Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[AnyaNova]

Dear Tim.

 

I fear that so much has been taken from you, maybe more than you realize, and maybe so subtly you thought you were giving it. Maybe more than I ever have a way to know. I will pray for you.

 

I love you, and want to see that little boy in a man's body that I saw in the pool, stand up and be able to be a real man in his own right. Who does not depend on others' to define who he is. Who, under God alone, is captain of his own life.

 

I hope you can find someone who can help you to grow into that man. I am sorry that it could not and can never be me.

 

Tim.

 

I love you. I wish you would come back to me. But it can never be.

[love1336x]

I don't feel like I am getting any better in the past few days. I been wanting to contact you...This bloody feeling needs to go away!

[Petunia20]

Yesterday when I got home from work I looked through the mail and saw you got your credit card statement at my house again. That little bit made me happy for some reason. I thought to myself that you havent changed your address with your credit card company. I thought that when you use it at the gas station you have to put my zip code in and at that time you must think of me. How pathetic is that right? We both made such a big deal out of the mail. I will get through this...if I survived getting over my abusive ex husband I can get over you too. God, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through...

[AnyaNova]

So this is the last day at home sick. That will be a good thing. I miss you. And I hurt today. I hurt because I know that if you cared enough, you would contact me. You would realize how wrong it is for me to lose a friend in this manner, so close to actually losing a friend to death last spring.

 

And though I would need more time, NC before I could just be friends with you, at least because you would have contacted me the once, I would know that we are on a solid foundation to still be friends.

 

Ergo. You don't care enough about me.

 

And I care so much about you.

 

I hurt for the sad little boy I saw in your eyes that last night at the pool, each time before you swam back to me. I wish it weren't the case, but I fear that this image may become my "emblem" of you.

 

And still I have this stupid fantasy, every once in a while, that you show up at my door. That you have decided to step into a man's role, and go after what you so clearly want(ed?) I don't know now, of course, that night that you sent me away.

 

I know it won't happen though.

 

So after a short nap because of the meds I am on, I will busy myself with makeup work tonight. Later on, I will take a bubble bath. Hopefully the man I am texting texts back.

 

Soon, I will have to tell him about you, and why I need to take things with him so slowly. I am very sleepy right now, and am hurting.

 

I wish I could be a part of your life, and you a part of mine.

 

And the question that I can't answer. That I will never be able to answer that haunts me still...

 

Why, when it was causing you so much pain to send me out of your life, when you so obviously didn't want to do it, when you so obviously had so many strong feelings for me, did you send me out of your life?????

Edited September 27, 2013 by AnyaNova

[JoelBarish]

You're so cold. I feel sorry for whoever you get involved with. You pretend to be such a caring person but underneath it all you're sh*t. I wish people knew you like I do. You deserve to be treated as badly as you've treated me. Some day you will see me with someone better than you and I will be happier than I ever was with you. You got a lot of sh*t wrong with you that I ignored because I loved you.

 

Go f *ck yourself. Hate isn't strong enough to describe how I feel about you.

[AnyaNova]

So it is Friday night. Three weeks ago, after I flirted with those men, and it was such a success, I promised myself that I would make myself, while single, go out one night a week somewhere, and be available for flirting.

 

Two days later I got sick. So instead of being out right now, flirting with someone, I will allow myself to post what I miss about our physical relationship (without getting an R rating).

 

I miss the feel of your body covering mine, of the intimacy with your face so close to mine and the smile you so often had, especially right after lowering yourself onto me. I miss the way your muscles would tense and your kisses would become more passionate, when I would rub those spots. You know the ones.

 

I miss how you started kissing the nape of my neck, and my clavicle, and lower, and then work your way back up. I miss how I know that you read that suggestion online, because I came across it too. :-)

 

I miss running my fingers through your hair while we kissed. I miss running my fingers across your jawline. I miss the way so many of your self-confidence issues seemed to disappear while we were together like this.

 

I miss your gentle touch, and the way you always wanted to cuddle after. I miss the feel of your arms around me, and the strength of your chest when I would lay my head upon it.

 

I miss the warmth of your smiling face right above mine.

Edited September 28, 2013 by AnyaNova

[NomiMalone]

I miss you so much. I still crave so badly to wrap my arms around you again, but you are so, so far away. I know in my heart that you loved me... so why you did what you did to me? The neighbours are playing Daft Punk and I can't stand it. It reminds me so painfully of you, and cruising along the highway in the hired convertible with the wind in our hair. How I wish we could have had a future together.

[AnyaNova]

I still "see" you, giving me those sad looks from across the pool.

 

The wounded little boy looking out through a man's eyes. The wounded little boy in a man's body. How did I not see that your psychological maturity was not anywhere near your 30+ chronological age?

 

It is not your fault.

 

Of that I am sure.

 

I wish I could comfort and hug that wounded little boy I saw in your eyes on our last night together. I wish I could make whatever it was better by my presence.

 

But it is too much.

 

But I also know that in a relationship I need someone who is both psychologically and physically an adult. I am sorry for whatever happened to you. Whatever pains you. Whatever disrupted your attachment that you send those you clearly care about away.

 

But I know that essentially you are right.

 

A relationship could never work.

 

Later, maybe, when I have worked through this completely, I might try and contact you and see if we could be friends, and maybe I can still help, and show that sad little boy that everybody doesn't go away in the end.

 

But I can't make that decision now.

 

Maybe I can help you, to keep yourself.

 

To find a way.

 

To yourself. But not yet. I can't make the decision until I am completely over you. Until I have completely grieved what we could have been in an alternate universe where your development wasn't so hindered. Because we could have had something profound, meaningful, and lasting.

 

But it can never be.

 

I'm sorry. This is such a mess.

Edited September 28, 2013 by AnyaNova

[AnyaNova]

I miss you.

 

Why does this have to be?

 

Do you miss me, too?

[KCCK]

Sometimes I wonder... Are the past 2 years of our relationship meant nothing to you? We had good times and we had bad times but it is normal in a relationship... I miss you so much... I really do...

[clementyne]

Hi, I hate you. But what do you care? You're too busy with those whom you betrayed me for. Hope one day you feel the same horrible pain that I'm feeling now.

[AnyaNova]

So this morning when I woke up, I realized that my first thoughts on wakng were a out whether or not the man I'm texting, texted me, and what strategies I would employ if he had or had not.

 

I realized I was awake for 20 minutes at least before I thought of you.

 

I am sitting here listening to "the King of Wishful Thinking." Perhaps I am the queen.

 

I miss you. More of a dull ache today.

 

I wish that you could be here. I know you can't.

 

I wish that you miss me and hurt too. I have no way to know if you do.

[sniperz]

Tonight, a man from the online dating world texted that he wanted to meet me soon. That he was really interested in the idea of a relationship with me. I will not jump into anything as fast as I jumped into a relationship with you ever again. I must be a good guardian of my heart. Not too protective, but not too immediately trusting either.

 

It is funny.

 

He looks exactly like how I always imagined Ender from The Ender's Game trilogy looking. Who knows. Perhaps this might turn into a few dates. Perhaps more. I do not know.

 

I miss you.

 

The irony is, is that I realize how flawed that article is. You and I could be friends. But not right now. And I am not going to contact you about it or make any decisions whether I should pursue the idea until I am sure that I am completely over you, and that I can truly think rationally about the whole thing.

 

Still putting this out there. Hoping it will not be much longer.

 

Tim. I love you (but know we could never work, you need to be a man in spirit as well as body, and I need to work on my own insecurities).

 

Come back to me (but not yet. I couldn't just be friends with you yet, and though there is part of me, my soul and body that yearns for you to come back and be more, I know that we can never be a healthy relationship. So don't come back yet. Not now. Not until I can only be friends with you).

 

Sweet and sad. I was thinking if this is how my second girl(ex) is thinking about. I broke it because it's feeling toxic somehow. Hope it makes her clearer and happier.

[stormer1092]

Ugh have a urg to talk to you... Why have you been sending me all these text messages apologizing and saying sorry and a freaking love song? Like really? JUST SAY what you need to say. Enough of these mind games.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I miss you so much. I wish I could have one more hug, one more kiss, one more night with you. Just one more...

[AnyaNova]

So my mother, who has accurately predicted your behavior at every step of the way, thinks that you will not send those two short notes you agreed to send me on that last night.

 

She predicts that you will never contact me again, ever. Not even a breadcrumb or two, to reassure me that you are still thinking about me a little bit. That you miss me, even a little bit.

 

She's been right about everything else.

 

I hope you prove her wrong. I hope you at least send me those two short notes.

 

But she thinks that you are just done. That you were forced to make a choice between family and me. And standing up for your absolute right to have both your family and me, was just too much. I don't know whether that is indeed the case, that you were forced into a choice externally. Or whether something internal compelled you to send me away despite your obvious feeling for me.

 

But right now, I kind of hate you a little bit, for being able to send me away like that. For not looking back once. For not regretting it enough to contact me. For not taking my feelings into consideration.

 

For being able to so easily "just be done" with me.

 

Even if you do miss me, even if you do hurt, obviously it is not enough to cause you to desire to change, solve the problem, or find a way for us to be together.

 

How can you be so cold?

[AnyaNova]

Clearer and happier?

 

I don't know about your second ex, but this whole Jedi mind #^#^ he has put me through has left me anything but clearer and happier.

 

I really mean it when I say that I should have never gone to see him again after the breakup. And he should have kept all or most of his extreme feelings at insisting on sending me away, inside, if we were going to get together one more time.

 

I don't know what your situation was like, in comparison to mine, but happier? Clearer?

 

Not in my case.

 

I am left with nothing but silence, the memory of his shaking, crying, and extreme emotion and other signs of his feeling for me, and still being sent away.

 

But most of all, the silence.

[AnnaAnna]

Today is my third day on NC. It's very hard not talking to you.

I miss you so much.

I miss your gm and your gn messages.

I miss your stares and your smiles.

You had the best hugs. I felt so safe with you.

I miss everything about you.

I was ready to give you all I've got.

 

 

Yes, I knew you were cheating I just didn't want to believe it.

I loved you so much and I didn't want to lose you.

I still love you like crazy.

I left you many times before and you know I always come back but I won't this time. I won't come back and try to make things better.

You have pushed me far enough this time.

 

 

You made me a stronger person and for that thank you.

 

 

(This is what I'm feeling at this moment. Yes, I'm a little angry and a little sad. I know this will pass but it's very hard).

[love1336x]

I just want to know... if i ever cross your mind...

I miss you...

[AnyaNova]

So, a friend of mine thinks that you chose to hurt yourself by making me leave, instead of risking that I might leave you at some point.

 

I still have this stupid fantasy (I always block it out when I become aware of it, but it keeps sneaking up on me), where you show up at my door. In it, you are overcome by emotion, crying, and you don't even say anything when I open the door, you just launch yourself at me and we're kissing.

 

Hence the reason why I have to block this stupid fantasy.

 

Because the cold reality is, whatever the reason, you did send me away, despite your feeling. You haven't cared enough to get back in contact with me at all.

 

How did I get blindsided by this?

 

And how could you hurt me like this?

 

And be so cold.

[AnnaAnna]

Today was very hard for me. I have never went longer than 3 days without talking to you. Somehow I always found my way back to you. I would get drunk and message you and you'd tell me how much you loved me. And we'd laugh and talk about all the things we wanted to do.I would message you just to tell you how much I missed you and you would tell me how you think about me all day everyday. How we are so alike in so many ways and it scares you sometimes. You would tell me how I am a female version of yourself. You used to tell me how I'm the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep.

You told me how you thought god had made me just for you. How I was perfect in every way.

I guess that was before you met her...

I won't get drunk tonight and I won't message you just to tell you how much I miss you. Yes, I miss you with all my heart and soul. My body aches for you.

I am not the same as I was last week. I won't beg you to stay.

Not tonight!

[love1336x]

If I am not busy, I think about breaking NC......

*le sigh* I want to see you again... even if i know I shouldn't......

[JoelBarish]

I don't want to date anyone now. The thought of starting over with someone new makes me want to hurl.

 

Every day I forget you a little more and that makes me sad.

[love1336x]

I don't want to date anyone now. The thought of starting over with someone new makes me want to hurl.

 

Every day I forget you a little more and that makes me sad.

 

*le sigh* I think that's why I hold on so hard...

[love1336x]

I won't give you another chance to break my heart!!

 

No matter how hard I want to see you! Talk to you!

I WONT DO IT.

I REFUSED. I REFUSED.

 

I AM STRONG. I CAN DO THIS! I KNOW I CAN!!!!!!