Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[MahaloLife]

Didn't think I'd actually get in on this action, but I sporadically came across this site and it's caught my eye for the last few days. Finally decided to give it a shot. So this is my first post on LS.

 

Currently haven't reached out to my current ex for about 3 months now. It was hard at first! But now it's not so bad. Had to do it though cause I was just picking at scabs and not improving anything with her. I need to stay focused on my life for the time being and keep my mind straight. Plus, I'm starting to realize that I deserve better, and just reading countless LS threads in the last week has really helped me understand things a lot better about my last relationship. We'll see how things play out when things are a little stable...

 

I finally landed my first real job after earning my bachelor's last summer and surprisingly, this job is (I think) a job that I could see myself being with for a while. Since I finished up college last summer, I've been focused on getting established in life and improving every angle of it, and I'm taking serious initiative around the office to earn a permanent position with the company to help solidify this.

 

PS I would talk about my situation with my last gf, but that can be saved for a new thread or something. It would take a lot of space, maybe.

[frostythesnowman]

Dear ____,

 

I really miss you right now. I've missed you a lot since we broke up. I miss how I used to hold you and all of the cute little things you do. I miss sitting around your house doing absolutely nothing and still being the happiest I have ever been. You might wonder why I still think about being with you and all of our memories together when its been a couple years, but its because I have never been happier in my life and I haven't been happier since. I think about these things because when I spent the year in high school with you after we broke up, I wanted nothing more than to do the same things that made me so happy.

 

Having seen you do the same cute little things in another relationship has literally torn me apart. I can't believe I still have these damn feelings for you, and I can't believe that we really never gave it another chance like you promised and led me to believe for so long. I never got over you because you never let me- I don't care if you say that I could have if I wanted to, you have never stopped talking to me and have always found ways to bring me back in when I start to find my way out of these feelings. You have said "I'm sorry" and apologized so many times, but you never have truly meant it... If you did, something more would have been done.

 

I can't believe we never went to prom together, even if I could care less about prom I know you were looking forward to going with me, which made me really look forward to it. I can't believe you backed out on me last minute and I had to go with someone I didn't want to go with. I can't believe you told me so many times "I miss you" and "its not the same without you" and you never acted on anything. Since we broke up, I was always second to your new guy and just an emotional crutch.

 

There are so many things I wanted to do with you. You could have come to the mountains with me every year after the first time, you could have spent Christmas with me and my family, you could have even come to Europe with me. But you threw all of that away when you broke up with me and tore my heart out repeatedly. I am ashamed at how many nights I have spent crying over you and how many times I have broken down. Maybe mostly because I'm a guy, and when someone meets me, crying is probably the last thing they would picture me doing. I am ashamed that in the past I have gotten drunk by myself for nights in a row and cut myself because I couldn't take the pain anymore and didn't want to reach out to anyone. I am ashamed that I have let this go on for so damn long.

 

After all of this, I don't know why you're still remotely in my life anymore. It doesn't matter how little you think you have done to me; if someone has hurt for as long as I have, you have done a lot. A lot of the time what you think is not a big deal is actually a really big deal to me, and it cuts me deep. The worst part is you think I'm "crazy" for the times I've expressed my emotions and feelings to you about how you've treated me and just turned your back on me. If anything, I deserved a real heart to heart talk from you regarding why the hell you've messed with my head so much, instead of you just acting like its all my fault. How the hell is any of this my fault? If you had just left me alone from day 1, MAYBE I wouldn't be in this spot right now. But no, it wasn't just me, and your games really ****ed me over in the end.

 

I am going to make a point of erasing you from my life. You ruined a couple years of what should have been the best years of my life, and one day you are going to regret it. I'm not even mad at you, but I know that one day, you are going to wish that you hadn't ****ed with me for so long. One day a picture of me and some other girl prettier than you is going to pop up on your Facebook news feed, and its going to tear you apart. You'll probably text me casually asking about who the new girl is and I am not going to respond to you. The day will come when I am truly over you, and I'm not gonna give a **** about what guy you're ****ing or who you're currently dating. All I know is that some day I am going to be happier with someone than I ever was with you.

 

-Me

[SingOutLoud]

Umm, STFU and f*ck you. Thanks.

[Gingerlee]

im acting like you seeing someone is fine but in reality it is killing me.

 

i dont want to be here.

[Charlie Harper]

My love:

 

I miss you because you were my best friend, I miss you because I am proud of what we accomplished as a couple, I miss you because I want you to know I am doinf a lot of new stuff, and my ife is interesting but sadly I canT share that with you.

 

I really wish you the best but I saw a Photograph of you that your son posted on FB, and I saw your face and I know you are Sad, missing me and trying to appear happy. I know your face so well and your eyes lack that spark,, mine are the same now.

 

So keep out of the trenches, go live your life, move on as I am doing and find the way to make your M work...

 

I know I am doing it myself.... My best friend I love you.

[SimonSerenade]

Is it really too much to ask that you call me?, really?, you had all your own way with me since the day you met me, even now I've left you alone and accepted the relationship is over, just for you, you got to keep your precious iPad after you dumped me a week later, after you messed me around and treated me terribly, you once told me you thought you were suffering from bi polar and I accepted that, i tried to understand it for you and took a step back for you, I did everything for you because all I wanted was the 2 of us to be happy and have a great future ahead of us, even if that meant you were nutts from time to time, all I'm asking for now is help, I have so much crap on my plate and I can't deal with this on top, that night I rang you I was desperate and i was lost, all I could think about was collapsing and dying from heart failure, I was so scared and I'm still scared now to go it all alone.

 

It's not like I even want you back, how could I?, I would never feel safe with you again, I could handle anything and everything you threw at me, the one thing I couldn't handle was not knowing if I was going to be yours at the end of each day, I was terrified, I never wanted to lose you, I stopped standing up for myself and I took all the blame, anything I could do to keep you happy and content, just because I could handle that doesn't mean I should ever have to.

 

We had a bright future ahead of us and honestly I was focused on living in the now and doing my best to enjoy it, I was happy to be engaged to you and I was happy to be committed to you and to me the engagement could of lasted maybe over 10 years until I ever wanted to take that step, I just wanted you to enjoy what we had now too and not what we were going to have in the future.

 

I don't hate you and if you have problems then fair enough, hold on to stuff and be angry for as long as you want, whatever makes you happy I geuss, I just want this to be easier because this is putting a major strain on my heart and doctors may tell me I need to be calm but none of what I'm feeling right now is calm and can't be expected to be.

 

So for the last time, I'm asking you, begging even with my life somewhat on the line for something that I shouldn't have to ask for, I'm asking for closure, I'm asking for some kind loving words, I'm asking for something to walk away with, something to take away from this, if you ever loved or cardd for me at all, if i ever meant anything, if my life and my health mean anything, you would give me that at the very least and tell me I deserve it, I need to know in worth that.

[SimonSerenade]

Can you ever just be vulnerable for once?, did you ever have weak moments for me?, I just don't know what to do anymore, I have work in a few hours and I just can't hack it anymore, you've taken up every drop of energy I had left, right now I just want to quit and hide under the covers until all this hell has blown over, it's so hard, we live in the same town, everywhere i look I think I see you, any time I'm walking around I fear I'll see you, even knowing your working not even 10 minutes away from my house, it's so hard.

[SimonSerenade]

I'll always remember when you looked me in the eyes and you promised you would never leave me and you would never hurt me, how could you just fall out of love over night like that?, what did I do? :'(

[Renee1234]

I just randomly came across this site and read some threads... I am going through breaking up process as well, but I try not to be hard on myself.

 

If he had truly loved me, then there was nothing I could do wrong. and if he did not, there were a million things that could go wrong and I could not control all of them.

 

So I am trying to just move on, not blame anybody, no contact, though it is hard. Then he contacted me for something yesterday, I acted and talked calm, but it set back the process somewhat...

 

but it is ok, just keep reminding self that what can be lost is not true love, and I should love myself before anybody can love me.

 

don't blame yourself.

 

I'll always remember when you looked me in the eyes and you promised you would never leave me and you would never hurt me, how could you just fall out of love over night like that?, what did I do? :'(

[SimonSerenade]

I just randomly came across this site and read some threads... I am going through breaking up process as well, but I try not to be hard on myself.

 

If he had truly loved me, then there was nothing I could do wrong. and if he did not, there were a million things that could go wrong and I could not control all of them.

 

So I am trying to just move on, not blame anybody, no contact, though it is hard. Then he contacted me for something yesterday, I acted and talked calm, but it set back the process somewhat...

 

but it is ok, just keep reminding self that what can be lost is not true love, and I should love myself before anybody can love me.

 

don't blame yourself.

 

Thanks sweet heart, it's a good thing you found this website, its a big emotional help, I know how you feel and you put that into good perspective, it's true, she may have said and done some messed up things sometimes but i always forgave her because at heart she's a wonderful person and I'll always remember her so fondly as exactly that from start to finish, she did no wrong, she was who she was good and bad and i accepted that.

 

I just come to this thread when I feel like contacting her and let it out here instead, it helps and that way I'm not bothering her, I just want the best for her even if the best is a life without me.

 

Your taking your break up with your ex really well, care to talk about it?

[Renee1234]

Thanks sweet heart, it's a good thing you found this website, its a big emotional help, I know how you feel and you put that into good perspective, it's true, she may have said and done some messed up things sometimes but i always forgave her because at heart she's a wonderful person and I'll always remember her so fondly as exactly that from start to finish, she did no wrong, she was who she was good and bad and i accepted that.

 

I just come to this thread when I feel like contacting her and let it out here instead, it helps and that way I'm not bothering her, I just want the best for her even if the best is a life without me.

 

Your taking your break up with your ex really well, care to talk about it?

 

You are a really nice person... I don't wish the best for my ex though, not because he broke up with me... but because the way we broke up.

 

Our story is kind of long and sweet and weird, but I'll just get to the breaking up part...

 

I loved him so much and that in a way, gives him the right to act selfish at times. We had arguments always since we are both strong-minded people. I asked him if he was ok with me arguing with him often. he said yes, he enjoyed arguing with me.

 

Deep down inside he was not ok, he need someone more obedient I guess though he never admits that. He would say cruel things and act like he did not care at all every time when he wanted to break up. and later he would come back and ask for forgiveness, saying those things didn't count since he was angry with me. I always took him back just because I loved him so.

 

I admit I didn't do everything perfectly, but who is perfect in this world. And I know he did truly cared me when we were together, for that I never regret that we were together once.

 

Toward the end when he was really cold and cursory when we talked, I still tried to probe what his problem was since he was not always straightforward. Eventually I figured he just stopped loving me because of some misunderstandings I explained but he would not listen.

 

He could have told me that outright instead of torturing me and letting me slowly figuring out on my own.

 

Last time we talked about the holiday plan, I mentioned that I was planning going away to an island. he said: you don't have to tell me. I said what? Then he said, he would be happy to listen but I don't have the obligation to tell.

 

and that was it. For me, for my whole life, I believe in loving myself first and never talk/spend time with people who don't appreciate the opportunity to spent time with me (except for work purpose of course )

 

I was planning to keep a friendship before this incident, but after that I thought it won't be necessary. I have enough normal friends already and and I was not handling the weird friendship with him well anyways. So I went into NC, which was not that easy but as soon as I made up my mind, it was not that hard either. I just wrote countless emails to myself or talk with other people whenever I was desperately wanting to talk with him. (now that I found this site I can vent here too )

 

after more than 2 weeks I was ok and calm. and then he popped up again yesterday saying he had other stuff bothering him so he might say something not so nice and asked me not to mind.

 

I said I don't mind. indeed I don't. Basically he decided to move on, but he wants me to stay...

 

well, I won't. I have to love myself first and I won't linger for somebody who does not love me anymore. that is my principle.

 

The only thing I am curious now is that I need to reset the NC time since we talked or the timer still goes on since I did not initiate it?

[Renee1234]

Thanks sweet heart, it's a good thing you found this website, its a big emotional help, I know how you feel and you put that into good perspective, it's true, she may have said and done some messed up things sometimes but i always forgave her because at heart she's a wonderful person and I'll always remember her so fondly as exactly that from start to finish, she did no wrong, she was who she was good and bad and i accepted that.

 

I just come to this thread when I feel like contacting her and let it out here instead, it helps and that way I'm not bothering her, I just want the best for her even if the best is a life without me.

 

Your taking your break up with your ex really well, care to talk about it?

 

and by the way, it would help you to get over if you think less of her sweet side more on her mess-up side for now...

 

after you get over, you can spend more time on the sweet part, after all that was part of our life and we always cherish the memory.

[SimonSerenade]

Aw thank you that means so much, your a nice person too from the sounds of how you've handled your break up, I think that's the problem I face right now, the ending wasnt what the relationship deserved, I know what you mean, me and my her was very strong minded and neither us liked to back down but in the end I just gave it her way because I loved her and the only thing that mattered was that she was happy and I felt she took that for granted and used it as a way of treating me however she wanted, I saw that and it tore me up because I opened myself up and she sucked the soul right out of me.

 

You can't beat yourself up over not being perfect, nobody should ever have to try to be but by the sounds of it this man meant so much to you that you tried to be, I used to hate arguining, I'm too sensitive and take everything to heart, she wasn't really one for apologies so I never really expected any from her, i think she found it so hard to open up and it was frustrating because I didn't understand why, I got hurt so bad before she came along yet I put it behind me and did my best by her and never shied away from how I felt about her, I'm proud to say she didn't go a day without knowing that.

 

The cold attitude certainly doesn't help does it?, I did everything right for the last few months of our relationship, I just wanted to forget everything before and start fresh, I forgave her for everything, every broken promise, every bad word yet she couldn't forget stuff I'd said early last year, she talked to me like I nothing and she ended it without an explanation and that was the last i heard of her and now I'm stuck on never knowing the truth, I just have to wonder but I think the hardest part is going away not knowing what i meant to her.

 

It's good that you love yourself, you should, I think she took a lot away from me in that sense, I used to love myself and right now I'm trying to find that love again but certain things she said stick in my head and it makes me feel like I'm just not good enough, I know I don't know you but I'm proud of you, you have a principle and your sticking by it.

 

I'm not sure about the NC thing, I think some people on here think of it like a game, I just take it as it comes and stay away from her, I couldn't be her friend even if I wanted to, it would hurt too much to around her knowing I could never hold her cheek in the palm of my hand and kiss her head, I think you shouldn't think about breaking NC and what not, just stay away from him unless he has something really important to say.

 

I don't think I could ever hate my ex, I find it hard to hate anyone, I think it hurts more thinking about the bad because it makes me insecure and feel down at how she could that to me, I just want to remember her as a good thing in my life that unfortunately I couldn't hold on to so I respectfully let go.

 

You can always feel free to email me whenever you need to talk. [email protected]

[SimonSerenade]

Oh these times are hard, yeah there making us crazy, dont give up on me baby....

[frostythesnowman]

I remember the night before you (sort of) broke up with me you just randomly told me "you're the best" on the phone. Even something so simple like that made my heart stop and it just made me feel so good. Thinking back on it now, I guess you never really gave me compliments like that. You never acknowledged all of my attempts to make you happy, so I guess that's why I remember you saying that and it being so meaningful. Sometimes its hard to understand how someone could actually love me in the way that a girlfriend would, and how you did, and it worries me that it'll never happen again. Sometimes I feel like there's something wrong with me and that I won't get even close to a relationship with someone else.

 

I can't believe you broke up with me after telling me something like that. I still don't understand why you ever chose to end things with me, except for you thinking my love was too strong and I was getting desperate for you. The only reason for this was because the more and more you distanced yourself, the more and more I showed desperation. It just became a cycle. We were so young and naive, on the inside I was ready for something bigger and I guess you weren't. I still just can't believe we never gave it another chance. Everyone at school always pictured us together, kinda like two peas in a pod. When everyone's views of us always being together changed into everyone viewing you and your new guy always together, it was god awful for me. I guess it doesn't matter anymore now that we're in college. High school is done, and with that being done any chances of us being together are done.

 

Can't say that I could ever be with you again though. You have been so dishonest and selfish towards me that you just plainly don't deserve me. Sure, we made a damn good couple and I know we are/always have been extremely physically attracted to each other, but I KNOW I am a better person than you. I KNOW I am a better person than your new guy, who won't be going anywhere in life. He won't be as successful as me, and he won't have the same amazing family that I will have one day. You can call me cocky and arrogant by saying this, and I have never been one to be cocky, but I have worked harder than ever at everything I do since we broke up, and I have become a better person. Your new guy works at nothing, and the fact that you're dumb enough to be with someone like him almost relieves me. Sure, he's a good, nice guy, but he has no drive and no motivation in life.

 

I wouldn't trust you with my heart ever again anyways. So many times you told me you would never hurt me, and look who got more hurt than I could have imagined in the end. Me. Who was the one hurting more than they could have imagined before I came along? You. I helped you get through a lot of pain, I was there for you, and then we fell in love. Can't believe I have invested so much time, effort, and love into someone who has not done the same for me. I DESERVED for you to love me for as long as I wanted and needed you to. I DESERVED to spend every damn day of the rest of high school with you, stealing kisses before school, taking you to prom, sleeping over, everything that he got. I would have made you feel like a damn princess every day. While writing this I've realized that it wasn't me who screwed up, it was you. Yeah, sounds like you've had some good times with your new guy, but you'll never know how happy I could have made you. You'll never know how much effort I would have put in to the rest of our relationship, when I was more mature and understood how I should act. You really ****ed up

[lop98]

I hate public transportation because it makes me think of you. I try reading, I try playing new music, I try thinking of him, but I always end up thinking of you, replaying things we went through, sometimes the memory of you makes me smile, but it's immediately mixed with memories of her, then I start trying to assemble everything in my head... I was never able to put it together you know, I never understood what happened... maybe it's my punishment for being a stalker, I spied on you and saw you... loving me in secret, but when you'd talk to me you'd pretend you didn't. You went back to those years, as if it could never happen again. What stopped you? was it the rejection? could you not see I was hurt?... you could. The only explanation I found was that you were everything you were accused of, a climber, so you were hurting badly, got introduced to her, she was into you, cute, her friends and possible wealth impressed you and that was it, you weren't even scared, you just neglected your heart on behalf of a thrill and the recognition you're always chasing. I sometimes like thinking that you found something real with her, but why all these things in that site? why begging? and the breadcrumbs? and contacting me while she was away, and trying to keep me around?. You're too ****ed up... and it makes me feel sad for you, I mean it, because you wanted it for so long, even before I even considered it, and we had it, and we lost it, and you kept wanting it and then just couldn't work overcome a single obstacle... and you do this with your mother, with your father... the people that are closest to your heart, you just let them slide, you can't forgive their flaws.

 

While getting almost home, after consciously taking that rollercoaster of thoughts, I thought of you as some sort of disease, maybe the chicken pox, you're tattooed everywhere in me, but there's nothing that I want from you and you're bad for me. It's a disease and an echo, nothing about you exists anymore, it's all memories, ghosts, it's a lot of pain, thinking of you literally gives me a headache, but it's so incrusted, just like any obsession. The only time I manage to find the cure is when I'm with him, and that must make me pretty pathetic because I should be able to find the cure on my own and keep it in my own hands, not in someone else's.

[SimonSerenade]

What do you gain from not giving me closure?, do you just want to keep me around and keep me miserable?, holding for something that isn't goon to happen, it's so cruel, I thought you were a bigger person than this.

[swimswithjeans]

Well...

 

Let's see. I think I am doing EXCEEDINGLY well considering my heart was ripped out of my chest and put in a blender. Currently, it's in a million broken pieces on the floor. My friends and coworkers have been kind enough to help me try and collect them, but there are still many, many missing- still gone. I'll bet they're with you.

 

I love you. I love you to the moon and back and over the hills and through the swamps and oceans and fields of the whole world and then some.

 

I don't understand. I will never understand. Here are the options that I have considered:

 

a. If you really wanted me, you wouldn't ignore me/pull away from me.

b. You're really not ready for a relationship.

c. I'm not good enough for you.

d. My age freaks you out.

e. You're so afraid of getting hurt you keep pushing me away.

f. You're a sociopath.

g. You thrive off of dramatic relationships.

h. You have some other psychological issues.

i. You found someone on OkCupid - God knows you've been looking.

 

I really don't know. I really don't. Maybe it's all of the above or maybe a combination or maybe one or maybe none.

 

But I freaking love you. I... Adore you. But I am starting to see your faults. It's not about your looks to me or the fact that you're a waiter because- wait for it- I don't care about those things. You... Were so perfect to me. My issue lies in the fact that you are able to do things- ditch plans, ignore me- that you CONSCIOUSLY know hurt me. And then you pull away even more. That is my issue.

 

And, God, I wanted everything WITH you. Not from you, with you. From you, I wanted your time, your love, Maybe a year or two from now, I would want your last name. And eventually your kids. I think you would be an amazing dad. I imagined having the family I always wanted with you.

 

You were perfect in my eyes and I would have been there for you through EVERYTHING. I don't understand, if NOTHING else, how you could throw that away. For you to text me last night after leaving me with "let's just let it go" with a "i hope you're well." Well, that doesn't make me feel good at all. When you called Tuesday night and hung up... I saw that too. When I saw your name pop up both Tuesday and Wednesday... I thought it would be you saying that you loved me and missed me and wanted me back. Or maybe it would have been you offering some kind of explanation. Or maybe you would just say you're sorry.

 

Back in April, you said you would never let us go again. Well... What do you call this? You also asked me to not break your heart. How hypocritical are you.

 

You can deny it- and maybe you do because you didn't listen to me when I told you- but I deserve better treatment.

 

Unfortunately... I have to ask you... To not contact me again. Let's just let it go, J, in your wise words. When your dad passes, I will offer minimal sympathy, but I won't be there for you in the way I imagined. You gave that up when you gave me up. There's nothing else I can do for you, J. I love you, but you threw me away.

 

You silly, silly man. Please, start to act your age. If you act the way you acted with me... You will push away anyone who would even start to care about you. You need to fix this. Because I didn't ruin our relationship. It was you.

 

I can't believe you'd do this to me. You kept telling me how sweet I was. That I was a sweet, sweet girl. If there comes a day I am not, it's because of men like you.

[SimonSerenade]

I need to get over you, I can't go through this pain and self doubt ever again, I can never think about being this emotionally low and thinking of you not hurting or missing me at all, you got what you wanted, you got everything you wanted, you got your expensive gift as a prize for leaving me, you got the happiness you wanted by not being with me, what about my happiness?, oh I forgot, you had my share of that too, your share, my share, everybody's share!, I gave you all the love in my heart and you rejected me, my love wasn't enough for you, I tried to give you a good future an you threw that away too, was it really too much to give me reasons and an ending so I can know in my heart it's over an the future is dead for us?, why was that so hard?, I gave you everything and you've left me with nothing but a hard lesson learned, never do nice things for someone who clearly doesn't love you because they'll take you for a ride, take your money, take you for granted and will treat you bad, I didn't deserve that, I deserved all the love in the world and you couldn't even give me something so simple, that's all I ever wanted, instead you treated me like someone you hate, I was at the bottom of your priorities, you went back on promises and you made the same mistakes just because you could, you wanted ton hurt me because you could and I would sit there and take it, you took my kind and sensitive nature and twisted it for your benefit, I wish you'd at least have the decency to tell me the truth and admit it or at least give me the iPad back, you didn't deserve a thing from me and it hurts you got that out of me, I deserved to be important and to feel so, You did to us, not me, you!

[Renee1234]

I don't hate my ex. I learned a lot from him and we were really happy when we were together. I just try to not spend my energy and time on him now that he left. I try not to bother myself with things out of my control.

 

How other people feel about me is out of my control. I tried my best to be a better person, in general and for him as well. There were things I could not do exactly the way he liked, but that is out of my control as well. He accused me of doing things whichever ways I wanted and never considered him. Which is not entirely true but he may have a point.

 

But even if that is the real reason he broke up with me, I don't want to fix it I have my way of doing things I can budge a little for people I love, but cannot turn 180 degree. Me being me if why people love me.. not going to shape myself for a particular person, not because I am selfish, but because I know that does not help...

 

 

Aw thank you that means so much, your a nice person too from the sounds of how you've handled your break up, I think that's the problem I face right now, the ending wasnt what the relationship deserved, I know what you mean, me and my her was very strong minded and neither us liked to back down but in the end I just gave it her way because I loved her and the only thing that mattered was that she was happy and I felt she took that for granted and used it as a way of treating me however she wanted, I saw that and it tore me up because I opened myself up and she sucked the soul right out of me.

 

You can't beat yourself up over not being perfect, nobody should ever have to try to be but by the sounds of it this man meant so much to you that you tried to be, I used to hate arguining, I'm too sensitive and take everything to heart, she wasn't really one for apologies so I never really expected any from her, i think she found it so hard to open up and it was frustrating because I didn't understand why, I got hurt so bad before she came along yet I put it behind me and did my best by her and never shied away from how I felt about her, I'm proud to say she didn't go a day without knowing that.

 

The cold attitude certainly doesn't help does it?, I did everything right for the last few months of our relationship, I just wanted to forget everything before and start fresh, I forgave her for everything, every broken promise, every bad word yet she couldn't forget stuff I'd said early last year, she talked to me like I nothing and she ended it without an explanation and that was the last i heard of her and now I'm stuck on never knowing the truth, I just have to wonder but I think the hardest part is going away not knowing what i meant to her.

 

It's good that you love yourself, you should, I think she took a lot away from me in that sense, I used to love myself and right now I'm trying to find that love again but certain things she said stick in my head and it makes me feel like I'm just not good enough, I know I don't know you but I'm proud of you, you have a principle and your sticking by it.

 

I'm not sure about the NC thing, I think some people on here think of it like a game, I just take it as it comes and stay away from her, I couldn't be her friend even if I wanted to, it would hurt too much to around her knowing I could never hold her cheek in the palm of my hand and kiss her head, I think you shouldn't think about breaking NC and what not, just stay away from him unless he has something really important to say.

 

I don't think I could ever hate my ex, I find it hard to hate anyone, I think it hurts more thinking about the bad because it makes me insecure and feel down at how she could that to me, I just want to remember her as a good thing in my life that unfortunately I couldn't hold on to so I respectfully let go.

 

You can always feel free to email me whenever you need to talk. [email protected]

[Renee1234]

Well...

 

 

You silly, silly man. Please, start to act your age. If you act the way you acted with me... You will push away anyone who would even start to care about you. You need to fix this. Because I didn't ruin our relationship. It was you.

 

I can't believe you'd do this to me. You kept telling me how sweet I was. That I was a sweet, sweet girl. If there comes a day I am not, it's because of men like you.

 

" If there comes a day I am not, it's because of men like you."

Don't think that way, you try to become a better person for yourself and people you love and love you. for a person who does not cherish you, it is not worth it to spend your energy...

[Renee1234]

I really want to knock on your head so you can think more straight... kidding

 

You already said yourself not to do nice things for someone who does not care. I do nice things still for someone I care, but that has a limit.

 

If she does not care, she does not care, what is so important about the reason? you are responsible for your own happiness, other people do not have a "responsibility" to make your happy. Some people try but that is because they love you or care about you, not because they have a responsibility.

 

sounds like you already lost a lot with her, emotionally and even financially... try to stop the bleeding now...try to concentrate on things you have control.

 

On the other hand, it is ok, time will heal everything... you will be ok.

 

I need to get over you, I can't go through this pain and self doubt ever again, I can never think about being this emotionally low and thinking of you not hurting or missing me at all, you got what you wanted, you got everything you wanted, you got your expensive gift as a prize for leaving me, you got the happiness you wanted by not being with me, what about my happiness?, oh I forgot, you had my share of that too, your share, my share, everybody's share!, I gave you all the love in my heart and you rejected me, my love wasn't enough for you, I tried to give you a good future an you threw that away too, was it really too much to give me reasons and an ending so I can know in my heart it's over an the future is dead for us?, why was that so hard?, I gave you everything and you've left me with nothing but a hard lesson learned, never do nice things for someone who clearly doesn't love you because they'll take you for a ride, take your money, take you for granted and will treat you bad, I didn't deserve that, I deserved all the love in the world and you couldn't even give me something so simple, that's all I ever wanted, instead you treated me like someone you hate, I was at the bottom of your priorities, you went back on promises and you made the same mistakes just because you could, you wanted ton hurt me because you could and I would sit there and take it, you took my kind and sensitive nature and twisted it for your benefit, I wish you'd at least have the decency to tell me the truth and admit it or at least give me the iPad back, you didn't deserve a thing from me and it hurts you got that out of me, I deserved to be important and to feel so, You did to us, not me, you!

[SimonSerenade]

You make a lot of good points, sometimes I think like you and sometimes I just do a complete u turn and have to let out how I'm feeling, I never shout and rarely cry so I geuss that's my way of getting it all out, I think I've always been more of a yes man and never really stood up for myself or even considered myself, just wanted the best for others and wanted to please the ones I love, it's weird thinking and feeling for myself again.

 

Before her I was alone for a year and a half and though most of that was getting over the mother of my child I enjoyed it, it was nice not having anything to worry about and I could just be myself and I found a deeper appreciation for myself through all of that.

 

When she came along I wanted noting other than to make her happy and be the man that she never had, I geuss I felt overlooked and taken for granted, she always had that "if you fell of a cliff I'd be alright" sort of attitude.

 

I really admire your attitude, your calm and composed and despite the weight of the world probably being on your shoulders right now, you haven't lost yourself, I wish i could be like that, I'm just trying to hold myself together the best I can and find the happiness I deserve without her.

 

I felt I was fair with her and I stood by her without any hesitation because I felt that's what a real man does, I wouldn't change for anyone but if i could better myself in any way I would do that, not all for her benefit but mine aswell, she made me want to be a better man.

 

Towards the end she was hostile and incredibly up and down, she would change what I meant to her in a daily basis and I'd just like to know what it was exactly that i meant to her, I lost a lot with her, I dont care about the financial part, it just hurts to think she could use me for something like that, I've been used before, I just couldn't believe she would be one of those people, even when I gave it to her she acted like its not a big deal, she came to expect it from me.

 

I love being kind and I love being a gentleman, I was raised that way, I just wish she would of appreciated what I did for her and let it be known so incouldnhave that peace of heart.

[SimonSerenade]

You might not be the first one that meant something to me like you wanted but your going to be the last, I hope that means at least something to you.

[avelonia2013]

I must admit that everything I was experiencing at certain venues and "why" it was happening didn't start to dawn on me until a few months ago. I started picking up on certain things and it made me realize what was really going on.

 

Oh, before I forget to mention it, this is about "the past" and cutting a string that keeps me tied to "that" energy. And so you know (if anyone is listening that is and it could very well be nobody for all I know and it might not really matter either, but that's okay - I'm cool with that too) this is not about "getting over" anyone because that happened a long time ago. I'm indifferent to that person now and have been for a long long time. Did I get angry recently when I figured it out? Yes. Who wouldn't? Who wouldn't get angry about being stalked online and tortured by a revenge seeking ex? I would not be normal if I didn't! that does not mean that I'm not over the past at all. I was simply angry someone could actually act that way.

 

Back to my original point - the cutting of the string. I know what this is all about now and should have figured it out long before now. I guess I didn't because I always knew I was going to take care of that when I was able. The reality is "this stuff" that happened has zero to do with me and everything to do with him and how he thinks. That is just who he is. Am I surprised? No. Am I disappointed? No. Am I happy that I left three years ago? Absolutely yes. Am I sorry that there is bitterness on his part? Yes. Am I responsible for it? Absolutely not. It's just who he is. Nothing more and nothing less. I don't want to be mixed in with someone else's issue. I can't control how a person acts/reacts/deals with life. That is for them to do. All I can do is remove myself from the situation and I did. To be honest, I don't really care what they think of me. I know in my heart I MADE the right choice by leaving. I don't regret it, I don't blame them and I've worked hard on rebuilding my own life from scratch. They are not responsible for my life, my choices - I am. Just like they are responsible for rebuilding their own life and finding their own happiness. I am not responsible if a person "chooses" to remain stuck especially when that is how they have always been. That is for them to figure out just like I had to figure out my own stuff. I did and I'm proud that I have. There honestly was no hope for change in that situation, so it had nothing to do with faulty relationship skills either. I have faults just like anyone, but I have good relationship skills too.

 

Yes, I "get it now" and I've had every intention of taking care of that one "little" thing when I'm able. I'm not going to stew over it because I know it "will" be taken care of. But, as of now, that string is cut metaphorically and the door is finally closed.

 

That is all I have to say about that. And the more I'm think about things the more I'm starting to really dislike certain aspects of the Internet and the impact it can have on one's moods and psychy. It's easy to get sucked in and let it "fog" your life up. Ugh. I have to remind myself that I have choices and decide which one enhances my life and which one hurts it. And guess what? We ALL have those choices! It's up to YOU and more importantly YOUR responsibilty to choose how YOU want to live whether it be to remain stuck and suffer or evolve yourself to a better place on all levels.

 

Sorry for the ramble. Once I started it kept right on coming. Hopefully my rambles will ring true for someone out there...lol. I guess that is one good aspect of the Internet!

 

Signing off. Good night and peaceful thoughts.

Edited June 14, 2013 by avelonia2013