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Post here instead of contacting your ex!

polywog

By polywog
in Coping

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JoelBarish Established Member

JoelBarish

Posted
Posted

Do you even know what you've done? Do you think before you do things? God, why did you do this Robbin? I want so much for you to come back to me. But I don't think I would ever forgive. You tuned things forever and we can never go back. I wish I had never even met you.

  • Like 2
sealyons Member

sealyons

Posted
Posted
With each day I get stronger, and stronger... I love this feeling... <3

I mean it sucks to miss you, and not having you...

 

But, at least I am not throwing myself at you... I'm not being needy...

I am living my life without you. I wish you could be part of my life, but you don't want too... So, i'll deal...

 

If somebody wants out of my life. I won't beg, cry, or lose sleep. I will simply ask them, which way you want me to stand left or right to get out of your way.

 

 

 

Oh my gadd I love it!

damn straight! Minutes ago I wanted to die, now i read this and hell, it made me strong.

  • Like 4
the tank Established Member

the tank

Posted
Posted

I told you last week that we should not talk anymore. I just wish we could start back to the first day we met .. I miss you every second of my life. Unfortunately you lie to me . Last week I took the decision to not give you a second chance after thinking over a month. I dont hate you. I hate what you done . I had so many great memories with you.. Now i need to move foward . I hope everthing is great for you and you found someone who cant accept the way you are. That can't be me . I will find a girl that can respect me and be honest. And I'm now ok with that .

  • Like 3
AnnaAnna Established Member

AnnaAnna

Posted
Posted

Today I thought about messaging you. I wondered if you'd reply. What would you say? What would I say? I realized I don't want to get hurt again and decided the best thing is not to message you. You always hurt me with your lies and I always forgave you because I loved your lies more than I loved the truth. I will never go there again. That girl you once knew is gone and she's not coming back. I deserve so much batter! I still miss you a lot! I miss talking to you every day. You always knew how to make me smile.

We both knew what we had was very special but we were not meant to be.

You will always have a special place in my heart and I know you feel the same way. Our relationship was toxic and we are both better of this way!

 

 

I will always want you!

  • Like 1
seekingpeaceinlove Established Member

seekingpeaceinlove

Posted
Posted

You were such a sh*tty bf. You made me cry a lot..why the f*ck did I stay with you?

 

I love with such intensity and it's a damn shame I wasted that on your unworthy *ss.

 

Today I'm cursing the day we met.

  • Like 1
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
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I had the incredibly depressing thought today (the only kind you have when your brain chemicals are tanked due to weeks of glutening from a medication you had to be on), that on the off chance I am actually right about the psychological age thing, that I could feel like an incredibly toxic person to you. Because you get so overwhelmed with anxiety and terror anytime anyone shows any emotion that is not generally considered, "positive," because they seem so overwhelming to you, you are unable to act in those situations as an adult (even though technically you are one) would. And so, then, when I get upset because you haven't acted as an adult would, that must feel to you as if it is this horrific thing just piling up and nothing you do is or can be right. I am depressed and before I begin studying I really need a short nap since I can barely keep my eyes open. This is such a mess. How did a lead to b lead to c. I miss you. I really miss right now your ability to make me laugh and smile and know that everything will be ok. I really hope my b vitamins level out soon. This up and down yo-yo from when I have taken two and they are better, and from when (they tend to be fairly short lived, anytime the body experiences stress, they get depleted quickly) they are depleted is really getting old and tiring. I'm sorry this turned into such a stupid mess.

Edited by AnyaNova
  • Like 2
TrappedWanderer Established Member

TrappedWanderer

Posted
Posted (edited)

I've been good with the NC thing until you had to go and call...and I stupidly answered. You acted like nothing was wrong...and then got mad when I sounded sad. Of course I sounded sad....you've been lying to be left and right and have just ripped my entire life apart. I am a smart girl, but I finally chose to trust someone....why did it have to be you?!?

 

Why did you pretend to be my best friend, my confidant, my cheerleader only to get me to this godforsaken country of yours and then do a 180!??! Why did you go through with our wedding? Why didn't you even give me 1 day to enjoy being married...fond memories to look back on? Why did you put me through the humiliation of wearing the gorgeous white dress I painstakingly picked out? Why did you let me say those vows to you and why did you promise to love and protect and cherish me?!?! You have destroyed my heart, much less my job prospects, my ability to now live in this country, and my finances.

 

My hope is that I will be able to get over you and learn to trust another man again. A good, honest man who deserves me.....and is taller. (jk)

 

You are a compulsive liar. You act like a child and are incapable of handling any adult situation. That's probably why you are 36 and still living with your mommy who makes your lunches everyday. You said you were living with her to save money for our wedding. Ha. I paid for nearly everything...no matter that I was a grad student with no income and rent to pay. You promised to even things out when I got here. Ha, not going to hold my breath.

 

You get angry that I no longer trust you or believe anything you say. WHY WOULD I?!?! I don't think you've ever told me anything true. I finally, finally, let someone in my normally reserved self. And you stomped all over that trust. I thought you were my best friend. I thought we were partners. Why did you have to do that to me?!? Why humiliate me and put me in such a precarious position? You say you're destroyed....well buddy, you did that to yourself. But I know you will never own up to that.

 

Good luck living with mommy for the rest of your life. I hope she legitimately looses her mind and you are stuck caring for her. You will have to change her adult diapers and she is for SURE the type of crazy old lady to throw her poop at you....and only then will you be getting your just desserts.:lmao:

 

I hate you for this pain your cause and I hate you because even though I'm so sad and disappointed and hurt, I still love you. And that's what I hate you the most for. :(

Edited by TrappedWanderer
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted (edited)

Please read it. Go to facebook. You KNOW I always apologize when I screw up. And you know I know how horrible you feel when someone is angry at you. You should know by now that I would send one last thing so that you could be relieved and didn't have to worry anymore. Please just read it. And then I begin to wonder about your coldness. I cannot see this coldness from you unless you saw yourself at some point in our relationship as being trangressed against in some way that you never told me. I cannot think what it would have been. I never cheated on you, I never even wanted to, because I cared about you. I was with YOU. the only time I lied to you about anything (I even told you about the difficulties with my program stemming from my friend's death) save that one time when I am very sure that my PTSD kicked in, and as soon as there was a calm and safe time for both of us, I TOLD you exactly what it was, why it happened, and everything. I do not understand. I cannot for the life of me see what I have done to deserve this coldness. Unless it was the very act of my leaving which you insisted on. I don't know. Just please read the apology. I realize you won't respond, despite what I might wish. Just please let me know that you read it (by the act of reading it, facebook would tell me) and aren't anxious anymore. At least one of us could be calm and happy, because right now with my vitamins and brain chemicals whacked, and the incursion against my personal safety made by random creeper dude, I am really, really not.

Edited by AnyaNova
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

Wrote this on a thread entitled, "don't break no contact". About what the idea if breaking NC actually is.

 

 

I'd just like to go against my usual nature and repeat myself.

 

"Terrible. Horrible. Awful. Idiotic. Regret inducing. Nausea inducing. Kicking self in the butt inducing. Slap yourself in the face. Stupid. Might as well dip your hand in acid it will ultimately be more rewarding and healthier. Absolutely. Terrible. Horrible. Idea."

 

I trusted you to be a decent human being and at least read the apology. I still don't understand why you are being so cold or what I have done to earn this enmity. Whatever. I have put so much work trying to figure out what is going on with you, and just like in our relationship, when I most need comforting, I'm the one comforting you, trying to make you feel better, like with the apology that it looks like you're not going to read.

 

I have learned my lesson. Acid. That's a really good analogy. I'm not risking it again.

  • Like 2
love1336x Established Member

love1336x

Posted
Posted

This would be the time you would normally break NC to "check" up on me.

I wonder since I block you have you even try to contact me?

Well, if you really wanting to you have my email address.

I... Miss you baby.

  • Like 3
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

Wanted to edit this into my previous message, but the site wouldn't let me.

 

I shouldn't have said that about the decent human being. I transgressed against you and you have the right to hear or not hear my apology. It doesn't make you a bad person if you don't choose to. I just don't like worrying that you are upset and tense, not knowing where I am at or if I am still angry with you.

Nancy87 Established Member

Nancy87

Posted
Posted

I JUST HATE U. I JUST HATE YOU. WHAT KIND OF A FAMILY DO U BELONG TO. WHAT KIND OF A PERSON ARE U.

 

I CANT SLEEP AT NIGHTS, MY HEART IS BLEEDING.. UT HURTS LIKE CRAZY

I DONT WANT U BACK, I AM KIND OF HAPPY THAT I SAVED MY SELF FROM GETTING INTO AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH U. N U HAVE MOVED ON ALREADY..

 

 

u WILL HURT SO BAD ONE DAY. U WILL NEVER HAVE ANY PEACE OF MIND. MY GOD, NATURE WILL TAKE REVENGE FROM U FOR ALL TEH SCARS THAT U GAVE ME. IT HURTS LIKE CRAZY. I HATE U SO MUCH.

 

SON OF A BITCH!

 

MAY U DIE A V PAINFUL SLOW DEATH. I WANT TO SEE U IN AS MUCH PAIN!

  • Like 1
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

There are not words. I wonder if you respect me at all anymore, or if my reaction, given my past issues, just seemed crazy and desperate to you.

 

The irony is, I would have gone along fine on the NC, if it wasn't for random creeper dude.

 

Crawling back into my cave to lick my wounds. I wish I'd never broken no contact. I am really also starting to wish I'd never gotten into a relationship with you. No matter, most of this is just my screwed up brain chemistry talking. In a few hours, when my 2nd slow mag kicks in, I may be next to, if not fine. Go figure!

UnknownFX Member

UnknownFX

Posted
Posted

it is a weird feeling im getting back again. kind of like before we got together i think i'm on my way in moving on already and what we had is starting to feel like it was all a dream.

AnnaAnna Established Member

AnnaAnna

Posted
Posted

Hey, guess what?! I'm living and surviving without you! I'm doing just fine! I am stronger now!

I will never let you in my life again!

F*** you! You don't deserve me or my love!

  • Like 1
Petunia20 Established Member

Petunia20

Posted
Posted (edited)

I wanna remember you by the lies you told to me in this letter. Cus the truth is far too hurtful to swallow :(

 

 

6-18-13

U know of all people when I come down to new Mexico is to see my family I don't have them like u have urs an I do too need then just as much an as long as I can. I don't reply to ur msg threw the day when u off the bat throw **** at me cuz Im here with my family enjoying my time an it pissed me off when all it seems to be is u carrkng about messing up my day or mood with them cuz u know it will. U know I love u an miss u like crazy u as well were my world an at times I still think u are! I'm not sure what's to come of the future but I do want to be in a happier place whether its with u or with someone else. Like I told u the other night I still get exited as well u don't have to do nothing but smile an look up at me an I melt at times. I don't know what to do at times cuz this is a constant thing with us arguing over nonsense..... I didn tell u I was coming down because I new right away Ud assume the worst an for get bout me having my family down here. I'd love for us to have a funner and loving future but right now idk if that's possible an yes i don't think uve fully forgave me which I understand I'm not rushing u...when u asked or wanted the time apart I took it as a get out of the way thing cuz I was trying so hard to turn things around an u wouldn give me 2 cents of a **** list. An I frankly got tired of getting walked on an beat emotionally. Nothing more makes me happier then thinking of us doing stuff together like before an traveling more but at the same token u weren't really happy with me being with u on our last trip it was a waist. I know the sacrifice u mad with me an school an career or what ever was for good all around I mean I would back u 100% regardless of what is was an u know that too! I wanted nothing for the best for us an I still catch my self thinking "what if" an that we could possible still do this.... But at times I don't cuz u right away get worked up over everything an flip on me an it breaks me down! The other day I didn answer u cuz I was on the phone with my mom me an Daniel were at the skate park an I was going to call u back but u sent me that msg an I didn want to argue or mess up the mood for me an Daniel its not fair to him. To answer ur question bout me finding someone else or having someone else is I don't have no one else u run three my head more then u can think!!!! An I'm not just saying that, I'm here doing the family thing cuz I don't have the privilege to have then next door or down the street... I love u an still love u like crazy an I miss u even more!! At nights when I miss u I go threw my phone of the pictured I have of u or us an just fantasize of them of what could of been or what would of been ... Well I don't want to keep on going an boring u. Have a great rest of the day an know this I love u an miss u like crazy too!!! I just don't know what to do or think with us at times... Love u my beautiful patunia bechos all over ur face!!!!!

Edited by Petunia20
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

You and your digital projector set are cold. I am not. I am off to find someone who comforts me after hurting me, who apologizes for hurting me, who I don't find myself comforting him after he's hurt me.

  • Like 1
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

I am in one of those great windows where all of my necessary vitamin and electrolytes have leveled out and my mood is good. I have danced to a good song in my apartment, spent some time intelligently daydreaming a little about what meeting exciting man might be like. I am off to find a man, not a little boy who needs comforting all the time, even when he's in the process of hurting me. That was a nice little Houdini trick you pulled, right along with the disappearing act. But then again, if you hadn't, I never would have begun messaging exciting man. :-)

  • Like 1
AnnaAnna Established Member

AnnaAnna

Posted
Posted

Tonight I actually read some of our old messages on fb. I have deleted everything from my phone already but I needed something to go back to just in case I needed a reminder of all the things you put me through. I haven't read anything since the last day we spoke, 12 days ago.

Just reading last few pages really brought all the anger back.

Your denial and your blaming me for everything. Your breadcrumbs!

Our nasty words to each other! I know now how important this time away from each other really is for both of us.

We went from loving each other to hating and wanting to hurt each other overnight. But that's how we fell in love too. We made that jump from friends to lovers without thinking about anything. We did what felt good at the moment and didn't care about who we would hurt.

I am still very confused about everything. One minute I'm happy and the next I'm sad and want you back. One day I hate you and the next I want you to hold me and never let me go. I'm not over you yet and I hope you still think about me once in a while. I know the love we had for each other was toxic and we needed a break. You were my drug and now I'm in rehab! I'm Hoping to recover and not relapse!

I will always want you!

  • Like 1
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

Oh, sweetie.

 

I am putting more of the pieces together. We really never had a chance. During the whole thing you must have felt incredibly pulled in two directions. What you have probably been through. No wonder you needed so much comfort. My asking and insisting on finding out what you really wanted must have really thrown you into a tailspin. And reminded you of the many things you didn't want. Didnt choose.

 

Oh sweetie. I am not in love with you anymore. I am sad for you, though. And hope that little boy inside of you can find the solace he needs to be able to grow into the man that you should be at 32.

 

I am also really sorry that I contacted you again. I probably asked way too much of you, too soon, when I tried to get you to examine your own wants and needs. So you had to send me away, to reclaim your equillibrium, your normal.

 

And I upset that, just when you thought it was completely secure. I hope you can find your way to true security. What you have now might seem calm, but it is achieved only by shutting other people out, especially if they get too close. There is much more that I suspect that I will not say here, but oh. If I am right,

 

What a wounded little boy you are inside.

 

You are a sweet little puppy dog of a guy. I will miss you. But we can never ever be in a relationship, and we never should have been.

love1336x Established Member

love1336x

Posted
Posted

Just one of though days baby....

  • Like 1
love1336x Established Member

love1336x

Posted
Posted

I love you still...

  • Like 2
im_thedude Established Member

im_thedude

Posted
Posted

It's nights like these where I just want to hate you so bad, for how badly you've hurt me. And I still can't bring myself to do it.

 

And when I can't bring myself to hate you, I just want to forget about you and erase you from my mind. I'm tired of you clogging my mind up.

  • Like 1
im_thedude Established Member

im_thedude

Posted
Posted

On second thought, go **** yourself

  • Like 3
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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