Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Tripz]

Dear T,

 

Today, I called Bernd in Germany and told him what was going on. He's deeply saddened with the knowledge of our pending divorce. I also told him that you've secretly had a lover for as long as 2 years. He loves us both so much, but he knows how you can be, too. Before you and I met so many years ago and you and he pal-ed around together, he told me you'd do crazy things, thought crazy things, but then later, would so regret it. Somehow, when I met you, you had calmed down, because you seemed focused and maturing well. Yes, we were still dumb and in our early 20's, but had our whole lives ahead of us. And you joined me for that life together. 25 years have gone by now and I don't understand you. Who have you become? Have you regressed to that young girl that I never even knew? Why would you throw away our life and son's life away for him? What possibly can he provide you? He has no job, lives in low income housing, you pay for his car insurance, alcohol treatments or whatever they are, his blow n go, who knows what else. He's crushed under a mountain of debt. It all makes no sense??

 

In the secret journals I found that you wrote, you said you needed security and didn't get that from me. You called it "Geborgenheit". Okay, I understand that. Emotional security, comfort, reassurance, protection...That's all Geborgenheit. Why didn't you make me understand before it was too late? Why didn't we seek counseling? I'd have gone to counseling forever if I knew that would be the only way to save us! But you gave up, you ran to a man who is using you. He used me! I gave him a job even after 4 or 5 relapses during his job, money, time and other help. What possibly could he EVER do for you long term? He doesn't even have his own life remotely figured out. Even now, "I" am the one that is helping you out. If we didn't have a son, I might enjoy watching you crash and burn, but honestly, my heart can't lie to my head. I love you too much to allow you to fail too desperately. I will allow you to fail, but only so far. You, and you alone will have to learn a hard lesson. You no longer listen to me. I can clearly see what is coming. And it will be bad. I wish your heart wasn't so damn hardened. Once you finally do come around, the scales lifted from your eyes, it will be too late. I will be gone.

[redbaron005]

I....I just wish you knew.

[L1ght]

.....coward.

[AnyaNova]

Wow.

 

The stuff you left me alone to face by myself.

 

Just. Wow. A wise man on here said that it might be time to mentally throw you in the garbage bin with other things from the past.

 

I am starting to suspect he might be right.

 

I should not be facing this alone right now. You are the only one in the area I trust enough to talk about this with, I mean, I just can't talk about this over the phone it doesn't work. It's too much. The friends who are still in my life who I know well enough and would feel safe discussing this are too far away.

 

You, though, I could have discussed this with you. I would have felt safe with you.

 

And yet, you're not here. I am here alone dealing with some really nasty past stuff that was never my fault to begin with, and given the health issues and my brain being partially taken offline by them, I did my best to be healed from them, but apparently I am not. Apparently with my brain back online, I still have more to do.

 

You know, I'm not angry at you. I'm not particularly upset with you. It is just a fact. You made a choice and you are not here and in any capacity it is clear that you are never coming back.

 

But he is right.

 

It is time for the garbage bin.

[L1ght]

Wow.

 

The stuff you left me alone to face by myself.

 

Just. Wow. A wise man on here said that it might be time to mentally throw you in the garbage bin with other things from the past.

 

I am starting to suspect he might be right.

 

I should not be facing this alone right now. You are the only one in the area I trust enough to talk about this with, I mean, I just can't talk about this over the phone it doesn't work. It's too much. The friends who are still in my life who I know well enough and would feel safe discussing this are too far away.

 

You, though, I could have discussed this with you. I would have felt safe with you.

 

And yet, you're not here. I am here alone dealing with some really nasty past stuff that was never my fault to begin with, and given the health issues and my brain being partially taken offline by them, I did my best to be healed from them, but apparently I am not. Apparently with my brain back online, I still have more to do.

 

You know, I'm not angry at you. I'm not particularly upset with you. It is just a fact. You made a choice and you are not here and in any capacity it is clear that you are never coming back.

 

But he is right.

 

It is time for the garbage bin.

Definitely time for the garbage bin.

[AnyaNova]

Definitely time for the garbage bin.

 

Completely agreed!

[L1ght]

Completely agreed!

People just stop lovin. Its something we all need to be prepared for no matter how deep we go with someone. Something can turn the tide in a persons mind and then that's it! The love is gone. I accept this now. Always be prepared for the end just in case someone hangs you out to dry.

[JoelBarish]

How did things change? I will never understand how the best thing in my life...something made me so happy and feel so safe could turn out to be my worst nightmare come true.

 

I must have too arrogant. I was arrogant because I thought I knew you and I assumed you were happy. My arrogance led to a false sense of security with you. I knew right from the start you were wrong for me but did I stay away? Nope. And if I had, I would have missed out on some wonderful times but now it's all destroyed forever.

[Xemyd]

Really wanting you here right now.

 

 

I hate that you completely take over my thoughts at night.

[LostConfused123]

I wish I could hate you!!!

 

-No, that's not true. I wish I felt indifference. Now that will be a wonderful day.

Can't wait!!!

[canuck03]

Can't you just ****ing leave me be?

 

I can't go a single day without you making your way into my thoughts.

 

I'm afraid to fall asleep, I don't want to dream about you, I don't want that false reality, I don't want to wake up feeling depressed. Why can't I forget about you...

 

damn...

[MixedMinh]

I'm so angry and sad at the same time. Today is the end of Day 4 of NC. I'm really having an urge tonight to break down and tell you how badly I miss you. I just want to hold you. I miss you being next to me, skin on skin and feeling the warmth of you. I would smother your cheeks with kisses. I could fall asleep on a whim knowing you were right next to me. My heart is ripped into pieces right now because you're looking for comfort with your new boyfriend. I know you are struggling with this (probably not nearly as much as me since you've moved on and starting exclusively dating without any grieving and within 2 weeks after our BU) but I know that I'm important to you. I've ignored your texts and responses and you probably are too intimidated to even text me anymore. You get the point. We're moving on. But why do I have to be lonely and miserable. I've been replaced. You specifically said that you don't want me to feel like I've been replaced, but I have been. He's your comfort now. You kiss him. You think about him. We were together for a year and a half. You know how much I love you. You chose a stranger over me. I don't think you realize how much it hurts. I pictured myself settling down with you, starting a family, getting married, having kids. You told me after our break-up WHILE you were dating this new guy that you had hopes for us down the road. You said "it would be awhile" before we could give it another shot. You wanted to see changes in me - specifically more stability. You committed to this guy less than 2 weeks from being apart from me!! What am I to believe now? What respect would I have for myself if I just allowed you to come back into my life so easily after all the hurt I am dealing with. Every day is so painful. How can I accept this pain, go an indefinite amount of time without being with you, and then just allow you free roam back into my life? I don't know how I could trust you again. You could easily feel weak minded down the road. You're so fickle. You act on feelings. You're impulsive. Our relationship was worth fighting for. I admit, it was really tough towards the end, but that's what makes relationships last, hard work and effort. Love is a judgement, a decision.. it's not a feeling, it's not just based on whether you feel this honey-moon phase all of the time. You feel wonderful this this "new" guy -- how are you going to feel 6 months down the road when your new honeymoon phase passes.. and you realize that even in THAT relationship you're going to have to put a lot of hard work and effort to make it work. Are you going to leave at that point and try to come back to me? You have a 3 year old son. You're 25. You live at home. You have not held a relationship longer than ours, ever.. 1.5 years. Do you know why? You have commitment issues! You want a fantasy to come true -- you're unrealistic -- you want a white picket fence, to be a housewife.. maybe you'll get that. Maybe you'll just be so incredibly lucky that you won't have to work. Who knows. I do hope you find happiness, but I think you deserve to feel the pain that I'm feeling now. It's only fair. Maybe it'll teach you a thing or two about love and life. I don't think you realize what you've given up. I don't know what's going to happen when we face the music again. This NC thing is helping me heal, but I know it's temporary -- a day will come again where you will try to come back into my life.. That makes me sad, so sad.. gah.. I can't believe you. I want to tell you all of this -- you probably think I'm moving on so easily and that I'm not struggling.. I'd like you to know..but it's probably best you don't. What difference does it make anyway. You care more about yourself than my feelings. Good, ****ing, night.

[LostConfused123]

Right then, almost time to sleep, but I have packed a card I'm going to send you this week with my work stuff. I can't bottle this up much longer. You need not do anything, but I want you to know how I feel, that I miss you, hanging with mutual friends, your laugh, your smile... I've said this 100 times to too many different people. If I don't tell you I'll never get past this stage and it'll always affect future relationships.

 

So, you're gonna be told that I miss you in the nicest possible way. Do nothing, see if I care, but it's time you knew. 10 months on and while I have moved on in life, my feelings for you haven't. Reject me all you want, but I've considered your feelings for too long now. It's time to tell you. This week. I want you back in my life, I want to be able to talk to you again, I want to win your trust and be able to socialise with you. I don't want to miss out on your life any more. I just want a chance to make you laugh again.

 

After that?

 

I don't know. If we still click, I'm going to try to make the very best of it. If we don't, fine. But getting that far would be a major achievement.

 

I've reached that point now. I'm done. This has to be it. This emotional torture must end.

 

If I fail, no problem. There's nothing wrong with me, but we're certainly both missing out on what could be an amazing relationship. I want to go away with you on trips, I want to spend time with your family and friends, I want to be there for your birthdays, Christmas, all those occasions. Unconditionally support you through uni, nursing, achieving, feeling good.

 

It really is time to act. I hope you like what I have to say.

 

And if I don't get knocked back and we eventually get back together, I am going to scream from the rooftops with pride at how lucky I would be! Proverbially, of course.

Not sure if it's appropriate to tell you this here,

but. . . Best of luck!!!

 

I'm really rooting for you and praying you get your happy ending with the woman you obviously love a great deal.

 

((hugs!!))

[TxJD79]

Do you remember how you felt when your now ex wife gave up on your relationship? You married young but you said you thought about it really hard and were sure she was the one. Remember how bad you said you felt when she started to be emotionally abusive and started disrespecting you and refused to go to therapy and kicked you out of the house and asked for a divorce a week before the bar exam? Remember how you said you were rolling on the floor in tears and were in such pain when you received the divorce papers? I know we weren't married..but we were together for 2.5 years and we talked about all of these divorce-related issues early on. We talked about our future together and what we both wanted. I always pushed you to speak up when you had concerns or frustrations etc and you refused, saying you thought i was perfect, or that you let a lot of things roll off your back and didnt like confrontation. I let you move the relationship along at your pace because (1) of your past and (2) my inexperience with these things. And at every turn, when you asked to be exclusive, when you wanted to officially be bf/gf, when you said you loved me for the first time..all of that i let happen on your time table..and i was frustrated but so happy when each step happened because I assumed it was what you wanted so i didnt have to wonder if i was pushing too hard. So you can imagine why i broke down when you ended things. First the week starts off with you saying we don't communicate well, then agreeing to work on it, then waffling, then telling me you were 100% on board, then saying you weren't sure, and finally that you had hoped you'd know more than you did at that point. I can't pretend to understand what any of that meant and I do believe you gave it a lot of thought. I don't think you came to the decision overnight. But I left you alone after that last day. Didn't text or email or call or facebook or any of that..and boy that was hard. I waited for 2 months...and asked you if you wanted to meet and talk. You said it would be too hard for you. Fair enough. That sucked but I left you alone. Then I was told you were seeing someone new and everyone, including me, was shocked. But I still left you alone. I blocked you on facebook so i wouldnt see anything about the new relationship, not to be hateful. I didnt ask people any questions about you or your relationship. I left you alone. Then I was told you ended it with the new relationship, in a similar fashion as you did with me. I left you alone. Sure, i was 'glad' that you werent with her anymore, but it's not as if I jumped for joy or thanked God. But i left you alone. I didnt rush to contact you in any way. I didnt ask questions about you of others. Then the anniversary of your brother's passing came around. I was there when you got the news when it happened and i was there for you and your parents. It didn't feel right not to say anything..so I sent you a short one sentence email saying I hoped you were doing well and thinking of the happy memories with your brother. You responded and asked me to give my nephew and dog a hug from you. I overanalyzed the heck out of your response. I replied back saying that i hoped you werent working too hard. I was praying that this would be the start of a dialogue. I unblocked you on facebook too because well....you werent with anyone and i was hoping it would be some kind of sign. You still have all of our pictures up...nothing of us as couples bc i deleted those...but tons of pictures of me from our trips together. that shouldnt mean anything to me but it does. And here I am...it's been a few weeks since the email exchange, it's been a little over a month since you ended the rebound relationship, and it's been a little over 6 months since you ended it with me. And i still love you, i still have questions, I still want to talk, and all that being said, no i don't want to jump right back into a relationship with you. So...that's that for now.

[Ambiguity]

My soul has been tainted with hatred by the thought of you.

 

I hate you and everything about you. I hate seeing you on campus when I do.

 

I want you to suffer for what you did to me. I want you to feel pain for your choices.

 

I want you gone, out of my life completely. I never want to see you again. I wish I could wipe all trace of you from my mind.

 

You are now only the object of my hatred and bitterness.

 

Get out of my life and never return.

[AnyaNova]

Not sure if it's appropriate to tell you this here,

but. . . Best of luck!!!

 

I'm really rooting for you and praying you get your happy ending with the woman you obviously love a great deal.

 

((hugs!!))

 

I'm rooting for you too, Situation!

[uku383]

I am angry at you for leaving me, yet I love you and want to hold you.

 

Do you know that my life is paralysed right now? I can't do anything. I'm completely unmotivated and have no positive opinion about anything.

 

No matter how hard I try this doesn't change.

 

I wish that I could talk with you on the phone. I want to know about your day. I want to flirt with you. I want to give you a foot massage. I want to be your husband.

 

Getting better is not easy. Loving you makes it worse.

 

If not for our son I'd have nothing to do with you, but I have to see and talk with you because of him. Every time I see anything to do with our life I am reminded of you.

 

If not for you I would never have resigned my job and moved cities. I'd have a stable career and I'd feel safe. I have no job now and I am completely exposed.

 

I've made mistakes, I've been difficult to live with, I know. BUT I want to change all of that. I want to get better. It would be so much easier if you approached this as a last-chance separation, but your intent to divorce is debilitating for me.

 

I'm tired of you saying how hard it is for you. I don't want to hear that you want the deck repaired so that you can have your birthday on 'my deck'. It's our home, dammit, and you've ejected me from my home! That house is where we were going to grow old together.

 

Please let me grow old with you. I don't care where, just let us be together.

 

I hate feeling anger and I hate conflict. I hate that I've been an angry person, and I hate what all of this has done to us.

 

I love you still.

[uku383]

This totally sucks.

 

I love you.

 

I'm sorry.

 

I want to make it better.

 

Please let me care for you. Please let me stroke your hair.

 

Stop looking at me like I'm scum. Stop hating me.

 

3 December 2005. That means something to me.

[collegeguy_24]

You know why bekki let me tell you something. I never once called you a slut or a whore, you did. I have every text message you and I have sent to each other saved in my computer I can send you an unaltered copy an you can see for yourself. Since your the only one to say those words maybe you need tondo some reflection. After all, you made a big deal about the first time you wanted to have sex and even made me plan a whole romantic evening. I did by the way. Yet in the end you gave it away for free to some guy. Take a long hard look bekki. I promise you he does not respect you at all. Your a **** buddy and nothing more, after all he never had to do a damn thing for you. He never had to try, he never had to take you in dates, tell you how much he cares for you, romance you, or any of that. You just gave it away. I also promise you he is telling everyone he knows, guys at least. Why? Because you are no doubt the most physically beautiful woman in that campus and he is bagging you any time he wants for free, no effort at all. So much for that special first time right? Take a good long look bekki, and tell me exactly what you see. He has no respect for you, others who know don't respect you for that. You have lost a lot of my respect as well, you lost the respect if the only man in this earth who loves you with all his heart and would do anything for you. You can earn it back, but really we know you don't care about that. You don't want love, you want fun. You have now become what you always hated.

[STM206]

I went to see a therapist today because of YOU. You left me without showing any sort of sympathy. Here you go off to live your life leaving me to pick up all the ****, to deal with heartbreak that I feel could be enough for 2 people. I will never understand why you chose to end things the way you did, why you didn't even try to put up a fight. We had such a good relationship, we barely fought... To me that's the kind of relationship people could only dream of! What happened? Why aren't you the person I once knew? The person who told me about nightmares at night of not being able to find me and waking up in a panic to find me laying next to you. Your nightmares have become my reality... I want so badly to get over you, to forgive you and let you go... But I haven't gotten there yet. I will one day, and even then I don't know if I'll ever want you to be a part of my life again, even as a friend. You kicked me down and left me to crumble, why would I want a friend who I already know is capable of treating people like that?

[collegeguy_24]

Wow I never expected you to text me today. I thought we were done with that conversation and we were taking a break.

 

Want to know something though, I am glad you feel like crap. Its about time the consequences of your actions came back to you.

 

You've changed so much in less time. Your FWBs because you get sex with a hot guy? Less then a month and a half ago you wanted your first time to be special and romanced. How in the hell can you change so much?

 

You have just become what you always hated, and I promise you it will come back to haunt you, it always does.

 

But whats even more sad is that I will be here for you, because I love you more than life itself. I may have been an ******* this weekend and verbally abused you through text, but your the one who chose to follow this path. I will forever love you, even though I have to move on.

 

You said that if I thought you weren't emotionally drained from our break up I must have thought you were made of stone. Well you gave that impression. You went on to have fun and enjoy life as soon as I was gone. Even in your texts you said you were to busy having fun to miss me until this hot guy asked for sex and you said yes.

 

How the hell am I supposed to think you missed me? You gave little indication! I am confused, and you say you are to but this does not make sense to me.

 

God, contact me after class, I don't want you to hate me.

[JoelBarish]

I'm sorry but we have nothing to talk about.

 

I don't love you and I don't want you anymore so please leave

[uku383]

Babe, this is killing me. It's an absolute nightmare.

 

It's a 24 hour stress cycle.

 

You've told me you don't love me. I've got to respect that. The thing is, we've been together so long and you've acted as though you love me over that time. It's such full-on change.

 

I would do ANYTHING to fix this. I feel physically ill every day, and every contact with you hurts me because I know that there are boundaries I can't cross. I actually resent you.

 

Why on Earth this can't be fixed I can't fathom.

 

Right now I'm trying as much as I can to not pour my heart out to you. That's so difficult. I feel dizzy.

 

Please let us love each other. Take down those walls. See me for the man that I am, not the sick person I was. I am getting better and I will be better. Please let us be great together. For us and for our son (and no, that's not me trying to manipulate you - it's my honest feeling). I don't want him to divide his time between Mummy's house and Daddy's house. I want him to have one home, and for us to share it.

[collegeguy_24]

I feel so physically sick right now. We said our good byes but I don't want to. We made some peace, but in the end I feel like you disrespected me just as I disrespected you.

 

You told me to marry you, to have kids with you, to find a job and move down there for you. You told me you wanted the first time you ever had sex to be special and romantic.

 

In the end you left me with little word, you are FWBs which you always hated. Your first time having sex wasn't special at all.

 

You say you still care for me, but I am still so lost. You were my jewel and perfect match. You said the same thing to me.

 

I feel like we lost something that would have insured our happiness. You gave up to soon, and my acting like a jerk these two days pushed you further away.

 

Please Rebekah, please come back to me. Please. I don't want to live life without you.

[WantanS4]

You said you were interested in someone else when I came back on my hands and knees begging you to reconsider and cut me a break. Remember? I even dropped the question, and you just kept saying 'no no no'. I mean, I was even willing to accept the fact that you fell for him in less than a weeks time that we were broken up. And I tried and tried, and all you said was 'Don't push this, I'm moving on, I'm interested in someone else'. So, why are you crying?

 

Oh, and by the way, I didn't 'dump' you, I simply took a step back because I wasn't sure we were going anywhere and if it would work out. I guess my decision wasn't so wrong.

 

And, also, I'm sorry your rebound didn't work out. I really am, wish it had, cause now you can't even look at me and always look away, which is sad. I didn't want that for you; you're better than that. What I don't get is why you breadcrumbed me a day after my birthday, thumbing your nose telling that you hoped things were as good as they could be for me. Gee, uhh, thanks I guess.

 

I guess that's why I'm here understanding that there's nothing left to be said, or do....

 

But that's only my story.

Edited February 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator