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Posted

I wish you didn't distance yourself so much. I haven't had a conversation with you or seen you in 4 months now. I was used to seeing you everyday for 4 years. Words cannot describe the misery

  • Like 1
Posted

It hurt seeing you today, maybe I should stop going where you work, it's hard because its the local supermarket lol how unfortunate, I won't pretend it didn't hurt to see you look right through me and give me that evil glare, I don't think I did anything to you that was worthy of that but whatever, even my first girlfriend would smile at me and say hello to me if I walked passed her, certainly made the moment less painful and easier to forget about.

 

I didn't do this to us, I shouldn't be treated like I did, I still miss the girl who used to smile at me so lovingly whenever I saw her at work, I used to go in just for that reason alone, it always made my day, it's sad to experience that in any other way, I'll never understand this and I'm not going to pretend I do, I'm not sure what was true and what wasn't, none of what you've said or done lately makes any sense, I don't know who you are anymore, I hope one day you find that better side of yourself again, I fought for that girl, she was sweet and innocent, there was something about her that brought out the best possible person in me, she was one in a billion, what a shame she's gone away.

  • Like 2
Posted

To the present. If we were comunicating this is what I would say right now. So something happened today that is a little obvious. I don't know who she is, but please tell her to stop stalking me. I can venture a wild guess though. Look, I don't know what's going on with you, but please, I'm not bothering you. If you two have an agreement that's fine, and whatever that is it's between you two. You have every right to live your life how ever you choose. If you have an agreement that keeps you both happy that's fine too. I don't nor do I want to be a part of that kind of triangle. It's not my job to make it so you can live with the "status quo." That is a hurtful position to be in and I can't be a part of that anymore. I don't mean anyone harm and now I just want to heal and be left alone.

 

I feel I can't even visit the sites I like to offer support to people without feeling tested or stalked. That other stuff has changed that for me. Whatever your choices are I accept them completely and if you need to know for closure sake, I'm at peace with it. Your free to go about your life however you choose and I will stay out of the way. I don't want to live like that anymore and please understand it is nothing personal. It's your circumstances that are the issue. I wish you nothing but the best. My feelings for you haven't changed; I just can't be a part of something that hurts me and makes me feel bad about myself. That's not a slam and I'm not putting you down in any way, I just had to make a choice that is right for me. That's all I can say.

 

I appreciated that you were honest eventally about what you could and could not give. I won't lie - it hurt and that the offer you put on the table felt like an insult and a slap in the face. I don't think you realize how hurtful it is to hear stuff like that. If you don't love me or care enough I accept that and made my choice and I won't change my mind about it. If all you need is some type of fwb situation so you can maintain your status quo and agreement then I'm not your girl. I have not and will not bash you. I might vent occasionally as I'm healing, but now that I'm feeling tested and threatened, I'm going to do that in private. I just want peace and to be left alone. No more tests for me; I've stated how I feel and that's the end of that. I mean you no harm or disrespect. Whatever is going on that is for you two to figure out. Unless you're free to have an open honest friendship or whatever, I can't talk to you.

 

No more games. I'm sorry. If you're happy I respect that and I have not been bothering you at all and I don't intend to.

Posted (edited)

I can't take this anymore.

 

He's all over the internet, and I can't escape from him. Wherever I go and no matter how many Mozilla Firefox blocking extensions I use, he lurks, whether online, or offline, IN MY HEAD.

 

Hiding the websites doesn't change the fact that they're there, and the fact that I know they're there, with wonderrrffulll updates of his current dating aspirations. Somehow, I can't stop myself from looking. I'm becoming more and more victimized with each moment I spend on these websites. I can only imagine him smiling at me with sickening joy in the back of my head saying, "I've won, sucka. You poor, pathetic b*tch. Here I am, reinventing myself for the better, and FOR A GREATER WOMAN to enjoy, while you hold on to the past and cry. Your lack of confidence, self-beratement and self-victimization is so unattractive that I don't even know where to begin. Have you no self-worth? I'm out here enjoying my life, and you can't do anything about it. Ohhh, but poor you, now I won't be there to nurse your wounds! Well, HAH. I'm just going to keep listening to what people tell me and forget you. You mean NOTHING to me now, and I never want anything to do with you again. Oh, and did I mention: get over it. This is the REAL WORLD, sweetie, and not some fancy-pancy unicorn dream that you stupid INFPussies like to fabricate. Boo-hoo, now I'm being such an insensitive meanie, right? Well, the guy you once knew is GONE. Suck it up, princess."

 

And that's it. I've become just the first, tattered page in his book of soon-to-be conquests. Merely just a story to be told to his friends and future lovers, with no significant feelings attached.

 

Is this what all relationships are about? Each one simply a stone to be cast into an incommutable river, never to reflected upon or reconciled with in the same light again? Should I now force myself to put him in a box and burn it, just because he did so with me? Why should I? I LOVED him. I loved his quirks, and I loved his strengths. Even though there were not-so-nice things about him (and believe me, I also was/still am pretty troubled myself) and we weren't destined to be soulmates, I still loved him. And you know what they say-- you don't get to choose who you love. Nothing can change that fact, and nothing ever will. He will always have a considerable place in my heart and in my head, regardless of where I now stand in his.

 

I will keep wanting to dig up the memories now lost, wishing that he could be by my side again, and above all, regretting that I didn't fix the issues that were distancing us from each other, didn't alleviate the pain that he was experiencing from my family, and wasn't strong enough for him. That is, until the day that I, too, am ready to reinvent myself for the better, start my own book, and leave all of this behind.

 

I love you, X.X. And I'm sorry.

 

 

(X.X.'s voice inside my mind: Hahaha, what influence I have over you! I treat you like sh*t, try to push you away online, and you STILL love me? You really are weak.

 

Me: ...... I take it that you don't care for my sincere apologies and sentiments. Very well, I can take them back, if you wish. Besides, you've just shown me how much you don't deserve them.)

Edited by SingOutLoud
  • Like 1
Posted

So after a lot of thought and fighting with myself, I had to dig deep to find the part of your personality that was good, honest and pure, I found it, I kept it in mind, I cherished it one last time, cried and let it go.

 

I believe I'm a good person, I believe I have a heart of gold and I believe I have so much pure love to offer, I believe in god, im not a saint but I was raised with strong beliefs, I was raised to treat a woman with love and respect, I was raised to see the good in people and praise them for it, I was raised to be an open book and be proud of everything I had the privilege to feel but most importantly I was raised to forgive people and accept them for who they are.

 

I'm not going to go into how you treated me but I forgive you, from the bottom of my heart I forgive you, I won't pretend I can forget everything over night but in time I will, I won't bring this up ever again because it just doesn't matter, it didn't matter then and it doesn't matter now, I forgive you and it feels good, it feels holy, it feels fulfilling, I hold no ill will towards you, I don't hate you I don't resent you, I'm letting it all go, I know one day I'll look back on the good memories and I'm blessed I have those memories to hold on to.

 

The ending wasn't what I had hoped for, I had hoped for something so much more emotional and heart warming, something that reflects everything we meant to each other but I can live with it, I don't need closure out of that, i found closure from remembering all the times I had the pleasure of being in your presence, from all the times I could smile and say your mine all mine, from all the times I could kiss your head and mosty from all the times I could go to bed knowing "I love you" was the last word I heard from your lips.

 

You gave me so much joy and you blessed my life at a time when I felt I was circling the drain, I'll never forget you for that and I'll never forget the sacrifices you made to be with me, I truly appreciate that, don't worry about me, this break up is painful but I'm happy and I'll remember you fondly.

 

I love you, I pray you make the right choices in life, i pray for your eternal happiness, I pray you make the person who fills all your needs and desires, I pray you meet the person who will take care of you and protect you from any harm and I pray you stay true to yourself and all that you are because your beautiful, precious and wonderful without changing a thing, I pray for you every single night before I sleep and that won't change.

 

Your the girl who showed me the dreams I never thought I could have and made them reality, your the girl I fell in love with from the moment I saw you, your the girl I'd go above and beyond for, your the girl who made everything alright, your the girl who I could of loved all my life, your the one and since you, nobody could ever compare, you'll always be that girl to me, I'll miss you, you truly are special, whoevers girl you are next, there the luckiest people alive.

 

I'm always here if you need me, I won't ignore you, you'll always be welcome with kindness, goodbye my darling.

  • Like 1
Posted

As someone said I can't sleep so am making this thread some of us are NC some never got closure but guess what here is your chance :

Tell them ALL let it all out good bad and in between its better then breaking NC right so get it off your chest no one will dare to judge you and no one will be made feel bad.

 

 

1 2 3 GO

  • Like 2
Posted

Dear ****,

 

How could you be with me for so long and then be with him? He is NOTHING like me. Are you that unfussy? What the **** do you talk about? He's an OK chap, granted, but he's not exactly Brain of Britain, is he? And he's 20 years older than you, ffs.

 

And now you're having a child with him! Are you mad? Wasn't good enough for you, was I? But somehow he is. Sheesh!

 

I just don't get you anymore.

 

Love

 

******

Posted

Not bad at all :bunny:

I want to tell him that its such a pity he is ruining his life with his bad habits

that by the time he is in mid 30 he will need liver transplant or get cancer.

That by being stubborn and idiotic about this he might miss best of his life

Plainly that he is an IDIOT every girl will leave unless he changes !!!!

  • Like 1
Posted
As someone said I can't sleep so am making this thread some of us are NC some never got closure but guess what here is your chance :

Tell them ALL let it all out good bad and in between its better then breaking NC right so get it off your chest no one will dare to judge you and no one will be made feel bad.

 

 

1 2 3 GO

 

I really like this idea. People can get out everything without ever breaking No Contact. Very good idea bluegreen!

Posted

Thank you. For making this easy to move on and never look back. I am eternally grateful.

  • Like 1
Posted
I really like this idea. People can get out everything without ever breaking No Contact. Very good idea bluegreen!

 

You welcome I hope it will be used as it's meant to be ;)

Posted

For 7 years I loved and cared about you, I cared about you more than anything in this world. 4 months after we got engaged you ended our relationship without even giving me a reason. I know you cheated on me and were to gutless to admit it so you found it easier to run away and blame me for your poor excuses as to why you left. I gave you everything you wanted and it still wasn't enough. You cost me my house that I worked my ass off for 4 years to buy for us, you took my dogs from me and YOU left me! WITHOUT A ****I*** reason!! It's been 8 weeks now and even though I love you guess what?? I don't need you!! I've already brought myself a brand new apartment on the top level in the city. I've been out on 4 dates with 2 different woman, woman that are already complementing me on how much of a nice guy I am. And what are you doing? Your living back with your parents, with no money and no plan. But most importantly no ONE. I gave you plenty of opportunities to come clean and admit to what you had done and I was even willing to try work things out. You denied the cheating but still can't tell me where you disappeared to for 3 days when you said you were with your friend 'Olivia' but when I rang Olivia to suss it out she said she hadn't seen you for 3 weeks. Guess what? You've just lost the best thing that ever happened to you. I will move on, I've got plenty of love to give and one day ill find someone to give that love to. You have to live with this guilt for the rest of your life. You tore my heart out of my chest and then ran away. You will see how strong I am. Maybe that's when you'll realise what you lost. Good luck for the rest of your life.

  • Like 4
Posted

to my ex..

thanx for making my life better now you're gone haha

  • Like 1
Posted

You were and are very very weak emotionally and my energy for life was always 1000x stronger than yours but I took a chance on you and I guess I enjoyed bringing joy to your miserable life. How many times did you ask me to never leave you? I had to reassure you nearly every day that I wouldn't be the one to leave you high and dry but then that's exactly what you end up doing to me. You really are a piece of work but its ok because anytime my mind tries to make me believe that you are living an incredible life without me I just go back to remembering the self induced misery you put yourself through every day. You are an empty vessel who wallows in self pity and sadness to the point where you simply become an overbearing energy leach. You did me a favour actually because I was blindly willing to commit myself to you but surely that would have been the single most biggest mistake I could ever make in my life. You are worthless and I am free to find someone who is likeminded and who wants to see the world in a positive way instead of sucking the life out of anything good

  • Like 2
Posted

Hi ex.

 

In going to focus on what I did wrong, and put aside anything you did.

 

- I pushed you away. Didn't mean to, but I did.

- I made you feel small and insignificant.

- I tried to change you, and in my mind I thought it was justified because I was older than you and thought I knew better. I shouldn't have.

- I didn't listen to what you were saying. I invalidated your feelings because again, I thought I was smarter than you and had so much more life experience.

- I said really hurtful, insensitive things to you when we had arguments. You must've felt like you could never win with me.

 

I will say that I did a tremendous amount of good for you as well.. and that when I asked to really put our heads together and work through our marriage, for us, for our son, and to respect how long we had been together and everything we had been through, I think we owed that to each other.

Posted (edited)

So you text me and say "Hey, I just wanted to say hi". That's all you want to say after I was by your side for a year, all the time we spent together, the laughs, intimacy, etc. Then you wake up one day and all you wanted to say was hi? Ok call me back when you are saying something that I give a ___ about. Strangers just say hi.

 

I have waited for a year for you to love and commit to me. I give you space, pull out all the tricks in bed, support you, care for you, be there for you and where has that gotten me? Hi

 

I wanted to call you or text you but I can't think of one reason why I should. However, I can think of about a thousand reasons why YOU should be calling and chasing me. I am the prize here, and if you want me and not afraid to lose me then you know where to find me. I am not chasing after you anymore or pushing away other people who are smart enough to recognize a good woman when they see one. I am not going to keep hiding in my room feeling sorry for myself, riding past your house, or texting you just because I feel lonely only for you to respond with one or two words if at all.

 

When is enough actually enough. I guess I am at the anger stage today.

 

Signed: Pushing towards acceptance

Edited by d0620
  • Like 1
Posted

Dear *****,

 

I know you say the distance between us changed you, but I know you loved me and I know you truly were happy. So how could you just give up on us that way? I gave you everything I had to give, all of my love and all of myself, and you threw it away.

 

I saw that post you made on a friend's page, about feeling alone, feeling lost and like a failure. I shouldn't care how you are. You ended our relationship after you lied and cheated, but I would still do most anything for you... and ever since I saw that, I've been thinking about you. Is she not so special afterall? Not giving you the support, the love you need? She doesn't know your story. Everything you've been through... with the abuse and your family and then your time in the military... she doesn't know you like I do. She knows because you've probably told her. But she doesn't understand because she wasn't right there beside you like I was. Do you rememer how you were feeling before you met me? How you said my smile and love turned your life completely around and made you a better person? I never changed... and I still don't know what has happened to you now.

 

But I would have stayed by you through the good and the bad. Through everything life could have thrown our way because I believed in what we had. Do you remember when you said you'd never let the distance tear us apart? Well, when I agreed, I really put my heart into it. And you let it just slip away without warning. Without a second thought it would seem...

 

Your smile meant everything to me. Don't you miss the snuggles until we fell asleep? The intamacy, the closeness, the complete trust in one another (like we used to have...)?

 

You'll never understand the tears I've shed for you. You've been completely cut out of my life for the last 3 months. You probably think I'm doing fine, and I like to believe I am. But my dark secret is that I'd still love to hear from you... I had believed I would marry you. Start a family. I know you and your mother went ring shopping once... and then what? Suddenly I wasn't good enough anymore? What is it that you're looking for? Do you even know? Do I even know you anymore? But it doesn't matter now.

 

*****

  • Like 1
Posted

Nice couple. Wish you the best. :love: Enjoy your summer and the rest of your life.

 

I'm free, over and out. :p

  • Like 2
Posted

OK, I'll bite.

 

Dear ***,

 

I want to thank you. If it weren't for the devastation of losing you, I may never have realized the things about myself that needed to change. I'm now healthier, more active, and more self-confident than ever, and it's all because of the monumental self-reflection triggered by our breakup.

 

It's a shame you couldn't communicate your unhappiness to me until it was too late to do anything about it, and it's a shame that you didn't have enough invested in us to stick it out while I improved myself. But, it is what it is. Regardless, the changes needed to be made... and maybe I needed to make them without you there to influence me.

 

The biggest shame is that you won't be able to enjoy the new and improved "me"... but in time, someone else will.

 

So thank you.

  • Like 3
Posted

You didn't value me, you took me for granted and treated me like I was worthless. I need to love myself more. If I do, these situations just won't happen.

Posted

Dear Ex,

 

You made me realize that I was settling. I was compromising on issues that I never thought I would to try and preserve something that in the end was not even worth it.

 

You made me realize how afraid I was to be alone. Now that I am alone and living for myself for the first time in over 6 years, I figured out that I really can do things better without you. Everything is easier, no fights, no conflicts, no walking on eggshells.

 

I thought no one would like me anymore. Guess what? They do! I could go on a date tomorrow.

 

Finally, you made me realize how strong I really am. I never have to worry about what I can handle anymore. Anything bad that life throws at me I will survive and triumph.

 

So instead of thanking you, I will be giving myself a daily high five.

 

Good luck with life, because I will be fine.

  • Like 2
Posted

Even after everything you have done I still tend to blame myself. Truth be told I would probably take you back in a heartbeat if given the chance and I would do my best to get past all this. Too bad that'll never happen.

Posted

I miss you right now, today's been one of those testing days that's a lot to take in, knowing your not there to talk to me afterwards is the hardest thing about it, its hard to know how to cope with knowing I'll never touch you again, when you said I loved you, it got me though the day, just knowing we were together got me through all the hard times life could throw at me, it feels like my muse has been taken away.

 

I love you, I truly am lost without you.

Posted (edited)

But I don't want to move on.

 

It's been over 6 months, and I feel like I want to die. I'm so scared of this new me, and what she will become. I'm sick of this life moving at an excruciatingly torturous snail's pace, each day being a new nail hammered into my soul and heart. I'm tired of not knowing what he's up to, and I'm tired of wondering.

 

This new sh*tty, run-down apartment; my mother being unavailable to comfort me due to her long work hours and being snippy because of her stupid boss; me having to take care of my sister, who can't even think for herself, every single damn day; me not eating frozen, improper meals, sometimes no meals at all, and losing my appetite; me becoming a smellier, less fit version of myself with hair worn out from scratching my head; me having NOBODY and NOTHING to live for post breakup; me having to think about the fact that he's handled it so well that he no longer cares about me and is looking for other people-- I hate it. I hate it all. Every day is f*cking monotonous; chores, chores, chores, and more emotional distress.

 

I'm frustrated, furious, and angry. Every time I look in the mirror, I see nothing but the person I've grown to despise. I'm disgusted at her.

Every day brings new gloom and misery. Why can't I just jump off a cliff already, run myself in front of a bus, or something? I've become worthless, and so has life to me. I DON'T wish him happiness and I DON'T wish him luck. Why can't he just disappear and die instead? Why do I have to be the one who has to experience this? Why not just kill me off instead?! F*ck, 10 months for absolutely NOTHING! Do you hear that, X.X.? NOTHING! 10 months only to prove how miserable life can really be, and make me realize how dead/messed up I actually am and how cruel other people can actually be.

 

I wish I had NEVER known you, I wish we had never met, I wish I had NEVER given you my number, I wish I had NEVER spent all of those times with you watching movies and stuff before we dated, I wish I had never met your friends, I wish you had never slept in the same bed as me, I wish we had never held hands when we went to NYC, I wish we had never shared our bodies with each other... and most importantly I wish that I had never, EVER given you my heart! I wish you were DEAD to me and to the world! F*ck you, you don't deserve to have a normal life like everyone else. You don't deserve to f*ck or date other girls, or think about dating or f*cking them, as you please. You deserve NOTHING! Except an old cup of bubble tea in the worst flavor possible, or a pot of hot coffee, thrown at your face and dripping down your clothes!! Or me rightfully stepping on your stupid face and singeing your stupid hair, or pushing you onto a railroad crossing!

 

Go to hell. Go to f*cking hell, you regular, dirty vagabond! And take all of the 10 months worth of memories there with you, too! If I could tear down my mental calendar of _____ 2011 - _____ 2012, I'd do it! I WISH YOU WERE NEVER MY FIRST BOYFRIEND, OR MY FIRST KISS! I want to ERASE your existence from my memory, just like they did in 'Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind'.

 

Stop taking up space in my thoughts!!! Stop wrenching and destroying my heart! Rather, feel my pain, and let it distort your OWN heart! I WANT to hate you, so I'll say that I HATE YOU!!! LEAVE. ME. ALONE, damnit! Let me be angry at you! Let me make you my forever enemy! You're DISGUSTING and you're a f*cking pig! I HATE YOU AND I WANT TO HIT YOU! BLAHBLAHBLAH RANT! Lousy piece of sh*t. Go dig your own ditch. Don't live, die. You bastard. Douchebag. Son of a b*tch. A*swipe. Scum of the earth.

 

I hope you bust a tire, or accidentally run your car off a road, or fall down a manhole into a sewer, or something. You have no idea how upset I am with you, or the things that I want to inflict on you.

 

Now, I need you to be dead to me. I don't want to remember you fondly anymore. I never want to see you, hear of you, or speak to you again.

 

(And I still want to throw in the towel.)

Edited by SingOutLoud
Posted
Dear ****,

 

How could you be with me for so long and then be with him? He is NOTHING like me. Are you that unfussy? What the **** do you talk about? He's an OK chap, granted, but he's not exactly Brain of Britain, is he? And he's 20 years older than you, ffs.

 

And now you're having a child with him! Are you mad? Wasn't good enough for you, was I? But somehow he is. Sheesh!

 

I just don't get you anymore.

 

Love

 

******

 

just wanted to say, i liked reading this in a british accent.

  • Like 2
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