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Post here instead of contacting your ex!

polywog

By polywog
in Coping

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AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

You don't love me.

You don't need me.

You don't miss me.

You don't want me.

 

I will not love you anymore.

I will not miss you anymore.

I will not need you anymore.

I will not want you anymore.

 

I will write the two posts, each with a particular Calexico/Iron and Wine song and how I associate it with the relationship you and I had.

 

I have the basic structure for that poem ironed out. I will write it and get it to at least more than a first draft, and post that. It will be called Extramusical Association"

 

And a few more odd posts.

 

And then I will be done. I cannot spend the rest of my life sad that you chose to stifle yourself. It is your choice to make, to stuff your very self down to make others happy, and nothing will be accomplished by me discoloring the rest of my life.

 

I wrote in September that when someone does not have the tools to fight for their very selves, that somebody should care. Someone should notice. Someone should grieve that loss.

 

I noticed.

 

I cared.

 

I grieved.

 

I can do so no longer.

AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted
I'm glad your house warming party sucked. Wonder if you slept with another guy that night? Who cares you're no longer part of my life anyways. Enjoy your miserable alcoholic lifestyle. You're not the high calibre woman I used to know, you're low low calibre.

 

Alcoholism. I am sorry. I don't have much experience with it myself, but both my grandfathers apparently had troubles with it, and wreaked havoc on their respective relationships.

 

I am sorry that it was a part of yours.

loveiswar101 Established Member

loveiswar101

Posted
Posted

I'm lost in all this, why are you being so stubborn, I can only take a guess you believe I'm not worth it. Why ? Why ? Why ?

 

My heart was yours, I miss you, even with all your faults..

  • Like 1
MoooOinkBaaa Established Member

MoooOinkBaaa

Posted
Posted
Alcoholism. I am sorry. I don't have much experience with it myself, but both my grandfathers apparently had troubles with it, and wreaked havoc on their respective relationships.

 

I am sorry that it was a part of yours.

 

Thanks she's on that track, always drinking. She started smoking too and she has asthma, she's a train wreck waiting to happen.

The Situation Established Member

The Situation

Posted
Posted
You know, it is so disconcerting how much you sound like my ex. I know that you are not. My name is not Cheri and my ex and I would never have met up in a bar. But it is odd and a little sad how you phrase things so similarly and emphasize things so similarly.

 

But I must admit I'm not even clear on who the Situation is and I'm sure my ex isn't.

 

Don't stop posting your posts to Cheri, here, or anything. they are beautiful and hopefully helpful for you. It is a good exercise for me to read your posts and remind myself that he will never think or write anything like that about me.

 

I must begin looking forward to the future and get my head out of the past.

 

I wish you and Cheri luck. :-)

 

It's Charl, so you know (no offence taken!). :p

 

But that's interesting. I assume you're from the United States? I'm from Wales (UK) so it really isn't your ex here!

 

Interesting development today: we've both been invited to a friend's birthday gathering tomorrow. She's definitely going, and I'm probably not going to. It's so disheartening. It's the opportunity to try and make amends with her but I'm full of anxiety and my concentration levels are even lower than before. My head's whirring with thoughts at 1000 mph. I thought I was past all this, but being in the same FB conversation for the first time in months has set me off so negatively.

 

It's infuriating. After all this time I've wanted to see her, I just don't think I can. She was the most lovely person I've ever known, and someone I have huge admiration for, but now I just feel stressed, so who knows where she's at. Maybe it really isn't "meant to be".

 

:(

AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted
It's Charl, so you know (no offence taken!). :p

 

But that's interesting. I assume you're from the United States? I'm from Wales (UK) so it really isn't your ex here!

 

Interesting development today: we've both been invited to a friend's birthday gathering tomorrow. She's definitely going, and I'm probably not going to. It's so disheartening. It's the opportunity to try and make amends with her but I'm full of anxiety and my concentration levels are even lower than before. My head's whirring with thoughts at 1000 mph. I thought I was past all this, but being in the same FB conversation for the first time in months has set me off so negatively.

 

It's infuriating. After all this time I've wanted to see her, I just don't think I can. She was the most lovely person I've ever known, and someone I have huge admiration for, but now I just feel stressed, so who knows where she's at. Maybe it really isn't "meant to be".

 

:(

 

Would you really want your first meeting with her to be in public?

 

I think a huge part of the anxiety is that element. Send that message you were planning. Take it slowly and given the level if emotionality involved, perhaps public is the best place since your first meeting.

 

No. I knew you were not my ex. For some strange reason, despite the continental divide, the two of you seem to think similarly, well, excepting the obvious and rather big difference in that the small part of me that still wants him to come back that I am trying to quash, recognizes is different, anyway.

Fangorn Member

Fangorn

Posted
Posted

GO DIE IN A FIRE! GO DIE IN A FIRE! GO DIE IN A FIRE! GAHHHH, you don't deserve to even pretend to be happy you gutless, soul sucking bitch!

 

Why do I have to suffer while youre out getting drunk and ****ed by your new mates? Go die in a fire.

CopingGal Established Member

CopingGal

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi J. I can't believe I'm back here again because of someone else. That's good, though. You really gave me a shove in the healing process against L. Your profile on the dating website made you sound like you were God's gift to the world. That's why when men go on and on about how great they are, I don't buy it. I never talk about how great I am in my profiles. I just talk about what I do. I let my actions speak for themselves.

 

But you could have showered me with jewels, kisses, and gold. That wouldn't change the fact that you are an alcoholic. Getting mad because I asked a question about your ex-wife and Alanon? Really J? Let me tell you something J, any woman who gets involved with an ACTIVE alcoholic and doesn't ask questions and doesn't try to reason if she should or not...whether she plans on being a friend or lover to that person, isn't very bright.

 

I'm too smart for you, J. I question and I would continue to question had we not broken up. You want to think I want perfection? Go ahead...if it makes you feel better, go ahead. We both know I'm not looking for anyone who's perfect. Go back to all the people in your life who use you and try to suck you drive of your money. You think I had an ulterior motive for every good thing I did and said because you spend your life around users.

 

Bye J. Thanks for helping me get even more over L...but your whining, and complaining about your life and your alcoholism is no longer worth it. See ya....wouldn't wanna be ya!

Edited by CopingGal
loveiswar101 Established Member

loveiswar101

Posted
Posted

Bunny, I woke up this morning tired and exhausted with what is going on. It's been 4 weeks since I have seen you, yet you are in my thoughts all day.

 

Well this is my last shot before the new year, I text you for lunch, but you have asked for an early dinner tonight. My head spins with yes and no's on this but my heart wants what the heart wants.

 

I am looking forward to seeing you tonight but will say now I will go in open minded. I will not chase, beg or be weak. I want to see you because I love you, care and deep down believe with all my heart we belong together at this stage in our life's even with our differences.

 

"The ones who love you will never leave you. Even if there are hundred reasons to give up, they will find one reason to hold on"

 

Let's see if it's true !

LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

Posted
Posted

Did you love me? Something like it?

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted

Yes I have my ups and downs but when I'm up it's no longer because of you. Yes I still cry and smile but when I smile is no longer because of you.

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted

I have absolutely nothing to say to you, it's been like this for a while. I'm here to vent, im here for ME.

  • Like 2
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

Have migraine tonight. My head really hurts.

 

You are nothing but a ghost to me. Your deep rich laugh. Your arms.

 

Everything.

 

You have cut me completely. I will do the same.

 

Maybe the reason I can't let to of this last vestige, is because I've never gotten angry at you for choosing to bury yourself and your own needs to please your parents.

 

I think, as little as I like the idea of getting mad at someone for not fighting something they've never been given the defenses to fight, for my own health and sanity, since you are keeping your iron willed silence.

 

I will have to do this.

 

To get you out of my heart completely.

 

Sometimes I hate you for the pain you caused me, these last months. I wish I'd never seen how much you cared, how obvious it was that you loved me.

 

A fellow who is the same mbti type expresses grave doubt that I will be able to eliminate you completely until I'm with someone else (our type has notorious problems with this, letting to when it was not of our choosing), but I am determined to prove him wrong.

 

But tomorrow, I will start and set myself a limit: but I think maybe, to heal completely, I will have to get angry at you for something tha is fundamentally, not your fault.

 

You probably did just feel relief the next day. I've been suffering for months to differing degrees.

 

How pathetic am I?

 

How can I ever trust my heart to anyone ever again? I can't go through this again.

livingnightmare Established Member

livingnightmare

Posted
Posted

I do not want to cause any more animosity than there already is between us for our daughters sake, but I need to get some things off my chest. I do not want you to contact me back and I want all contact through my mother from now on involving our daughter and that means I do not want you coming near the house either.

 

After everything you put me through, finding out 3 yrs in after we had a child that you cheated at the beginning. Can you even comprehend how much of a lie you told. I would not have stayed with you If I new this!

 

You dare say I slept with your sister and 2 other women, how dare you. I have enough respect for myself my daughter and at the time you to never do that. ( I will take a lie detector test when she is older so she can know the truth, can you do the same?) Yet I know you cheated. Remember that carpet burn on your spine the night you stayed out? How could you forget eh? How blind I was and trusting that is clearly from another episode of your cheating. I often wander how many more were there. I know you will never admit that.

 

That phony love letter at the end after you had dumped me...... was that your guilt because you slept with your friend.... clearly it was, you can not hide the truth any more, time apart has cleared my head enough to see things clearly what was staring me in the face.

 

You rip my daughter out my life in such a cruel manor then the other day you say you miss her at Christmas..... My first Christmas with her in 4 yrs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You said it was time to grow, yet even though u are going university and going church now you still cannot admit all the wrongs you done to me. Not one of them, you have completely put everything on my shoulders even when you ****ed that guy from the club you said I made you do it? By wanting my family together? By smashing your phone when I found the msg " I am ready for you" in your phone to the guy before the letter! the night you got in my face again and pushed me! That was the first physical abuse in that relationship how you have forgot.

I can say I have learned lots from this experience and have grown in understanding of relationships immensely, you still cant see what you done so your time to grow has not helped you in that area at least.

 

U do not see anything you done wrong, you need help.

 

I feel so bad for not leaving you now when the first red flag came up, wasting so many years on a lost cause, but its not in my nature to make children and leave single moms to raise children alone.

 

You screwed me over massively DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN! Everything must go through my mother.

 

 

---------------------------------------

 

 

I really want to send this as lc is a nightmare Im struggling and cant move on when I see her, I know in the long run it will be better for my daughter If I can fully get over this. Should I send this letter / txt to demand no contact, should I just keep it about no contact and remove the rest? or should I tidy up the curses?

 

LC is a nightmare, my mother organizes it but when the phone calls between them go I have to hear the conversations about her life its like they are best friends or something, when my lil one is dropped off it is never an organized time, I sit there pondering wandering until they arrive then my day is ruined as it turns into all about her.

 

What should I do?

livingnightmare Established Member

livingnightmare

Posted
Posted

I forgive you for your wild rages over nothing.

 

I forgive you for throwing the glass at my head that nearly hit me.

 

I forgive you for kicking me out then calling me back constantly.

 

I forgive you for all the very hurtful words you said in those arguments.

 

I forgive you for phoning my parents after arguments and demanding they come and get me making out It was all me.

 

I forgive you for not supporting me when I found out about *** the 7 days of trickle truthing where I broke my heels and ankles from the shock of finding out you were not who you led me for 3 three years to believe after having a child with you.

 

I forgive you for not trying to gain trust back and leaving me in a very dark place at that time.

 

I forgive you for cheating the night you stopped at ****** friends house and you came back with a big carpet burn on your back.

 

I forgive you for eyeing people up in front of me and our daughter then making out I was crazy and imagining things.

 

I forgive you for eyeing up that guy at the least that made him come and knock on my familys front door looking for you.

 

I forgive you for turning to advice to people who just wanted to sleep with you while we had a family and these people do not know me or what you put me through.

 

I forgive you for sending texts saying "I am ready for you" to *****

 

I forgive you for that night when you tried to sleep in another room so u could sext chat with ****** and make out I was crazy. I had work the next day and you wanted me to look after our young daughter while you done that.

 

I forgive you for dumping me selfishly without even trying.

 

I forgive you for sleeping with ****** then sent me a phony love letter, I seen the guilt in your eyes, its obvious now.

 

I forgive you for getting me to buy your shopping that friday night. I seen the guilt in your eyes that time too I forgive you for whoever you were seeing that week straight after the break up

 

I forgive you for sleeping with that stranger again almost straight after the break up the one you brutally cruelly rubbed in my face and compared me to.

 

I forgive you for giving me major depression then doing all these things on top of what I was going through.

 

I forgive you for telling me everything was my fault and saying I turned you into that person.

 

I forgive you for accusing me of cheating on you to shift the blame.

 

I forgive you for making out to everyone that I abused you when it was you abusing me straight after our daughter was born relentlessly.

 

I forgive you for destroying our daughters family unit and bringing so much disruption and animosity into her life.

 

I forgive you for your psychological and mental abuse I withstood from you for 3 years relentlessly.

 

I forgive you for mentally torturing me all that time without recognising in any way or form how deep and far reaching into my life your abuse was.

 

Please respect my wishes, I do not want a response in any way or form and will be blocking then deleting your number, any communication must now go through my mother, when my head is clear from the bitterness you have sowed in my heart I will communicate again, how long this will take I do not know it will more than likely be years as to be honest with you it sickens me that you could do this then blame me.

 

I am trying my best for the sake of our daughter to forgive you for all the evil cruel things you inflicted on me and continue to do so by telling lies.

 

I forgive you for saying its time to grow yet you can not see one bad thing that you have done and you done many bad things.

 

I thank you for showing me how cruel and sick people are, the depths they will go to to hurt people, people who don't deserve it. I will take this lesson through my life with me to spot the signs of a toxic person sooner.

 

I thank you for freeing me so I can find someone who deserves all the love I have to give.

 

I thank you for freeing me to find someone who can feel love, empathy, compassion, some one I can trust, someone to support me some one who will not torture my mind day in day out.

 

Thank you for freeing me from your cycle of abuse.

 

IT ENDS NOW!

 

I forgive you!

AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

Just reminding myself of the question.

 

Why would I want someone who let fear override not only his obvious feelings for me, but also his very own self?

  • Like 1
livingnightmare Established Member

livingnightmare

Posted
Posted

Im on the verge of sending that last letter as a forgiveness letter, I need to tell them what for, so they know I understand everything and the things they think I dont know. Then I will block them in every form.

AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted
Im on the verge of sending that last letter as a forgiveness letter, I need to tell them what for, so they know I understand everything and the things they think I dont know. Then I will block them in every form.

 

Seriously. You'd be better off placing your hand on a hot burner than contacting her again ever in any form.

 

These are for you. These are for us. Not our exes.

 

Please don't send this. If she is as evil as she sounds, it won't make her feel bad or guilty, it will only make her happy to see how much you suffer.

 

She doesn't deserve the satisfaction!

  • Like 1
falxmanolo Established Member

falxmanolo

Posted
Posted

Hey dumbfuvk my best friend just told me what you told her in august about my internship. That your dumb job is supposedly more important than my internship. Guess what ashole? I applied for my internship with NOBODY's help. I drafted my cv and sent in my application. Unlike you you dumbfuvk who needed me and S and N to help you with every bloody application. At this moment I feel like slapping you. Do not ever forget the people who led you to the place you are. You are a sick human being that is a disgrace to humanity.

  • Like 2
The Situation Established Member

The Situation

Posted
Posted

Well, that was the ultimate test tonight and I couldn't do it. I'm not ready to see you after all. In fact, all my old feelings returned today. Anxiety, stress, nervousness, loss of control, direction, purpose, appetite, confidence, reality... Maybe it's time to concede that we are just not meant to be. I find it incredible and baffling to accept. You're the most beautiful, kind, loving, thoughtful, helpful and supportive person I've ever met, yet due to the damaging circumstances at the time we got together has left me scarred. I'm not afraid to admit I'm scared of seeing you. Of what might or might not be said. I thought I'd moved on from all that and become less insecure, but even the thought of seeing you is just too much.

 

I really want to speak to you, meet in the middle and bury all this once and for all, but I just don't know how.

 

All I know is that I didn't turn up tonight for me and didn't do what I thought I should do. I went with my gut feeling, and for as much as I hated having that feeling, I have to believe in my judgement and not regret my decision this time.

 

I'm exhausted and we haven't spoken a word to each other. For all the admiration and care I have for you, today was not the day to see each other again. I really don't know when that day will come. Perhaps when the memories are less fresh.

 

I want you, I really do; but I just don't know how.

AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted (edited)

Liquid b 12 doses are wonderful things, when one can't get another shot until tomorrow. :-)

 

If you'd had the balls to hang in there until you got better from your mono and my b deficiency was diagnosed, we could have been awesome.

 

Your loss dude!

 

I am intelligent, caring, thoughtful, loyal, and incredibly patient. Also, on enough vitamins, remarkably sane like. :-)

 

I'm taking my wonderful self to find the guy who can handle me. And gives enough of a crap about himself to stand up for who he is!

 

Your loss!

 

If you don't already, at some point you will realize what you lost. And then it will be you here and not me.

Edited by AnyaNova
  • Like 1
lykamaureen New Member

lykamaureen

Posted
Posted

Happy new year sam!!

 

cant get you out of my head today.

 

missing you so much.

 

realized im still hung up on you.

 

that i still love you

 

eventhough i know and feel like you forgot about me.

AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

You chose to be a weak man.

 

I realize this is not your fault. You were never given the tools to be truly strong, and did not have the courage to avail yourself of he person in your life who could have helped you cultivate that, to face the flak from your family as you truly begin to be your real self.

 

I don't need or even particularly want an alpha male.

 

But i do want a strong man. A man who had the strength to be able to face anything that might come in order to keep me when he loves me.

 

You were not that. You just weren't.

CopingGal Established Member

CopingGal

Posted
Posted

 

 

I really want to send this as lc is a nightmare Im struggling and cant move on when I see her, I know in the long run it will be better for my daughter If I can fully get over this. Should I send this letter / txt to demand no contact, should I just keep it about no contact and remove the rest? or should I tidy up the curses?

 

LC is a nightmare, my mother organizes it but when the phone calls between them go I have to hear the conversations about her life its like they are best friends or something, when my lil one is dropped off it is never an organized time, I sit there pondering wandering until they arrive then my day is ruined as it turns into all about her.

 

What should I do?

 

I really don't think you should go NC simply because you have a kid. It's gonna be tough. Try to limit your low contact even more. As soon as your mom gets on the phone, hang up right away and then put ear plugs in your ears or ear phones on until the conversation is over. One day, you won't need to do this but it's going to take time. I'm sorry you are hurting.

CopingGal Established Member

CopingGal

Posted
Posted
You chose to be a weak man.

 

I realize this is not your fault. You were never given the tools to be truly strong, and did not have the courage to avail yourself of he person in your life who could have helped you cultivate that, to face the flak from your family as you truly begin to be your real self.

 

I don't need or even particularly want an alpha male.

 

But i do want a strong man. A man who had the strength to be able to face anything that might come in order to keep me when he loves me.

 

You were not that. You just weren't.

 

My potential boyfriend wasn't strong either. He is a weak boozer.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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