Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[DoesThatMakeMeCrazy]

I don't understand why you couldn't say goodbye or why it bothers me so much that you didn't.

[AnyaNova]

As soon as I caught myself fantasizing about you in class, I should have known.

 

It seems to be a precursor, God knows why.

 

Woke up in the night with the gluten pain. It was bad! Probably the grapes and cheese I risked from the snack bar when I forgot to grab my prepared food from the fridge for my evening stats class.

 

So, vitamin crash=melancholy=now I get to go back to the "really missing you" crudola again.

[DoesThatMakeMeCrazy]

I doubt you knew it, but when I met you, I literally did not think it was possible for someone to care about me or love me. Some may call this having an irrational sense of low self-esteem, but I think it was the only rational conclusion given the way my entire life had gone up until that point (and has gone since). I was almost 23 years old, had just graduated college, and had still never had a boyfriend or even held hands with a guy-- never even had anybody express interest in me save for the very rare guy who figured I was an easy lay since no one else wanted me and tried to booty call me. Then on top of that, all throughout school, I was never really anybody's true friend. I was the girl who people asked to sit with them on the bus when they had an odd number of friends in their group, since they knew I'd be alone anyway. Not to mention the way my sisters called me fat incessantly and my dad beat me growing up (I hate even saying this here, as it makes me sound attention seeking. I don't need sympathy. I'm just saying it to point the full picture of why I felt it was rational to feel the way I did). So yeah, I had no reason to believe that I was desirable to men or that I mattered to anybody aside from if they needed me to do something for them.

 

Then I met you, and you told me you cared about me. And you called me beautiful. For once, there was something inside of me thinking, "Okay, maybe there's not something so wrong with me that nobody can ever like." It felt good and made me happy despite how sick I was at the time. Except then you just stopped talking to me, and it became apparent that everything you had said to me was a lie. If you had meant it, you would have thought I was worth saying "goodbye" to instead of just abandoning me. Did you not think I had enough to worry about with my health without wondering what happened to you too? Did you just not care? And why did you say those things if you didn't mean them? Just for fun? Was I your toy to play with and mess with just to see how I'd react?

 

Well, this is how I reacted, and I hate it. I can't believe I'm sitting here in bed thinking about the situation and crying a year and a half later while you're off with your new girlfriend. I don't want you back; I just want to get rid of the hit to my already poor sense of self worth, and I want you to tell me why you didn't think I was worth saying saying goodbye to so that I can work on fixing that about myself. Part of me wants to send you a message explaining how badly you made me feel, but a larger part of me knows you wouldn't care anyway -- that's just how my life goes, things happen to me, and nobody cares. It is what it is.

 

Thanks for letting me at least experience what it feels like to think someone cares about you and finds you desirable, though. It was pretty nice.

 

I just made myself sound pathetic, but it's not like I know anywhere here in person anyway, and I needed to get that off my chest. It may be pathetic, but it's how I feel.

Edited November 8, 2013 by DoesThatMakeMeCrazy

[JoelBarish]

I hate you. I really do. You are so cold to me and you use me and I let you. Everything we ever had was a lie. You contact me but only to use me. You are such a liar. There is probably something going on with that guy but you don't have the courage to admit it. You are probably with him right now. I hate you so much!

 

Next time that you reach out to me with your breadcrumbs I will be cold to you, you'll see. I deserve better than you. I deserve the real thing.

 

I don't care if you find yourself looking back or missing me. I just don't care anymore. I used to care for you very deeply but you have made that go away. I don't know who you think you are but you are pathetic the way you mimic your friends just so you think you fit in. Well guess what, you will never fit in because that isn't who you are. Just leave me alone, just go away, you sicken me.

 

I would pity you if I didn't hate you so much. Good night and get lost

[koolkisses]

I miss the old you. I'm sorry.

[Nubcake]

Ugh strong urge to text you driving me crazy and killing me even though you will just ignore it and I will feel even worse. So miserable right now want to just hold you

[DoesThatMakeMeCrazy]

My low self-esteem tells me it was just coincidence and that you never actually cared about me to begin with, but it's undeniable that you started growing distant right after I came out and told you that I thought we should be realistic about the fact that we wouldn't work as a couple because we lived in different freaking countries.

 

If I'm honest, I wish I would have led you on.

 

For whatever reason, you seemed to genuinely think we could have found a way to make it work, while I knew I wasn't leaving my country for good, and you couldn't leave yours. You were planning a visit over here to see me, and I didn't want you to spend all of that money thinking more would come of our relationship than realistically could, so I was straight up with you about the reality of the situation. I was trying to protect you from getting hurt, but I wound up being the one to get hurt as a result. I was hoping you still would have come or have let me come see you sometime, but I guess if you couldn't be my boyfriend, you wanted nothing at all. I respect your right to feel that way, but I can't change that I really wanted to meet you if only just once. I had shared so many intimate details about my life with you at that point that I still viewed you as someone I wanted some sort of connection with. I wanted to hug you. I wanted you to show me around London some day like you said you were going to do. Visiting London has always been one of my biggest dreams, and now chances are that if I actually get to go one day, I'll just think about how I wish you were there with me the whole time. I wanted to know what it was like to be in the physical presence of someone who made me feel wanted. I selfishly wish you would have been willing to give that to me, but again, I guess you either never cared or cared too much to the point that you couldn't handle not being an official couple.

 

I want to stop thinking about all of this stuff, move on, and find someone who makes me feel cared about and understood the way you did for a while. I've made it 24 years never knowing what it's like to be in a relationship with someone, at least not someone I could be physically close to. I don't know why I can't have that. People say you don't need it, but it certainly would have come in handy at points in my life like when I was going through my health scares and wanted someone to tell me it was going to be okay just once. Speaking of which, it really hurt that when I got home the day I walked out of my MRI appointment without having it done because I was scared, you yelled at me for not getting the scan. Why did you do that? I was more afraid about what was going on with my body than I ever had been in my life, and I just wanted you to tell me I would be okay. Instead you yelled at me, *and* told me you understood where my dad was coming from after he had told me that if I died, there would be no funeral because no one cared about me. Actually, eff you for that. That was really messed up, and I don't think you ever even got that.

 

Anyway, I just know that my heart hurts, and I wish you would come back to me just long enough to tell me why I, again, wasn't worth saying "goodbye" to. Ugh.

Edited November 9, 2013 by DoesThatMakeMeCrazy

[AnyaNova]

You know what? You want to completely sever our relationship? That's what you want and wanted???

 

Well. You got your wish.

 

By ignoring me when I needed you most. By refusing to acknowledge any connection, any past, any thing or even say, "I'm sorry, I can't right now." I mean, if it turns out that you haven't checked that account in two months, and you get it when checking the account whenever that is, and reach out then, that is one thing.

 

But if not. You have completely severed everything. It is sundered, dead, and irrecoverable.

 

I want absolutely nothing to do with someone who could be so cold, callous, and turn their back like that.

 

The irony is, is you know that there is something wrong with your life. You know that you have a great deal more difficulty making friends and creating relationships that are more than very thin surface/superficial than is normal. You know it.

 

We could have helped each other. But you chose not to. You probably don't even think anything is actually wrong, do you. Dude!!!! You didn't have a relationship before me since high school, and not for not wanting one. Something is clearly wrong.

 

But that is beside the point. I even gave you an out, if you weren't ready to admit it to yourself, so that you didn't have to admit to anything regarding AvPD.

 

The people who are in my tribe, care about each other, no matter how much time has passed and help each other out as much as possible when needed. And if they can't, they at least explain why.

 

You have proven that you are not in my tribe, though while dating you did a damned good impression of one.

 

 

You have killed it and it is dead. And unless you have a very good reason for not being able to, like being kidnapped and tied up in a tiny little room for the last several months, you are freaking dead to me.

 

I am remarkably patient and forgiving. I gave chance after chance and talked myself out of dumping you at least three times.

 

But there are some things that I cannot forgive.

 

And this is one of them.

 

And if down the road you start to regret and wonder and you don't have a very good reason for not responding?

 

Well.

 

Then it would really suck to be you. Because there are few things that make me withdraw everything from a trusted one entirely, but you have done it.

 

Congratulations and goodbye!

 

*******.

[love1336x]

I know....

[love1336x]

I feel empty tonight.

Been two months since we spoke

I'm sure you are not going crazy like I am.

[Mcnulty]

10 years...5 weeks ago you wanted me, I reached out, you started with the ambiguity, 3 weeks ago I see your car at a strange house...no explanation, just ambiguity, after 10 years you treat me like i'm on the peripheral of your life, you show me no thought, knowing I've just had an op and wanted only the truth and reassurance and you couldn't even show me enough respect to give me that??

 

You put me exactly where i was 2 years ago..on the sidelines as an option. I backed off because you weren't forthcoming, what was I to do?? Chase you? I was ensconced in thoughts of history repeating itself and that you had another guy lined up like then...All it would have took was honesty and/or reassurance...you gave neither.

 

You're a player and you've turned into your mother...someone who treats men like accessories to boost your ego. You're a coward who should never have come back into my life you cruel coward.

 

You thought you could keep your options open whilst possibly seeing someone else did you? Not a chance. you're blocked and gone. i am not an option and will not be played/disrespected ever again by you.

 

I hope karma once again gets you and that you experience some of the pain you've put me through with your ambiguity and selfish, cowardly attitude.

[AnyaNova]

There is no absolutely no change in my feelings towards you, since my last post here.

 

You know, there's this guy at church, that I'm pretty sure is interested. It is sweet. I am pretty sure that he is socially anxious like I am (and like you are as well, but one word I am never again using in reference to you, is "we". You blew that all to hot regions in certain often mentioned hand baskets.

 

Anyway. I'm not really looking too hard at the moment, but I will not be averse to whatever may come, either. Though I don't do anything with my POF account since I got burned by the creepy dude who saved all the creepy till after we planned the first date, every night I have a score of messages about all the men who want to meet me, from POF.

 

I don't think I would have to work to hard to find something. What about you?

 

I mean, to be fair, I do have the added advantage of being a pretty woman (and you have not seen me since I have begin with the gym routine, I look so much better than I did, even a week ago. My skin is glowing and I look like I lost at least 5 years--note to self, take some selfies--update facebook), and the fact that men are usually suppose to take the initiative.

 

What are your options? More OLD? Maybe that woman from work? Giving up and letting your mother's anxiety about you in a relationship convince you that you can't tolerate being in a relationship?

 

Your choice was a bad one. And one that I think you will live to regret. Though I suspect you will not realize that you do, indeed, regret it for many years. Perhaps one day you will sit up in a nursing home, most of your actual identity eaten away, that you forgot how much you must have enjoyed teaching (your face when you talked about it), when you have forgotten how much you cared about me, but you will sit up and remember how much you sacrificed of your self. And it will be too late

 

To be fair, when I am more healed, I will pray that you have the rare experience of coming into contact with a woman like me, who is uniquely and tempermentally suited to help you discern your own wants and needs, and that at that time, you are able to really engage with her, and trust her, and have worked on enough of your issues to be able to have a relationship with her. But I can't right now. Soon, though.

 

But God can only do so much. At some point you have to stand up and take the many opportunities He has given you. Praying to God only does so much when you continue to allow your fear to override what your mind and heart know are best for YOU (not for your parents!).

 

Anyway, goodbye for awhile, again. I may need to post again, I may not. the only thing I will do definitely, is post here when I am seeing someone else. :-)

 

You gave up something really precious and rare in me. At some point, I hope you realize that.

[DoesThatMakeMeCrazy]

Tonight, I posted on another forum asking if people thought you had simply just forgotten about me and moved on with your life like I never existed in it. What surprised me was that several people responded telling me that you didn't sound like you would make a good partner at all and cited a lot of the same things that always bothered me about you. In the past, whenever I've started thinking that you weren't even that great of a guy, I've always stopped myself and thought, "Don't be ridiculous. YOU were the problem, not him. He was the best you'd ever be able to do, and you screwed that up." However, if other people can see that you're really not that great of a person, then I have to think it might actually be true. So from now on, when I start to miss you or regret no longer being with you, I'll just remember that forum thread where several people pointed out that you're not someone I want to be with anyway. I don't know if I can do better, but I *want* to do better than you.

 

So here is a list of the reasons you suck and I deserve better than someone like you:

 

1) You screwed up your life by having kids at a very young age. I don't care if it's taboo to say it was a dumb decision; it was. Now you expect people to feel sorry for you that you never had a chance to get stable in your own life before bringing new lives into the world.

 

2) Then you screwed up your relationship with your kids' mother by cheating on her, so now your kids get tossed back and forth between the two of you all of the time.

 

3) AND you actually thought YOU were the victim in the situation when you were the one who had the affair. I can't believe you actually told me that you sunk into a depression for five years after you cheated on your kids' mother and expected me to feel sorry for you because your life was crap because of what you did. I wished I could have said the worst thing that ever happened in my life was that I cheated on somebody. I was going through a terrifying health scare and unsure if I'd make it out alive, and you were whining to me about the fact that YOU had an affair FIVE years ago. Yes, you poor thing.

 

4) You're uneducated, and boy does it show. Intellectually, you bore me.

 

5) You're a slut-shamer, and you slut-shame for *really* stupid reasons too like the time you told me that girls who wear stilettos are sluts.

 

6) Then after I told you that I love my stilettos, you recanted your statement and said "Sometimes they look great. It just depends on the shoe." Nice save, bud.

 

7) You're a f!@#ing liar. You told me that, after you had the affair five years ago, you sunk into a depression and hardly interacted with anyone for the next five years. Too bad your Facebook profile indicates you JUST got out of a relationship a couple months before we met. Not to mention that chick you met up with from the internet you told me about and the fact that you now have pictures on your Facebook page with some new girl. You totally sound like someone I can trust not to stray.

 

8)You're a judgmental jerk. Seriously, you just have a problem with everyone who has a difference in taste on anything, don't you? You told me one song I liked was "trash" and that another was "dumb girl music." Just because you don't like something doesn't mean anyone who does is stupid for doing so. You were also always trashing your sister, your ex, your parents. Is there anybody you do like?

 

9) You would never discuss anything that was important to me with me; you'd just avoid any tough topics that came up and suddenly have to "go to bed" or whatever. Have you never heard of communication?

 

10) You're not nearly as high class as you think you are.

 

11) You seem to lack the ability to take another person's feelings into account.

 

12) You're 32 years old and still prefer to live in a fantasy world over seeing reality for what it is.

 

So yeah...I'm done missing you. You're so far belong my standards it's not even funny.

[JoelBarish]

Okay this is kinda crazy. I'm writing to you here while you and I are texting. I'm telling you how I want back what we had, not breadcrumbs. And I'm about to tell you that I know I can't have that with you, I will have to find it again with someone new.

 

We both lost something when we lost each other. But I know that what I lost isn't going to be found with you anymore, it's gone.

 

I told you that I never cried for you after our break up. The tears wouldn't come out no matter how upset I was. But the tears came tonight. Maybe it's because I finally understand that what I lost is gone and not even you can give it back to me.

 

Don't feel bad, you too will find it again someday. We've held on to each other but we've been holding on to an empty shell.

[Steven33]

Ey FancyFace...todays really one of those days where I am missing you soo much! Still Cant stop thinking about you. Still so in love with you....ur my last thought when I sleep at night, staring up at the ceiling every night saying goodnight and I love you...wish you would leave that ship hop on a plane and come home....dreamt of you last night.....just really miss your smile and waking up next to you.....we could not do the long distance thing been 4 years together.....hope to see you in the near future when you return........love ya fancyface.....

[AnyaNova]

You have two choices when hurt by love.

 

You can close yourself off, become callous, and hard hearted.

 

Or you can choose to remain open. Leave yourself in tact.

 

Which did you choose?

 

Because you and I both know the answer to that question.

[Mario79]

I am guilty and I am responsible for a breakdown, my pride got the best of me. I have embarked on this journey that made me more the man that you wanted me to be. I was left with many questions that I now have to answer. I miss you though. Every waking hour has now become difficult, and I lost meaning. But I cant stop living. I have to keep going. I still love you and bare you no ill will. I miss you and want you in my life. Am I deluded? Am I wrong? right now, I just wish you could say hi to me.

[Minneloa]

So that's your plan? Stone cold radio silence for the rest of time? Pfft. Not very original.

[AnyaNova]

So that's your plan? Stone cold radio silence for the rest of time? Pfft. Not very original.

 

Seems to be the strategy my ex is taking.

[Never Again]

Seems to be the strategy my ex is taking.

 

Hey, I prefer that to having her chase...then quickly get bored when she thinks I'm "on the hook".

 

I don't plan on falling for that again. Did twice through texts and once in person. Learned the hard way.

[reddragon588]

Why? (10 characters)

[Littlecakes]

We both tried very hard. I know you loved me in your own way and I loved you too. You were my best friend, my lover, and my mentor. Sadly, through both our actions and words, we managed to dissolve any last remnants of what was good.

 

We can't change or forget what was said and we can no longer mend the wounds we have inflicted on each other.

[Dumped85]

Dear J

This will be my final message to you, the final moment you are on my mind. Im sorry with the depth of my heart, that I did not know how to love you like you wanted me to. It was my fear of losing you, that ended up being the cause of losing you. Im sorry that you lost your love for me, your identity because of me. The overwhelmness effected us both and im sorry.Im sorry I wasn't the man you needed me to be. I know it does take two. And neither of us are to blame.

Take care.

[Mario79]

I just wish I could forget you. Never remember that you exist and that you are out there happy with someone else. While I have to wait. Sometimes it becomes so difficult. I miss you. You came into my life, flipped it, gave me experiences and feelings, and then I hurt you and now I am hurting. Im scared.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

You know what **** you. You dumped me because you had a crush on someone hoping to get with them. You got friendzoned and now you're acting like a dumpee without a care about how I feel.

 

You dumped me because your mum bought you a house too and you want to settle down. I don't want to get married which you knew all through these eight years but you dump me anyways. You love one day more than eight years / me. I hope you get what you want married to some other guy who cheats on you and you file for a divorce. I never once cheated, not even hugged a girl.

 

Screw you I don't even want you anymore. Your twitter feed is annoying and makes me want to pop my eyeballs out. It's all ME ME ME ME. Grow up. Stop acting like you're 18 still you're 25.

 

I'll find someone who ACTUALLY cares about me. Not some chameleon girlfriend who just needs to be loved by someone moderately attractive.

 

You dumping me has no effect on my self esteem either, I can easily find a new girl if I wanted. I have no problem with you rejecting me, I just still love you but that's fading.

 

I'll be single working on myself and becoming happy independently. You're desperately looking for a new relationship it's not even funny. You wouldn't of spent any time on yourself and you'll become co-dependent. That's what you are though an emotional vampire aren't ya, aren't ya?

 

You put on a good show for me all these years. Didn't ya, didn't ya?

 

Thanks for rail of excuses you gave me like wanting to find yourself and telling me I can't accept you for who you are LOL, I'm the only person you knew who COULD.

 

I'll find another girl who I'll never lie to, never cheat on, make laugh everyday, snuggle with, kiss her face all over, pick her up and carry her, cook delicious meals for.

 

Oh and someone who says they love animals but doesn't ram fish down their throats. Fish is an animal! Someone who doesn't give lip service. I want someone who is a true lover of the animal kingdom.

 

Don't bother sending breadcrumbs I'm not hungry.

Edited November 12, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa