Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[AnyaNova]

I'm not really sure I understand. Your ex sounds like a very flawed lover if not a flawed adult and I don't see why you feel the need to make excuses for his behaviour especially after he left you high and dry. That situation by the pool sounds....different. Severe communication breakdown and oddness. IMO you should focus on his inadequacies and count yourself very lucky to be rid of someone who doesn't even know how to act like a normal human being around you. I don't mean to sound harsh but I think your ex has a few personal issues that need addressing before he should try dealing with the intensity that a serious relationship and letting another human being into his life inevitably will bring. How can you expect him to love another human being if he doesn't even know how to take care of his own state of mind and well being first?

 

That is odd. Someone else used those exact words, too. "high and dry."

 

I am not excusing his behavior. I am not saying that it is good, right, or proper.

 

I am simply asking the fundamental question of how you can be angry with someone who is acting only to prevent pain when he's been so badly hurt in the past?

 

I agree that he definitely should have worked on those issues before trying to do so. But then again, can you blame him for having the passing desire to be normal and do what normal people do? I can't. And I got my heart shredded by the guy.

 

I know. Pretty much to a one, those who recognized attachment issues at the heart of my breakup and relational end later, told me that if he ever did come back wanting to get back together, unless it came with a major apology and the statement that he'd been getting quite a bit of counseling and was really working on those issues, that I should run, because he'd leave me again.

 

I know. Believe me. Pretty much everyone I told whether they recognized attachment issues or not (including my counselor--I must admit when he did I rather bit his head off a bit by loudly exclaiming, "I know!" but by then about a gazillion people had pointed this out) first thought they needed to inform me that it didn't sound like this guy had it together enough to be able to be in a relationship and that I was lucky to find this out now instead of later.

 

But what about your ex. What did she do to make you so angry at her? To make you so bitter?

[polynomial]

I know our relationship would never work out, but I just miss you so much. I'm having some health concerns right now and I wish I could be in your arms and you would tell me how everything will be alright. That always helped and I just wish you were here.

[Softie]

You are a silly silly man, and I'm sure you know it.

[Dumped85]

Wow, its been 6 months already. And right on the hour where I messed up. Instead of running away. I shouldve taken a breather, and walked away from you instead of leaving tthe casino. Massive regret. Things may have been different if I just relaxed alot . I did everything wrong our last week together hey. Do I still love you, I don't think so. Do I miss your company umm yeah I do. Would I want you back no. Would you come back, I know the answer is hell no.. I miss what could have been, I temporarily saved you from tarting around. Guaranteed you are grinding up against someone now.

[AnyaNova]

I know our relationship would never work out, but I just miss you so much. I'm having some health concerns right now and I wish I could be in your arms and you would tell me how everything will be alright. That always helped and I just wish you were here.

 

I know that a lot of the extremely strict NC people would bite my head off for saying this, but unless she was extremely toxic/abusive towards you, or your end involved some terrible thing like her multiply cheating on you, or you were extremely toxic/abusive towards here, or multiply cheated on her, such that your contacting her would destroy her own healing...

 

All I can say is, I know my ex had some health problems while we were together that worried me, and so I can say with certainty, that if my ex had health problems that were concerning, I would definitely want him to break NC and tell me.

 

Because apparently, despite what I said in a previous post, even him not responding to that last email wasn't enough to make me completely whatever. If he needed support because of something, and reached out to me, I would provide it, as long as it was clear that the support was actually needed and not manipulative.

 

Would I know that he hadn't been there for me when I needed similar support? Yes. Would I recognize the unfairness? Yes. Would I be doing it out of low self-esteem or subservience? No.

 

I would be doing it for several reasons. One, because if I do not behave as I would, I am not being me. Two, I would know that I had the high ground. I had done the right thing and had not acceded to vengeance. Three, hopefully, for future interactions with other people, perhaps I might have shown him a better way to be, where he might never learn that if I didn't.

[Mr me to]

6 years of our life together and we have been through so much, you and our family are everything to me. I don't care whats happened in the past it doesn't matter. I know I ****ed up and took you for granted. but you mean more to me than life its self and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much you mean to me. I will always care for you and be here for you, you know that. I don't want our old relationship back. I want a new one with the only love of my life. I will do what ever it takes we are meant to be together life is to short to waste time. I cant bare the thought of spending Christmas away from our family. please ring me or something and we can talk about everything. I know you I know deep down your hurting let me hold you in my arms and make everything better. I can be the man you know I can be just let me show you.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Mr me to

[Mr me to]

you lying , deceitful, manipulative bitch. I gave you everything. I was there for you when even your own mum didn't believe you. now go on living your little façade. All your family and friends are fake as **** and you chose them over me every time, well enjoy your new fake little life. should of knew a leopard never changes its spots. you ****ed me over worse than your last boyfriend. newly engage then ****ed me. karmas a bitch im surely getting my just deserts now. you have destroyed me and are ruining your and our poor children's life's and for what so you can act like your 18 well your not you have responsibilities, start acting like it

[Mr me to]

Im sorry I just miss you so much. **** it I've got as much chance of you replying to me as I have this computer.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Mr me to

[L1ght]

That is odd. Someone else used those exact words, too. "high and dry."

 

I am not excusing his behavior. I am not saying that it is good, right, or proper.

 

I am simply asking the fundamental question of how you can be angry with someone who is acting only to prevent pain when he's been so badly hurt in the past?

 

I agree that he definitely should have worked on those issues before trying to do so. But then again, can you blame him for having the passing desire to be normal and do what normal people do? I can't. And I got my heart shredded by the guy.

 

I know. Pretty much to a one, those who recognized attachment issues at the heart of my breakup and relational end later, told me that if he ever did come back wanting to get back together, unless it came with a major apology and the statement that he'd been getting quite a bit of counseling and was really working on those issues, that I should run, because he'd leave me again.

 

I know. Believe me. Pretty much everyone I told whether they recognized attachment issues or not (including my counselor--I must admit when he did I rather bit his head off a bit by loudly exclaiming, "I know!" but by then about a gazillion people had pointed this out) first thought they needed to inform me that it didn't sound like this guy had it together enough to be able to be in a relationship and that I was lucky to find this out now instead of later.

 

But what about your ex. What did she do to make you so angry at her? To make you so bitter?

My ex? Belief perhaps?.....maybe I should blame myself for believing in her and us instead of blaming her for letting me down. I probably don't even need to post here any more about her, I'm over her and it becomes more apparent to me the more I see posters here who basically feel like they need to beg their ex to come back.....I don't feel that way at all. I guess the only thing I want her to know is that I don't have anything nice to say to her which is kinda funny when I think about it.

I'm actually quite happy in my life and see beauty in the world again without her.

[AnyaNova]

My ex? Belief perhaps?.....maybe I should blame myself for believing in her and us instead of blaming her for letting me down. I probably don't even need to post here any more about her, I'm over her and it becomes more apparent to me the more I see posters here who basically feel like they need to beg their ex to come back.....I don't feel that way at all. I guess the only thing I want her to know is that I don't have anything nice to say to her which is kinda funny when I think about it.

I'm actually quite happy in my life and see beauty in the world again without her.

 

You can't find one good thing in your ex to compliment? One good quality she had? Surely she must have had a few to attract you?

 

As much as we may like the people who hurt us to be all bad or all good, they are usually much more complex than that. I mean, I can list many good qualities my ex had. If I think back hard enough, I think I can probably come up with a few good qualities that my very first boyfriend who was emotionally abusive to me, had.

 

Why do you want to hate her so much?

[AnyaNova]

Im sorry I just miss you so much. **** it I've got as much chance of you replying to me as I have this computer.

 

Sounds like your ex is a lot like mine in that regard.

[L1ght]

You can't find one good thing in your ex to compliment? One good quality she had? Surely she must have had a few to attract you?

 

As much as we may like the people who hurt us to be all bad or all good, they are usually much more complex than that. I mean, I can list many good qualities my ex had. If I think back hard enough, I think I can probably come up with a few good qualities that my very first boyfriend who was emotionally abusive to me, had.

 

Why do you want to hate her so much?

Just because I don't talk about an ex's good qualities doesn't mean that I never thought they had any. The truth is that the good feelings don't exist anymore and so they shouldn't.....I mean what's the point? Two hearts that used to be in harmony with each other no longer beat together in synchronicity.

Me and my ex are no longer friends or lovers, we aren't on the same side in this life anymore.

Anyway I've learnt a lot from this. For starters I ignored my instinct when I should have listened to it and I also should have been harder on her as a man and as a lover. I let too much slide and I guarantee that's not gonna happen again.

I'm just gonna put it down to the fact that really I hadn't let someone get that close for a while but that's life...we live and learn.

[AnyaNova]

Just because I don't talk about an ex's good qualities doesn't mean that I never thought they had any. The truth is that the good feelings don't exist anymore and so they shouldn't.....I mean what's the point? Two hearts that used to be in harmony with each other no longer beat together in synchronicity.

Me and my ex are no longer friends or lovers, we aren't on the same side in this life anymore.

Anyway I've learnt a lot from this. For starters I ignored my instinct when I should have listened to it and I also should have been harder on her as a man and as a lover. I let too much slide and I guarantee that's not gonna happen again.

I'm just gonna put it down to the fact that really I hadn't let someone get that close for a while but that's life...we live and learn.

 

I guess that is where you and I are different.

 

I still think that even though we're not together, we're not friends anymore, that me and my most recent ex still are on the same side together in this life, even if not together, together.

 

I think part of what scares me is that my ex might feel like you do.

 

That my ex might have since he made me go away, villified me. Convicted me for the crime of leaving him, which I didn't even want to commit, but he insisted.

 

I don't know.

 

It is late. I am tired, and tonight, I guess. I am hurting.

[L1ght]

I guess that is where you and I are different.

 

I still think that even though we're not together, we're not friends anymore, that me and my most recent ex still are on the same side together in this life, even if not together, together.

 

I think part of what scares me is that my ex might feel like you do.

 

That my ex might have since he made me go away, villified me. Convicted me for the crime of leaving him, which I didn't even want to commit, but he insisted.

 

I don't know.

 

It is late. I am tired, and tonight, I guess. I am hurting.

I feel free and see beauty in life again.

Maybe that's why I hardly feel the pain anymore.

[AnyaNova]

I feel free and see beauty in life again.

Maybe that's why I hardly feel the pain anymore.

 

Glad you're happy.

[L1ght]

Glad you're happy.

Christmas always helps. I love this time of year and even more so when it snows. After that its a case of "new year, new start". I intend to make use of that line of thinking......hope you find peace for the new year too. Good luck.

[EnigmaWolf92]

My first real day off in two weeks and I find myself thinking about you slipping into old patterns tempted to check up on you. I wonder when the day to day thoughts of you in my mind will even stop. I wonder why I still think about you and care and in a way I know and not much I can do but keep pushing the thoughts away but there's always the annoying do you feel the same and the wonder that pushes me back to writing on here instead of foolishly contacting you. Its been over half a month since I've checked up on you. I'm stronger then this I will not break this silence.

[AnyaNova]

Seriously B crashing today. Crashing really hard. If only I could get shots today I would be fine within an hour or two.

 

I knew Friday they were starting to go, but it just seemed too early. I probably blew through them all with the all-nighter.

 

So damn right now, I mean, when my B vitamins are good, I know that you made your choice and it is fine. Whatever.

 

But my vitamins crash, and my brain casts around for an explanation, it always lands on you.

 

There was a guy at church today, came with a kid, looked a lot like you. I don't know.

 

I just, when I get like this, I wonder how you can continue to be so cold. It is mind boggling. It doesn't even seem in line with everything about who you are.

 

I just want to hear your voice right now. But I know I won't. You won't reach out.

 

What do you even think of me?

 

I am so shy. I've only been on two dates since we broke up. in July.

 

When I lost all that weight and became pretty again, I thought it would make things so much easier. It only makes things worse, because when you're pretty and shy people think that you're just haughty and not shy.

 

It is really funny, too, because there is this guy at church who I really think is interested. He walked up and hugged me (which took me by surprise, and you know my thing with touch). He's really nice. I mean, I know it could work, because he is the same MBTI as you are. But that scares me, I have no desire to get my heart another searing like you gave it, but also, my shyness kicks in really bad and I can't really do much of anything.

 

I am crashing so hard right now, that all I want is not just to hear your voice or your laugh, I seriously right now want to be in your arms again.

 

Like that's going to happen.

 

Whatever issues, your family, or your attachment issues, or whatever, make sure please that you take care of them, get some help with them before trying a relationship again. Please.

 

Nobody should have to go through this. Ever. I still remember, the first day when I got on that writing group site, and asked about the mixed messages, the "I need you so badly that it's killing me to send you away, but, go away now." And the very first post I got said, "lots and lots of therapy." And most agreed.

 

It really does do a number on your head, to be forced to leave someone you care about, when it is hurting them so much for you to leave, but yet, they are making you do the leaving.

 

The really ironic thing, the thing that makes me wonder, is if I'd had enough B vitamins (or at least known what was happening), during the summer, could that have spared you some of the stress that caused the initial breakup?

 

Moot point now I guess.

 

I don't know why I bother to write these. You're not reading them, and if you did, I don't know. I'd like to think that you care, but maybe you'd just be annoyed, or dumbstruck that I still get like this since we weren't together that long. I really don't know anymore.

 

In just a second, I'll get up and take one more round of the nasty liquid B's. Hopefully they help me enough that I can keep composure for that church activity this afternoon, and then after, I'll still need to find a bunch of subjects. But all I want to do right now is curl up under the covers and cry and miss having strong arms around me.

 

And the confidence you had in me.

[AnyaNova]

Christmas always helps. I love this time of year and even more so when it snows. After that its a case of "new year, new start". I intend to make use of that line of thinking......hope you find peace for the new year too. Good luck.

 

Ironically enough, whether I find peace for the new year, seems to be heavily dependent on how well I can keep my b vitamin levels up. This is seriously getting ridiculous.

[AnyaNova]

Really, really badly B vitamin crashing right now. Again. Still. Since Friday. No amount of liquid B's are enough. I wonder if I have any villi hanging about, or if they're all dead.

 

Can't get the shots until after 1 oclock tomorrow.

 

On the bright side, the timing of the shots allowed me to pull through brilliantly for the research class.

 

On the downside, the timing of the shots, and this subsequent crash means I won't be able to complete the research for the other in time. I mean, generally speaking, when the data collection has to be in person, people don't tend to volunteer for, much less trust researchers who can't keep the tears from streaming down their face.

 

I don't know what this will mean. I am going to try and point to the ability to finish my other class because of the shots and see if I can get an incomplete. I mean, yes, these crashes would be difficult to work around, but if I had an entire semester to plan and prepare for them? If, like most of these last several weeks since I started them, I had most of the week to be able to work brilliantly? I could do so much.

 

But right now, because I'm crashing I just want to be held by you. To have pull me close and tell me that its going to be allright. That you respect the immense amount of work that I was able to pull together quickly and rather well, for the given time, in the other class. That you know that I am working and trying to the best of my ability. That I always have been. That with a new semester to start with a plan in place (and whatever happens, I am going to a gluten intolerance/celiac expert so I don't get taken by surprise by any other nutritional deficiencies that I need to know about!) that I can be the student that I have the potential to be.

 

I swear tonight I want you to knock on my door, come in and cuddle me right away.

 

Then again, who knows, perhaps you are reading these with a new girlfriend and laughing. I don't know anymore. I want to believe you were as you presented yourself. I really want to believe.

 

I think I may just turn in really early. You won't come, no matter how much I want you to, I am sure of it. Despite how much I might wish it.

[SameOldFear]

It's been half a month. Half a month since I blocked you. I went through all of our old messages today. I never thought six months ago, that six months in the future you'd be spending your holidays with someone else and I'd be spending mine alone. You should've been there for me like you said. You should've never let things get that far. I wonder if you've texted me or called, or have you not even thought of me? How can a best friend become a stranger so fast? I look at the things your doing with your life. It's all the things you judged others for and said you'd never do. Here we are though. I gave everything I had and then some to you. I still can't believe you're a stranger.

As hellish as it's been, I can now say I wouldn't take you back. I was never this strong before. No, I haven't moved on. I'm still in love with you. But us together again? It didn't work round one, so why go for a round two? I will never trust you or believe you again. It feels nice to finally be able to see that. My future, that I once was sure had you in it, is uncertain, but it no longer bothers me because I'm sure better days and better men are ahead.

[jonsnuh]

I am grateful that we had ended, although we should have done so many years ago, right after that summer we shared together.

 

We went to different schools. I should have been strong enough to break up with you and possibly given us another chance when we established ourselves on our own and met other people who would have shaped us more.

 

But I was weak and I hung onto the idea of us, that unconditional love and that we were meant for each other. Little did I know, you had other plans you had never told me until my mind had pieced together after so many years that you were a compulsive liar, serial cheater and led me on for these 6 years.

 

You were the one I fell in love at first sight, and through thick and thin. Now I'm left picking up the pieces of my life and heart. And I have only myself to blame.

[Softie]

I'm feeling good.

Your loss.

You've given me the opportunity to find someone who will love me whole heartedly and treat me with the kindness and fondness I deserve.

 

Thank you.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Every week like clockwork you send me a txt. Last weekend it was that you had a dream about me and that you hoped I was well. The weekend before you txt me about my fave football team...

 

I know you so well. You miss me like hell but your pride and maybe some decency on your part are not allowing you to say it or push for more.

 

I'm thankful that you've kept the messages neutral because God only knows how much I've been craving you lately. I want to have hot wild animal s*x with you. I wish and fantasize for it...but I know I'll probably feel horrible afterwards.

 

So...I'm halfheartedly thanking you...for being decent..

[maturityassets]

ugh because of my relationship troubles you are in my head jeez. I just miss driving around and blasting the music while we acted around like fools mouthing the words. I miss picking someone up from the cold and feeling their cold cheeks when I kissed them... I just can't do that with my current love because of her family and because of that I resort thinking about what I was doing this time last year. I still care for you R, we will always share those memories and it will be hard to deal with that all especially when I just want to do things that couples do. Just don't get hurt ok... No reason to be mad at each other and I forgive you for breaking my heart. I'm a lot stronger of a person since then.. Tragedy has put me together... Enjoy life R. Fulfill your dreams and live independently without me or anybody else for that matter. Say hello to your family for me.