and that you'll show at my door to hug me.

You felt like you tried it all and I didn't...

That broke my heart more than anything, maybe more than your lies.

February 27, 2014

You know what... I'm over the distance, over waiting, over always wondering, and most of all, over the mind ****s. I can't see you coming to visit. I can't see me moving to your city. I can't see myself ever seeing your face again, let alone walking down the aisle towards you. And most of all, I can't see you ever opening up, ever talking. I'm crazy about you, but I can't do this anymore. And for the first time, I feel ok about it. So this is it. Thank you for how amazing it's been. I love you, I wanna say it just this once.

February 28, 2014

Beautiful

I'm lying in bed, thinking about you.

Memories keep emerging of our time together.

I remember making love to you in Canberra. I remember going away for the weekend but giving you a key come come and use my bath, which I surrounded with candles and for which I left a Kilkenny in the fridge. I remember buying you presents and hiding them around your flat. I remember the feelings that we had for each other.

Now I see hatred in you. I can see how I earned that, but I can tell you that I regret everything and that is not how I want to be towards you.

You won't give me any chance. That hurts more than I can say. I miss and love you so very much, and I just want to hold you. Our family is now divided. Our son has two homes. That is not something I ever wished for him. That's not the sort of parent I want to be.

I wish that I could undress you and make you feel special again. I wish that I could enjoy doing things with you. I wish that we could enjoy the world together.

Begging isn't going to make any difference, yet I've begged. I realise that I need to change myself. I need to heal and become confident in myself as a person. How I'll do this I don't know, but it will happen. I wish that there will be a chance with you when I'm done.

I went to church today. I felt better. I will pray for us. I hope that you will do the same.

My Beautiful Girl, my heart is yours. What I really want is the chance for us to know each other again, the chance to court.

Wow, I've just appreciated the difference between how you view and behave towards me and the memory of our early years together.

I will open myself to change and hope that you will let down your barriers so that maybe we can recover that experience of our earlier time together. No hate, no stress, just us.

Wow, I can't believe what I'm feeling right now. I wish that you could feel it too. It's not infatuation, it's a beautiful love.

I will always love you.

Alan

February 28, 2014

All eerily familiar, although my depression, anxiety etc stemmed from being cheated on and not knowing what to do with my life. She tried her best to be there and make it all better, but she was the perfect person at the wrong moment. I needed time.

Your story sounds very familiar. It really is sickening when this sort of thing happens. Do you speak to her at all?

I've finally written my ex a card in hope that it reignites some dialogue. If I post it, well, it's 5 months overdue. I just hope she's missed me too. Otherwise, got to keep waiting until I meet someone who matches up.

This sounds like the guy I posted about in my last message on this thread. The one that gave me that friendly push. He is struggling and is very conflicted which is why we aren't dating anymore. If you have clarity it's a good thing to get in touch. Good luck!

February 28, 2014

Its not my fault me n u cudnt be together. I love you and still do so much id do anythin for you. Your the person i thought about when i wake up n before i sleep. I love you so nuch its so hard to move on. You broke up with me becuz my mum wudnt accept you and the only way you hid the pain is acting as though i was nothing to you anymore. You being with another guy aches my heart so much. We didnt speak for a few mins i wud get worried n wonder ir ure ok. Every once in a while a thought of u with him wud creep in anf hurt me so much. You are my world my life and i really wanted you to be with me tille the day i die. Wanted to marry you but there was nothing i can do. You are my first love. Why isit so hsrd to let go... i love you babe i really do i miss you i need you in my arms but we both know we cud never have a future together and im sorry for making a promise to be with u forever. Take care and i love you.

February 28, 2014

Sweety

Oh how i miss you, your touch, your smell, the way you made me feel. What i would give to be near you and hold you ounce again. Im sorry that what i had to offer wasnt enough for you, wish you werent in such a hurry. I still love you so very much, more than you will ever know, you are in my thoughts every minute of every day. You are the last thing i think about before i go to sleep and the first thing i think about when i wake up. I often wonder how you are, are you thinking of me as well? I dont think you understand how much i love you and what i would have done for us, if you did you woudnt have ended it like you have. We have had our problems, made mistakes but that all seems so insignificant compared to the love that we shared. You are in my heart and i dont know how i will ever be able to take you out. I still have hope in my heart than one day we will find each other again although it is fleeting.

''Say something im giving up on you''

February 28, 2014

Thinking of you xx

March 1, 2014

You texted me "I love you"

No, you don't love me. You won't ever understand my not being with you is YOUR choice. I loved you so much. I gave up so much to be with you and you gave me nothing in return.

The choice you made is stupid. You can't live your life afraid to take a chance because your relatives" might" not understand how we came to be together. You're being weak and the upside for me is it strengthens my resolve not to get sucked back in. It's not healthy for me..

I want to text you back and say F you. But I won't. I won't say anything . I already said it all and I'm done. If you want me you better hurry up and make things right with some solid action.

March 1, 2014

P,

One week ago, we were sitting on the pier, after a wonderful dinner. I had given you a pink rose with yellow tips, a symbol of my friendship and my love. We listened to Lady A on the car ride to the restaurant that I promised I would take you to....

We had our first picture taken...together...that night. I still have it, although I've taken it off my phone and moved it to my email, where I will not open it. I wonder if you still have it.

That night was to be the rebirth of our new relationship - our first "date". We spoke of the firsts that we had given each other thus far, and the many more that we were to give each other. We held hands as we walked to the pier, and did not let go for a moment...We talked about family, we talked about faith, we talked about the love that we felt for each other as we sat there, looking at the beautifully majestic bridge, lit up in the darkness.

I kissed you softly many, many times. You told me that my lips were amazing. I said it was all you....it was the way that you made me feel that made my kisses so passionate.

We went to your house, and made love....you're so amazing...your shape, the feel of your skin, the sweat on your back....do you know that? I didn't want to leave the next morning...

I still don't understand how it all changed on Saturday. I still don't understand how we could share the perfect night and the next day you hurt me so badly. I still don't understand how I feel so used, and yet so in love at the same time.

I'd come running back to you in a moment if you asked, you know....but I know you won't. You're too strong for that now. You're growing out of your broken marriage, and past that scumbag who hurt you so badly...and now it's time for you to grow past me.

Until then, I'm going to leave you be, even though we have to see each other at work every day and it hurts so much right now. I'll keep my headphones on, so I don't hear your voice and your laughter, because that hurts too.

I miss you, P, and I love you.

Truly, Madly, Deeply.

-me

March 1, 2014

This is not to my ex boyfriend, but to my now ex-crush, I guess.

Yes, I have posted these words elsewhere. They are my own, though they appear in two places.

------------------------------------------------------------------

This is turning out to hurt more than I expected. This would have been easy if you had just rejected me for rejection's sake because I had prepared myself for that.

But given the pace matching, which was still there last week (even when it was clear, really, that all possibiility was gone) was disappearing.

I watched you, I couldn't walk any faster, I was way too tired. I saw you there up ahead of me having this internal clearly unconscious struggle. You kept getting slower and slower and slower it was clear there was a part of you that still wanted to pace match, but there was another part of you that insisted you stay ahead of me, I don't think you were even aware.

But that tells me more clearly than anything, even your song choices, more clearly than the increased touching which is now gone, more clearly than the eye contact you no longer give me, the way you would lean in to hear my softer voice and furrow your brow in concentration (pretty sure I won't be seeing that again either), more clearly than the long competition checkout I saw you give my male friend, more clearly than anything that you wanted it too.

I wonder if you hurt too.

But clearly you can't do that much of an age gap and neither can I. I called a friend of mine and we hung out and we laughed. But he had to go back and now I am alone and I hurt. I was prepared for your rejection because you didn't fundamentally want something with me.

I wasn't prepared for the idea that both of us wanted something, and both of us knowing that we just can't.

I hurt tonight. More than I expected. I wonder if you do too?

March 1, 2014

Dear guy-i-am-no-longer dating;

When you answered my "not dating you anymore" email, you implied that I somehow had less of a life than you do simply because I do not work full time Had you gotten to know me, you would have known that I spend a lot of time working on learning different things, doing spiritual practice, reading about how to improve my life as well as taking care of my chores, my house, communicating with family, and my dog. That somehow this is "less important" than YOUR family and your job and that I should be somewhat "grateful" that you spent any moment at all with me is a real put-down.

My belief is that even in a dating relationship, you get out exactly what you put in. I do have a busy life, but put in much more effort than you did to communicate. You made promises of later communication (and dates) never fulfilled. You weren't putting in any effort and that told me all I needed to know.

In addition, any excuse of "I'm not feeling well." or "I have a headache." to reason out why you did no contact for three days is a real turn-off. We could never be mates if you are afraid to trust me when you are vulnerable to feeling bad. On that note, I WAS indeed grieving a family member, and would have benefited from your presence in my life tonight - a long comforting chat. That you cannot see that, shows your lack of empathy and my lack of importance in your life. You really do NOT see yourself with me an all that hoo-ha about doing so was just so much fluff.

I'm really glad I did not get to know you intimately, as that could have been much more devastating to me. I'm betting I was the woman you were going to hold onto while you looked for what you "really" want.

If by some miracle I was more than that to you, then you really blew it.

As for me, I'm holding out for someone I am really worth the effort for. Because despite the fact that I too, have a life, I DO make the effort and certainly will for someone who shows me they can make time to get to know me.

Have a nice life. Your choices in women so far have been great, haven't they?

March 1, 2014

Beautiful

You're so cold. I know that you're maintaining your boundaries, and that's good, but it hurts me.

There seems to be no scope in you to allow me to reform. I am remembering our early years together and I feel that we can have those feelings again.

If only you'd give me the chance.

Love,

Alan

March 1, 2014

Dammit, I so want to call you and tell you how beautiful you are and how much I love you.

March 1, 2014

its the weirdest feeling. I feel like I know you, yet you are a stranger. I still know your biggest fears and secrets, yet I have no idea what you did yesterday. its been four months since I last heard your voice, and it saddens me that I don't even remember what it sounds like. I've left you alone since you asked me to leave and for my sanity I did not do the social stalking. I hope you are happy because that's all I ever wanted for you. I'm still working on my happiness. its still very tough for me to not be with you. we would of been engaged right now had things gone differently. I don't know for sure if I ever cross your mind, but you still cross mine, but not as much anymore, which is a good and bad thing. a good thing because I have to move on with my life, and a bad thing because that means I am. means that someday my love for you will be gone and I will be healed. giving up without a fight..i had no choice though. we once didn't know each other, and sadly it looks like we won't know each other again.

March 2, 2014

To my ex crush: I don't know how, but I will invoke all of my willpower to have it together on Monday when we see each other, so that you won't see any of this. Because I know if you saw any of this, than you'd say that we shouldn't anymore, and you'd make me find someone else, and you'd lose what you'd lose (oh the fun of saying things obliquely, or trying to).

So I will have myself together, somehow, someway. I mean, by some miraculous effort of will, I kept it together when you told me on Friday. And I managed to keep it until I got home.

To my ex boyfriend: I really wish you'd call and at least be a friend. This is hell again. And you've left me alone through so much of that. Though I know that yet again, you won't.

March 2, 2014

Over 4 months of silence does wonders.

It's quite a bit like "The Silence", actually. When I stop looking directly at it, I start to forget it's there.

I still don't know how my depression, my change of behavior, my lack of affection, intimacy and attention slipped by without notice. Perhaps you just felt that this was our natural "chemistry" cooking off as you didn't find the "new" me attractive anymore. Why you didn't say anything, I'll never know. Maybe it's because I was still being sweet and kind, if a bit lazy, so you weren't going to call me out on turning you off.

I was trying my hardest to make it work, but I was struggling and suffering. I wish you knew that. I wasn't in the right headspace to be in a relationship, but I didn't want to give up on you.

I'm ME again, finally. Well, nearly. It'd be nice if you hadn't moved on so quickly, but that's life. I think our relationship could've gone the distance if the universe hadn't gotten in the way...had I PUSHED for it the way I should've. But what's past is past.

I hope you're happy, S. I wouldn't want any less for you. Keep making good art. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. I'll be walking in the other direction and won't look back, but I'll be smiling at the thought of what you'll bring to life.

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