Post here instead of contacting your ex!

May 28, 2013

I had a terrible dream that your dog died last night. You know the dog I am talking about right? The one that I fell in love with and you guilt tripped me into taking when I left. I told you that I didn't have anywhere to live and wasn't sure that I could even afford to have him. You played on the fact that he would miss me. I think the only reason that you wanted me to take him is because you are too lazy to take proper care of him and wanted to be able to have more free time with all of us being gone.

You promised that you would send me some money to help support him. So that I could take him to the vet, get him new tags, and buy some food. Of course, you haven't and probably never will. At the end of the day though, I am glad he is mine now. And he is mine. He has always loved me more and now neither of us have to deal with your crazy mood swings or you yelling at him for nothing.

The nightmare was terrible and I actually rolled over to wake you up and tell you about it. You weren't there, but MY dog was. He sniffed my hair and cuddled up next to me. It instantly made me feel better and I drifted right back off to sleep. It was actually much more comforting than I remember you being in a long time.

I hope we never see you again. We don't need you, we have each other. You are the one who will end up alone and unhappy. I would bet money on it!

May 29, 2013

I remember when we said to each other that we wouldn't give up on one another. You said that you weren't going to give up if I didn't. And then, you asked me the most wonderful thing...You told me (rather), you grabbed me and looked me deep into my eyes, I could see the confusion and hurt you had inside of you, it was almost like you knew something bad was going to happen between us or that you were going to do something negative to the relationship. You told me, "Please don't ever give up on me, no matter what." I gave you that promise and my dearest love I will NEVER ever give up on you. I know you said you don't feel the same way about things and then confused me by saying, "I always will love you, don't ever forget that." It doesn't matter what anyone tells me, even yourself. I gave you a promise that I will never ever give up on you NO MATTER WHAT and my darling I will wait for as long as I need to. For your happiness is far more important than any of this pain I must endure. My body can be weakened, my mind can be strained, my will may be challenged but oh love of my life I tell you that my love for you will never diminish.

I will never give up, I've felt you in my future as my husband and as the father of my children the moment my hand was placed in yours (even though I fought against it back then before we started our relationship, remember?) You are quite the persistent, eager soul and I love every single thing about you. I love the very person you are, I love you for you.

Honestly, if I must take this to my grave then I will. I can't tell you enough, but again I will say, as I promised I will NEVER ever give up on you no matter what.

I love you always and forever my darling love

May 29, 2013

Today is the day I promised myself that I would no longer allow myself to act depressed about the break up or you anymore. I will not be talking about you anymore. I won't make a point of not talking about you, but I am going to actively seek new associations with objects, places, and people so that my frame of reference just won't include you anymore.

I am pretty sure that this will be a fake it until I make it period in my life. I have given myself 5 months to grieve you. I have given myself five months to fall out of love and I can honestly say that it has worked. I don't love you anymore. I don't hate you either. I am just angry that you ruined my life. I accept responsibility for my own behavior and I know that I could have taken some different paths, but you let me believe in a future that you knew was never going to happen. That is why I will always be angry with you. I am not sure that I can forgive you for denying me the dream that you kept telling me to believe in.

However, I also pity you. I know what your life is like. A friend told me for some reason, thinking it would make me feel better. It didn't. You don't have any friends still. You just go to work, the gym and come home. No one likes you or talks to you. Everyone thinks you are weird and without me there to act as a liaison and smooth social interactions and boost your self confidence, I think everyone will continue to be awkward around you. That is sad because you really aren't the worst person in the world. You are just a selfish baby and if you haven't learned how to be a social person by your age, you probably never will.

Oh well, to be honest, it is not my problem anymore. Whether you have friends or not is your problem. My problem is finding my own life. I think I might be ready to start dating again soon. I have already had some offers. I couldn't even imagine trying things with someone new, but I can kind of feel myself turning it around and starting to think that maybe, possibly, perhaps I could try it just once. Only time will tell.

I just want you to know that I am not broken. I was, but I fixed myself. I did it, and I will continue to better myself and others. But not you, you will have to do for yourself from here on out because you are going to be alone for a very long time.

May 29, 2013

you keep liking things about how much you want something to happen, and how you're single and want someone.

i'm here.. am .. am i not good enough?!

oh, no wait, i'm good enough to sleep with every now and then, and i'm the last one on your mind when you're drunk and when you ring me at 5am when you go out with your mates.

but not good enough to see me, and hold me, and love me or even give me any sort of chance.

i just want you here with me, my lovely, lovely boy.

May 29, 2013

I tell you that I miss you and I care about you and your reply is "Thanks". I don't know who I am anymore, because the person I am would never allow you to disrespect and dismiss me the way you have done. I don't know if I am more angry at you than I am at myself or if I am upset that I have to let go without benefited from giving you my heart, body, mind, time and tears. You never earned or deserved any of it yet I gave it to you anyway. Perhaps that's why you don't appreciate or respect me. I accept it finally and I am leaving with no expectation of turning back. No not this time. I keep telling myself that you will regret this one day and always think of me but I am unsure that its the truth as your heart is cold as ice. I am confused but I shouldn't be because in spite of the love you shown me your words have always been consistent and I should have listened. I blame myself. I just gave and gave and gave. I just pray for strength to get me through this and courage to remain strong and continue NC. I cry less and less each day now. Hopefully that means I am getting better

May 30, 2013

Just want to say you're right...time to stop this addiction! Good night.

May 30, 2013

I was just thinking about how much I miss you and why:

I miss you because I drove by your house at night and looked for other women cars.

More important I miss you because there was always a new car there almost every time.

I miss you because you never told me you loved me

I miss you because I had to guess which women you slept with that looked me in the eyes at work

I miss you because your ex gfs played on my phone

I miss you because you constantly reminded me that I was too old, or you didn't like my hair

I miss you because you were embarrassed of me even though I am told everyday how gorgeous I am

I miss you because you never cared about what I wanted

I miss you because you always wanted sex without any commitment

If I keep going I will miss you for a whole lot more, maybe I should just continue missing you tomorrow

May 30, 2013

The divorce papers are coming soon I think. I'm really sorry to ask you to do this, but I have never felt a pain or depression like this. Could you please just do me the favor of talking in person with me before you get married to that woman who came between our marriage? I know you have moved on with your life, which is why I hate having to ask this, but I don't know any other way to move on. I have tried to stay positive and strong, and have made it up until this point. I feel so much pain that I often wonder if life is even worth living anymore. Please just do me this favor; we are still technically married after all. I need some serious closure. Please tell me that you don't want it to end the way it did either. I can fly there if it's better for you.

May 30, 2013

So tonight was the end of everything from our Relationship, R. Finally saw Fall out Boy live at Terminal 5 with the tickets you bought me! Honestly wouldn't give up tonight for the world. I rocked out to my favorite band, was in the middle mosh pits and crowd surfing. Lost my glasses and even cried at the lyrical geniuses that Fall out boy are. I thought about you every song and was so happy that I could relate to everyone in the room who has ever had a broken heart. "You are what you love, Not Who loves you!". That's the message from tonight. I don't need you to be happy anymore and it was amazing to go with my best friend AJ and we even ran into a friend from his college there, and she was fun. So, thank you for the tickets because its time to say Good bye. I left every thing on that concert floor tonight. And as a boy, Fall out boy and their lyrics have and always will hit me the hardest, regardless if you or any other girl causes me that angst of being in love. Even though I missed you, it would never be enough to take you back. So BYE!, enjoy whatever you do!

May 30, 2013

I was going to fall asleep for the night, but something told me to make (yet) another post here.

1). YOU can't save me. THIS (the depression) is something that I've been struggling with for the past 8 years. It is unfair to expect someone who has only been involved with a relatively small amount of my life to try to fix whatever is "wrong" with me. YOU can't be it. Neither can he, she, they, heshe, or anyone else. As much as you and I, especially me, hoped that you would somehow be my savior, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. So... just go away, okay?

2). Okay, fine. I don't want you to actually "go away". But if you stuck around me like this, who knows what would have happened? Magic? Nah, that's for idealists. You know, the species to which I belong to, and which is slowly growing extinct in this age of cynicists? *AHEM*cynicistslikeyourself*AHEM*

3). Soulmates? "Other half"? "Tunnel vision" love and attraction? Pfft, ain't nobody got time for that, bro. Gotta keep my "visually-oriented" sexual skills intact while using my primal instincts to "sample" the multitude of other nice-looking fish in the sea. AMIRITE?

4). Uhh... can't think of a #4 right now. BRB?

*snoozes*

May 30, 2013

I haven't contacted my ex-husband for 6 whole weeks now, but I'm seriously thinking of sending this one last thing, just so he knows how I feel about him.

For anybody who wants some background, we were together for 6 years, married for one, until I foolishly wanted to separate to see what else was out there. After less than a year apart, I realized there is nobody better than him, but it was too late, and he had met someone else, and told me his love for me had faded. They are now engaged, so I guess I will have to suffer with my stupid mistake.

Anyway, here is what is saved in my draft folder:

Well, I think you already know where I stand, so I'm not going to keep pushing it, but I would love to talk to you in person again maybe some day. Not while you are married or engaged or anything but if you are ever single and want to talk I would be more than happy to, just so you know. And if that doesn't ever happen, I guess that's just something we'll have to live with, though I really hate the way things ended between us, after all the years together and everything we had been through. I really wish you would have given me a real second chance after I had grown up and matured and to show you that I can be a dedicated and good wife. I want more than anything to make up for all the wrongs I did. Everybody makes mistakes--I know I made some terrible ones--so to me it wouldn't have mattered if you had an affair with someone else, as long as you still loved me, but you made it perfectly clear you don't love me anymore. I hope you realize now that passionate love never lasts forever, that one day your passion even for her will die down, no matter how much you try to "feed" it, but that is no reason to give up on a relationship, especially a marriage. But I wish you all the happiness in the world and if she makes you happy and is dedicated to you then I really do wish you the best!

And for the record, I was never miserable being with you, but I do now know what feeling miserable is really like, though I am trying my hardest to stay positive and strong. I think I would be the happiest girl in the world if you ever asked me to move back into that tiny little "hole" lol.

I'm sorry for contacting you again, but I had to let you know how I feel and that I will always care for you. I hope more than anything to some day meet again. Until then, I wish you all the happiness in the world! I really do! Thank you for everything and for all the memories. You will always have an extra big place in my heart.

May 31, 2013

I only cried once today...

May 31, 2013

It's hard to learn and it's hard to love when your giving me such sweet nothing....

May 31, 2013

Hey E, I normally don't write you. Just feeling sad for the past few days.

Its been a damned year, and I thought i'd be a little further along than this.

I can't say I miss you, i guess i just miss what our life together was going to be. Fact is, you're really like a stranger to me now. I seriously know nothing of your life for the past year. The sadder part is that I'm not a thought in your head, not in your dreams. I guess thats reserved for whoever youre with tonight. Gone and forgotten a year ago.

I haven't done much for myself over the past year other than to put together a great apartment that has no signs of you, no memories. Those i will create from new.

Well, I guess i can suck it up now- put on the big boy pants, and start getting back into shape. I cannot believe what great shape i was in before you ended it- i cannot belive how much i have wasted away in one year. Guess i can't afford to grieve you any longer. I think you'd agree a year is long enough.

I still work nights, and this shifts about to end. Was quiet tonight, and that sucks. Allows my mind to wonder, and look at the moon nd stars

I have no hatred in my heart, just a fading sadness.....hope i WONT talk to you soon. J.

May 31, 2013

I just wanted to say thank you. I'm finally coming to peace with it all. I don't care about what happened in the past or why anymore...just needed to cleanse it out of my system. I am focusing on the here and now and setting the foundation of the path that's in front of me. I hope you're doing the same and that your journey is fulfilling and meaningful along the way. I've learned a lot from this whole experience and will carry the knowledge I've gained with me - ALWAYS. You were really something else and I've never in my life met anyone like you. That I can say with absolute certainty! You made me feel Love like no other.

Here's to wishing us both peace. I don't hate you. I'm finally on the road to forgiveness and I hope you are too. Perhaps one day we can sit down as the people we were - minus the baggage we carried - when this all started and have good laugh. (Ha!) When my world collided with yours, I had no idea that it would shatter everything I thought to be true into a million pieces.

Ciao

XO

May 31, 2013

i do not mean to pester you about this, but i really wish you would send me the money for my cancelled trip. our breakup had significant costs for me: emotional, psychological, professional, and financial.

i had waited weeks to share with you in person what was going on with me. my son is finishing up the school year in a therapeutic boarding school. he has been diagnosed with clinical depression and an adjustment disorder. he was, my small family was breaking apart, at the time you left me. of course, you didn't know this because i hadn't felt comfortable to share it while our communication was unstable. but i asked you three times -- the equivalent of begging for me -- to talk in person. i did really want to spill and get your advice and warmth in person, but the opportunity never came. you were a "p*ssy" and an "arsehole," your words, and broke up by phone days before my arrival. i just took it.

what other choice did i have? i put myself through college at 16 and through graduate school a few years later as a single mom. of course, i took it. i always manage to endure. i was crushed, and i nearly crashed. but i accepted it, and i am fine with it now. i respect your doing what you need to do for yourself, and i wish you much success in the future.

but i would like you to cover the plane ticket as you said you would to facilitate my summer travel and to reduce even further the impact of your choices on my life.

May 31, 2013

Today you were the first thought of my day again. Sigh at least I didn't cry or have the urge to call or text you. I keep asking myself why I miss you and then I realize I only miss what I wanted you to be. I created an image of you but in reality you didn't live up to a fraction of my desire and dreams. You played games with my heart and emotions. I sacrificed other people who cared about me in order to be with you. It was double or nothing and it looks like I ended up with nothing. I am ok with that.

I keep wondering what I done wrong and then I realize that I came in expecting something from you that you told me you were not going to give me. You accepted gifts from me knowing you didn't want a relationship from me. That took me for a spin because you never came across as a user type at least not outside of the bed. However, you surprise me more and more everyday.

Taking one day at a time. NC

June 1, 2013

it's 02:49 and i'm a little drunk.

miss you lots tonight. scanned the room every two minutes, looking for you. Alex came up to me, i find it weird that he hits on me, considering hes you're best friend. he told me i looked beautiful.

my best friend ended up arguing with her boyfriend-who-is-not-her-boyfriend again. yawn. i got bored and wondered off. thought of you, thought of dancing with you and having someone snuggle with in the sit down room.

started getting sober, called dan who picked me a few other mates up. debated getting off at yours, but i knew you were with your mates and having fun. i miss walking up that big hill, and walking past the bench where we drunkenly had sex on. i miss going into co-op and talking absolute b*llocks to the cashiers and getting food that we usually cooked and then fall asleep on. i miss drunk sex and the spooning that followed. i miss laughing with you and you telling me i looked like a meerkat without my makeup on and i said said you were my moon boy, because of your big head.

i miss how easy and effortless we were, how our silences were comfortable and how despite the fact we didst actually have anything in common we'd always find a way to make each other howl with laughter.

we just were. we just fitted together, my missing puzzle piece and all that sh*t.

i miss you tonight, moon boy. maybe it's the vodka talking..

Edited June 1, 2013 by Gingerlee

June 1, 2013

What did I do wrong?, what did I ever really do to deserve to be treated and spoken to this way, I gave you everything I had, what else could I do to make you happy?, Am I just not enough for you?, why did you pretend to be so in love with me and so happy since we got back together?, that has to be what you did to tell me you only got back together with me because you felt bad for me.

Looking back I can't see what I did wrong, I stood by you, I forgave you for everything, I looked passed so much to be with you, I just remember apologising for things you did wrong because somehow you turned it all on me, that wasn't fair and it's funny how you have to look all the way back to the beginning of the relationship to find something I did wrong.

Whenever I've messed up I've accepted it and I've applogised from the bottom of my heart for what I've done, I've never turned it on you or brought up what you did wrong in the past, I never wanted to lose you, I did everything I could to fix whatever I did wrong and it showed, I made efforts, you made false promises, promises you broke time after time and yet you still expected my trust, your the problem, I see that now so clearly.

Despite all of that i love you and I accept your bad points, if I didn't I wouldn't be worthy of being with all your good points and that is the point, nobody is perfect and you have to accept the person you love for who they are and all that they bring to the table, I can tolerate so much but I can't tolerate being disrespected, talked to like crap and thrown away all the time, I need stability, understanding and I need to know I'm not going to be thrown away all the time, you might not think it but every time you leave me, another part of me dies, I want my feelings to matter, it shouldn't be so much to ask....

June 1, 2013

What did I do wrong?, what did I ever really do to deserve to be treated and spoken to this way, I gave you everything I had, what else could I do to make you happy?, Am I just not enough for you?, why did you pretend to be so in love with me and so happy since we got back together?, that has to be what you did to tell me you only got back together with me because you felt bad for me.

Looking back I can't see what I did wrong, I stood by you, I forgave you for everything, I looked passed so much to be with you, I just remember apologising for things you did wrong because somehow you turned it all on me, that wasn't fair and it's funny how you have to look all the way back to the beginning of the relationship to find something I did wrong.

Whenever I've messed up I've accepted it and I've applogised from the bottom of my heart for what I've done, I've never turned it on you or brought up what you did wrong in the past, I never wanted to lose you, I did everything I could to fix whatever I did wrong and it showed, I made efforts, you made false promises, promises you broke time after time and yet you still expected my trust, your the problem, I see that now so clearly.

Despite all of that i love you and I accept your bad points, if I didn't I wouldn't be worthy of being with all your good points and that is the point, nobody is perfect and you have to accept the person you love for who they are and all that they bring to the table, I can tolerate so much but I can't tolerate being disrespected, talked to like crap and thrown away all the time, I need stability, understanding and I need to know I'm not going to be thrown away all the time, you might not think it but every time you leave me, another part of me dies, I want my feelings to matter, it shouldn't be so much to ask....

I thought you were back together with your ex?

June 1, 2013

I thought you were back together with your ex?

We were\are, I don't even know, things were great, better than they've ever been in fact, she has one off night and out of nowhere her attitude changes and she tells me she only got back together with me because she felt bad that I was so sad about it, I don't know if she meant it or not, haven't talked to her since then I'm afraid, I feel like an idiot, I'm not sure where I stand anymore but I'm just gonna leave her to it and hope for the best, gonna stock up on some video games and go crazy, hopefully by the time she contacts me I won't care about the outcome.

June 1, 2013

I don't know what's with me. Tonight there was no escape from you in my mind. Mainly because last night I had a dream of you with another guy, R. Jeez I was doing so well. Lasting a week without posting here, moving on well with E, and continuing to keep myself busy by working out and hanging out with friends. But tonight I just missed you. Miss how you held my hand while I drove. Your laugh. Your comfort. Just whatever anymore. I dont care what you do anymore. Just make sure never to contact me. I can't handle it. Give me that understanding and just know to stay out of my life.

June 1, 2013

I'm emailing you today, 4 exact months since you left me, to tell you finally what I really think of you. I think you're selfish, self-centred and childish. I think you didn't know what you wanted and wasted four years of my life. I knew what I wanted with us. But you led me on for too long. and i was an idiot for not leaving you sooner. iyou always put you first and i let you. And now I'm still not over you. When I should be. . I ****ing hate pining over you when you clearly never thought we were gonna last for long. I was always your temporary boyfriend, nothing more.I'm not really worried you're going to see this because I'm sure you blocked my emails too.like you did everything else. one would think that i beat you up for refusing sex. but no, people who do that get to talk to you and be ksu presidents i guess...anyway i hope you're enjoying your single life being a slut, i hope you get what you deserve..

June 1, 2013

So almost 2 years since you dumped me and destroyed my heart and faith in human nature. But only 5 days since I woke in your bed. I never thought that would ever happen again. You always said people spoke the truth when they'd had a drink and, if that's true, you still think of me a lot. The way we looked at each other on Sunday night, as if we were the only people there, in that packed and noisy pub, affection and warmth from you to me, smiling eyes and gentle hands. But what now? Have you vanished again and put me out of your mind. I long to hear from you, I know there is still something there and so do you.

June 1, 2013

This is not to my ex...this is to my now.

I read a quote today and it reminded me of when I realized I was in love with you. It said, "I have come to know that when we 'love' with an agenda to be loved back, this isn't really

love. This is a currency of sorts. 'I give you something. You give

me something'."

This was not the case with me. There was no trickery or agenda involved to make me fall in love with you. I fell in love with who I saw and it was real and true. I told you then it was real and unconditional...it was there. I stll stand by that. Meaning, whether I'm with you or not, I will always know that the Love I feel was, is and always will be authentic and true. I do not and will not regret it. "This love stuff... I ike it!"

I will close with, "there is no ex, there is only now and that now is you." I'm signing off now with what I've always wanted to say to you. "I love you Baby. *Kisses*"

Edited June 1, 2013 by avelonia2013

Sign In

Post here instead of contacting your ex!

Recommended Posts

BustedUpInside

dannijeng3

BustedUpInside

Gingerlee

d0620

avelonia2013

d0620

Heartbrok3n

maturityassets

SingOutLoud

Heartbrok3n

d0620

SimonSerenade

BrokenHeartedSavior

avelonia2013

inaya42

d0620

Gingerlee

SimonSerenade

na49

SimonSerenade

maturityassets

targaryen

Jingle14

avelonia2013

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...