Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[maturityassets]

It was my niece's second birthday yesterday... You bought her that really soft stuffed cat. Wish my brother's family would have thrown that away... Eh whatever memories right? Best of luck R

[Mario79]

I am feeling it now. Why is that I sometimes feel ok, and now I cant. You always hated that I would depressed at moments in my life and that meant I wanted time alone. I started on two medications my psychiatrist recommended. Getting over a strong cold that left my nose in bad shape.

 

I want to hate you, I want to be able to push past this with anger and resentment, but that hasnt worked. How did you do this? How were you able to get over me in such short time while I am still lost in this maze of emotions.

 

Just more questions, no answers, leaving me to find meaning. Some days it hurts so much I really feel like dying, like I cant see an end, and when I think of you in some other man's arms I feel like tearing myself in pieces. This isnt healthy, this isnt right.

 

I hang around this forum so much now, reading, understanding, trying to comprehend. Doing anything, trying so hard to let you go that I swear in my intentions I am holding on even harder than before.

 

If you came back. If you just knew. I have a rejected engagement ring. I plan to bury in the highest mountain, God as my witness, I cant go on like this.

[mtnbiker3000]

We are different kinds of people. I would never f**k you over. I would never f**k anyone over. Yet, you f**ked me over pretty good. You watched me fall for you and make major commitments and decisions based on something you knew would never happen. You knew we were a short term thing, yet you knew I thought we were a long term thing. And you watched me crash and burn and did nothing to stop it. I have never been treated like this before. Thank you for this life-lesson.

[Mariposa10]

I don't even wanna get back together with you, why is it so hard to forget you? It's completely over and I'm ready to move on, but all those memories are still there.

 

Enjoy being inside my head for the rest of this month, because after that, you won't be allowed inside

[JoelBarish]

I wished you happy birthday for tomorrow and you finally thanked me and told me you were having a crappy day. I didn't ask you why because it was probably something I don't care to hear about.

 

I know that whatever you do tomorrow won't compare to what we did together last year. I loved you so much. I know that you probably don't remember how we spent your birthday last year because you have a Swiss Cheese memory but trust me last year was better for you.

 

One final time, Happy Birthday

[Kansas87]

"Wanna hook up?"

 

Two years. Two m******f******* years and I get "wanna hook up?"

 

Unbelievable. You should be ashamed of yourself. If this is what a month looks like, how will you be handling it in three?

[AnyaNova]

Okay.

 

I admit it.

 

I really do want to find someone who will feel this way about me (well, except the obvious fact that I'm not and will never be a "10").

 

[CAdude82]

Okay.

 

I admit it.

 

I really do want to find someone who will feel this way about me (well, except the obvious fact that I'm not and will never be a "10").

 

 

When you meet the right guy, you will be a ten in his eyes. Don't put yourself down like that!

[CAdude82]

I was stupid and went on your Instagram. I saw you posted a new picture of yourself. It's not fair! Why is it that you are happy and I am a mess by just looking at a picture of you? Do you understand that you will never find somebody like me? Somebody who actually loved you for who you are? It kills me that you are just able to throw me aside and move on with your life while I am sitting here trying my hardest to get on with mine. I'm ashamed to admit that because of you, I feel so empty inside. Because of you, I feel like a part of me is missing. You left a gaping hole in my heart that I am now working on closing up. It pains me to block you out of my life and my memories, but I know that is what I have to do. I am working on improving myself and my life. However, you are always lingering in the back of my mind and every now and then, you come to the forefront when I see your picture or remember something we did together that was special and it crushes me for a moment. I am getting stronger now, and hopefully, soon, you will be nothing but a distant memory.

[love1336x]

I would like to send you a Christmas card.

why? I dunno.

so you can think of me and throw away the card? lol. maybe.

or just to be nice.

[AnyaNova]

When you meet the right guy, you will be a ten in his eyes. Don't put yourself down like that!

 

Thank you! You are awesome.

[AnyaNova]

"Wanna hook up?"

 

Two years. Two m******f******* years and I get "wanna hook up?"

 

Unbelievable. You should be ashamed of yourself. If this is what a month looks like, how will you be handling it in three?

 

I know it is devastating because it diminishes everything in your relationship.

 

But if you can, hold on to this fact.

 

you dogded an incredibly huge and emotionally deadly bullet. Can you imagine your life if you would have actually married this *******?

 

I know it hurts right now, but you deserve someone truly capable of love and empathy.

[AnyaNova]

So the date I went on earlier this fall was very casual. A walk at night together.

 

The date I have planned for tonight is a full dinner date.

 

Its not my usual kind of date, where I've known them for months, or have talked online with them for weeks.

 

He is an extravert. I am not sure I know how to trust extraverts in quite the same way. But why not? The guy had the motivation to approach me and ask me out. Why not give him a shot?

 

I wonder if you are dating someone. If you would care? If you would be happy? If you would feel sad and maybe a little jealous?

 

Again. Only you would know. And you aren't telling.

[love1336x]

So the date I went on earlier this fall was very casual. A walk at night together.

 

The date I have planned for tonight is a full dinner date.

 

Its not my usual kind of date, where I've known them for months, or have talked online with them for weeks.

 

He is an extravert. I am not sure I know how to trust extraverts in quite the same way. But why not? The guy had the motivation to approach me and ask me out. Why not give him a shot?

 

I wonder if you are dating someone. If you would care? If you would be happy? If you would feel sad and maybe a little jealous?

 

Again. Only you would know. And you aren't telling.

 

enjoy your date

[AnyaNova]

enjoy your date

 

He was nice. Ultimately, I think, not for me, but nice.

[AnyaNova]

 

I sailed into the dark with you.

 

I sailed into your dark with you. And then you made me sail away from you.

 

It is odd to consider now, because I honestly cannot answer the question from where I am now, if I would go back and do it again, knowing what would happen.

 

I have no answers from you on why you did. Maybe I should blame it on "Your A.D.D" or "Your own sick pride." or who knows. Maybe I should blame it on "My A.D.D." or "My sick pride." I don't know. Parents? Financial pressure? On fears of rejection and attachment issues?

 

It is as if I am contemplating the fully healed scars now.

 

I know you didn't mean to be harmful, hurtful or sadistic. It just happened that way. Your issues and mine and the whole thing blew up like a powder keg.

 

But not once during my date did I think of you at all.

 

That thought at one point would have made me very sad.

[Mario79]

I am weak right now, I am not doing well. I had a day where I met people and did things. Why does it burn me so much. I could stop me. I want reach out. I want you but you just feel angry. Sometimes I just want to let the insanity in, I want to let it eat me and infect me with your thoughts.

 

I watched American Beauty and felt that would have been my life had I stayed with you. But losing you did something to me. I gave you something you didnt want. I am guilty, guilty of hubris and petulance. I am sad. I am twisted now.

 

Like that song, my #1 Crush,

I will pray for you

I will pray for you

I will sell my soul for something pure and true

Someone like you

 

See your face every place that I walk in

Hear your voice every time I am talking

You will believe in me

And I will never be ignored

 

I will burn for you

Feel pain for you

I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart

And tear it apart

[SameOldFear]

You really are a coward. How does it feel to be the worst person someone's ever met to at least one person in the world? How does it feel to be the biggest liar in 18 years for someone? How does it feel to be weak?

I wish I had seen it sooner. You were taking advantage of me from the beginning. Once you saw that someone liked you, you ran with it. You asked me to keep us a secret, because you were ashamed for whatever reason. Now you shout it from the rooftops with her. She's everything you said you never wanted.

You constantly complain about your life. You've chosen it though. You don't get to tell me about your problems anymore. You gave me all of your baggage, then created baggage for me and left. How could you?

You're a weak man. When I confront you about your lies and BS, you tell me it's because of some insecurity you had. Yeah, right. When your insecurities start hurting other people, start creating insecurities for other people, you're not a victim of your own insecurities. You're a bully. A selfish bully. I hope you enjoy the drugs and the sex and the partying in this new life. I thought you were smart enough to know those things are temporary, but friendships and integrity are forever. But you weren't; you gave up me and all of your good friend for her and that new life of yours.

I blocked you because I'm tired of you knowing I'm here for you. I'm tired of being there for you.

[AustralianGuy]

Why do you keep contacting me when I am not replying to your messages? You broke my heart, I loved you unconditionally, all I ever wanted was for us to be happy and grow old together, but in your break up speech you said there was no spark and that I was too normal and you needed more drama in your life. I am a good person with a good job and kind heart, are you suddenly realising this now that the guy you left me for "the real reason for the break up" has left you and run away? I wasn't your first choice so I am certainly not going to be your back up plan. I hate that I loved you, and in some weird way I still love you. F**K you for ruining something beautiful. You have hurt me more than you can possibly know

[AustralianGuy]

We are different kinds of people. I would never f**k you over. I would never f**k anyone over. Yet, you f**ked me over pretty good. You watched me fall for you and make major commitments and decisions based on something you knew would never happen. You knew we were a short term thing, yet you knew I thought we were a long term thing. And you watched me crash and burn and did nothing to stop it. I have never been treated like this before. Thank you for this life-lesson.

 

 

 

It sounds like we knew the exact same person!! EXACTLY what happened to me. Well said and I hope you heal soon

[AnyaNova]

 

I sailed into the dark with you.

 

I sailed into your dark with you. And then you made me sail away from you.

 

It is odd to consider now, because I honestly cannot answer the question from where I am now, if I would go back and do it again, knowing what would happen.

 

I have no answers from you on why you did. Maybe I should blame it on "Your A.D.D" or "Your own sick pride." or who knows. Maybe I should blame it on "My A.D.D." or "My sick pride." I don't know. Parents? Financial pressure? On fears of rejection and attachment issues?

 

It is as if I am contemplating the fully healed scars now.

 

I know you didn't mean to be harmful, hurtful or sadistic. It just happened that way. Your issues and mine and the whole thing blew up like a powder keg.

 

But not once during my date did I think of you at all.

 

That thought at one point would have made me very sad.

 

Just a postscript to the post yesterday. I know there is no chance you are actually reading these.

 

Sadistic? You ask?

 

Yes.

 

If you have never been treated to the experience of being forced to leave someone by their own request, when your very leaving is causing them so much obvious and incredible pain, and no matter how much you know intellectually that it is and was not your choice, you still feel like your are the worst abandoner in the world.

 

And the pain you caused me in that moment, and the pain afterward.

 

Indeed.

 

Sadistic. Not intentionally on your part. But it was.

 

I am not angry at you anymore. I am sad sometimes for you. You will have what looks like a sterling life from the outside. You will have a nice job. Make enough money. Have a decent car and plenty of electronic toys. Perhaps, even, you will find a shy sweet thing who won't challenge your parents' incursions into your actual identity. But even then, you will still become a shell of yourself, the shell that was in process even as we were dating.

 

Please. I know that you will never contact me again, in my gut. Probably won't make another excursion to my gym. But I know that even if I'd tried to talk to you, you would have turned away. But please, read up on the "self-abandoning Avoidant Personality." It fits you to a tee. And then start standing up for whatever you need to do. find a woman who WILL help you make sure that you know what it is you truly need and want (no matter what your parents think) and help you stand up for those. If you need to go back to teaching, do it. If you need to stay where you are now, but stand up to your family in your choice of whatever woman in the future, DO IT! Do it for you!

 

Dang. I told myself, and it really has helped in my healing, that I can't examine these things too closely anymore. I fear I may have today. I knew things were going down when I started feeling depressed in the car on the way to the store from church. And, when I got home from the store my eyes were starting to turn that strange color of greyish yellow again. But as I said in that one facebook post, "when such a one does not have the tools to defend against such incursions against their identity, and it is lost, someone should grieve that loss. Someone should notice. Someone should care. And at least, about that, I still do.

 

Please, before it is too late, before you are "lost" completely, recognize how beautiful your soul is. Whether or not you teach for a profession, you are an incredibly sweet, gentle, natural-born teacher whose viewpoint, whose ability to be as nakedly vulnerable and emotional is so rare and precious. Please do not let yourself be cannabilized internally. You are too rare and precious for that!

 

I am not angry. I am not anything. On many days (less so when it is so dreary and cloudy) I am truly happy. Some days, like this intensely, cold, and dreary day. I am empty. Drained.

 

On the one hand, I know that part of my dreary outlook today, has more to do with the fact that I discovered I can't let my calcium and magnesium supplementation slide.

 

On the other hand, it is difficult not to notice this is exactly the kind of winter day that you talked about, how nice it would be to cuddle together.

 

Gentle masculine teacher, please. I am so scared that you will wake up in 20 years and realize that there is nothing of you left, and you will have so little time by then to reconstruct yourself. I know, you risk losing the very people who you have depended on for so many years. But, I truly believe that though they mean well, they don't know how to separate their own unfilled needs from your true identity and what you really need.

 

This is such a long ramble. I am missing you a little right now. Sometimes I wonder if you miss me. If you think about me.

 

I hate cloudy days. I need it to be sunny. Because then I can be completely happy, no matter whether I am single or not.

[L1ght]

We are strangers now. Not much else to say about that.

 

 

As in I don't know what the f*ck to say to you any more. Totally uninspired by your memory.

Edited December 9, 2013 by L1ght

[jonsnuh]

It's come to my attention, with the unwanted help of those little elves in my mind, that constructed and figured out that you were long gone, and likely had fallen for someone a long time ago.

 

You weren't letting me go lightly when you agreed to keep each other as lovers with our arrangement. All the bargaining had only prolonged the lack of NC, and helped benefit you in getting you to your goals when you dumped me after your graduation.

 

You had it all planned, like my gut instinct had indicated. When I asked you straight out, you replied: "Am I that smart and conniving to do this"? I thought better of you and I said no. You sought the best revenge by improving your own life and moving on without me-- you had no intention to work us out as you claimed.

 

"Trying to get back to me, but you couldn't"? Telling me our values and beliefs were different and guilt-tripping me when you said it was all my fault? You were so stuck in the past version of me, when we were only 18 and you were my first and I had no expectations and naivety was my second name.

 

I really should have seen you face to face during your graduation, so all of this would have unraveled. How you intentionally and purposefully distanced all your friends and family away from me. The lies you spun to preserve your ego have gone so out of control, that have pushed all of the people you know away, phase by phase.

 

I know better than your friends and families know you, and possibly how much you know yourself. I meant it when you shouldn't tell your loved ones, like your dying gramps and your parents that you love them. That would only be a fleeting feeling, a nicety in the hopes that you can continue using them.

 

Enjoy your stint in internal medicine. I know you didn't deserve any of it beyond the work you put into your career, but I shouldn't have helped you get your first job (keep telling yourself that I had nothing to do with it). I should've been the one taking that job, but I let you do it. I don't respect you. You likely had to lie, cheat, steal (yes I realized after we broke up that you had stolen on the first job that would have warranted a termination of your job), and sleeping around. You are ammoral, and very good at playing the game.

 

And you'll never know.

[Dazed'n'Confused]

Hi,

 

I hope you're well. It's been a long, grueling month at the office but in 12 more days I'll have four days off which will be nice.

 

I'm somewhat out of my depth at work, but i'm getting less terrible at my job and making fewer mistakes each shift. Apparently they couldn't ask for a better apprentice, but i'm plagued by my insecurities daily and I'm scared about the future.

 

I don't know how I feel about you anymore. Some days I would give anything to be back in your embrace. I miss the way you held me, I miss the way you kissed me and I long for your company, discussions and debates. These days there is nothing I wouldn't do just to hear your voice and hear you say "I love you" one last time. These days I feel you are irreplaceable to me, and all i'm left with is a void that you once filled.

 

Yet other days I have nothing but contempt for the way you treated me as our relationship drew to a close. I can't forgive you for the consistent patterns of deceit you displayed and general disrespect you showed me. You've made me doubt whether anything in our relationship was truly genuine or special, and your parting barb last time we spoke that I was only ever a friend to you is still incredibly painful.

 

I've been on a few dates since we last spoke, but there is no one out there like the woman I fell so hard for. But in a twist of irony, you've made me fearful of sex, and turned it into such a taboo I no longer have any desire for this sort of intimacy. All I want is someone to hold me and tell me it will be ok.

 

I hope you've found someone that is a better boyfriend than I tried to be.

 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

DnC

[Mario79]

Its almost here. Your birthday and Christmas. This will be tough, this month will be terrible even though I know you hate me, or I dont know what you feel towards me. But remember last year, remember what we did, what I did, how I gave myself to you. How is it that now I have to let it go. I have my engagement ring, I will get rid of it, it will be glorious.