Jump to content

Post here instead of contacting your ex!

polywog

By polywog
in Coping

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Petunia20 Established Member

Petunia20

Posted
Posted

I feel like I am breaking. Like any day now I'm going to make contact with you. I know that I shouldn't and I know that I wont. But this feeling hurts so much. I want to see you. I want a long embrace like that one outside my house that Thursday night. I want you to contact me and I want to know that its killing you to be apart from me. I need to kill any hope that you will return. Everyone says that if you really wanted me that you would try to contact me regardless of how you thought I felt. So I guess you really don't want me in your life. That's the hardest part to accept I guess. I look for any sign that you still think about me but I find nothing. 4 months now since you left and 3 months since I knew anything about you. I miss you a lot monkey face. Why wasn't I enough for you? I still have love for you...I may even still love you. I hate my stupid heart.

  • Like 2
rakasan Member

rakasan

Posted
Posted
Clearer and happier?

 

I don't know about your second ex, but this whole Jedi mind #^#^ he has put me through has left me anything but clearer and happier.

 

I really mean it when I say that I should have never gone to see him again after the breakup. And he should have kept all or most of his extreme feelings at insisting on sending me away, inside, if we were going to get together one more time.

 

I don't know what your situation was like, in comparison to mine, but happier? Clearer?

 

Not in my case.

 

I am left with nothing but silence, the memory of his shaking, crying, and extreme emotion and other signs of his feeling for me, and still being sent away.

 

But most of all, the silence.

 

I'm on the opposite end of this. I broke it off with my ex because we had reached a point where our arguments became unhealthy - "toxic". After one big blow out, I finally saw how far we had fallen and I ended it before it could get worse. He pleaded with me not to end it, but I was sure that if we were to stay together without resolving the issues that brought us to that point that we would end up going down a road I would never want to see us going down. I told him I needed time to get over all the hurt we caused each other. I needed to look back on our relationship and see what I did to contribute to the decline and become a better, more mature person (I have realized my main flaw was just being emotionally immature), and he did too. I cried, shook and had extreme emotion when I told him all of this, just like your ex. I didn't want to end it, but it was necessary. For us to even have a shot at being together and happy again, we had to separate, reflect, grow, forgive each other and ourselves, and accept where we were. Yes, I still sent him away. Yes, I am still churning over all my emotions. Talking to him the way we used to makes my emotions get all tangled up. When I talk to him, I want to get back together but knowing that we are not at a point where us being together would be baggage-hurt-pain free.. I do my best not to contact him (not to say I haven't cracked and done it anyway). Am I happier? I wouldn't say that. Clearer? Yes. And in the long run, getting that clarity and truly getting in touch with how I (and your ex) feel will be beneficial for if he ever wants to try again with you.

 

I don't think your ex is playing jedi mind tricks on you. I think (if he is feeling anything like me, which totally might not even be close) he is trying to figure out what is best for the both of you. And it is not easy.

HorseLuck Established Member

HorseLuck

Posted
Posted

I had to remove you from a social media site, and holy sh*t it truly does feel like going cold turkey with an addiction. I stared at your picture too long. Long enough to stir the emotions. Rage, tears. But so what, I deserve a good cry.

 

I want to get over you, and I'm going to. My life can't keep revolving around you, or any other person. Screw what anybody else thinks of me!

 

This month is not going to be dedicated to obsessing over you. I'm going to fight hard. As long as I put up a good fight, whether I lose some, win some, I'll be making gains.

 

You're not a failure HorseLuck. You're not inadequate. You're not responsible for his lack of emotional honesty. His distancing. His priorities that he always gave more attention to. You're going to be closer to becoming the best person that you can be because of this.

 

His life is not your concern anymore. His feelings are not your concern anymore. Validate yourself. Start validating yourself... you've deprived yourself for so long. Use the pain. Use the pain. Use it.

  • Like 3
AnnaAnna Established Member

AnnaAnna

Posted
Posted

I really tried so hard to keep you in my life. I gave you all of my love. I kept calling you because I wanted you to tell me you didn't want me anymore. You ignored my calls. I kept messaging you because I wanted you to tell me you love me and didn't want to lose me. You said nothing. I knew you didn't want me but I didn't want to believe it. I still keep telling myself you will be back. I keep thinking all this is just a dream and it will be over soon. I still wake up and check my phone hoping there will be a message from you. Why do I even bother?! Why can't I just move on?

  • Like 2
Frank13 Established Member

Frank13

Posted
Posted

I don't know why, but I go for months feeling fine, then all of the sudden I miss you like crazy. It's been 20 months. Why can't I just forget about you for good. I still miss you a lot.

  • Like 2
clementyne Established Member

clementyne

Posted
Posted (edited)
I had to remove you from a social media site, and holy sh*t it truly does feel like going cold turkey with an addiction. I stared at your picture too long. Long enough to stir the emotions. Rage, tears. But so what, I deserve a good cry.

 

I want to get over you, and I'm going to. My life can't keep revolving around you, or any other person. Screw what anybody else thinks of me!

 

This month is not going to be dedicated to obsessing over you. I'm going to fight hard. As long as I put up a good fight, whether I lose some, win some, I'll be making gains.

 

You're not a failure HorseLuck. You're not inadequate. You're not responsible for his lack of emotional honesty. His distancing. His priorities that he always gave more attention to. You're going to be closer to becoming the best person that you can be because of this.

 

His life is not your concern anymore. His feelings are not your concern anymore. Validate yourself. Start validating yourself... you've deprived yourself for so long. Use the pain. Use the pain. Use it.

 

I feel really motivated when I read this. I really need to do the same...stop obsessing over him and his world and start focussing on me and my life. Stop blaming and start loving myself. Need to stop depriving myself and USE the pain to indulge and improve myself. Cause in the end we're all we've got, so if we can't be good to ourselves then who can?

 

Btw I know the cold turkey feeling :( I blocked him from one site recently and it hurt like anything. But had to be done. Still haven't blocked on Satanbook, but like you, been looking through his pics, trying to psyche myself up...sorta one last trip down memory lane before I do the deed. Hope I can be strong enough...

Edited by clementyne
  • Like 1
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted
I'm on the opposite end of this. I broke it off with my ex because we had reached a point where our arguments became unhealthy - "toxic". After one big blow out, I finally saw how far we had fallen and I ended it before it could get worse. He pleaded with me not to end it, but I was sure that if we were to stay together without resolving the issues that brought us to that point that we would end up going down a road I would never want to see us going down. I told him I needed time to get over all the hurt we caused each other. I needed to look back on our relationship and see what I did to contribute to the decline and become a better, more mature person (I have realized my main flaw was just being emotionally immature), and he did too. I cried, shook and had extreme emotion when I told him all of this, just like your ex. I didn't want to end it, but it was necessary. For us to even have a shot at being together and happy again, we had to separate, reflect, grow, forgive each other and ourselves, and accept where we were. Yes, I still sent him away. Yes, I am still churning over all my emotions. Talking to him the way we used to makes my emotions get all tangled up. When I talk to him, I want to get back together but knowing that we are not at a point where us being together would be baggage-hurt-pain free.. I do my best not to contact him (not to say I haven't cracked and done it anyway). Am I happier? I wouldn't say that. Clearer? Yes. And in the long run, getting that clarity and truly getting in touch with how I (and your ex) feel will be beneficial for if he ever wants to try again with you.

 

I don't think your ex is playing jedi mind tricks on you. I think (if he is feeling anything like me, which totally might not even be close) he is trying to figure out what is best for the both of you. And it is not easy.[/quote

 

The huge and massive difference, that means everything, is that you communicated. You told him that you feel x way but are going to act against it for the time being for reasons A,B, and C.

 

He didn't.

 

At least your ex understands exactly why, and wasn't left with a whole slew of questions.

AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

I am doing better today. Classes are wonderful, and being back to work and routine is very helpful.

 

I still miss you. Still wish you would come wrap your arms around me and kiss me. My friend thinks that if he is right about the reasons you sent me away, you may be doing more picking at the healing wound than I am. He could be wrong. But I could see it.

 

If that is the case, why won't you come?

 

I know. I know.

 

Family or dysfunction or some deep dark secret that you are just sure I would reject you if I knew?

 

Who knows.

 

I know once the process starts, human are hard wired to fall in love. I am hoping to have a couple of dates lined up in the next couple of weeks.

 

It really does seem sad that in a few months, this whole thing with you might be just a small blip on my radar. That after dating someone else for awhile, you might not mean that much to me anymore.

 

But between the breakup and the last meeting, you invoked the nuclear option twice. How could I trust you again. I know it must be done. My personality type has one of the most difficult times letting to after a relationship, when the break was not of their choosing. I may have to expedite the process by a short relationship, even though it really is not ideal to who I am to do so.

 

But still, here is the truth.

 

If you did show up at my door and kiss me, I would so be there with you.

 

I wish it weren't so. My pride keeps pointing out that you have twice invoked.

 

But I still love you, though the ache is more dull now.

 

I know it is wrong of me to say, but if there is any justice in the universe, you hurt too, without me, and are doing as my friend suspects you might. Was your own fear of vulnerability so overpowering that you couldn't consider my feelings too?

AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

Ughhh!!!

 

I just want your arms around me!!!!!!

  • Like 2
L1ght Established Member

L1ght

Posted
Posted (edited)

Its good to move on and carry on living my life again like I did before I met you. I feel free and 99% of the time I don't feel the pain of losing you anymore. It took me quite a lot of acceptance and self reflection to get where I am today and for that I'm quite proud of myself which makes it even more infuriating to me when I catch myself slipping for that 1% of the time.......I was just sat here reading then all of a sudden the sadness grabbed a hold of my soul and I felt so empty. I managed to snap out of it after about an hour but you don't even realise how angry I get at you in these moments and it makes me resent every moment I ever opened up my heart to you. When you left me it pierced my heart in two and even now I don't really understand you giving up and letting go.

I like the anger though.....when I feel angry at you it pushes away the pain and I quickly switch my mind onto other things. Its when you make me feel sad that I really can't stand.....Like I say, I felt sad for maybe an hour today but that's the first time in months I have felt even remotely vulnerable so yeah, screw you and jump off a cliff. You are a piece of dog turd and I don't need you.

Edited by L1ght
  • Like 3
JoelBarish Established Member

JoelBarish

Posted
Posted

I can't believe how cold you are. Don't you miss me at all? Just be honest with me. How long were you planning to end it with me ? How long ago was it over for you? How much of the last few months were you just pretending that nothing had changed for you? WHAT CHANGED?

  • Like 6
love1336x Established Member

love1336x

Posted
Posted

Tonight I check your google plus...

Stupid, I know.

 

In the picture... there was reflection of a woman in your sunglasses....

I stop because my brain can dig, and dig until i find the truth... but the bigger question is... do i want to find the truth? Do i want to know who that woman is? The answer is... no... I mean... I DO, but why should I hurt myself?

 

I always find myself thinking... "what if..."

we had a whole year of us on and off again talking. I already told you how I felt... and you have done really nothing beside... ask me out, but you didn't call or text afterwards... in fact you became a wall..

 

I dunno about you anymore... I wish I didn't care...

  • Like 2
Frank13 Established Member

Frank13

Posted
Posted

 

I know once the process starts, human are hard wired to fall in love.

 

 

I once read an article in a science magazine thatt said "Humans are programmed to fall in love, but they aren't programmed to stay in love".

 

Based on all the message here, I would say that is true.

  • Like 4
Frank13 Established Member

Frank13

Posted
Posted
Ughhh!!!

 

I just want your arms around me!!!!!!

 

I wish my ex would text me that. I would make it happen.

  • Like 1
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted
I wish my ex would text me that. I would make it happen.

 

 

I wish my ex would make it happen!!!

 

I also wish I knew that he won't.

 

Ever.

  • Like 2
Waz Member

Waz

Posted
Posted

That's the first time i post in this thread, but i want to get it out of my chest. Well what can i say, there's a first time for everything :p Anyway.

 

Thank you for not contacting me all this time, after a year. For some maybe this is harsh, for others it's a blessing, it was hard for me too though, seeing people getting in touch with their exes and catching my self thinking "what? i don't deserve a little contact after all? even for just a disguised apology? or SOMETHING that will make you feel anything little to get you contacting me?". But in the long run i found this extremely helpful. Thanks when you answered with a typical "thank you" when i wished on your birthday and it made me feel like ****. Thank you when you didn't wish me on my birthday, it was something i had to go through. Thank you when you didn't contacted since the last time we spoke and you told me all these things and hurt me that time . I really, don't say this as a complaint. I really really sincerely thank you from my heart.

 

I say this, because i can understand that if things wouldn't been like this, i wouldn't have changed as a person, at least not so fast. It's like i made a quest and from level 1 i leveled up instantly to level 10, so to speak :p I am stronger now, wiser, well i realized that if you hit the rock bottom you are truly free. You can do literally everything you set your mind to. That's the best thing i understood about all these. It's so awesome. You can choose what you want to be, there's no limit. The only limit is your mind. It changed my whole view of life, thanks to you and i will always remember it. You can do everything. It's exciting. :D

 

I don't want you to let you know how i felt all this time, it doesn't matter, even for me at this time, but i guess you could imagine if you are so interested to. But i tell you, it doesn't matter, and what i'm saying right now isn't based on how i was feeling or i what i am feeling now.

 

Please keep up and don't contact me ever. Not because i hate you or something (well, not so much after time :p). But yeah, i don't hate you, if this is your concern. I don't want you to contact me, even if it was for a second chance or something, just because if you did it, i would like really bad to work things out cause we never had the time to do that, but the thing is... i just can't :p Or i don't want, i can't explain what i am really thinking. It's like that i want to do something but i haven't the strength and desire or psychology to do it. It would be awkward too. I want something different for now. I can only speak for now, i don't know my future :p

 

I won't wish you a happy life and all these ****. I wouldn't mean it anyway. I only wish you keep doing your thing, nothing more, nothing less.

 

See ya :)

  • Like 2
love1336x Established Member

love1336x

Posted
Posted

As long as I never act on my emotions... I think.. I will be okay.

  • Like 4
HorseLuck Established Member

HorseLuck

Posted
Posted (edited)

*edit

 

Wrote about some intimate feelings. It isn't worth it. The feeling might come back and that's just fine. 4 hours of sleep, dunking my face in cold water and going for a jog. Some motivational videos and a Navy Seals documentary was all I needed to dust myself off. Feeling like sh*t, looking like sh*t, but I have tomorrow off in which I will catch up on some beauty sleep.

Edited by HorseLuck
  • Like 1
HorseLuck Established Member

HorseLuck

Posted
Posted (edited)

Oook, I'm back. Such a flake. :p

 

I notice it's becoming a bit of a compulsive habit for me to come here and post. It's both a release and a desire of being discovered. But then..not really if that makes sense. >_> Do you guys get what I'm sayin'? Yea, I'm sure you do.

 

Loveshack community, have you heard about this incident that happened? It made headlines yesterday and I'll probably be hearing about it for awhile.

 

Black Range Rover runs over bikers in NYC (Original) HD - YouTube

 

Let me just say it really triggered my emotions regarding the break-up and yearning the other person. I'm not sure if I want to go into detail or not yet as to the reasoning behind it, but it brought back some good memories, and quality traits. The situation itself is horrific and really saddening, but I can't help be reminded by it.

 

H, I both desire and wish to curse you out at the same time. It would just be nice to have an indication that what I'm feeling now is..reciprocated. That you're fighting your own battle. Oh well, guess I'll never know. Until maybe a point in time where I won't care to know. :bunny:

 

I ran, I'm exhausted, will try to sleep for a bit and that should alleviate some of the ruminating.

Edited by HorseLuck
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

Still just a dull ache now.

 

I do miss you.

 

But soon, I think I will lose the over-romanticized hope that you will come back. That you will tell me how you really feel. That you will end this idiotic thing and that we will be together.

 

Every action you took, save one, clearly indicated that you had really strong feelings for me. You are probably still working through them.

 

I have feelings for you. You have feelings for me (I realize I could be wrong on this, but I don't think I am). Why can't we be together?

 

What is stopping us?????

 

I still wish you would come put your arms around me. Hold me. Kiss me. Cuddle me.

 

But now it is a dull ache instead of an active painful need.

 

It is disappearing. And right now, it does make me sad. But only a little. Time is starting to have its effect. And soon it will be too late.

 

I wish you'd act before it is. I wish I didn't have this certainty that you will not allow yourself to contact me ever again, and that despite what we agreed, even if I contacted you months down the road, that you would not respond. No breadcrumbs. Nothing.

 

Just silence.

 

And my desire to have you hold me and tell me it's going to be alright.

  • Like 2
lindsay1990 Established Member

lindsay1990

Posted
Posted
Still just a dull ache now.

 

It is disappearing. And right now, it does make me sad. But only a little. Time is starting to have its effect. And soon it will be too late.

 

I wish you'd act before it is. I wish I didn't have this certainty that you will not allow yourself to contact me ever again, and that despite what we agreed, even if I contacted you months down the road, that you would not respond. No breadcrumbs. Nothing.

 

Just silence.

 

And my desire to have you hold me and tell me it's going to be alright.

 

 

:(:bunny: Me too...

  • Like 1
lindsay1990 Established Member

lindsay1990

Posted
Posted

I can't let go because I know it's my loss. And so do you. And that's why you're not coming back.

  • Like 1
AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

Posted
Posted

The more I think about it, the more I think that my friend is right. Your parents may have been a factor too, but I think he is right.

 

Part of it makes me furious at whoever probably convinced you that it is safer to be alone than risk togetherness and possible hurt later.

 

Another part of me is angry at you.

 

Because if my friend is right. Even if all those emotions you were feeling seemed impossibly terrifying. They were not. And acting on them to reduce them in the only way you knew how was still selfish of you.

 

What about my feelings? What about the pain you relegated me to?

 

The worst part about our situation, if my friend is right, is that

 

we both lose.

AnnaAnna Established Member

AnnaAnna

Posted
Posted

I think I am learning to live without you!

  • Like 3
Frank13 Established Member

Frank13

Posted
Posted

I freaking do not get it. You made it clear that you don't care about me. 11 months N/C followed by another 9 months of N/C after I broke it due to a death in your family. Now suddenly these last two days I am missing you like day one. I don't know what the trigger was. Maybe all the stressors in my life. I am so tempted to break N/C but keep reminding myself that you don't care so no good will come from it. I miss our friendship. I wish feelings never happened.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...