Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Cstella]

What I wish I could say, if I could, given that I'm trying my best to communicate that I am really serious this time, by not communicating at all. And what I wish I could say if there comes a time in the hopefully near future where he finally decides to put in some kind of effort, to match the effort that I have expended these last couple of weeks.

 

What my emotional mind wants me to say:

**** off, you clueless, ignorant, selfish, son of a bitch. This is no way to treat your partner. I sit by waiting for you to put in a finger of effort while you are telling me that it's "fun" to pursue other women. That's all fine, but what about this woman? Do I not have a need for this kind of affection? Do I not deserve your fun and non-neurotic side? have I not made it plain to you on many occasions over many years that you are falling short, yet you claim to love me and want me to be happy (yet curiously, your idea of me being happy is to see me run away and live in another state without you, instead of you manning up). You have a very warped idea of what will make me happy, and you are so arrogant as to claim to know what's BEST for me. ****ing neglectful idiot. You deserve to be alone forever.Do you not realize that all your signals towards me are pointing towards rejection? What do you really want? If it's me like you say, then why are you so happy to leave me alone? Why do I think of you all the time and you never produce any evidence that you are thinking of me in the same way? Take some goddamn initiative. Do the work. Be a man to your woman. Or I will cut you the **** off in my head and just post on here as I watch your IM icon. Waiting for you to do something so that I may finally have the satisfaction of letting you know what you are doing feels very, very wrong to me.

 

I just want to ignore you for a really, really, really long time. Hopefully that time will come if I can just stay strong with No Contact for once, and I can just up and leave for my probable new job in Alabama.

 

[AnyaNova]

Seriously, did you ever care about me at all?

 

I keep thinking, if you truly cared about me, you would have responded to that message that I sent on the 11th, when I broke NC, and at least told me that you read it, understood my pain, and was thinking about it. Or at least that you read it.

 

I keep thinking that if you did care about me, you would have checked with me to see if I was okay, if this NC thing was truly okay for me (in light of my friend's death last semester).

 

And you know what.

 

I feel used.

 

I feel like you used me to work out some emotional thing that I don't even know what it is. I feel right now like somehow you ended up, through that last heart wrenching meeting where you acted like losing me was the worst thing that could happen to you and was so horrible, dumping some emotional thing on to me.

 

Like somehow you are entirely free now, and I'm left with the fallout of whatever your "thing." was.

 

Was I nothing more than an object to you?

 

Do you even care about me a little bit? Was I blind? Did I miss something? Am I just gullible?

 

Pardon my redundancy.

 

But I feel really used.

[RiceaRoni]

***Hole.

 

I see you have a new girl already...

 

Lol well...I hope she sees you the way I did.

 

You need time alone and by yourself.

 

You're looking for love because your lonely and that's never good.

 

You called me dependant??? no. You are. Extremely dependant.

 

You have so much to learn because you don't realize it's YOU WHO IS THE PROBLEM...

 

And yet you put the blame on every girl that has a chance with you.

 

Whatever...goodluck... good thing I did stop talking to you.

[RiceaRoni]

I'm so pissed right now..

 

you are so blind, and so ignorant to how to treat others.

 

I deserve so much better...and I can't wait until the day I do meet the man right for me. He'll treat me a hell of a lot better than you did.

[Petunia20]

Just got back from a small vacay near you. I hated being in that part of the country. Its so desert and I'm such a city girl. I guess i associate that with you. i was so close to you, it was crazy. I didnt want to bump into you or was temped to call you. I wanted to be home asap. I feel a lot better now. I think I'm getting over you...or maybe today is just a good day. I thought about it on the drive back to Cali. Regardless of what you are doing, if you're happy or not, you chose to be where you are at. And i am happy where i am at. So good luck to you! I used to think I wanted u to contact me but today I dont want anything to do with you. Even writing this feels like a waste but whteves...

[SimonSerenade]

Happy birthday to me you said you'd make this one the best I ever had because that's what I deserved, what a load of crap lol

[AnyaNova]

Here I am again. Really wanting to contact you again. The thing is, is that I've got several friends that I could talk to, but none of them are as good at making me laugh as you are. And I need to laugh right now. Apparently, I tried to go back to class too soon. Took a major setback this afternoon, could barely get the air out to speak, and my lungs are atrocious now. And I am freaking out. I know, intellectually, that if I can take the lighter medicine during the day, I can get a bunch of work done while home sick again (which I'm sure after my doctor's appointment I will be), but hearing your confidence in that, and in me would really help right now. Because I am really scared right now with having to miss so much class.

 

I know I got caught up the first semester when I got sick like this, and I know I will again. But I just need to laugh. You would make me laugh. You would make me smile.

 

And i know it is so selfish. I know it is so petty. But right now I hope that you haven't just forgotten me, that you (and I know, I know, I should wish for you to be truly happy, since I suspect how infrequently you truly are) hurt when you wake up in the morning, because you know I won't be there and you won't talk to me or hear my voice. I hope that you get distracted at work for thinking of me and wondering how I am doing. I hope that you have trouble sleeping because of me. I hope you really miss me. I wish I could call you and we could talk and you could remind me of what I already know, that I will work hard and get caught up, that everything will be fine, and then we could get on to the fun and the laughter and our little phone rituals and this whole bizarre nightmare could be over. I'd say something about wishing that you could drive down to my town to cuddle, but above and beyond everything else that's gone on, I'm wearing vics vapo-rub right now. So I know that's never going to happen. What happened? What really happened? To us?

Edited September 25, 2013 by AnyaNova

[love1336x]

I think it's been two weeks since I have last contact you.

I don't like to keep track it makes the days go slower.

I want to go a whole year without talking to you, and more so, but for now I'll settle for a year, then 2 years, then forever.

 

I want to see you.

I want to kiss you.

I want to be under you.

So badlyy... ugh. I need a boyfriend....

[AnyaNova]

There is a scene, in one of my favorite books extant "Speaker for the Dead," where Andrew Wiggin sends a message out over the universal internet, so to speak, to what could be a called a lover of his.

 

He sent this in the scene, knowing for a fact that she would see it.

 

"Jane. I love you. Come back to me."

 

I wish I could send you a message like that. I am not brave enough to post your name here.

 

I miss you. I miss your strength, I miss your kindness, I miss your masculinity, I miss your ability to be both emotional and masculine at the same time.

 

But I would write, "___, I love you. Come back to me." If I could.

 

In other news, I have decided that Johnny Cash's song, "Hurt," is definitely the anthem for the way you treated me in our relationship and with what happened afterward.

 

Quite possibly, it is the anthem of your life, as well. I really wish it weren't possibly so.

 

"____, I love you. Come back to me."

Edited September 25, 2013 by AnyaNova

[JoelBarish]

I want to see you.

I want to kiss you.

I want to be under you.

So badlyy... ugh. I need a boyfriend....

 

I too miss the sexy time! Glad to see I am not the Lone Ranger.

[JoelBarish]

You're never coming back. At least not in the way I want you to. I bet you don't even miss me. Since you are so over me already, I just wonder how long ago you left our relationship emotionally? I hope that one day you fully understand what you gave up. I felt our relationship was a treasure that I looked for a long time before I found it. Some day you will understand that treasure doesn't come along very often.

 

One of these days I'll stop writing to you. One of these days I'll stop thinking of you. My family really liked you. I thought of you becoming part of my family. I wanted to marry you. I would have done it too. I'm sure you would have walked out eventually. I guess that's what you do. You don't stick around for the long haul. Everything was more important to you than me; you roommates, your house, you name it. For me it didn't matter where we lived as long as we stuck together. Damn you

[AnyaNova]

Continuation of last night's message. If you have somehow found this and me, unlikely though it is, I guess you deserve the ego stroking and the knowledge of what a sentimental and overly emotional little fool I can be. I really miss you.

 

Tim, I love you. Come back to me.

[clementyne]

All the things we said we'd do? I now do them in my head. You can't take that away from me. I won't let you. It's all I got left.

[AnyaNova]

So sick still. Due to the medications and my bad breathing, I could have gotten drafts of short essays or opinions pieces going. I can clearly argue, even if I would need to vet for grammar and other mind-messing-medication errors later.

 

Unfortunately, all of my work is careful like stats, or putting together research prospectus, or critically reviewing research.

 

Tomorrow. Then. I will feel well enough to work. Because it is fun. Because I am happy while working and afterwards. And happy to have a break from thinking about you.

 

At least I have kept myself productive and busy here, doing my best to help others.

 

I still love you. But I must be starting to move on from you. I can picture you with other women and not feel the same pain I would have felt a week ago. I didn't feel much of anything at all.

 

I guess I will still put this out for the universe, but maybe soon I won't have to. Maybe soon I will be ready for he next plate. The next frisbee. Whatever metaphor you want to use. Because the truth is, is that if you really cared, if you loved me at all, you would reach out to me. You would have already. Ergo, you don't care enough about me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tim, I love you. Come back to me.

[love1336x]

I am started to dislike when people tell me, "Oh you are such a pretty girl. You can literally have anyone you want..."

 

In my head I always think, "Well I can't have him..."

 

"Any dude would be lucky to have you..."

Me: "Well not him..."

 

What does everyone, even strangers see inside me, that you don't? I know I am pretty, but I am no super model, and I doubt everyone just kissin my butt. I mean I come to work looking like crap. No make up, hair in a messy bun, but they always tell me, "Cheer up! You will find him! You are amazing!"

 

WELL WHY DON'T YOU SEE THAT? HUH? WHY CAN'T I HAVE YOU? (again...?)

[Cali408]

You called me last week and I took the call. I handled it great until the next day. Hangover. You left me a message last night. I heard it this morning and deleted it. No desire to call back. Victory tastes sweet. Please get the hint. I don't hate you and never have. Just want to get over you.

[lovelylilly]

The urge to call him gets stronger and sometimes comes out of no where. I'm really afraid I'm going to give in soon .

 

It was just a bump in the road, I did nothing wrong. There was nothing wrong with the relationship. It's not fair. Why can't I call my Panda Bear? ...

[RiceaRoni]

I am started to dislike when people tell me, "Oh you are such a pretty girl. You can literally have anyone you want..."

 

In my head I always think, "Well I can't have him..."

 

"Any dude would be lucky to have you..."

Me: "Well not him..."

 

What does everyone, even strangers see inside me, that you don't? I know I am pretty, but I am no super model, and I doubt everyone just kissin my butt. I mean I come to work looking like crap. No make up, hair in a messy bun, but they always tell me, "Cheer up! You will find him! You are amazing!"

 

WELL WHY DON'T YOU SEE THAT? HUH? WHY CAN'T I HAVE YOU? (again...?)

 

 

Girl...I know how you feel

[RiceaRoni]

I have never been so angry with someone in my life..

 

But oh no, you definitely make me upset.

 

You leave me, and who wins in the end? oh yeah..you do.

 

You get another girl, tell her your sob stories (on top of that probably tell her about me and blame me for everything), get to have sex whenever and with whoever falls for your phony stories, and then you get to calling her your girlfriend and 'love of your life" and how much you love her..

 

omg...idiot.

 

You have no clue as to what love it. You just say it, just to say it.

 

and you wonder why you got upset when I didnt say it back to you?

 

BECAUSE IT WAS TOO DAMN EARLY WHEN YOU TOLD ME..

 

holy cow..we were only talking for like a month or two and you were telling me you loved me and wanted to live in an apartment with me, etc..

 

bunch of BS. that's not love.

 

You are just beyond confused.

 

A lost hope really.

 

Oh man..I hope this new girl is mart enough to see what a phony you are..

 

you my dear, are no man..

 

You're a boy.

 

And I expected better from you because hell...you're 4 years older than I am, and in your 20's already???

 

I'm only 19 and I know better.

 

wow...I deserve a man.

[JoelBarish]

I don't know what to say anymore. I don't want to see you again. I wish you didn't live nearby so that no one I know would see you around.

 

How could you just throw away a year and a half like it meant nothing? I really hope you try to contact me soon so that I can ignore you and be cold to you. You've earned it.

[Petunia20]

I need to accept that you are not coming back. In my stupid heart I still think you miss and have love for me. At times I think I come into your thoughts and make you regret leaving me. But I think I'm just fooling myself with that. I'm the broken hearted not you. I'm so sick and tired of this...of having you in my thoughts still. You don't deserve me and never did. I hope where you are is where you wanted to be.

[L1ght]

You're so stupid. Yes we had our differences from time to time but you threw it all away when all we had to do was stick together and figure things out. That's what we always used to do. We would come together and make things right. What happened? I can't even believe you left me with all these unanswered questions. You really are the biggest coward and I honestly don't know how I would react if you contacted me again......a part of me used to want to make things right but now I just want to tell you how much of a C*nt you are.

Honestly I shake my head in disbelief when I think about you.

[AnyaNova]

I woke up a bit sad this morning. I keep seeing your face, the way it looked from across the pool as the fading light from the sunset and the sad looks you gave me just before swimming back to where I was, played upon it.

 

I don't know why you won't act on your feelings, or care enough about your self and your own desires. But you have made it clear that you don't want to. I know I don't want the broken plate.

 

I know that I am doing better, because I can still imagine you with another woman and not feel much. And I went hours without checking to see if you had texted or called. And for a minute, when I saw that I had a missed call and thought that it might be from you, I felt a moment of dread.

 

And I don't know. Because I realize the article we based our decision off of, was based on a seriously flawed premise. All of those scenarios could be easily worked out. Maybe, later on down the road, it is possible that we could actually be friends. But first, I need to clean up the pieces of the broken plate from myself.

 

I will not think of contacting you about the idea until I am sure that I do not want anything romantic from you at all. So still no contact.

 

Still putting this out there, but perhaps now in amended form.

 

Tim, I love you (but I know I don't want the broken plate).

 

Come back to me (but if you do, for my sake, it can only ever be as friends, this hurt too much for anything else).

Edited September 26, 2013 by AnyaNova

[Petunia20]

Yesterday when I was coming back from lunch I thought I saw you driving on the opposite side of me. In my mind I knew it wasn’t you. You are literally a thousand miles away. But part of me still stared at the guy behind the wheel of that white truck. I stared then caught myself and regained consciousness. I need to keep telling myself that you ARE NOT COMING BACK! That no matter how much I cry, how much I kick, scream, plead, yell and hurt you are simply not coming back to me. In the time we were together, I was never able to make you do anything you didn’t want to. If you didn’t want to do it you wouldn’t do it. That’s never going to change. As much as I want you here with me, I cannot force anything. Accept that you no longer want me in your life is what I need to do. As if moving a thousand miles away from me and being involved with 2 different women now isn’t enough….You don’t love me, you don’t miss me, you don’t look for me and you don’t want me.

 

Petunia: Accept that he isnt coming back. That you will never see him again or speak to him. Its for your own good! Don’t hold on to false hope, it will be the death of you.

[AnyaNova]

Tonight, a man from the online dating world texted that he wanted to meet me soon. That he was really interested in the idea of a relationship with me. I will not jump into anything as fast as I jumped into a relationship with you ever again. I must be a good guardian of my heart. Not too protective, but not too immediately trusting either.

 

It is funny.

 

He looks exactly like how I always imagined Ender from The Ender's Game trilogy looking. Who knows. Perhaps this might turn into a few dates. Perhaps more. I do not know.

 

I miss you.

 

The irony is, is that I realize how flawed that article is. You and I could be friends. But not right now. And I am not going to contact you about it or make any decisions whether I should pursue the idea until I am sure that I am completely over you, and that I can truly think rationally about the whole thing.

 

Still putting this out there. Hoping it will not be much longer.

 

Tim. I love you (but know we could never work, you need to be a man in spirit as well as body, and I need to work on my own insecurities).

 

Come back to me (but not yet. I couldn't just be friends with you yet, and though there is part of me, my soul and body that yearns for you to come back and be more, I know that we can never be a healthy relationship. So don't come back yet. Not now. Not until I can only be friends with you).

Edited September 27, 2013 by AnyaNova