Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Bandini]

Story (i'm french btw)

-Been together for 2.5 years (i'm 25 she is 23). She was the one chasing me at first. I was her first boyfriend.

-I failed my master degree, three years in a raw. Have to drop college with a degree useless for the job market. So no job, have to drop my master degree. -I feel like ****, don't know what to do in my life, got some hobbies but i will never get pay for that. This situation have consequence on my relationship. I take her for granted, things became boring for both of us. I became more and more anxious.

-She began distancing herself and i made the mistake to run after her.

-October : she want a break. I give it to her. One week later we are back together again.

-End of november : she break up, even if she thinks it's a mutual one. Because she "thinks i'm right and perhaps she felts out of love", to some of our mutual friends she said "there was too much problem between us" or "it's the context"

-One week after the break up, i called her for having closure. I wanted to know if it was for another man and why she thinks she felt out of love. No other man and she don't know for the loss of feeling.

-Been NC since.

But today, i ****ing want to send her a text, just to know how she is doing. I know for the first two weeks she wasn't feeling good about the break up.

I will not do it.

 

I don't know why the break up is so hard for me. It had been a few month since i was no longer happy with this relationship, i also wanted to break up. But she is a great girl, very nice and damn smart. I'm really scared to not encounter someone who is as smart as she is. I'm mad at myself for letting the relationship down.

I don't think i want to get back with her, but damn i miss her and my life situation make it a lot harder.

[AnyaNova]

I'm just kidding myself. You're probably having a wonderful Christmas with some new girl who won't trip the family tripwires, with your family.

 

You're probably not thinking about me at all. Ugh!

 

Tonight I am mildly missing you. Missing your sweetness, your earnestness, and everything you truly were.

 

Sometimes I think if I were more intelligent I could stop feeling this way ever. Like I'd be able to figure out the magic formula.

 

As I said last night.

 

I wish I mattered to you.

[The Situation]

I have had a turbulent 48 hours thinking of you almost constantly. I finally had the balls to "see" you via others online. You look beautiful. And while I've been sad and annoyed at myself lately, I finally feel some defiance. I will contact you soon with a lovely, undemanding message and just hope that it reconnects us. I am honestly not interested in being with anyone else having tried a couple of times now. You are my 'other half', and I will do what it takes in the least messed-up way possible that I can show you.

 

You are the one I want and I won't be ashamed to tell you when the time is right.

[AnyaNova]

I have had a turbulent 48 hours thinking of you almost constantly. I finally had the balls to "see" you via others online. You look beautiful. And while I've been sad and annoyed at myself lately, I finally feel some defiance. I will contact you soon with a lovely, undemanding message and just hope that it reconnects us. I am honestly not interested in being with anyone else having tried a couple of times now. You are my 'other half', and I will do what it takes in the least messed-up way possible that I can show you.

 

You are the one I want and I won't be ashamed to tell you when the time is right.

 

Wishing for a moment that you were my ex behind that screen. That was beautiful. I hope it works out for you and you don't get hurt!

[AnyaNova]

I give up. For tonight.

 

I think I'm going to take some vitamin C, go to bed, curl up with some music, hope that either Rabbi or Max curls up with me, and otherwise try and blank out my mind.

 

I have always been intelligent. I have always been able to figure things out.

 

But I cannot seem to figure out how to completely close my heart to you. How to cut you out completely, like you seem to have done to me.

 

But this is a puzzle that I cannot solve. I have tried willing myself and choosing to a thousand times over. But just when I think that I am completely over you,there you are again.

 

I am missing you, tonight.

[AnyaNova]

3 months and not a word from you.

 

You too, huh?

[loveiswar101]

Today has been one of the hardest since we broke up bunny. I troll the net for inspiration, I read page after page but with each high comes with a massive low as I again think of you.

 

Again I quote your last comment was "i love you"...yet I find this great quote and would love you to read it..

 

The ones who love you will never leave you. Even if there are hundred reasons to give up, they will find one reason to hold on.

 

I guess you never will.

[The Situation]

Wishing for a moment that you were my ex behind that screen. That was beautiful. I hope it works out for you and you don't get hurt!

 

That just brought tears to my eyes in the office!

 

Thank you. I wish I could say that to her. It is time to act in some way.

 

I hope you feel better soon, too.

[AnyaNova]

That just brought tears to my eyes in the office!

 

Thank you. I wish I could say that to her. It is time to act in some way.

 

I hope you feel better soon, too.

 

I hope so too.

 

Unfortunately, it is clear that my ex wants nothing to do with me, and so there will not be any happy ending between the two of us.

 

But I hope that after the Holidays are over, and I'm back into regular life, I will be back to where I was in regard to him, since he clearly has no intention of ever contacting me again.

 

And hopefully soon, too, a new start with someone else.

 

But there is this stupid part of me right now that wishes he were here and that we could give it another try. It is hard, very hard indeed to remind myself that no matter how much care he showed that last night, no matter how much it cost him and how much pain it caused him, he doesn't care enough to bother getting in contact with me.

 

I highly doubt I will even get a Merry Christmas from him.

 

Apologies. It looks as if you perhaps have a shot to rekindle something and I hope you get a chance to. Forgive me if it hurts a little that that same kind of chance will not ever be on the table for me.

Edited December 23, 2013 by AnyaNova

[AnyaNova]

So.

 

I could get the B12, but the clinic can't give me any of the b cocktail because the bottle they gave me (since they don't have it here) was out of date.

 

I mean, Thanksgiving proves that the Holidays cause me to think of you some, but as poorly as I absorb oral supplements, without the full compliment of B's, it is clear that I can settle into a long Holiday of missing you at least a little.

 

Sometimes I think, that by chance if you did find me on here and recognize me, that you must find me terribly stupid and pathetic to still have any feelings for you at all. I wish force. of mind was enough. But I cannot wish you away.

 

Nor can I stop right now, wishing a little that I mattered to you.

 

Not that it matters, you know, to you.

 

Apparently.

Edited December 23, 2013 by AnyaNova

[im_thedude]

I wish I could have a conversation with you again

[AnyaNova]

I wish I could have a conversation with you again

 

!!!

 

I wish the same of my ex. Perhaps there is some reason that we will never know or be able to see that they don't.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I know I left suddenly and randomly last Sunday. I know I ignored your text and call at 1am. I did all that because I didn't know how to let you go properly and I also knew I couldn't move out if you were home, it would have been too hard to say goodbye to you face to face. That night you held me in your arms when I cried...I didn't want to have to repeat that because it would have happened again. Those tears by the way, they were so real. That's how much I loved you as I clung to you hoping you wouldn't let go.

 

I just wanted you to know that you were my best friend, I could always count on you and when last night happened and you weren't there it was just even more of a sick realization that it's over for us. I must accept that and I will in time, I ****ing pray to the god I don't believe in for that **** every day.

 

It's like we are strangers again. I understand the concept, but it's hard to erase those memories and go back to you being someone I don't know. I want to know all of you and now I'm destined to erase all of you. What a ****ing brutal mess.

 

Goodbyes are never easy, are they? They just suck. They are ****ing pointless. Like the song goes:

 

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head

They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed

Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone

Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?

 

It's about a guy who is an alcoholic and it's basically for his mom, but hell, this song reminds me so much of you...I ****ing hate it. Everything reminds me of you.

 

My feelings have been paralyzed till last night when I realized I'm dead to you, then all of a sudden BAM it hits me: you are gone. ****ing gone. What was the god damn point?!

 

It feels like you died. You were in my life everyday and now you just aren't.

 

They have me on clonine, clonzapam, xanax, viibryd and phenobarbital. Yes, ****ing phenobarbital, can you believe that ****? Numbs the **** out of me and makes me pass out enough to forget about you for awhile. Most of the time I'm just numb slow dancing through a dream. I love it when I don't feel or think about you.

 

I mean, I must be really ****ed up if I have to take that many pills to feel okay. Pathetically, you were my lifeline and now I'm flatlining, I ****ing hate love. I can understand why you blatantly chose to avoid it. Love = pain. I'm right there with you now! **** love! Pushing people away is much safer. I guess in order to understand you I had to become you.

 

Had one bloke hit on me last night and just told him to **** off. I wouldn't mind being single for the rest of my life to be honest. It's safer that way. I met love once and it shut it's door on me, why knock again?

 

I may be young, but I feel like an old soul. Yet, sometimes I don't feel that wise.

 

My biggest question isn't if you will miss me one day or if you will regret me, it's "What will your life be like without me?" Better? Worse? I think I already know the answer.

 

My love was blue mountains and purple skies. It was watching the sunset and waking up to a bright newborn naked sun. It was midnight kisses and holding hands, making me feel better at the top of a ferris wheel. It was explosive, when we laughed, we ****ing laughed. When we fought, we ****ing fought. When we ****ed, well you know...

 

It was real. But it was one sided. How can you do this to me?

 

I did my damnest to fix you. But in the end, I broke myself. Your fears...they have become mine now. I expected love where it could not be found. I demanded it, in fact.

 

But you loved me the only way you knew how...which was at a distance. When I'm gone. When I say goodbye. When I wasn't in reach. How you tugged at the very moment you felt me distancing and pushed me away the very moment I became close.

 

I have become well versed in a relationship that never gives, but only takes. You have taken everything I had, but only because I allowed you too. I would lie there naked and give you the knife to my flesh and bones if you wanted it, I loved you so ****ing hard.

 

I've turned white, absent of any color. I'm a morbid ghost walking around waiting for her soul to find what it's craved her whole life. I have yet to reach my heaven because I'm stuck down here on earth looking for something that isn't here. You're gone now. Without me.

 

And now I lay here, sucked dry and ambivalent to the world around me.

[The Situation]

I hope so too.

 

Unfortunately, it is clear that my ex wants nothing to do with me, and so there will not be any happy ending between the two of us.

 

But I hope that after the Holidays are over, and I'm back into regular life, I will be back to where I was in regard to him, since he clearly has no intention of ever contacting me again.

 

And hopefully soon, too, a new start with someone else.

 

But there is this stupid part of me right now that wishes he were here and that we could give it another try. It is hard, very hard indeed to remind myself that no matter how much care he showed that last night, no matter how much it cost him and how much pain it caused him, he doesn't care enough to bother getting in contact with me.

 

I highly doubt I will even get a Merry Christmas from him.

 

Apologies. It looks as if you perhaps have a shot to rekindle something and I hope you get a chance to. Forgive me if it hurts a little that that same kind of chance will not ever be on the table for me.

 

That's alright! Better out than in! I don't know the details of your break but it sounds like it wasn't your fault. It really is difficult at this time of the year but there will be better Christmases ahead. There have to be!

 

I'm thinking of sending my lovely ex a card to wish her well with her new job in my writing instead of a text. Yes, ultimately I want to provoke some contact from her, but I will ask her only to patch things over as the last time we saw each other it was pretty appalling (alcohol involved). Asking little of her would help me heal massively, then after that we will "leave to fate", as she said.

 

It might just bring me closure, even if I miss her and want to share a bed with her every night. What a wonderful person that I couldn't see at the time. I'm sorry I was too much of a mess to keep you, Charl.

[L1ght]

I can't actually believe you don't give a f*ck....yet here we are, strangers that have gone their separate ways.

"shakes my head when I think about you"

 

 

You're a f*cking idiot.

[loveiswar101]

I broke NC today bunny, went saw your sister, maybe I'm reaching out. I asked her if there was a moment tomorrow to wish you a merry xmas from me, if you were happy to leave you alone. I had to do this bunny as I thought long and hard that if I didn't do something that tomorrow all day on my own I would probably of phone or text and probably ruin xmas day for u.

 

Amazing I didn't ask her to tell u I love you, I guess it's down to Ive told you many a times of how much I love you and if you never got it u never will. I know it's not right but I get the vibe you just don't care, no contact no nothing, but hopefully like me your just trying to cope.

 

Merry Xmas Bunny.

[loveiswar101]

You have drained the energy from my body, the warmth from my heart and the will to go on. Why have you done this, I know your not heartless, but obviously you cared nothing for me like you said you did in that last call.

 

Why do people keep telling me I'm a good person yet the one I want in you just didn't see it or didn't want to I guess. My heart, soul bleeds..

[The Situation]

No wonder you lost patience...

 

I just had a scan through our Facebook conversation. You told me you missed me several times. I never said it back. You had every right to cut me out. I'm so disappointed in myself for not treating you like you deserved. If there's ever a chance again, you will see a totally different me.

 

Who knows what the future holds.

[EnigmaWolf92]

No I'm not sending you a Merry Christmas message this is me right here right now continuing to try to heal. Silence is what you have to offer I'm finally taking the hint and sticking with it. Wish you the best but I'm done lieing to myself and making assumptions.

[AnyaNova]

You.

 

So,

 

I hope that you are missing me, at least a little bit. I hope there is a part of you that sees what we were set up to have and regrets not taking the chance and continuing on the original plan.

 

But anyway, I'm off to go work on my shawl pattern. It is still small but nicely working up. That's something that I now have energy enough to do.

 

I still wonder what we'd have been like if either or both of us had a full energy deck, and if I wasn't having unrecognized vitamin deficiency related mood crashes.

 

I hope, perhaps, you do as well.

[Petunia20]

Driving to work this morning I thought of why I still feel hung up on you. i try to think logically instead of with feelings. I asked myself if I truly love you still, or is it the holidays or is it too recent. When is enough enough? When will my heart, mind and soul say, thats it you're over him? Is this achieveable? Is this true love that I have for you? Its been over a year since we officially broke up and 6 months since we technically stopped talking. There is always that one person that even tho you're over still hurts to think about. I know there is, I have seen it in my friends. Is this you? Sometimes I think how easy it is to contact you and go back to being in your life even if I am the "other woman" now. But i refused to do that. I refused to let u cheat on me and accept it. I refused to stop looking into things I knew u were doing wrong. Plus Im uncertain if you will even talk to me. Maybe the woman you left me for is truly the love of your life. But if she was, why didnt u cut all ties with me? I was the one who had to do it. You probably would have eventually. Tiempo al tiempo. Merry Christmas, although we spent but 1 xmas together in the 3 years we were together. That was reserved for her I guess.

[Omei]

You left me you dont give a ****

I'm going to have an amazing Xmas and I knew you well enough to know that your family barely pays attention to each other and you will sit on your PC playing games.

 

My Xmas is better than yours na na nener na.

 

Lol I know it's a bit childish but I actually take small comfort in this fact, he would of had my love my gifts and my company but he threw it away.

[montanabound]

She left right before Christmas last year. Haven't spoken since. Still missing her. Knowing now the person that I am, I don't blame her. I'll try to be better going forward.

 

 

A 2013 Wish

I wish I could turn back the clock

365 thoughts ago of you

To a time when we could have saved ourselves

By a simple apology

Headstrong, weary and timid both were we

Lead astray by another mind

The right half controlled you

The left controlled me

Understanding too late

Each of us trying to bring them together

Leaving you in the South, I fled

Not knowing what to think

Just knowing what I wanted

One more touch, one more word, one more look

From my Frightened Angel

Who wanted nothing more

Than the one thing I could not give

Assurance

Both victims of our past

Both victims of each other

Unable to lock our two halves together

A union dissolved by the cruelness of life

Weapons of temptation, pride and anger

Honed and wielded

Cutting the soul

I am sorry for the person that I have become

Too late for us

I have bared now the monster within me

My dragon to slay

In hopes that one day I can live again

Love again

Only wishing that again could be you

Edited December 25, 2013 by montanabound
delete copy/paste commands

[AnyaNova]

You know a part of me seems to want you back, but why?

 

You chose, instead of taking the courageous choice of taking the risk of figuring out who you truly were, instead of facing the fear of what your family would think if you were yourself around them as you said you were around me and only me, you chose to give into fear and the familiar.

 

Perhaps my mind would change if you demonstrated a desire to change that, but any time I start to get "nostalgic" and wish you were back I will ask myself why I want someone who valued his own comfort and security not only over myself, but also over his very own self.

 

Why indeed. The emotions may still be there a little, but the logic is inexorable.

 

And I cannot come up with any answer.

 

Why?

 

So you are wih your parents, I am sure, this Christmas. Perhaps you have convinced yourself that he persona you put on for them is really, "you," but you know Inside, I am sure.

 

You could be spending Christmas being yourself, surrounded by people who want you to be.

 

But you're not, are you?

 

You chose fear over me. I want a man who won't let fear stop him from being with me ever.

 

It is as simple as that.

[loveiswar101]

Even in those last few weeks we drifted apart, i still hope you have a happy xmas bunny

 

I miss you.

 

xxx