Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[im_thedude]

Ughhhh today has been the single most harmful day in my recovery.

 

It all started by me stupidly looking at her instagram and seeing a photo of her back at the airport, on her way to see this stupid new guy. I don't even know if they are officially together or just dating or what. Ever since I've just been a total wreck. Sent her a text with a photo of my dog, saying he misses her. No response - god damnit I am an idiot.

 

Now, despite the egg in my face, and despite the fact that she is probably still up north with this ****ing douche, I have some damn urge to contact her. I don't even know what the hell I would say. I guess I'm just that desperate for her attention. She is out having the time of her life, probably not giving a single second's thought towards me and I'm sitting here obsessing over a girl obsessing over another man. I ****ing hate this SO much.

[JoelBarish]

I really wish that I had never met you. I was just fine before you came along. Then you were there in my life. I trusted you. I felt safe with you. I dared to dream with you what our lives would be together. Then you destroyed everything. Now I'm lost and confused. You gave me breadcrumbs but all that you accomplished was to twist the knife in my wound.

 

Well I will show you. As Anyanova is my witness, I will not break NC again. If you show up to pay me, fine. But I will not reach out to you again.

[AnyaNova]

I really wish that I had never met you. I was just fine before you came along. Then you were there in my life. I trusted you. I felt safe with you. I dared to dream with you what our lives would be together. Then you destroyed everything. Now I'm lost and confused. You gave me breadcrumbs but all that you accomplished was to twist the knife in my wound.

 

Well I will show you. As Anyanova is my witness, I will not break NC again. If you show up to pay me, fine. But I will not reach out to you again.

 

Amen to that!

 

The only amendment I would make, is that she take the payment to your mother's house so that you don't have to see her or deal with her ever again. She will set you back if you allow her in your presence.

 

Don't.

 

You deserve so much more.

 

I have an idea how painful this was, but the thorn is out now, the poison is gone. The wound, I think, can heal completely now, and will do so faster.

 

Take care of yourself!

[Jules78]

I gave you 2 1/2 years! And you can't even say goodbye? You abandon me after being there for me. You ripped by safety cord away and left me to drown. You started over immediately with someone new - the same day!! You block me and pretend I never existed. You've never been happier according to your stupid FB. Two weeks ago you told me you would wait for me forever and you would never be able to be with anyone but me. So cruel. I can't comprehend it. I'm torn apart and I am NOT doing well!! I hate you for doing this to me!!!

[daughter_judy]

I don't understand why it's so easy for you to forget me.

[Shaine]

I just remembered, i as supposed to move in with you when you get back. And we're gonna workout together, we'll cook, and you're going to teach me how to swim.

 

And im gonna take care of your health, we're going to visit a doctor to check your liver, and we're going to eat healthy. We'll clean the house, wash our clothes.

 

We want to visit places, you promised you'll make it up to me for not being around for 5 months. You owe me 5 monthsary.

 

And we'll spend xmas and new year together. :'(

[Dazed'n'Confused]

You're sorry too that we broke up? Seriously, go **** yourself, I did everything I could to make this work. You're the one who lied, you manipulated and you took me for ****ing granted. And you're the one who ended things without reconciling why.

 

The girl I fell in love with was lost and never came home from your trip, you changed for much, much worse. I've dodged a ****ing bullet in the long run with all your cute emotional baggage. Goodbye, goodnight and good luck, you're going to need it; and I won't be there to pick up the pieces this time.

[randuff]

But I need to get over you. Never in a million years did I think I would fall for you. Especially with the difference in age. I know it's not meant to be, I know that we have no future. I am glad we spent the few months together that we did but I need time to get over this obsession I have with you.

 

I am not trying to be an *******. Just simply trying to keep my space so that I can move on. I want to be your friend, I really do, but I know that is not possible at this time.

 

You are the most beautiful thing I have laid eyes on and it hurts to look into your eyes. This is the reason I am keeping my distance, not because I hate you or don't want to be your friend.

[Never Again]

Well f*ck.

 

It was my fault, wasn't it? By giving you all the time and space, I let you drift off.

 

I just...sigh.

 

Whatever.

 

I don't know how relationships are supposed to work anymore. I thought that compassion and compatibility were more important than passion and attraction.

 

I thought we really had something, but when things got dull...and you found yourself attracted to others, you didn't do a damned thing to hold into our relationship.

 

Maybe if I had come up to see you more often, if we'd shared some of those exciting times, we'd still be together.

 

I focused on you instead of focusing on US.

 

I lost the best girlfriend I ever had because I just don't know how relationships are supposed to work.

[AnyaNova]

Either you have a doppelganger twin in my town, or you came to my gym in my town. I mean, technically, my fb is public (since I switched it back to the way it was before I met you), and I know I have talked about my gym and mentioned its name. Even mentioned when I'd gotten back from a personal training appointment.

 

Would you do that? I mean. You work, you have work on Fridays. You shouldn't have been there. You couldn't have been.

 

But why would a stranger grimace when I got a big grin and a strong greeting from one of the employee men that works there as I was passing by him? You?

 

You never mentioned any cousins or anything from my town.

 

WTF? Was that actually you?

 

Whoever it was, though, once I went in for my PT, for the beginning at least, kept choosing machines at heights and whatnot that faced the windows into the PT side.

 

Would you do that?

 

I should have. I should have gone up to talk to the person to clarify for once and forever whether it was you or not. Same cutely but a little strangely proportioned face. Same watchful eyes. But, my anxiety levels skyrocketed.

 

What I can tell you now, is that you are truly a stranger to me now (at least in AvPD terms). Your responses are considered by me too unpredictable for me to be able to trust you again to talk to you, if I ever did see you again and was absolutely 100 percent certain that it was you, I would be too anxious toeven begin to approach you.

 

I don't know if that was just a twin doppelganger or what, perhaps you have a relative in this town, maybe. I don't know.

 

But I do know that you shouldn't be anywhere near my gym. There are gyms, I am sure, in your town. Not unless you are dating someone from my town and going there together (which, the person was by himself, regardless of whether it was you or not).

 

Whatever.

 

You made your bloody choice.

 

I'm not letting this set me back. I've got too much to do and plan this semester. And a life to live.

[Dumped85]

Im sorry, you deserved so much more.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Just past midnight this morning you text me, "Happy Birthday!" You said you wanted to be the first person to wish me happy birthday then put in special symbol that we used to use when we missed each other. I felt a severe pang in my heart when you then wrote, "I think about you all the time."

 

I do too...every second of every minute of every day.

 

I wish I could stop.

[Kansas87]

God, you F***ed me up. Jeez. It is ridiculous how f***** I am because of you. You gave me a complex about my sexual history, sexual behaviors, everyting. Ugh. And it will take years for me to get over that, you insecure jerk.

[Dumped85]

I don't know what I tried to achieve messaging you right now, who ****ing knows. Its been over 2 months since you threatened me. Hopefully you won't get to ****ty

[Dumped85]

I feel a sense of detachment now that ive sent it, I feel in different. I don't care if you don't respond.

[curly sue]

I'm so unbelievably, incredibly, absolutely FURIOUS at you. I don't think I've ever been this mad at someone in my entire life. And you of all people know how much that means.

 

I'm mad that you chose booze and teenagers over OUR MARRIAGE. I'm mad that I upended my whole life for you and you never realized how big of a sacrifice that was for me. And I did it for *you*. I'm mad that you got to be the fun irresponsible one and *my* life is ruined for it. I'm mad that YOUR life isn't ruined when mine is. I'm mad that you never really understood what you were throwing away. I'm mad you never listened all those times - all those COUNTLESS times - that I told you you were killing us, killing our marriage, breaking my trust, hurting me, with your actions. You never took me seriously. I'm mad that it took me leaving the country for you to believe me. I'm mad that THAT'S when you chose to pay attention, to beg, to feel the pain that I've been living with for years - you chose to do that once I had finally, finally, given up.

 

I'm mad that 7 months later I am still a mess and you get to keep on as though nothing has changed.

 

I have my moments, here and there, when I think I'm getting better. And then something happens that is *different* somehow than it would have been if you wouldn't have thrown us away, and I'm mad all over again.

Edited November 24, 2013 by curly sue

[CopingGal]

I was thinking about being with you in the living room with the Christmas tree lighted one Christmas. Seems like a lifetime ago. I thought you were attentive and loving and loved me. I now know that was a lie. The fact that you thought stomping all over my heart and kicking it to the curb was funny and necessary still hurts a lot. But I know it's not me. I know it's you. I know that's normal behavior for a sociopath so I shouldn't let it bother me. You once had my love in your life. Now you don't. I've heard about the life you've been living since I left you. It's pathetic. It's sad. You're sad. It's really sad. You had such promise. You're so smart. Your overwhelming urge to lie about everything and take advantage of people will land you in hell over and over again. It's sad but true.

[North22]

You said so many times, so many many times that you love me like you never loved before...our long walks next to the channels and you keeping me so close to you...my complains that I cannot breathe, very romantic days with you only looking in my eyes like the world was ending there...our love.

 

Our love is dead. You killed it and then when you saw me again you said: yes, I love you! And then you killed it again, cause, yes: you mean nothing with those "I love you's"...you give it away like smiles. No so much importance.

 

But I was stupid enough to love you for real. To think that all that you said to me was also real. Now, 5 months later on, you are for me a memory, a painful one.

 

But I'm still afraid...because I have feelings for you that are not dead, no...so I do not talk to you, I do not come close to you, I do not even wanna know what are you doing. Because our love is dead, but not my heart. And in my heart are you, still...for a while, but not like the present, more like the past.

[AnyaNova]

You are like a ghost to me now.

 

For a moment, while working on an assignment for my statistics class, I thought of you. Because before our last meeting in September, I used to love doing statistics because I imagined you crunching numbers for a significant portion of the day. I thought it was cool we were doing something similar.

 

Then I began to love statistics and the subject for itself.

 

I think of you occasionally, but I don't want you back.

 

I don't feel much of anything when I think of you, save perhaps a mild tinge of regret.

 

I wonder if down the years, you will begin to realize the true depth and nature of what we could have had, if you had not allowed fear or your parents, or whatever to rule you.

 

It doesn't matter now. It will be too late, if and when you do.

 

I fully admit that a lot of my problems and issues probably added to your stress level. But yours certainly added to mine.

 

Here is what makes us different. I didn't run away when I started to feel feelings for you.

 

You did, when you started to feel feelings for me.

 

I will leave it to you, whether you wish to apply labels to that particular behavior. I'm sure you know the one I mean.

[maiden555]

I look at the last photos we took everyday. I search for meaning in them, look for clues on our faces that reveal that our love was about to die. But we looked happier than ever. Comfortable and affectionate.

Why won't you reach out? If you claimed you wanted me to be your wife as soon as I was ready then how could you let us go after one bad week? You're in my heart every night though i try to push you out all day. You're the reason I can't sleep. When I do, I pray I won't have dreams about you...too haunting

Goodnight my love.

Edited November 25, 2013 by maiden555

[love1336x]

I think about you always.

But I won't break NC.

What would be the point?

I wish I wouldn't think about you at all, but I can't help it.

I fear I won't ever find anyone like you. That connection we shared. Then again how great could it have been if we aren't together any more?

I wonder if I ever cross your mind.

[Mario79]

Some days I just hate you, hate you so much, I dont want anything bad to happen to you, just want you to know I hate you. But I cant tell you this, but I hate you, **** you.

[AnyaNova]

I do want to thank you.

 

I want to thank you, because I just read another poster, at first it seemed like he was just saying he was going to date around and take things lightly. Fine. but then he talked about leaving trails of broken hearts, and basically, whether consciously vengeful or not, spreading vengeance to try to assuage his pain, because he got hurt.

 

I know that whatever you are doing, whoever you are with or not with, whatever nefarious gyms you or a doppelganger who looks just like you are showing up at, that you are not doing this. You are not intentionally spreading your own pain around and making others' hurt. And I suspect, it is quite likely and possible, that you are either completely withdrawn from the dating world and are waiting, or will date lightly for awhile before risking becoming invested and experiencing what happened to us.

 

Thank you for being a decent and conscientious guy. Thank you for eschewing vengeance and upholding your ethical standards.

 

Even if you didn't send that thing you promised you would. Even if you weren't there for me a couple of weeks ago when I needed you, at least I know that you are always trying to be a decent guy.

[HorseLuck]

The little girl in me that believes in possibility would welcome a "hello" from you for the holidays. She desires it very much. The adult woman knows it would be an empty, hollow hello that promises nothing but grief. The adult prays that you stay far away. Having a false sense of hope, however painful it may be, is still a safe haven in-itself protecting me from the truth that i am not wanted and you are not coming back. Well, I come to realize it eventually on my own time without the pain of attempts and rejection.

 

The emotions are so confusing it's become easy to tune them out.

Edited November 26, 2013 by HorseLuck

[Shaine]

I miss the old you. The one who loved me so much. The guy who said he cant live without me and that he'll never let me go.

 

The person you are now is not the man i love and miss. You changed into a cruel sadistic person who enjoys my pain. Right now, you are a jerk. You are evil.

 

The old you died, i grieved cause i lost him. The man i loved died. Who you are right now, i dont know and i dont care. Cause i dont know you.