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May 22, 2013

Life is too short

As I look upon my journey I have seen many ups and downs

I have many situations where I have trouble but no help to be found

My heart is heavy and my hope is low

My dreams seem shattered by only God knows

The strength I have within

May 22, 2013

Epiphany. I'm going to stop seeking out the reasons and put the darkness behind me where it belongs...in the past! New days are on the horizon and I'm not going to let the silly muck way me down anymore.

May 22, 2013

never made comments to hurt you or to make you feel inferior to me, it was never meant to be 'see im better than you' wallah

if i did unintentionally forgive me.

May 22, 2013

its crazy the weight thats been lifted off my shoulders .... i feel free and im happy, i miss you but if it was meant to be you would be here.

May 22, 2013

"If It was meant to be"

You just love this statement, don't you?

You keep over analyzing, and keep reading too much into things - and the conclusion? is the absolute truth to you.

May 22, 2013

If the purpose of all this to help us move on completely, then I really really really appreciate it. ( I mean it )

You studied psychology. You know better.

May 22, 2013

I miss you pup. I never thought it was possible to hurt this much. Please tell me it wasn't true and you still love me. I thought we'd get through anything...

May 22, 2013

God Dammit XXXXX! You need to leave me the **** alone. I've told you no contact. Stop texting me with your life events and your requests to go do things together. One of the things I loved about you is your, singular, ability to live in the moment and get over losses quickly. That's not the norm.

You chose to leave me. The consequence is that you are no longer a part of my life. I'm not trying to be mean, but I need to heal. Bugger - the **** - off.

May 23, 2013

Dear , you pathetic piece of snake trash.

Round of applause for you finding the strength to look at yourself in the mirror. I thought you destroyed me when you ran off with my "friend" concious free without guilt. Or was it really without guilt I have to wonder? When i questioned you initially , when I looked you in the eye when we were together , when I knew what this "friend" of mine was trying to pull you insulted me and paniced and told me "my skin was dirty" oh was that your skin you were refferring to ? Makes perfect sense now that I look back it. You disgraced me and publically humilated me among my friends, everyone could see so clearly BUT me. You were not even MAN enough to admit , and like an immature boy you put the blame on me. You even proudly boast about how clueless I was as if anyone deserved this situation, you're family doesn't even know the story and i bet that alone haunts you. If it already hasn't happened I hope people get to know you as the scum bag you truly are.

I cannot believe I surronded myself with two proud pathetic backstabbers for all this time, and for that former "friend" of mine I hope you enjoy your prize. That piece of filth you've proudly won, how disgusting that you knew even better then me what he is about. It makes me sick that you proudly admit that you guys were friends and benefits before I came in the picture and you watch me as I smiled at both of you and trusted both of you. Even when my friend who barely even knew you and was worried about me attacked you for what you did I defended you and told her to leave it in the past even though you deserved it. What do you do instead? boast about how jealous & pathetic I am. Well bitch, just remember this what goes around comes around.

But you know what...

I refuse to live my life constantly watching over if karma has zapped any of you. I choose to be happy and continue my life hopefully one day to an extent as if you losers never entered my life

May 23, 2013

Still crossing my mind. So LAME!!!

May 23, 2013

Doubt you have learnt much to be honest, T. You're still lazy, apathetic, selfish and extremely rude. You will probably still think its okay to avoid talking to someone, to not reply to someone, to kid yourself into thinking you never put a foot wrong, that being blunt and unreasonable is a mature way to behave. That putting the bare minimum into anything means you should get maximum reward. As some advice T, women, that is no woman will like this pathetic circle of even more pathetic females you surround yourself with and place on such high pedestals unless she is one of them. Wake up T, they are using you as a back up and you just let them. And it's not for nothing that I, your ex and probably all of your other exes are suspicious of this J girl. It's a bit coincidental isn't it? Or are you both too stupid and immature to see this and so will continue as you are?

But as lessons go I've learned that I do not ever what to allow myself to be treated so poorly again by someone so nothing or to let my confidence be destroyed in the way that you have. you have reminded me of what I don't want and of what is nowhere near good enough for me and certainly in no way what I deserve. So yeah... Think we're completely done now, I hope this gets me a chapter in the book lol. See ya

May 23, 2013

When I met you the other day, I was hoping that it would lead to reconciliation. You are doing much worse emotionally now than I've ever seen. It's funny how the things you wanted and thought would help you emotionally; independence, being self sufficient and not relying on anyone for anything have really back fired and made you feel alone.

I still want you back, I hate seeing you down. However I feel that you are using me for emotional support only and I'm sorry to say that is not acceptable for me.

May 23, 2013

It's crazy how your status on fb and twitter are outlandish..... i wonder if your talkin sublinally...... we seperated i left with no ill feelings said nothing to no one never mentioned a thing....... .. i m just speechless at this point.. my heart hurts my head hurts ive been being strong because thats all i know how to do 6 days since we broke up 6 days since we've had NC........ I can do this because my happiness comes from me and the pain that im going through right now doesnt determin who iam or whats next in store for me... i have love in my heart i will never be bitter

May 23, 2013

UUUGH every two second i look to see if i missed a text or a call......... this is hard.. some days are good some days are bad. ... 6days no contact

May 24, 2013

I need you. I wish you were still my friend and I had never fallen in love with you... at least I'd still get to keep you in my life. I don't know what the fu*ck is happening in my life, I'm going crazy without you, I need your voice, your smile, the way you looked at me, the way you used to comfort me... I can't believe the amount of mistakes we made, we were both so insecure, and so proud... what now? was that it? one month of trial and fail and we move on like we dreamed this and like there aren't so many emotions involved? like the pain is some kind of echo and not the result of something that exists?, I know this hurts you as much as it hurts me, it took us 6 years to get out of our shell and bring out our feelings for each other, and now we've gathered it all and buried them back... and I can't risk it if you don't, and you won't risk it if I don't. I feel like I'm at war... like I'll only rest until you've seen me with him, until it hurts you like it hurt me seeing you with her. I never ever wanted to be at war with you, I wanted to keep you safe in my heart... it feels like yesterday we were giggling just staring at each other, talking about our feelings, completely open... but it's been months, we don't talk, I don't plan to talk to you ever again, I kiss someone else, you kiss another person too... how could we let it get to this? it's all so dark for me... I'm so hurt and sad... you're the person I've been waiting my whole life for, I have no doubts now, and now it's too late and my heart is completely broken.

May 24, 2013

Dear Ex,

You are one of the most selfish people I have ever met. You have absolutely no empathy for anyone else. You would always make fun of people who were hurting and say that they should grow up or get over it, but if the tiniest thing went wrong in your life you would agonize for weeks about how the universe was conspiring against you.

I hated the way you would always act like you thought you were such a catch. I wanted you to feel good about yourself so I would play along, but seriously? A catch??!! More like an emotionally stunted sociopath who was only concerned with people thinking you were cool. You need therapy to get over your emotionally withholding mother, and the fact that you grew up as a poor social outcast. You hated the fact that I was always popular and that wherever we went people always wanted to talk to me and be my friend. You would always complain that it wasn't fair how easy it was for me to make friends.

Most of all, I hate how you would always claim that we were best friends and that I was the most important person in the world to you. But when push came to shove and things got hard and big decisions needed to be made you had a mental meltdown. When it was my turn to pursue a bright future and you would have to make a few sacrifices you bailed. Part of the reason you actually worked up the nerve to dump me was because you had been discussing the intimate details of our relationship with a female co-worker. I repeatedly told you that she was a drama queen who was just using you to make her pathetic boyfriend jealous so he would pay more attention to her. That she was stupid and a bad girlfriend so her advice wasn't actually particularly reliable, but you wouldn't listen. You listened to her! You made me leave my home, my friends, and my stuff on the word of that loser! Give me a break??!!

You stole my 20's and I will never get that time back. You wasted a chunk of my life and broke my heart! I put things on hold for you because you said that once your stuff was taken care of then all my dreams would come true.

You are, without a doubt, the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I completely regret wasting my time being your girlfriend.

You suck, and I hope I never see you again!!!

Sincerely, and with malice,

Your ex

May 24, 2013

I know that I've posted something that includes a sentiment similar to this one, but I'm going to say it anyway.

You made me feel insecure, worthless, jealous, second-rate, and UGLY. I helped you get over your fear of going shirtless in front of other people. I never made a fuss about your "fat" and "hairiness", and it made no difference in my sexual attraction towards you. I LOVED your face, every single aspect of it. And what have you done for me? Not only have you nitpicked at several insignificant flaws of mine, you've made me become doubtful of my appearance and, indirectly, gain 10 pounds. You thought about wanting to be with other girls, commented on them during the first months of our relationship, and even went so far as to say "Oh, I glanced at her" and "Oh, she has nice legs." You made me want to hide myself under clothes, guard myself in my room from being seen by other people, and, once, even hang towels on all of my mirrors so that I wouldn't have to glance at my reflection.

And to add insult ot injury, you EXPECTED me to believe you when you told me that you thought I was "the most beautiful girl in the world" and that you were "so happy with me", when you'd mentioned that you had a thing for redheads. I see that that fetish has fired up again, since we're no longer together. You expected me to believe you when you complimented me when you'd already damaged my self-esteem, and wanted me to "get over it" and accept the fact that you fetishized women who looked nothing like me. I was nowhere close to your ideal phenotype, and then you expect me to believe you when you say "YOU'RE my ideal woman now!" What the FU*K did you think I was, stupid?! As far as I can tell, you hardly had to endure what you did to me, in this sense.

I wish that I could easily say in my head "You're useless. You're just another regular ***hole." and be done with it, but the fact of the matter is, I still miss you sometimes. WHY?! You don't miss me at all, do you? You don't think about me at all. And even if you did, you wouldn't be thinking about me in the same desiring aspect. **** you. Now you can parade your singleness around and, as they say, 'go forth and conquer' your b*tches, like the rest of the "visually-oriented" ***holes who only think with their dicks. After all, that's what you've always really wanted, right? To be one of the cool, jerky guys who has real "prowess with the ladies".

Thank you for being my first taste of the world of common male superficiality and the effects it can have on a person. Sh*thead. Go dig your own ditch, throw up/poop in it, and eat your own filth.

(Don't care about grammar ATM.)

Edited May 24, 2013 by SingOutLoud

May 25, 2013

XXXXX, I miss you so much. All I want is to hold you and talk with you again, but I know this would set me back further.

May 25, 2013

Just come over and curl up with me after my business trip--- like you have done for the last 5 years. Who cares about the BS? Just come hold me.

May 25, 2013

I know that I've posted something that includes a sentiment similar to this one, but I'm going to say it anyway.

You made me feel insecure, worthless, jealous, second-rate, and UGLY. I helped you get over your fear of going shirtless in front of other people. I never made a fuss about your "fat" and "hairiness", and it made no difference in my sexual attraction towards you. I LOVED your face, every single aspect of it. And what have you done for me? Not only have you nitpicked at several insignificant flaws of mine, you've made me become doubtful of my appearance and, indirectly, gain 10 pounds. You thought about wanting to be with other girls, commented on them during the first months of our relationship, and even went so far as to say "Oh, I glanced at her" and "Oh, she has nice legs." You made me want to hide myself under clothes, guard myself in my room from being seen by other people, and, once, even hang towels on all of my mirrors so that I wouldn't have to glance at my reflection.

And to add insult ot injury, you EXPECTED me to believe you when you told me that you thought I was "the most beautiful girl in the world" and that you were "so happy with me", when you'd mentioned that you had a thing for redheads. I see that that fetish has fired up again, since we're no longer together. You expected me to believe you when you complimented me when you'd already damaged my self-esteem, and wanted me to "get over it" and accept the fact that you fetishized women who looked nothing like me. I was nowhere close to your ideal phenotype, and then you expect me to believe you when you say "YOU'RE my ideal woman now!" What the FU*K did you think I was, stupid?! As far as I can tell, you hardly had to endure what you did to me, in this sense.

I wish that I could easily say in my head "You're useless. You're just another regular ***hole." and be done with it, but the fact of the matter is, I still miss you sometimes. WHY?! You don't miss me at all, do you? You don't think about me at all. And even if you did, you wouldn't be thinking about me in the same desiring aspect. **** you. Now you can parade your singleness around and, as they say, 'go forth and conquer' your b*tches, like the rest of the "visually-oriented" ***holes who only think with their dicks. After all, that's what you've always really wanted, right? To be one of the cool, jerky guys who has real "prowess with the ladies".

Thank you for being my first taste of the world of common male superficiality and the effects it can have on a person. Sh*thead. Go dig your own ditch, throw up/poop in it, and eat your own filth.

(Don't care about grammar ATM.)

One last thing: I really, really hate you. Despite all of your material gifts, despite your words of affirmation, I hardly ever felt special or beautiful when I was with you. And during the rare moments when I did, I clung to those feelings like they were my life, only to have them dissipate the very next day. Otherwise, I just like worthless, replaceable trash in your eyes. Yes, even after the very end of us, you treat me this way from a distance that I'll probably never traverse again, willingly or unwillingly. (The song "Transatlanticism" immediately pops into my head when I think about this. Funny how a breakup song became one of "our" songs in the beginning. Perhaps it was ominous foreshadowing? Nah, let's not get too superstitious.)

You wouldn't even care if I actually disappeared from this earth, intentional or unintentional, would you? No, in your mind, I'm long gone from your life. You'd just roll your eyes and say "Too bad, what an emotionally dramatic attention seeker, good riddance, onto the next one, YOLO. She wasn't worth it, anyway." Well, you know what? Thanks. Someday, I'll be saying, "Neither were you." I just hope that that day will hurry up and get here so that I don't have to deal with this pain of longing for you anymore.

Look, I'm sorry that I wasn't able to take care of myself. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to make you happy and I'm sorry that I ruined a good portion of your life for 10 months. I'm sorry that I never gave back even half of what you've given me. I'm sorry that I didn't take the initiative to control my emotions, manage my deep-seated issues, and keep them from spilling onto your own life. I'm sorry that this didn't work out as we had both hoped.

.....

I'm getting sad now, and a small part of me is irrationally wishing that you could somehow come here and hold me tight. Or, that I could go over there and hold you tight, even if it's late at night and I have to take a bus, subway, and train. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I wish that we could somehow find each other and put all of this behind us. But no. Not with everything I just said and have said. Not with things being like this. Not with you being completely happy with your life, and I in this distressed mental and physical state. Guess I'll have to look for another (not human) teddy bear to hold on to for the night.....

I wish...we could somehow..... oooh, it's too much to bear. I need a pick-me-up fast. Maybe some food.....maybe another 4:00 AM adventure.. UGHH, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Look at how pathetic I am, X.X.! Aren't you glad that you left "this" all behind?!

May 25, 2013

I love you so much and so wish we could go back to being so close againnnn

But haha for you, you want to let me go so I have completely cut you off!

But:(:(:( wow it is pretty fcked up how we went from being as close as you can be to a person, to.. Not having any contact.

I thought I would die without you at one stage.

I'm not dead though. I am actually very happy, albeit I miss you and a huge part of me is gone; you.

I am looking so forward to my future still.

I am not sure I can ever forgive you for how you took our life together away from me; my dogs, your dogs and the cute little puppies Lisa just had....

I wonder if you loved me enough to want me back one day. You always gave me the impression that you were SO in love with me, despite your disgusting addiction to hookers and chatting to girls online.

Well good luck to you. I hope you come back, but soon I Will have moved on to the extent where I no longer HOPE anything.

I am angry, incredibly sad, missing you like crazy and yet I also feel happy at the same time.

I wish we could talk; you wanted to keep in contact.

I know that anything less than a relationship with you is not enough for me though and would only hurt me in the long run!

I am sure you will see how this is for the best; since you do not want to be with me, yet you wanted me around cos you loved being around me.

You will see that you can actually move on now, instead of being too stuck on me to move on, yet not wanting to be with me, either.

May 25, 2013

wow I want to ring you or text you so bad. We were extremely close, it is so weird to not be able to..... talk to you.

I was the closest person you have ever been to in your whole life, I wonder how your feeling about not having the closest person to you, in your life?

I am feeling weak, I just want to talk to you so muchhhhhh

Ugh thank god for this thread!

If you ring I will have to fight SO HARD to ignore you.

For I am not strong enough to block YOUR number, what if you want me back one day?

I am at least leaving that avenue open.

I have a feeling you will text again. Which I Will like, as it means your thinking of me.

Yet I will not respond unless you want me back.

I Know you will not torture me though, you know what the deal is here.. you know I do not want to hear from u, you KNOW I want to be together again and that you will only HURT me if you reach out, without wanting me back.

Sigh.

I Wanna talk to you damn it.

May 25, 2013

wow I am crying now and I am getting really anxious knowing that I cannot contact you at all.

I know it is for the best but wow we were so close.

I am seriously messed up not being able to reach out to you or talk to you at all.

I am crying this sucks.

When I talk to people they say how positive I sound. It is true - I am very happy in my life now and I am very hopeful and excited about my future without you.

On the other hand though I Have an hour a day or so where I am deeply saddened and cry because I miss you so much.

Like now:(:(:(

And fckkk you for putting me through this! You have taken my beautiful little dogs away from me, I hate you. I actually hate you for doing this to me.

May 25, 2013

I'm drunk, and I didn't text you, so that's a start. This time I lose but I know one day I win. It's a Matt good quote, you know, my favorite band, the one you liked because of me and tried to ruin when you left me for dead? Well I'm still alive, you may be happier now, but in the long run your ****ed. You run from your past by bouncing from guy to guy, good luck with that. I've taken time for me, to find me, and to forget you. I'll come out of this stronger and better off while you'll be running for years to come. You ****ed up, hard. I would have given everything for you, but you threw it away. I'm a catch, I know what I offer and you had it, had being the opportune word. So please **** off and leave me alone now.

May 25, 2013

ooooh fck man, NC is full on! I REALLY miss our past.

I would love for you to reach out and call me. I sure as hell will not text or call you ever again. I am sure of it.

I am not sure if I am strong enough to ignore your call.

Actually you know what? Coming here and writing about how much I want you to call, actually makes me less likely to ignore your call.

I mean I have ASKED you to never contact me again unless you have realised your madly in love with me and want me back.

I think that ignoring your call would be better, as I am sure if you DID call, it would only be breadcrumbs.....

Okay my urge has passed thank god for THIS THREAD ugh....

I MISS YOU damn it. We had LIFE together. .

I so miss sitting and watching documentaries together!

I miss how I was always so excited to fall asleep.

I miss dropping you off on the weekend while you go out and then picking you up super late; you were always so happy to see me, telling me how much you loved me!

As much as I loved our past though, there is a guy out there for me that will love me as much as I love him, and who will want to marry me and spend his life with me.

I cannot be stuck on how close we once were, since you did not love me enough to be with me for good.

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