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January 12, 2014

Leaving for home today.

Will have to drive through your town I am sure that you have forgotten me, that you don't even think of me.

I wish I could make it so I wasn't thinking of you as I drove through your town.

It will be good to get back.

January 12, 2014

Looks aren't everything but look at how hot I am, how interesting, intelligent, kind, fun, funny, caring, loving, sexy I am along with all my interesting hobbies - think you'll find anyone like me again that will give you more than one or two dates hahahahahaha I don't think so & you know it!

January 12, 2014

It's weird how the only thing I miss about you now is your music skills.

I can't see any other good point in you anymore...

That will go away too, you never really wanted to try your best.

January 12, 2014

I am back now in my town after visiting my parents.

I have to give this to God. It is all I can do.

I have tried everything to make it over the hurdle to completely leave you behind, as you clearly have left me.

But I can't quite.

Don't get me wrong, save a few vitamin related dips, I am happy. And it looks like (cross fingers!) I will have at least one more semester to prove that I can do this. My life is great now, with enough vitamins.

I just can't quite stop thinking that we met at the worst time in the world. You had mono, and I had a massive and years in the making vitamin deficiency. No wonder we were both tired, stressed, and it is not rocket science that we didn't make it.

I just can't stop thinking that we might find that we were really good together, when both of us are healthy.

I am happy most of the time.

I just can't quite stop occasionally wishing to hear your laugh, your rich voice, or of being in your arms.

It is stupid and idiotic because you clearly haven't given me a thought since our last night together.

All I can do is give this to God because I can live without you, I have been doing it. I can be happy on my own, I have been.

But I miss you and think maybe my life could be a little bit even better if you were in it.

January 13, 2014

I am back now in my town after visiting my parents.

I have to give this to God. It is all I can do.

I have tried everything to make it over the hurdle to completely leave you behind, as you clearly have left me.

But I can't quite.

Don't get me wrong, save a few vitamin related dips, I am happy. And it looks like (cross fingers!) I will have at least one more semester to prove that I can do this. My life is great now, with enough vitamins.

I just can't quite stop thinking that we met at the worst time in the world. You had mono, and I had a massive and years in the making vitamin deficiency. No wonder we were both tired, stressed, and it is not rocket science that we didn't make it.

I just can't stop thinking that we might find that we were really good together, when both of us are healthy.

I am happy most of the time.

I just can't quite stop occasionally wishing to hear your laugh, your rich voice, or of being in your arms.

It is stupid and idiotic because you clearly haven't given me a thought since our last night together.

All I can do is give this to God because I can live without you, I have been doing it. I can be happy on my own, I have been.

But I miss you and think maybe my life could be a little bit even better if you were in it.

I should have hugged you when I had the chance

January 13, 2014

I should have hugged you when I had the chance

Shyness and AvPD. What can you do. :-)

January 13, 2014

Tell her. Just find a way. If you get rejected it will set your healing back, but it really sounds like maybe there is a shot for you guys. And I think that you're not going to be able to move on until you've tried.

There is no hope or help for my situation. Maybe I'm just silly, but I really would like to see you guys work it out. Like a wrong in the world might be corrected.

It might be worth a shot. I won't be set back as I have no expectations, just hope. However, I really hurt her by being so messed up. I can't see her giving me the time of day. Inexperience (both of us) and a terrible time of my life got the better of us. I just wish our time was now. I feel I never got a fair crack at it, but then she didn't either. She was banging her head against a brick wall. She'd have done anything for me.

But thanks for your support. Maybe a simple, "I miss you" message would do. I don't care about looking stupid, hung up or egos, it's fact. I do miss her. She might miss me too, but then, she might not.

I suspect these "mights" need to become fact either way.

January 13, 2014

Shyness and AvPD. What can you do. :-)

That isn't why I didn't hug you on my part. However for those reasons you may have flipped our

January 13, 2014

That isn't why I didn't hug you on my part. However for those reasons you may have flipped our

Then why not?

January 13, 2014

_Respect__

January 13, 2014

_Respect__

I see. So you only hug women that you don't respect?

January 13, 2014

It might be worth a shot. I won't be set back as I have no expectations, just hope. However, I really hurt her by being so messed up. I can't see her giving me the time of day. Inexperience (both of us) and a terrible time of my life got the better of us. I just wish our time was now. I feel I never got a fair crack at it, but then she didn't either. She was banging her head against a brick wall. She'd have done anything for me.

But thanks for your support. Maybe a simple, "I miss you" message would do. I don't care about looking stupid, hung up or egos, it's fact. I do miss her. She might miss me too, but then, she might not.

I suspect these "mights" need to become fact either way.

I hope you tell her!

((hugs!!)) and good luck!

January 13, 2014

Today was bad. I actually thought things were getting better and I was doing really well. But today feels like I'm starting over again. I gave into social media, I was really bored and my phone was so near by…. I really didn't see anything about you because you are never on social media, but I think not seeing anything from you hurt more.

Knowing you are living life not obsessing over me and what I'm doing.

I'm so bad at this and to make it worse I almost contacted you today.

I just miss you being there as a friend.

I know I need to get over you first before being friends is even an option, I just feel so alone.

January 13, 2014

Well, its official.

The verdict is in.

According to one male friend of mine (he said this several months ago) you would miss me only if you were smart.

According to another, you'd be a fool not to miss me.

They both think that you probably do.

Even though I know you will never contact me again, this makes me feel better.

Just a few more days until my penultimate post here (the last one of course being when I have found someone). But I am putting you to rest. Setting you down and leaving you behind like you left me.

I've got a life, and with enough fuel in the form of vitamins for my body, it is going to be amazing. And you're not going to be a part of it since you chose not to be.

Your loss.

January 13, 2014

Doing great thanks.

January 13, 2014

Hey S,

I know it's only been about 2 weeks since you broke up with me. I need to be really honest, though. I miss the hell out of you. I miss you and everything about you. There hasn't been a day when you haven't occupied my thoughts for hours at a time. I cannot express how badly I want to hold you in my arms, kiss you all over, love you like an amazing woman like you should be loved and show you how much you truly mean to me. I still say 'I love you' and 'I miss you' in hopes that one day you'll say it back to me and mean it. I know it's clingy and truthfully a bit selfish of me, but it's difficult for me to contain my love for you, though I know smothering you, which I try to avoid if at all possible, is undesirable as well.

I wanted to do everything I could to ensure your happiness, and on more than one occasion have you said that I did make you happy. I devoted my time and energy to you, even though we are both only 19. I always, always considered your feelings before I spoke or acted, choosing my words and actions carefully so as to not only not offend you, but to ensure that things got done. If you needed or wanted me, I was there. I admit, at some points I even dropped what I needed to do to be there, but that was because I wanted to be the guy who was always there for his girlfriend no matter what, through thick and thin, during the good times and the bad. I know I didn't have much, but what I did have I focused it towards you. Yes, I knew I had some issues of my own to work out, such as being a stronger, more confident, person, but I was witty, willing to negotiate, loving, caring, loyal, and considerate, among other things. Even when we had our arguments or disagreements, I was truly happy with you and I knew that we could work it out, reaching our nine-month anniversary and beyond.

So why didn't we?

Why didn't we sit down and talk about these issues instead of shutting each other out? Why didn't we COMMUNICATE like couples should? Why didn't we talk and resolve, to the best of our ability, the issues that led to our break up? Why was it so difficult for us to connect? You say I was not to blame, but I don't believe that. There are so many questions for which I need answers, though I don't expect you to have them all. I'm confident that, had we talked about these issues, we would still be together and happier.

However, even though I am still undoubtedly madly in love with you, the fact that you wouldn't stick with me when I was going through rough times, seemingly moved on from me while we were still together, and especially started talking to a mutual friend of ours not even 3 days after we broke up and seeing him the day you got back to college, hurts me more than you'll ever know. Why did this attraction towards me suddenly dissipate? What was/were the reason(s) for my love being this much stronger than yours? Why wasn't I enough for you, when at every turn I was there for you, loved you, poured my heart and soul out for you? Why are you seeing him even though you know it's murdering me from the inside out? I know you're not his girlfriend, but the fact that you like him so much so quickly and, as far as I know, compared him to me so quickly, hurts. It's like you got over me without a second thought, without even trying when things got tough. I understand the stress of me possibly not being at university for the semester and the desire to experience more (as I was your first boyfriend.) I don't, however, understand the sudden attraction to someone whom you, as far as I know, haven't even talked to for a good month except for friendly chats here and there at school. Likewise, I don't understand the sudden pull away from someone whom you claimed to love so much and wanted to spend your life with, someone with whom you talked about having a family, a beautiful old house, and coming home to each other, fantasizing about how happy we would be together. You even told me when, before you called and broke it off with me, he caught your attention. I know you better than that to think that you two were flirting with each other while we were together... right?

I miss and love you more than anything in the world. If you forget everything about me, don't forget that. Please. I vowed to support you through all of your endeavors, as at least your friend, even if it kills me every single time. Why? Because I love you, and your happiness means the world to me. If you're not happy, I will be there, and I always will be. Even the thought of initiating "no contact" terrifies me, and truthfully I question whether or not I have the willpower to do so; I'd always wonder how you are, how your life is, and the works, and no doubt I will be SO tempted to try to convince you that we can work things out. I know this may and probably will sound selfish, but even though it brings me great joy to see you happy, it also brings me great sorrow and sadness to know that you're happy without me by your side.

I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear. I will always remember... when your boyfriend was me.

- A

Edited January 13, 2014 by Ambiguity

January 13, 2014

Everything seems to be falling apart.

I really miss you right now! I secretly wish you would contact.

January 14, 2014

I don't know how the shy girl extraordinaire is going to find someone, but shy girl extraordinire is going to find someone.

And I will give him everything, that I would have given you. You know how I meant that last bit and how I didn't.

January 14, 2014

I don't know how the shy girl extraordinaire is going to find someone, but shy girl extraordinire is going to find someone.

And I will give him everything, that I would have given you. You know how I meant that last bit and how I didn't.

You really don't come off as shy.

Edit: You carry yourself very confidently as well

Edited January 14, 2014 by JoelBarish

January 14, 2014

Last week I thought I was almost over you. Today has been rough. It has been a whole year since you and I talked to one another. It is really hard to admit to myself that I still miss you. Admitting that makes me have to admit that I miss a liar, cheater, and fake a$$ wanna be.

I have went out on tons of dates last year and have talked to several guys since we departed ways. Yet, have I met anyone that I could connect with on the same level that I did with you. I hope and pray everyday for God to send me someone to love me for me. Until then, I will think of you. That is how it always plays out when I get my heart broken by someone.

January 14, 2014

So how have you been? How are the boys? I hope all is well.

I am hanging in there with the new job. You would be proud of me. I know that the last few times we talked you said as much. I know it's not my dream job but things are getting better financially. I'm working so hard and I keep trying but some days I get so discouraged about it all. It's harder than it looks and it can be overwhelming. But I am not giving up! Anyway, I've been so busy that truth be told, I don't think of you too much anymore.

The big day is coming up next month. I'm going to try to not to be sad. I don't want you to be sad either. Okay, so we didn't work out but there is no reason to go on living our lives being sad and full of regret. I hope that you find your happiness someday, whatever that may be for you. I believe that I am on my way to being a happier person and I don't need another person for that.

Well, goodnight old friend. Drive safely.

Edited January 14, 2014 by JoelBarish

January 14, 2014

One more thing...kill the bear

January 14, 2014

You really don't come off as shy.

Edit: You carry yourself very confidently as well

That is because we talked so much online first.

And one can carry oneself confidently, yet still be shy and uncertain in the presence of someone new. :-)

January 14, 2014

That is because we talked so much online first.

And one can carry oneself confidently, yet still be shy and uncertain in the presence of someone new. :-)

I hope it makes you feel better to know that you come off well

January 14, 2014

I hope it makes you feel better to know that you come off well

It does actually, thank you. Would you be surprised to hear that the reverse is also true? You come odd pretty well, as well. :-)

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