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Post here instead of contacting your ex!

polywog

By polywog
in Coping

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Petunia20 Established Member

Petunia20

Posted
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David,

Please just come home, I miss you like you cant even imagine!

  • Like 3
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

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I have been listening to Bon Jovi's "Shot Through the Heart." The verses obviously don't work much, given the gender reversal, but these lines in the chorus really strike me.

 

"Oh, there's nowhere to run. No one to save me, the damage is done. "

 

 

And for whatever reason you will not fix it. I also listen to "The King of Wishful Thinking." quite a bit. Particularly, the "I'll get over you, I know I will."

 

And I know that it is true. It is like there is a switch inside my head. In some ways it makes me very resilient. I will fight a new reality often like nothing else, but once I just accept that reality, the transformation is usually fairly fast.

 

I know I am close to accepting this new reality.

 

But dammit!

 

I don't want to!

 

I almost want to give it a week or two more, to see if you contact me. To give you a chance, because once I accept the new reality, I won't want to go back. I know this.

 

Please.

 

I still have that stupid fantasy. The one where you appear outside my door, and you don't say anything, we just passionately kiss. Obviously, then we talk. but no words at first.

 

But not as much.

 

I know in my head that there is an equation between the coming coldness of winter and your coldness and lack of response towards me since that last heart rending meeting.

 

And I keep going back in my head to that day in late June? early July? When you commented while wrapping your arms around me for a cuddle that, "How wonderful us cuddling together would be in the winter time." As if you were positively certain that we would still be together in the winter.

 

But as winter moves in, you won't be there.

 

Because as much as I would wish you to free yourself from whatever is hindering you from acting on all that feeling that had so many indicators, there is something in my gut that tells me you will not.

 

I wish you would. Soon. Before it is too late.

 

I just want you to wrap me up in your arms and find a way for us to be together, before it is too late. Before I move on.

 

And I already am to the point that when that man texts me, I feel a sudden surge of happiness.

 

He and a couple of other men have expressed interest in meeting me.

 

Once I do, if one or more of them is a suitable companion and truly interested themselves it will go quickly. Please. Tim.

 

Come back before its too late. Hold me in your arms. Tell me what you feel. Stand up and be the man I believe in, not just in your career, but in you and your own wants, needs, and desires.

  • Like 2
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

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Who am I kidding. You are not reading this. My life isn't some rom com or drama.

 

I am shouting out to the universe and no one is listening. At least. Not that person I most want to hear.

 

Please!!! Come back. Cuddle me. The winter will be cold.

  • Like 2
love1336x Established Member

love1336x

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Still just a dull ache now.

 

 

I have feelings for you. You have feelings for me (I realize I could be wrong on this, but I don't think I am). Why can't we be together?

 

What is stopping us?????

 

And my desire to have you hold me and tell me it's going to be alright.

 

 

I tell myself that every single day...

  • Like 1
UnknownFX Member

UnknownFX

Posted
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Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know:confused:

  • Like 1
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

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I went on OKacupid to see what would happen if I read through some of our messages. I ended up landing on the ones we wrote just after I got home from our date, the one in your town where we went out to eat, and then the storm came so we couldn't go to the park. We went back to your place and watched some television, and I gave you my decision, yes, in response to your offer of an exclusive relationship, and we ended up (since you had just moved and didn't have a couch or a loveseat), just your recliner, playing, tickling, cuddling, and kissing on the floor.

 

There is no where to run, no one can save me.

 

The damage is done.

  • Like 1
UnknownFX Member

UnknownFX

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I just wish you would of heard me out after how i was feeling after our break up so you could of understand why i acted the way i acted because my emotions where going all over the place. I ****ing loved you, you meant the world to me and well **** its over i tried to fix it but the more i did the more i ****ed things up because i didn't have time to heal and get my head straight right after the break up. Now i know not to stay in contact after a break up right away. i wanted to explain but you didn't want to hear it. its a shame its all gone... i learned my lesson(the hard way).

  • Like 3
love1336x Established Member

love1336x

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I' so glad you are on block..... So very glad.

  • Like 1
HorseLuck Established Member

HorseLuck

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Tired.

 

I know I'm responsible. It's hard to accept it may have really just been a compatibility issue.. seems too simple. I keep going back and thinking that it's my fault since you haven't shown any confession of love or regret like I have. I know you're probably just doing what you think is in my best interest and respecting me. That maybe you just don't know how to show what I'm hoping. I think my real fear which keeps causing this distress is wondering if you didn't fully love me. It places me in the middle of a dark unknown jungle in my mind. It feels like I'm being left all over again. A part of me knows that I really put myself out there in the relationship. I was honest with you. I kept working at it.

I can't say the same for you because I truly don't know if you were trying your hardest regarding me, it confuses me. Makes me doubt myself. Keep thinking I wasn't good enough, I did something wrong. Guess this is going to change me. Not sure if I'll ever be able to fully trust another guy again.

 

There's nothing wrong with being genuine..sharing feelings. Yet I can't help feeling like I was an idiot for displaying all of that crap. Still putting you on that mountain top when I have to shoot you off of it. When I aim, it feels wrong. Like i'm doing it just to make myself feel better. What an illusion.

Edited by HorseLuck
  • Like 1
JoelBarish Established Member

JoelBarish

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I wasn't perfect. I tried my very best. I really REALLY tried. I owned up to my part in it all. I said I was sorry. I was willing to work on things. And what did you do? You left.

 

When did you ever apologize for anything? When did you admit you were wrong or take any responsibility? All you know how to do is give up!

 

I get to walk away with no regrets and a clear conscious because I know in my heart that I did everything I could. You are going to have to live with second guessing yourself because you are the one that gave up.

  • Like 6
NomiMalone Established Member

NomiMalone

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Today would've been our 1 and a half year anniversary. Happy anniversary my love.

  • Like 2
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

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It looks like it will rain, today.

 

Apparently, I will never convince you to play in the rain. Or come cuddle when the weather looks bleak and/or nasty.

 

I miss you. But it is less. Just a dull ache. Why you are choosing this self-imposed misery, I will never understand. Because I think my friend is right and you miss me greatly, too. And perhaps even hurt worse than I do right now.

 

I just want you to be here. Cuddling. Imagine, even on this dark day, the light and the warmth we could create, watching The Three Stooges or Family Guy, or Lie to Me while cuddling and kissing with all the lights on.

 

But you will not. And soon enough, I will meet someone new. There will be light and warmth with them. Perhaps even this winter. I do not know.

 

And then I would not want that light and warmth with you, anymore.

 

Why won't you come cuddle me and make this better?????????

  • Like 1
AnnaAnna Established Member

AnnaAnna

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I thought I was doing good. I thought I was getting over you but the first thing I did when I woke up this morning was think of you. I checked my phone in hopes there would be a message from you.

I thought you'd wanna know how I was doing.

 

 

I wonder if I ever cross your mind!

  • Like 1
lofi_tokyo Established Member

lofi_tokyo

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I was going to write you a letter today, but that would be selfish. I know that you need time to heal. I'm glad I remembered this old thread.

 

I broke up with you, you didn't want this. Thank you for being strong. I'm sorry I'm so weak. I still love you, you know? I don't know if I'll ever stop loving you. The love that I had for you ran so deep. You were my best friend, and truly, you were my partner. Yup, you we're. I always said it, and I meant it. The plan was to go anywhere and everywhere together and be happy.

 

I miss you. I want to curl up with you on the couch and just be with you and know we love one another.

 

You fell in love with me, in the end, after three and a half years of being together. I feel in love with you just a couple months in. I think you loved me a lot sooner than that. I remember telling you that I knew you did, but you'd always deny it. Then one day, you said it, and I was so surprised. You said you'd loved me all along... but by then it was too late. Somewhere along the line I gave up and accepted you'd never love me.

 

I miss you. I wish I could hold onto all the great things we went through together - all the places we went, friends we made, smiles we shared, and those moments of peace and calm.

 

For everything good, and there was so much good, and so much to be thankful for, you hurt me so badly. You never opened up, not until the end. When I look objectively at how much I gave up for you, and how much I was willing to lose, I know that leaving you was the right thing to do. I know that someone out there is better suited for you, and I know that somewhere out there there's someone who will love me right away for all that I am, and someone who will want to go out and experience the world with me.

 

I'll never stop loving you P, that's just the truth. I found and chose the love of my life, and you're him. I gave you all I had. I want you to know that, but I can't tell you. You need to move on and so do I.

 

I know I'll love again, and I know we'll both be happier for this! But yeah... I miss you. I wish I'd treasured all our moments together more. I didn't think I'd ever leave.

  • Like 2
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
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All right, dammit!

 

Enough.

 

I will accept this new reality. You are going to go against your feelings, you are going to never contact me again, no matter what I might wish.

 

You are going to be cold. You are going to choose to make us both miserable. You are going to choose the cold and the dark instead of the warmth and light we could have had together.

 

So be it.

 

Know that once I have moved on, there will be no going back. No second chances. I don't know what the real reasons you are doing this actually are, whether its messed up attachment, your parents, both, or some thing I have never thought of.

 

I hope, sometime in the future you have the maturity, the guts, and the balls to tell me the truth of what happened. Did you not know me well enough to know that whatever situation you were in, that I would not have judged you and would have done my best to help or at least listen?

 

It is no matter now.

 

You have made your choice and I am making mine.

 

I am choosing to kill that last little bit of hope.

 

I don't know what I would do if you dis show up at my door, I am very forgiving, but it's a moot point anyway. You will not. I wish I did not know that in my gut.

 

We will never cuddle again, kiss again, speak again and you will never have the chance to be truthful with me about how you really felt about me.

 

You turned your back on us. It is time for me to do the same.

Edited by AnyaNova
  • Like 1
Petunia20 Established Member

Petunia20

Posted
Posted (edited)

If I contacted you today would you reply back? If I contacted you today would you ignore me or tell me to leave you alone? If I contacted you today would you tell me those sweet lies I love to hear? Would you tell me that you miss my body warmth at night and my huge smile, or the way my ear comes through my hair? All those are things you used to tell me....Do you still miss them? Or have those memories ended up in the back of your mind hidden? I still remember certain things about you while other things I'm starting to forget. Its not until something in my mind triggers them that I get that ahuh moment. It almost takes me back. Today I had lunch at a restaurant we used to go to. I hadnt gone in a long time. As soon as I walked in it brought me back to that time when we went and we werent really talking. You order a chimichanga with green sauce. Then after we went home and watched TV like we always did. You didnt seem happy with me then. I wish I knew your thoughts, I wish I could search them and see if I find me in them. I love you very much still I guess...But I wont contact you today or tomorrow or next week. I cannot lower myself to that point when I know it was you who cheated, lied and betrayed me.

Edited by Petunia20
  • Like 2
lindsay1990 Established Member

lindsay1990

Posted
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I missie you, my lovey :(

  • Like 2
UnknownFX Member

UnknownFX

Posted
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I had to delete and block you on FB you gave me no choice i tried my best from the beginning towards the end. I gave you all my love, i ****ing treasured you, talked about you all the time, and still you thought i was using you this whole time, i gave up everything for you, you were my first love and i really though you were the one that i can marry and have a family in the future.

Now its all gone, i never ever meant to hurt you chula. Good Bye and take care...

  • Like 2
petall Established Member

petall

Posted
Posted

Almost 4 MONTHS NC with you.

 

This is a note more for me.

 

Time does heal. I can even listen now to some songs which used to bring me so much pure anguish I had to turn the radio off.

 

And time does fade memories.

 

Because it's like you were a dream and everything seems so distant now. I am so much back to myself...strong, confident, kick-ass MEEEE. So, yeah!! I can see blue skies again.

 

You lost me dude. You may have tossed me aside but you are the loser.

  • Like 3
love1336x Established Member

love1336x

Posted
Posted
almost 4 months nc with you.

 

This is a note more for me.

 

Time does heal. I can even listen now to some songs which used to bring me so much pure anguish i had to turn the radio off.

 

And time does fade memories.

 

Because it's like you were a dream and everything seems so distant now. I am so much back to myself...strong, confident, kick-ass meeee. So, yeah!! I can see blue skies again.

you lost me dude. You may have tossed me aside but you are the loser.

 

damn straight!!!

love1336x Established Member

love1336x

Posted
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I know removing your off block, and calling you... will change nothing...

I am happy without you... I am.

  • Like 1
SimonSerenade Established Member

SimonSerenade

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Right now, I'm pretty happy on my own, got nothing else to say to you, ha!

  • Like 3
AnnaAnna Established Member

AnnaAnna

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I dream about you all the time! They are always happy dreams. The ones where you come back and tell me everything's fine and we will be together forever. I am happy again...

 

These wounds are not healing. I want to be happy again!

  • Like 1
love1336x Established Member

love1336x

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I'm thinking about the last time we spoke....

I was so.... Needy...

This NC can it redeem me?

I hope so....

  • Like 1
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

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It is done. I still have feelings for you, obviously.

 

But I am no longer fighting the new reality.

 

It does not matter how much I love or miss you. You will not come back. All I can do is pray that someday you will learn to discern and protect your own needs, wants, and desires. And that you are able to learn to self soothe, to cope wih difficult emotions, and be able to deal with the possibility that someone you love might hurt you. Until you can, you will only hurt yourself and those you love, when you push them away.

 

Hurt. That Johnny cash cover. It really is you. Except in your case, everyone doesn't go in the end, they are pushed away by you.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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