Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[maturityassets]

How's it going, R? Been a while in all honesty since I've posted here. Might seem like a step backwards but I don't think so. I'm currently at my grandfather's house as he lays on his death bed. Its sometimes difficult to keep still around here because the memories that emmitted so much shame on me and the environment i was raised in formed me into the co-dependent i was.

So why post here now? Well i actually would like to talk to you. E, is on vacation right now, 6 hours ahead and plus i don't feel like using her as my venting source. But you, who taught me what love was, is still a fond memory in my life. There was no shame being around you. It was the happiest span in my life to have you as my companion. But that was who you were, a companion for me. Someone I could use to help reflect on myself. Your company was what made me happy, but just calling you my gf at the time was enough for me to feel complete.

I guess i would like to let you know, while that all was true. Doesn't mean I'm the same. I don't need anyone to rid of my toxic shame for me. I don't need you as my mirror to reflect. I have myself. We shared some memories but i don't want you to come back. Not that i don't find you beautiful, its just you know I'm better off now. I'm alive and feel authentic somehow without you. So this break up was for the best. Because guess what, i don't know who I am yet either. Im just looking to have fun at the moment. Share intimacy with E, be with friends, gain responsibilities, money, studies, reading, working out, eating right. So I'm going to stop now. I wish you the best of luck in things. I know you are just fine without me so best of luck R.

[Omei]

I cry at night I miss you, still so in love with you, my steffy Can't picture another girl with you in fact I know you're with no one and you're so sexist but you wernt to me, what happened to you? You got so cold so empty so hollow and along your lover for me went too, all your pictures are gone, I can't stand to see your face the guy who was so beautiful now somehow completely gone, was it me? What was it? I dream of how we once were then I wake up and realize its over, that the sweetheart in my dreams isn't even you anymore just your face my heart aches for the sweet boy I knew. Now I hate your face your words so cruel I dont know you anymore :'(

[LastLight]

After hearing about your horrific experience with men, I wanted to give you hope again; that you could trust a man and he would not abuse you.

I wanted to take things slow, make you feel comfortable and confidence in me; knowing that I would never treat you like your past BFs. We spoke every day and it was wonderful seeing you so happy, all I wanted was to make you happy and help you open your heart again.

I'm just upset that you broke all contact but I hope you can find someone who treats you right. It has been so hard going from talking all day to nothing in an instance. I wake up during the night thinking about you, wishing I was holding you.

[Lani]

I've needed you lately.

I still hate you, but I will always love you.

[Dumped85]

Ive missed you so much, can't believe I haven't had you in my life for 6 weeks now. I hope you realize that I loved and cared for you the only way I knew how. Which was with my all. I hope throughout our relationship you realized my intentions were genuine towards you. I guess our break up was meant to be.i guess it is what it is

[SimonSerenade]

When I give, it does not come with strings

I'm not keeping track of what you owe me

When I give, I chose to do without ulterior motives

I give because I'm genuine

I give because I know what it's like to be without

To long for and be ignored

To speak and not be heard

To care for and have nothing returned

When I give it's because I get it

It's because I know the value in what I have in my heart

And I refuse to let the world stop me from sharing that

But when things start being taken for granted

When you no longer appreciate my sincerity

I won't switch, I won't get angry and I won't be spiteful

I'll just get smart and I'll change your role in my life

Because when I give, I'm all in

But when I'm done, there's no looking back.

[unexpectedlyhere]

I want to be the bigger person here and not hate you. In the big scheme of things you've only fallen out of love with me, and not realised or not told yourself and me. It happens to good people too.

 

But why go and be petty? I have enough self-control to exercise to regain control of my life, keep appearances, not fall down in front of friends, deal with the house situation, work!!!, keep myself from losing it. Do you HAVE to go and do your small punishing acts? Leaving me was hard perhaps and you were crying but you've had it so easy from now on. I don't need the aggravation.

[thishatteredsymphony]

I did so much for you. You know that and I know that. And for all I know maybe this new guy does more for you than I ever did... but the way you ended things makes me feel so ugly and terrible inside and makes me wonder if all I did for us doesn't mean anything to you. Because it meant everything to me.

 

I'm not saying we were meant to be but given all I did for you and for us, I just can't understand why you didn't have the strength to break things off with me before you severely hurt and betrayed me.

[reddragon588]

I miss you so much. I still love you so much, even though I'm not sure why. There is nothing I want more than to be back with you, again I'm not sure why. I want to make it work, even though I know there's no way it could work again. I can't stop thinking about you, you're still on my mind constantly and I can't get you out of my mind.

[Omei]

I trusted you, I opened a closed heart to you, you knew about my passed abuse and you turned out to be a verbal abuser hurts so badly the things you said have stuck with me things I would of never dared say to you, why did you change so ****ing much? You used to be so gentle you would never dare say anything ill to me, my friends and family accepted you I shared by beautiful daughter with you, did you lie when you said you loved us? I feel like such a failure again for her. Why was it so easy for you to leave I hate you :'( but all I want is to go back and redo now your not even someone id ever date.

[SimonSerenade]

Times like this I really wish you were here to give me a hug, nothing felt better than being in your arms, I hate that I have to go this alone.

[thishatteredsymphony]

I will NEVER allow myself to be used again as you used me. I really hope you're proud of yourself. You really are a terrible person.

[Blastoplast]

I hate that I miss you, I hate you.

[The Situation]

Hey, I found out that you've been to Amsterdam, I hope you had an amazing time! I miss you, yuh know. It guts me that I was too ****ed up at the time to realise how much I really thought of you. Tried everything to move on, but I just want you.xx

[SimonSerenade]

Right now all my plans are falling apart, I always said when I'd come out of this I'd treat you to the world but you left before I ever got my chance to, even then I still looked forward, I was looking forward to seeing my dad a lot more, now he's dead and there's no chance of that, thanks to you I didn't even get kind last words from him, I just got told I'm an idiot because I couldn't make it work with you.

 

Despite everything I really loved my dad and I wanted so much to be close to him because when we got along, he made me feel great about myself and I had great times with him because we had so much in common, times like this I wish you'd just come back and make up for what you did but I know you won't, I don't even know who the hell you are anymore.

 

If I could talk to you right now, I'd tell you to forgive your father, I'd tell you to enjoy your time with him and just let go of the bitterness because you'll regret it one day, I know I do.

[thishatteredsymphony]

Everything about you is poisonous. I never imagined I would be saying this kind of thing about you someday.

 

I look back on all the notes I wrote about you in this thread and I see how things've changed. I went from talking about how much I missed you and wondering if you miss me. But now I see all I talk about is how much you've hurt me.

 

Will that final stage come? I've gone from lovesick to hurt to anger. Now I wait for indifference.

[unexpectedlyhere]

It's funny, I need to post here not because I feel like contacting my ex, but his brother. Or rather, his brother has been in touch, and here are the things I can't tell him:

 

How is he?

Have you spoken to him in depth? I think he needs help understand himself right now, and I don't think he got the right type of help. It's not my place to mind anymore, but I worry he will lead a very unfulfilled life. It's hard to let go of that feeling of wanting to make him feel better, because I care for him so much.

 

Do your parents hate me? Are they sorry for me? Do they blame me for this?

[Dumped85]

Ive got the urge to call you ms j, I miss you heaps.

[downgrade23]

I can't believe we're done. You were the only woman I wanted in my life. You made me a better person and a better father. You said you loved me and my son, but yet you are ok with breaking both of our hearts for your own selfish gains. I tried to give you the world when all I could give you was my heart and for a time it was enough. I don't want to go another day without you. I will never forget how happy you made my life and I hope one day we can have another chance

[Dumped85]

I wanto reach out to you, I want to talk to you. Its such a nice day today bella, and we are no longer together. Its unfair, so unfair. When I was growing as a person is when you decide to desert me.

[Estudent]

Dear JP

 

I miss you so bad.

I miss all your corny jokes and pick up lines.

I miss your cooking.

I miss how you make me toast and coffee.

I miss how you folded my clothes that one time.

I miss how we cuddled on a small bed watching movies.

I miss how we slept holding hands.

I miss hanging your clothes to dry.

I miss making coffee for you though you don't drink coffee.

I miss watching you play basketball though I don't kno how to play.

I miss watching you put lotion on your face at night.

I miss having dinner with you.

I miss your smile.

I miss your dimples.

I miss your hands.

I miss your laugh.

I miss you.

 

I wish I realized earlier that you really wanted a relationship with me.

I wish I had the courage to pursue 'us'.

I wish you had the courage to fight for 'us' despite how hard I am to deal with. My attitude, my behavior, and the fact that I had a long term boyfriend.

 

You are the answer to my prayer, a prayer I made not so long ago, but I did not realize that not until 'we' came to an end.

 

If I can be anywhere else in the world right now, I wish I was right beside you. If I would be granted a wish, I would ask for a second chance with you.

[Estudent]

Dear JP

 

I miss you.

 

B

[Dumped85]

I miss us Ms J,

[Virgil876]

Surprising I am feeling pretty good even though it has only been 10 days, I don't know how you're feeling but I did get very upset the day after. Maybe I felt bored and stale with the relationship in the back of head all this time... And I guess it is for the best afterall.

[Legatus]

Well well well, look who's talking now! No my dear, I won't reply to you. Asking for your sweater and jacket we left at my friends? Go and ask them, they will be happy to send it back to me. Asking me? Cheap shot to see how I would react.

 

I'll tell you how I'm going to react. I'm going to laugh and smile! I'm pretty sure you write again, telling me how immature I am for not replying to you. Another smile! Then you'd say you're disappointed, that I'm not the person you though I was. Another smile!

 

Oh my face is hurting from all those smiles, but keep them coming!

 

Besides you still have my stuff, you should have brought them with you when you came with your new boy toy to pick your stuff up. You didn't. I didn't ask. I think you wanted me to contact you about them, especially after I told you I don't want anything to do with you. Well there's a surprise! Another smile!

 

I thought maybe I'll just say "give me my stuff first", but then I don't care about it anymore. You've got one thing that has symbolic value for me but I'll survive. Whether you survive or not - doesn't concern me.

 

I've got too man magnificent things happening right now that I don't have time for arguing, replying, drama. I'm not in your life and never will be. Deal with it.

 

Maybe it will give you something to think. To think how you treated me all this time. The difference is 2 months ago I would do the same for revenge, now I'm doing it because I simply don't give a flying monkey!